Flawless (23 page)

She wanted to say something to make him feel better. About how she was sorry for what she was going to have to tell Ella—Aria was going to tell her mom that night when she got home, no excuses—and that none of this was his fault, and if their family fell apart, it would still be okay. Somehow.

But she knew what would happen if she tried. Mike would just run away.

Aria grabbed her coffee and strode away from the bar. She just needed to be moving. “Aria,” called a voice behind her. She turned. Sean was about six feet away, near one of the tables. He looked upset.

Panicked, Aria put her drink down and dashed toward the women’s bathroom. One of her chunky wedges slid right off her foot. Jamming it back on, she kept pushing forward, only to get stuck at a wall of kids. She tried to elbow her way through, but no one was moving.

“Hey.” Sean was right next to her.

“Oh,” Aria yelled over the music, trying to act nonchalant. “Hi.”

Sean took Aria by the arm and led her into the parking lot, which was the one place at Foxy that was empty. Sean retrieved his keys from the valet. He helped Aria into his car and drove to an empty spot farther down the driveway.

“What’s going on with you?” Sean demanded.

“Nothing.” Aria stared out the window. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. You’re like…a zombie. It’s freaking me out.”

“I just…” Aria ran the strand of pearls she’d worn as a bracelet up and down her wrist. “I don’t know. I don’t want to bother you.”

“Why not?”

She shrugged. “Because you don’t want to hear it. You must think I’m a complete freak. Like, I’m super-obsessed with my parents. It’s all I’ve talked about.”

“Well…it sort of has been. But I mean—”

“I wouldn’t be mad,” she interrupted, “if you wanted to dance with other girls and whatever. There are some really cute girls here.”

Sean blinked, his face blank. “But I don’t want to dance with anyone else.”

They were quiet. The bass line of Kanye West’s “Gold Digger” pumped out of the tent.

“You thinking about your parents?” Sean asked quietly.

She nodded. “I guess. I have to tell my mom tonight.”

“Why do
you
have to tell her?”

“Because…” Aria couldn’t tell him about A. “It has to be me. This can’t go on any longer.”

Sean sighed. “You put a lot of pressure on yourself. Can’t you take a night off?”

At first, Aria felt defensive, but then she leaned back. “I really think you should go back in there, Sean. You shouldn’t let me ruin your night.”

“Aria…” Sean let out a frustrated sigh. “Stop it.”

Aria made a face. “I just don’t think it’s going to work out for us.”

“Why?”

“Because…” She paused, trying to figure out what she wanted to say. Because she wasn’t the typical Rosewood girl? Because whatever Sean liked about her, there was so much else about her
not
to like? She felt like she was one of those wonder drugs that were always advertised on TV. The narrator would go through paragraphs of how the drug had helped millions of people, but at the very end of the commercial, he’d say really quietly that side effects include heart palpitations and an oily discharge. With her, it’d be like,
Cool, kooky girl…but family baggage may result in psycho outbursts and randomly blowing snot on your expensive shirts.

Sean carefully put his hand over Aria’s. “If you’re scared that I’m freaked about last night, I’m not. I really like you. I sort of like you more
because
of last night.”

Tears came to Aria’s eyes. “Really?”

“Really.”

He pressed his forehead to hers. Aria held her breath. Finally, their lips touched. Then again. Harder, this time.

Aria pressed her mouth to his and grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him closer. His body felt so warm and right. Sean ran his hands up Aria’s waist. All at once, they were biting each other’s bottom lips, their hands scratching up and down each other’s backs. Then they broke away, breathing heavily and staring into each other’s eyes.

They dove back for each other. Sean pulled at the zipper on Aria’s dress. He flung off his jacket and threw it into the backseat, and she pawed at the buttons on his shirt. She kissed Sean’s gorgeous ears and ran her hands inside his shirt, to his smooth, bare skin. He circled her waist with his hands as best he could, his body at an awkward angle on the cramped Audi seat. Sean tilted the seat back, lifted Aria up, and brought her to him. The knobs of her spine grated against the steering wheel.

She arched her neck as Sean kissed her throat. When she opened her eyes, she saw something—a yellow piece of paper under the windshield wiper. At first she thought it was some sort of flyer—maybe a kid advertising some after-Foxy party—but then she noticed the big, bulky words, written sloppily in black Sharpie marker.

