Flow (The Beat and the Pulse #6) (10 page)

S
lamming around the kitchen
, I let out a long string of curse words. All of the worst ones included with maximum rotation.

I hadn’t slept a wink last night. Not after that stupid fight with Hamish. Busying myself making a stiff cup of coffee, I pulled out all the stuff and boiled some water, but I couldn’t calm myself down. Caffeine probably wasn’t the best thing for me right then, but my eyes were heavy and scratchy…just like my mood.

Why couldn’t he just keep his hands to himself? Things had been going good. There wasn’t any pressure to be or do more, and that’s what I liked about him and me. No worries.

Total lie.

Pressing down the plunger, the hot water began turning a deep shade of blacker than black, and the scent of coffee filled the little kitchen. Opening the fridge, I grabbed the milk and slammed the door closed, turned and promptly whacked my arm against the edge of the cupboard. Right on the funny bone.

“
Dammit!
” I grasped my elbow and rubbed, the pain only fueling my anger.

Fuck you, Hamish McBride!
He’d been all
kiss me, kiss me
, and I froze. Stuck in a hypnotic trance because that’s what he was. A sexual hypnotist. It wouldn’t have taken much to let him go all the way, but the second his lips parted against mine… If I tasted him like that, I knew I’d be a goner.

He was a fighter with a string of women who shadowed him every single night at The Underground. He had his pick, so why was he with me? Was I just a challenge to him? The chick who wanted to be friends had to wear down eventually and let him bang her. I knew it was a big excuse on my part because I felt it—it being the thing that made a woman want a man to put tab A into slot B—but there was still fear there. The fear Storm was responsible for.

The only thing I could do was slam my walls up and be the biggest bitch on the planet. Lucky for me, it worked. Epic sarcasm involved in that one.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Bel asked, shuffling into the kitchen.

She was wearing her silk dressing gown, the one that had the Japanese cherry blossom pattern all over it, and her hair was wild.

“I didn’t mean to wake you up,” I said, sitting at the table with my precious coffee.

She grunted as she opened the fridge and began staring at the contents.

“Are you okay?” I asked, tipping some milk into my mug.

“I’m tender,” she replied.

I didn’t have to ask her where she was tender because it had everything to do with between her legs.

“What’s up with you?” she went on. “You’re slamming things around like you’re throwing a tantrum. Did you have a fight with the Irish beefcake?”

I rolled my eyes and pointed to the pot of coffee I’d brewed. It was that instant shit, but caffeine was caffeine in this house.

“What’s the deal with you two?” Bel asked, pouring herself a cup. “And don’t tell me that you’re just friends. You can’t be just friends with a guy who looks like that unless he’s gay.” Her mouth dropped open. “
He’s gay?
”

Thinking about the skillful way he’d tried to get in my pants last night, I shook my head. “No. Definitely not gay.”

She sat across from me at the table. “Because that would be a shame for all womankind.”

Off the top of my head, I could picture at least a hundred woman who would also agree.

“What’s the deal with you guys?” she asked again. “Because if you’re worried about him cheating on you with a posse of sluts like that other fuckwit, I think you should let it go.”

“Let it go?” I asked, tilting my head to the side.

“Yeah.” She took a sip of her coffee. “If I’m an expert in anything, it’s men, and that guy is different.”

“That I believe,” I retorted. “But how can you tell?”

She shrugged. “I just can.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“Fine,” she declared, putting her cup down. “I did all the moves that usually get me laid with little to no effort, and he didn’t stop looking at you. But Storm? The one time I met the loser, he looked at me.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I just stared into my coffee hoping it was a crystal ball. Then it could show me my shiny, bright future with a step-by-step guide on how to get there.

“Do you like him?” Bel asked straight up. “Not just fucking for the high but ‘get to know him and cuddle a little afterward’ like him.”

I shrugged.

“Don’t let fear talk for you, Lori, or you’ll be sitting here in another two years pining over Hamish instead of Storm. And for different reasons.”

“This is a little existential for this time of the morning,” I said lamely.

“You’re avoiding the question.” She snorted and picked up her coffee, blowing on it.

“Of course, I’m avoiding it. I’m not ready to acknowledge the answer.”

“And the answer is that something’s there, isn’t it?”

When I glanced up, she was watching me closely, waiting for something to confirm her suspicions. She was right, but I wasn’t sure fear was the only thing holding me back. There were a great number of secrets and insecurities in play, and it was way too early to be calling any kind of shot that involved my heart.

“I knew it!” Bel exclaimed. “Lori, shit! Go after him! That guy is a catch.” She jiggled in her seat. “I bet he’s good with his dick.”

“
Bel!
” My face went red, and of course, I began thinking about his cock. Last night, I swore it had been a little hard underneath my legs while we sat together on the couch. I’d pushed it to the back of my mind, just like all the other little clues he’d been giving me the last couple of weeks.

“Damn, girl,” Bel said. “You’d better figure it out because a guy like that isn’t on the market for long.”

My expression dropped, and she raised an eyebrow. “We fought last night.”

“Figured. What about?”

“Us being more…” I left out the kissing part because this conversation was humiliating enough.

“Fuck, Lori. You want him, so do something about it. You’re working tonight, right?” she asked, and I nodded. “Then shove him up against a wall in a dark corner someplace, and fuck his brains out.”

“Oh God,” I complained.

She rolled her eyes. “Last time I looked this wasn’t a fucking Disney movie. Have you kissed him?”

“Uh…”

“Fuck, then at least go suck on his tongue.”

My nipples began to ache as thoughts of doing all those naughty things with Hamish flew through my mind, and I rubbed my palms against the hard buds.

