Flirting With Magick (29 page)

"Troy," I said sternly in effort to keep my voice from breaking.
"What's going on?" I sat down next to him and waited, my breath
coming out in short bursts. I was terrified, but this was obviously
something I need to hear.

"Fuck." He looked at me for a long time before continuing. "Oka
y. Josh cheated on you. With Jemma."

"What?" My voice broke and all that came out was a
high pitched
squeak.

"Before he went to Sydney." Troy rubbed his chin in agitation. "He
hasn't seen her since. She's called my house for him, but he was hell
bent on getting back with you. He moved interstate because he felt
guilty every time he looked at you." He frowned thoughtfully. "I thi
nk
he loved you, but he felt pressured with you and, I don't know, he fuck
ed up." He finished with a deep breath.

I was so shocked I hadn't realised the tears had returned and mad
e
their way to my jawline. Troy wiped them away before hugging me as
I sobbed into his chest. "I'm so sorry, he muttered, "I'm sorry I didn't tell
you, and I'm sorry I'm telling you now. I honestly thought he'd fucking
man up and admit it after he tried so fucking hard to get you back."

"I think he only wanted me back because he didn't want me with anyone else," I concluded, still sobbing as it all suddenly dawned on
me. Our first furious night of lovemaking was only that intense bec
ause
he was jealous. It was as though he was trying to pound away evidence
of any other man on me. He must have thought that if he could cheat
, then
so could I. Now I understood why he was so hung up on whom I
was out with and that Sean was back at work... "Then this whole jeal
ousy thing, I guess it was more to do with him than with me. Why the hell did he bother coming back?"

"
He wanted you. Work reasons. Fuck, I don't know. So he can get
back to the life he knows. Josh likes things to be easy." Troy let me go
and took me by my shoulders, turning me to face him. "Abby, you do
n't want someone who only wants you because it’s convenient. He's my
best friend, but that's what he does. He slept with Jemma because he fel
t pressured to make a commitment to you. Then he moved to Sydney
because it was easier than facing up to what he'd done. He wasn't happ
y there so he came back, and now he's figured moving in with you is
easier than owning up to you about Jemma. You should be with someo
ne who wants you because they can’t fucking live without you. That's what you deserve."

I swallowed, nodding. I could see what he was getting at. And here
I was thinking
my
avoidance issues were bad. Josh told me I'd changed
,
but he had said it like it was a bad thing. Then here I was, slipping
back into my routine with him. How long had it been since I’d gone out for after work drinks?

"Fuck!" Troy ran his hand through his hair "Do you want me to stay until he gets back?"

"No, it's okay, thanks." I wiped the tears away with my sleeve.
"And thanks for telling me, really."

"Are you sure?"

I gave him a hug; he'd always been such a good friend. "I promise
I won't put you in the shit."

"Don't worry, I've dealt with him in worse situations than this.
Tell him I said he can stay with me tonight." He picked up the box; there
wasn’t much point in him leaving it here.

"What about Melinda?"

"Uh, Melinda and I are cooling it for a bit."

"Oh, I'm sorry, are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine," he shrugged. "I take it you're going to break up with him?"

"Yes, I have to." I sniffled.

Troy left me with a peck on the cheek and a promise to call.

When Josh returned, he crept through the front door and put his arms around me from behind as I tidied up the dining table.

"I'm sorry. I've been an idiot. If you say nothing's going on, then
nothing's going on." He buried his nose in my hair and kissed my neck.

I ignored him and concentrated on the table, wiping every inch
with the sponge and depositing the crumbs into my hand.

"I thought Troy would still be here." He let me go and wandered around the room. "Did he leave the box here?"

"He took it back. You're staying there tonight."

"Abby, I said I was sorry." He complained.

I took a deep breath and faced him, narrowing my eyes, "Or I'm sure Jemma might have a bed for you."

"What?" A wave of panic swept over his face.

"You know, the bed of hers you were in before you went to Sydney
,"
I spat, throwing the sponge down, the crumbs flying everywhere and dr
opping like snowflakes to match the fresh chill in the room.

"But..." He started to object, but the look on his face said it all. "Did Troy say something? Fuck!"

"It was an accident. Don't you even
think
about blaming him for
this." I swallowed hard but started crying again. "He's not the one
who cheated!"

"Abby..." He moved towards me, his arms reaching out.

I dodged his grasp, "It's over, Josh."

"You don't mean that," he said weakly, his eyes becoming glassy.

I stormed past him, avoiding the wounded look on his face, and
into the bedroom. I grabbed his overnight bag and threw it at him.
"You said I was keeping stuff from you?" My voice rose. "You lied to
me, too. I have to work with someone I went out with, that's not my
choice, but I have to deal with it the best way I can. Whoopee
-fucking-do
if it took a week to tell you! I had sex with a guy I'd just met, and I
still see him around. Does it matter? We were broken up! I'm not
banging him anymore! What matters is that I wasn't fucking anyone
when we were together, Josh! Can you say the same thing? If Troy did
n't
tell me, were you ever going to?" I ran into the bathroom and slammed
the door, gulping in air to alleviate my sobbing.

I was tired of arguing. I was tired of the heaviness in my chest
when things weren't exactly perfect between us. I was tired of his jeal
ousy
and accusations. And now, I wasn’t prepared to grow tired of anything
else. Was there anything else? I didn’t want to know.

I sucked in a breath and walked back out calmly.

