Following Your Heart (37 page)

Running into the milk house, Yost found a roll of wire and large pliers. Returning to the waiting horse, he patched the broken leather with a wire hook and tightened the rest of the straps with care. Leading his horse outside, Yost blinked in the bright Saturday afternoon sun and pulled his straw hat over his forehead.

The horse stood unmoving as Yost fastened the tugs and threw the lines into the buggy. Climbing in, he hollered, “Get-up there,” and the horse plodded out of the driveway. Yost settled into the buggy seat and pushed back his hat, his brow troubled.

Were even half the things true which he kept hearing about Teresa? If they were, they were still hard to believe. Yet, Mose's boy, Amos, was not one to make up stories. If he said Deacon Ray's son, James, was driving the
Englisha
girl to the hymn singings, then it must be true. Why hadn't someone told him sooner? If Amos hadn't needed to borrow the small disk for his
mamm
's garden, he still wouldn't know.

That's what came from thinking all was well. Teresa had been doing so
gut
with her instruction classes. If this rumor was true, Bishop Henry would be bringing those to a fast stop. Deacon Ray would surely not tolerate his son having anything to do with an
Englisha
girl, let alone one with a child.

Yost urged his horse on, his buggy rattling south. At the road leading to Deacon Ray's place he paused, his horse almost coming to a stop. With a shake of his head, he turned right, slapping the lines.

The best thing would be a talk with Teresa herself. Perhaps this could all be straightened out without either Bishop Henry or Deacon Ray being involved. That would be the best outcome. Because who knew what complications would arise if those two began speaking their minds.

Was this what one went through with getting married to a woman? This trouble, this unexpected turn of events, this news which fell out of the sky on one's head. Yost ran his fingers through his beard. Surely after the vows were said things would not continue so. Surely a woman could only cause so many anxious moments.

But now was not the time to be asking such questions. Now was the time to find out what went wrong and fix the problem. And surely there were plenty of
gut
things to enjoy with a woman in the house to offset any trouble she might bring with her. There was supper on the table for one, and clean clothing for another. Both were worth some unpleasant situations, perhaps even very unpleasant situations.

Menno Hostetler's place appeared in front of him, and Yost pulled back on the reins, slowing his horse to a walk. It would not do to dash into Menno's driveway like some wild unkempt youngster with dust flying off his buggy wheels. He was a grown man.

Someone was on the front porch with a broom and dustpan. Yost squinted in the bright sunlight. Was it Teresa working on a Saturday afternoon? The girl disappeared, and he shook his head. It could have been Susan. But still, even if it wasn't Teresa, Anna would be continuing her education in the community's ways. If Susan was not idle on a Saturday afternoon, neither would Teresa be.

Pulling up to the hitching post, Yost climbed out. Behind him the barn door opened and Menno came out.

“Good afternoon,” Menno said, a smile playing on his face. “What brings you out on such a fine day?”

“Ah…” Yost cleared his throat. There was no sense in spilling everything into Menno's ears. He had little control over what Teresa did when it came to love. “I think I had best be speaking with Teresa if she's around.”

“The women were working on the Saturday cleaning the last I was in the house,” Menno said. “That and baking bread and pies. Do you wish to stay for supper? I'm sure there's plenty of food.”

Yost swallowed hard. Now this was a temptation hard to resist, but cows didn't take well to off-schedule milking. “I…I'd like to…” he managed to get out, “but the chores are not done. I should really be getting back, but perhaps some other time?”

“You're always welcome,” Menno said. “I'm sure if you go up to the house and knock, Anna will welcome you. She probably saw you arrive.”

Yost nodded and tied his horse to the hitching rail as Menno went back to the barn. With hesitant steps, Yost moved toward the front door. When he was still at the bottom landing, the door opened and Teresa stepped out.

“Good afternoon,” she said with a smile.

“
Gut
afternoon,” Yost said, brushing a piece of straw off his shirtsleeve. “I hope I'm not keeping you from your work, but I thought we had best speak a few words with each other.”

“We're almost done for the afternoon,” Teresa said. “Anna said I should come out and see what you want. We can sit over there, if you wish,” she continued, nodding toward the porch swing.

“I can't stay long,” Yost said, “but I do keep my thoughts better in order if I'm sitting. I hope I will not be saying things that should not be said.”

“I suppose there are many things that should have been said some time ago,” Teresa said, leading the way to the swing. “But the ways of the community are new and strange to me.”

“I can imagine,” Yost said. “But it was not your place to say what needs to be said. I should have been here a long time ago—back when I first heard the ministers were no longer requiring you to agree to a marriage before being baptized.”

“
Yah
,” Teresa said, not looking at him.

“Are you changing your mind…about the wedding?” Yost asked. “I know I should have been making plans with you, but I was waiting for you to come to my place, as we talked about the last time I was here.”

When Teresa remained silent, Yost continued. “Do you still plan to say the vows with me at your baptismal?” he asked. “That wouldn't take too much planning and would keep things very simple.”

“What if I changed my mind?” Teresa asked. “A woman can always do that, and apparently your ministers agree that I should be able to.”