Don’t forget! Stroke of midnight!

She jerked away from Sean.

“What is it?” he asked.

She pointed at the note, her hands shaking. “Did you write that?” It was a stupid question, though: She already knew the answer.

28

IT’S NOT A PARTY WITHOUT HANNA MARIN

As her taxi pulled up to Kingman Hall, Hanna threw twenty bucks at the cabdriver, an older, balding guy who seemed to have a sweating problem. “Keep it,” she said. She slammed the door and ran for the entrance, her stomach roiling. She’d bought a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos at the train station in Philly and had maniacally scarfed down the whole thing in five frantic minutes. Bad move.

To her right was the Foxy check-in table. A whippet-thin girl with close-cropped blond hair and tons of eyeliner was collecting tickets and checking off names in her book. Hanna hesitated. She had no idea where her ticket was, but if she tried to bargain her way in, they’d just tell her to go home. She narrowed her eyes at the Foxy tent, which glowed like a birthday cake. There was no way she was letting Sean get away with this. She was getting into Foxy, whether Eyeliner Girl liked it or not.

Taking a deep breath, Hanna sprinted at top speed past the check-in table. “Hey!” she heard the girl call. “Wait!”

Hanna hid behind a column, her heart beating fast. A beefy bouncer in a tux ran by her, then stopped and looked around. Frustrated and confused, he shrugged and said something into his walkie-talkie. Hanna felt a little satisfied thrill. Sneaking in gave her the same rush as stealing.

Foxy was a blur of kids. She couldn’t remember it ever being this packed. Most of the girls on the dance floor had taken their shoes off, and they held them in the air as they spun. There was an equally enormous crowd by the bar, and more kids were gathered in line by what looked like a karaoke booth. By the looks of the neatly set, empty tables, they hadn’t served dinner yet.

Hanna grabbed the elbow of Amanda Williamson, a Rosewood Day sophomore who always tried to say hi to Hanna in the halls. Amanda’s face lit up. “
Heyyy
, Hanna!”

“Have you seen Sean?” Hanna barked.

A surprised look crossed Amanda’s face; then she shrugged. “I’m not sure….”

Hanna pressed on, her heart pounding. Maybe he wasn’t here. She switched directions, nearly colliding with a waiter carrying a huge tray of cheese. Hanna grabbed an enormous chunk of cheddar and shoved it in her mouth. She swallowed without even tasting it.

“Hanna!” Naomi Zeigler, dressed in a gold sheath and looking very faux-tanned, cried. “How fun! You’re here! I thought you said you weren’t coming!”

Hanna frowned. Naomi was clutching James Freed. She pointed to both of them. “You guys came together?” Hanna had thought maybe Naomi was Sean’s date.

Naomi nodded. Then she leaned forward. “Are you looking for Sean?” She shook her head, awestruck. “It’s all
everyone’s
been talking about. I seriously can’t believe it.”

Hanna’s heart sped up. “So Sean’s here?”

“He’s here, all right.” James ducked, pulled a Coke bottle full of a suspicious-looking clear liquid from his inside jacket pocket, and dumped it into his orange juice. He took a sip and smiled.

“I mean, they’re so
different
,” Naomi mused. “You said you guys were still friends, right? Did he tell you why he asked her?”

“Lay off.” James nudged Naomi. “She’s sexy.”

“Who?”
Hanna screamed. Why did everyone know about this but her?

“There they are.” Naomi pointed across the room.

It was as if the sea of kids parted and a huge spotlight beamed down from the ceiling. Sean was in the corner by the karaoke machine, hugging a tall girl in a black-and-white polka-dotted dress. He had his head crooked around her neck, and her hands were dangerously close to his butt. Then the girl turned her head, and Hanna saw the familiar elfin, exotic features, and that trademark blue-black hair.
Aria
.

Hanna screamed.

“Oh my God, I can’t believe you didn’t know.” Naomi put a consoling arm around Hanna’s shoulder.

Hanna shook her off and stormed across the room, right up to Aria and Sean, who were hugging. Not dancing, just hugging.
Freaks
.

After Hanna stood there for a few seconds, Aria opened one eye, then the other. She made a little gasping noise. “Um, hey, Hanna.”