He didn’t look at me as he shoved his clothes into the bag, but I
could see a tear running down his face. Was he upset about being dumped
or was it because he was found out? Yes, I loved him once. I knew he
had loved me, too, but it was different now. In the months he was gone
,
I had moved on. Besides the fact that he had cheated and kept it fr
om
me, he wasn’t what I wanted anymore. Months ago, I would have st
ayed in every weekend if he was there. I might have even changed my job to make him happy. Now, I liked my job regardless of who I worked with. I liked going out with my friends and supporting my cousin's
band. My life wasn't the way I wanted it to be while Josh was in it.
But the thing that stared me most in the face, as I watched him, was that he was definitely not 'the one'.

"You know," I said to him as he got up to leave, "the whole time we'd been back together you said a lot of things, but you never once said 'I love you'."

He turned to me, his face streaked with dry tears, his voice contro
lled and quiet. "Neither did you."

TROY CALLED ME LATER
that evening. "Josh is in the shower, I jus
t wanted to see how you were."

"
I'm fine," I assured him. In all honesty, the situation was upsetting
, but not as much as the first time we split up. This time, an optimistic buoyancy accompanied the sadness.

"Have you spoken to the girls yet?" I smiled, Troy knew what the three of us were like.

"
I'm heading down to Kate's for dinner, and I'll be seeing Di tomorrow
. And we’ve organised to get together for Christmas and New Year."

"That's good. He wants to know what you want to do with the flat."
So Troy was messenger boy now.

"He can have it. He can afford it anyway until he gets someone into
the other room."

"
That's what he said, but he wanted to check with you first." That
was decent of him, and I was still going to be homeless in a few weeks
if
I didn’t start looking. "There's a room here after he leaves if you need it
to give yourself some extra time to find somewhere." Or there was that.

"Thanks, Troy."

"He's pretty cut up about it all," Troy revealed, "I think he was
really hoping it would work out."

"Yeah, I guess I was, too."

"So that's it then?"

"Did he put you up to this?"

"No, the only thing he wanted me to ask you about was the
apartment." I heard him shuffling around. "Listen, Josh mentioned he'
s got a few work things on next week in the evening so I'm on my own anyway. Want me to pop around and keep you company?"

"Sure that would be nice. Thanks."

***

At seven on the dot, the time Troy told me he would be over, I was
disturbed from my tidying by a dull thudding on my door, followed by the sound of stumbling and a muffled curse. I opened the door to
find Troy standing there, pizza boxes in hand, a paper bag from the
bottle shop, and a DVD case crammed into his mouth.

"I had to knock with my foot," he explained when I took the DVD
from his mouth "and I lost my balance." He deposited the bag of alcohol
into my arms and followed me inside. "Maybe I should have tried
headbutting the door somehow."

I laughed and took out the bottle of wine.

"The preferred wine for my eff eff eff," he said, asking for glasses with a sipping motion.

"
Eff eff eff?" I asked. "Fucked fucking fucker?" I had no idea what
it could stand for, but his number one word must be in there somewhere.

He reached up to the cupboard I indicated and gave me a look as though I was completely nuts. "Favourite Female Friend," he stated.

"
Oh, thank you." I giggled, less bewildered at the lovely sentiment
than I was at the lack of curse words. “Hang on, isn't Dianne your
Favourite Female Friend?"

He thought for a moment as he poured the wine, "Okay, favourite
female friend who I haven't..." here it came, "had sex with."

"
Troy, why aren't you swearing?" I picked up the pizzas and heade
d to the couch. "You're scaring me."

"I just thought you'd appreciate it, seeing as it's just us." He set up the DVD and sat down next to me.

"Thanks, but honestly, I don't mind."

Halfway through the movie, he turned to me. "Josh is really sorr
y, you know."

I shook my head. "It wasn't going to work anyway, Troy. I think he knows that."

He sighed heavily, "I feel for him. I think what he really knows is that he had the most awesome girlfriend in the world and messed it up
. I think any other guy would kill to have someone like you, and now
he's opened up the floodgates."

I looked up him and smiled, biting my lip. "Thank you, Troy. That's
really nice, but I hardly feel like guys are falling over themselves for me at the moment." That was for sure, if the last few months were anything to go by.

He gave me a small grin then concentrated on the movie.

"
Thanks for being here, by the way. You really don't have to, with
Josh being your best friend and every-"

"I'm your friend, too, Abby," he assured me. He didn’t swear arou
nd me for the rest of the week.

***

"Troy's been saying some weird shit to me lately," I confided in Dianne.

"
What do you mean?" She walked behind me into the next boutique.

"Well, yesterday he asked me what 'a guy should do'..." I made
quotation marks with my fingers for emphasis, "if he likes a girl, but thinks it may be too late to resolve past mistakes."

"
Geez, that's rather ambiguous." Dianne pursed her lips thoughtfully
as she held a top to her chest and raised her eyebrows in question. "What did you say?"

"I just said what anyone would, talk to her."

"Do you think he's talking about Josh?"

"I was wondering that afterwards and hoped Josh wouldn't try
and talk to me." I scrunched my nose at the top and swapped it for on
e
in a different colour. "But wouldn't he just say, 'Josh doesn't know how
to make it up to you now because he's lost any chance of ever getting
back with you?' Especially since he said earlier in the week how sor
ry Josh was."

"
Maybe he's checking your reaction, seeing if there is some chance."

"
Maybe. Maybe he just wants a female opinion for his own reasons."

"I do know there was this Melinda girl he was seeing, but I'm not
sure what's going on there. I've been out of the office all month, so
you've seen him more than I have. You'd know more about what’s happening in his love life."

"Hmm... he did say they were cooling it for a bit. Maybe it's back
on. But surely he would have just told me all about it if he wanted my
opinion." I flicked through the rack, but was not overly impressed by
the range. The current fashion didn’t really suit me. "Or he might jus
t be being sensitive and not wanting to mention it too much, now that I don't have a love life and all."