Yost shook his head. “Does this have something to do with a proper wedding day? I can't provide a big wedding which is why we should be married at your baptismal. But I have my place ready after the wedding. I am able to support you and the child well enough. I understand that is important to you.”

“It's not the wedding day, Yost,” Teresa said. “Menno has offered to give me one here when I get married. Isn't that nice of him? I can't say how much I appreciate that.”

“They are nice people,” Yost said, staring across Menno's freshly planted cornfield. He might as well get to the point. “So is it Deacon Ray's boy who is holding you back? I was told that James drove you and Susan around on Sunday. Is this placing thoughts into your head? You know that James cannot give you a home for your child right away. And you can't keep on living here with Menno and Anna, even if you are baptized.”

“I really don't know what to think, Yost,” Teresa admitted. “I can't say I've changed my mind, but I do want to take Menno up on his offer. It would be so sweet to have a real Amish wedding. I know I don't deserve it, but I also haven't deserved much else offered to me by the community. I do want to thank you again for the help you are offering me. It is very kind of you.”

“So you have spoken to James about love?” Yost asked.

Teresa sat in silence, her hands clasped in front of her.

“I see that you have,” Yost said.

“
He
has spoken to me, Yost,” Teresa corrected. “I did not bring up the subject with him.”

“None of this is acceptable, Teresa,” Yost said, getting to his feet. “I hope you realize that. This cannot go on. James puts girls through his life like bundles of cornstalks thrown into the threshing machine. He has no plans to make a home for your son or for you. All this situation will accomplish is trouble, and then you will have nothing left. I insist we get married on your baptismal day as we planned.”

“I need time to think, Yost,” Teresa said. “Surely you can understand that.”

“You didn't need time before, Teresa. When you first came here, you were small in your own eyes. You thought anything was
gut
enough for you. You were thankful to have a chance at a husband, just as a
frau
should be. Now look what has happened to you. James talks sweet to you, and your head gets so big that your
kapp
hardly fits anymore. If you don't promise me that you'll marry me on your baptism day, I will go to Deacon Ray on my way home and have a talk with him. When he hears that James has spoken to you of love, it will not go well for either of you.”

“I'm sorry,” Teresa whispered. “I didn't want any of this to happen. I came here only to find peace for my son. I'm not trying to make trouble.”

Yost studied her face, but she kept her eyes on the porch floor. “Will you promise me again to marry? And agree there will be no more trouble about the date?”

“You wouldn't consider waiting until Menno can give me a wedding?” Teresa asked.

“I've waited long enough,” Yost said, leaning against the porch rail. “I will not have such an uncertain thing hanging over my head. But perhaps I can give you some time to think about this. I know that the words James has spoken to you are still going around in your head. But you must put them away. If you want to continue with the wedding as I have decided, then pay a visit to the house sometime before the baptismal. Susan can come along, and we can talk while she cleans. Is that not fair enough? Otherwise I will stop by Deacon Ray's place on my way home.”

Teresa stood and walked over to stand beside him. “Yost, I thank you for wanting to provide a home for me and be a father for Samuel. It's more than I deserve. I don't ask you to love me. I won't even expect that. But if you can wait and let me have the wedding here sometime after my baptismal day…”

“
Nee
, I will not,” Yost said. “I've waited long enough. My house has waited long enough. I want this done—finished as soon as possible.”

When Teresa said nothing, Yost reached forward and took her by her arms and pulled her toward him. Hesitating only a moment, he then kissed her. When she struggled against his force, he relented and released her.

Teresa looked down as tears formed in her eyes.

Yost watched her for a few moments and then took her by the hand and led her back to the porch swing.

“I do not wish to cause you trouble,” he said. “I see I have wounded your heart. I don't know how to be with a woman since I have never been married, but I will try, Teresa. Yet sometimes words must be spoken by a man to his future wife that may be hard to hear. They may even hurt as I see they do now. Still, I am not sorry that I have spoken them. You must understand how our people work. It isn't acceptable that an unwed mother should be living in the community without a husband. If you were Menno's daughter, it still wouldn't be right. It's a shame we should not be asked to bear, Teresa. That shame will be done away with when we say the vows. Do you understand that?”

Teresa nodded, still not looking at him.

“I am glad you understand,” Yost said. “I'm sure you realize the need to keep your word to me.” With that he stood again. “I really must go back to my chores. I'm already late. I will wait for you to pay a visit. You don't need to let me know in advance when. I'm always working around the farm. Goodbye, Teresa.”

“Goodbye,” Teresa whispered. She watched as Yost walked across the yard, untied his horse, and climbed into his buggy.

Yost gave a little wave before he drove down the driveway. He settled back into the seat as his horse headed north. Not even Deacon Ray could have handled that better, he figured. He hadn't faltered or given in to the
Englisha
girl's imaginations. He was ready for marriage, ready to have a wife in his house.

T
eresa sat on the porch swing as she watched the buggy disappear into the distance. The rustle of the wind through the green leaves of the nearby oak seemed her only solace against the words and actions from the man who would be her husband.

The front door opened slowly and Susan stepped out.