Hanna stood there, quivering with rage. “You…you
bitch
.”

Sean stepped defensively in front of Aria. “Hold up….”

“Hold
up
?” Hanna’s voice danced up the scale. She pointed at Sean; she was so angry, her finger was shaking. “You…you told me you weren’t coming because your friends were all bringing dates, and you didn’t want to!”

Sean shrugged. “Things changed.”

Hanna’s cheeks stung, as if he’d slapped her. “But we’re going on a
date
this week!”

“We’re going out to
dinner
this week,” Sean corrected. “As friends.” He smiled at her like she was a slow kindergartner. “We broke up last Friday, Hanna. Remember?”

Hanna blinked. “And, what, you’re with
her
?”

“Well…” Sean looked at Aria. “Yeah.”

Hanna clutched her hand to her stomach, certain she was going to puke. This had to be a joke. Sean and Aria made about as much sense as a fat girl wearing skinny leggings.

Then she noticed Aria’s dress. The side zipper was undone, revealing half of Aria’s lacy black strapless bra. “Your boob’s hanging out,” she growled, pointing.

Aria quickly looked down, folded her arms over her chest, and zipped her dress up.

“Where’d you get that dress, anyway?” Hanna asked. “Luella for Target?”

Aria straightened her back. “Actually, yeah. I thought it was cute.”

“God.” Hanna rolled her eyes. “You’re such a martyr.” She looked at Sean. “Actually, I guess you guys have that in common. Did you know Sean’s pledged to be a virgin till he’s thirty, Aria? He might’ve tried to feel you up, but he’s never going to go all the way. He’s made a sacred
promise
.”

“Hanna!” Sean shushed her.

“I personally think it’s because he’s gay. What do you think?”

“Hanna…” Now there was a pleading tone in Sean’s voice.

“What?” Hanna challenged. “You’re a liar, Sean. And an asshole.”

When Hanna looked around, she saw that a group of kids had gathered. The ones who were always invited to the parties, the ones who were interchangeably hooking up.

The girls who weren’t
quite
cool enough, the overweight boys everyone kept around only because they were funny, the rich kids who spent oodles of money on everyone because they were cute or interesting or manipulative. They were hungrily eating this up. The whispers had already started.

Hanna took a final look at Sean, but instead of saying anything else, she fled.

At the girls’ bathroom, she marched straight to the front of the line. As someone was coming out of a stall, Hanna shoved her way in. “Bitch!” someone screamed, but Hanna didn’t care. Once the door was shut, she leaned over the toilet and got rid of the Doritos and everything else she’d eaten that night. When she was done, she sobbed.

The looks on everyone’s faces. The
pity
. And Hanna had cried in front of people. It had been one of Hanna and Mona’s first rules after they reinvented themselves: Never,
ever
let anyone see you cry. And more than any of that, she just felt so naïve. Hanna had really believed Sean was going to take her back. She’d thought by going to the burn clinic and V Club, she was making a difference, but all this time…he’d been thinking of someone else.

When she finally pushed open the door, the bathroom was empty. It was so quiet, she could hear water dripping into the mosaic-tiled basin. Hanna glanced at herself in the mirror, to see how bad she looked. When she did, she gasped.

A very different Hanna stared back. This Hanna was chubby, with poopy brown hair and bad skin. She had braces with pink rubber bands, and her eyes were narrowed from squinting because she didn’t want to wear her glasses. Her tan blazer strained against her pudgy arms, and her blouse buckled at the bra line.

Hanna covered her eyes in horror.
It’s A,
she thought.
A’s doing this to me
.

Then, she thought of A’s note:
Get to Foxy now. Sean’s there with another girl.
If A had known Sean was at Foxy with another girl, then it meant…

A was at Foxy.

“Hey.”

Hanna jumped and whirled around. Mona stood in the doorway. She looked gorgeous in a slinky black dress Hanna didn’t recognize from their shopping expedition. Her pale hair was swept back from her face, and her skin shimmered. Embarrassed—she probably had puke on her face—Hanna made a beeline back to the stall.

“Wait.” Mona caught her arm. When Hanna whirled back around, Mona looked earnest and concerned. “Naomi said you weren’t coming tonight.”