Hamish on top. Hamish on the bottom. Hamish from behind. Hamish against a wall.
Hamish from every angle…

Shoving to my feet, I dumped my half-finished coffee into the sink.

“Where are you going?” Bel asked.

“To take a cold shower.”

* * *

T
hat night
, things didn’t feel so clean cut as I paced up and down the bar at The Underground, serving the influx of customers a good fight night always brought in.

I knew Hamish was up tonight because his name was on the board with three to one odds. I also knew he wouldn’t come to find me, so I had to be the one to seek him out, but the thought of walking through The Underground looking for a fighter had me on edge.

The bar was my safe area. I knew it and the players like the back of my own hand. Out there was unknown territory full of vipers and dangerous creatures who wanted to take a bite out of a woman on her own.

I could just call or text him, but that was the pussy’s way out. I gathered a guy like Hamish would rather the direct face-to-face approach.

What would I say, anyway? Trying to picture what Bel would do in this situation, I shuddered. She was so forthright and confident. That wasn’t me at all. My insides didn’t match my tough outsides when it came to this stuff.

The bar was pumping tonight, so my mind was kept busy serving, but even Sandra knew something was off by the way she kept throwing me looks.

Passing change back to the punter I’d just served, I glanced up and caught sight of Hamish through a break in the crowd. My heart leapt, and I went to raise my hand to get his attention, but as the swarm parted even more, it gave me a front row seat to the gaggle of women that were practically thrusting their tits into his face.

My heart sank right down to my boots, and I swallowed the bitter pill of disappointment. I’d been right, hadn’t I? He’d struck out with me, so now he was going for a sure bet to satisfy his cravings.

I took in the lines of his muscled arms, picking out the tattoos that stretched across his skin, the sharp edge of his jaw, his messy hair with the tint of ginger in it, his strong shoulders, and his overall presence. He commanded attention just by being present.

I saw him standing there, surrounded by women who weren’t afraid to go after what they wanted, and I realized Bel was right.

I wanted Hamish McBride. I wanted him as more than a friend. I wanted everything about him.

He glanced over to the bar as if he sensed I was staring at him, and for a split second, I felt an overwhelming surge of euphoria. I almost leapt over the bar like fucking Wonder Woman ready to declare my feelings when his gaze crossed mine and bounced off it like he hadn’t even seen me.

Like I was nobody.

Nothing.

Like the past month had meant shit all.

Had our fight been that bad?

He turned back to the woman in front of him, and I felt my entire body tremble like it was being ripped apart by an earthquake that was a five billion on the Richter scale. Seeing Storm wrapped up in an orgy with three women had sucked, but right now, I felt worse.

Why did Bel have to be right?

Turning away, I stared at the liquor bottles behind the bar and took a deep breath. I would not cry at work. I would not cry at work. I would not cry at work.

I had to do what I did best. I had to pick myself up, forget about Hamish McBride, and keep going. I had to turn back around, put a smile on my face, and keep working. The bills didn’t wait for a stupid little girl to pick up the pieces of her broken heart…
which she’d finally decided to take a chance with.

Fuck, it had taken me so long to get to a point where I wanted to open myself up again, and this was how I was repaid. I should have minded my own business the night he came to the bar. I should’ve just poured his whisky and left him the fuck alone.

Realizing I was about to have a panic attack where everyone would see, I shoved away from the bar, strode past slimy Stu, and disappeared out back. He could yell at me later because right now, I didn’t give a stuff.

Outside, the air was cold, and the concrete was wet from the rain that had come down while I’d been inside working. The bright lights of the city around the warehouse reflected off the clouds, making the sky look muddy.

Leaning my back against the brick wall, I curled over at the waist and placed my hands on my knees as I took some deep breaths.
In through the nose…out through the mouth.

I should’ve seen this coming. Like Bel had said,
this wasn’t a fucking Disney movie
.

I took another breath and then another until I felt my heart rate begin to slow.

Straightening up, my gaze crossed Stu, and I jumped a bloody mile. He was leaning against the wall a few meters away and had obviously been there for a while, witnessing my mini breakdown.

“Fuck,” I cursed. “Don’t do that.”

Alarm bells began to ring in the back of my mind as I realized Stu had finally gotten me on my own. Took him long enough.

I’d been careful never to leave at the same time as him or go out back or on break when he wasn’t busy. He’d flirted nonstop since day dot and was always asking for some kind of sexual favor. I wasn’t a fool to think he’d try something the moment he had a chance…like right now. I had to get back inside without pissing him off, or I wasn’t sure what would happen. Actually, I had a real good idea, but I didn’t want to acknowledge it.

“I’ve got to go back,” I said, pushing off the wall, but he stepped in front of me.

“You’ve still got ten minutes of break left. Which you didn’t ask permission for.”

I went to edge around him, but he’d cornered me between a stack of kegs and the wall. “Yeah, but I need to go take a piss, and you know how we women are. We take forever.”

“So why haven’t we hooked up?” he asked, ignoring me.

I didn’t think it was possible to feel any colder than I already was, but I turned to ice. My limbs began to seize like I was in a dream where I was running and running but couldn’t move.

When I didn’t answer, he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me close, his breath tickling my neck to the point it felt like slime was coating my skin.

“Stu,” I said, shoving him away. “
No
.”

“C’mon,” he cooed, making another grab for me. “I know you’re fucking that fighter. Girls who fuck fighters like him like it all kinds of ways. It’s practically a fucking orgy in this place if you know where to look.”

“I’m not fucking him,” I snapped, my skin crawling. “
I’m definitely not fucking you
.”

Stu’s expression darkened, his lips twisting as anger flashed in his eyes. Before I could dart out of the way, his hand closed around my neck, and he shoved me back against the wall, my head cracking against the brick.