For His Pleasure: The Boxed Set, Books 1-6 (For His Pleasure, For His Taking, For His Keeping, For His Honor, For His Trust, For His Forever) (39 page)

Jeb disappeared back to his guest room and Nicole slowly made her way upstairs to the master bedroom.

Red was in bed reading a book when she entered.

He looked up from it and forced a smile. “Hey,” he said.

“Hey.” She sat down on the edge of her side of the bed.

“I’m sorry I made a scene. That wasn’t right,” he said softly.

“I know you were in a tough position trying to defend your choices to your brother.”

“The guy is just blind when it comes to my mother. He won’t admit that she’s completely psychotic and destructive.”

Nicole turned and looked at him. “Are you going to at least talk to him before he leaves tomorrow?”

Red shook his head and picked his book up again. “I don’t know. Right now I definitely can’t do it.”

Nicole was torn. Now she was questioning what his reaction would be when she told him about her and Jeb’s conversation. But she didn’t want to make the same mistake as she had in Germany, when she’d kept her conversation with Kane Wright to herself.

“After you came upstairs, your brother came back to the kitchen and apologized to me,” she said, finally.

Red glanced sideways at her. “He did?”

“Yeah.” She looked at him, her hands clutching each other nervously. “Please don’t be angry with me.”

Red took a long, slow breath. “What did you say to him?”

“Just that I understood it was hard.”

Red’s expression darkened. “What does that mean?”

“Come on, Red. What am I supposed to do, tell your brother to fuck off when he apologizes to me?”

“I never said that.” He put the book aside and looked her straight in the eye. “At the same time, it feels like no matter what I do, you’re always second guessing me. I trust you, I listen to you—and the next thing I know you spin me in circles.”

“How do I spin you in circles, Red?”

“In Germany, you told me to make a deal, then you told me not to, and then on the flight home you said maybe I should make the deal again. And now you’re telling me to go make up with Jeb. Tomorrow you’ll probably tell me that Jeb’s an asshole and I should never speak to him again.”

“Come on. That’s not fair to me. What am I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know, Nicole. Why don’t you tell me what else you and Jeb talked about behind my back?”

“I knew you’d do this,” she whispered. “I knew it.”

“What did you know?” he demanded.

She looked at his red face, his bulging eyes. She was so tired of defending herself against whatever new mistake she’d made. “I can’t do this right now.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“I just can’t. Please stop talking.”

Red stared at her. “Nicole, are you breaking up with me?”

“I need some time. Just…just leave me alone.” She got up and ran out of the bedroom and downstairs. She wanted to leave, but it was late and she didn’t want to make a bigger deal of things than she already had.

Instead she went to one of the guest rooms at the far end of the house, and lay in the cold, uninviting bed. She turned on her phone and saw she had missed calls—a bunch of them. A couple of calls were from her parents and one or two calls from Danielle.

Nicole knew she couldn’t tell her mom and dad any of this, they would just tell her that Red was a terrible person and how she needed to get away from him.

She dialed Danielle, waiting for her friend to pick up.

“Look who it is,” Danielle piped at the other end of the line. “I thought you’d forgotten all about me.”

Nicole smiled at the sound of a friendly voice. “Sorry about that. I know I’ve been a shitty friend.”

“Hey, what’s wrong? Are you okay Nicole?”

“Yeah. Sort of.”

“Tell me what’s going on. Tell me right now.”

So Nicole did. She told her about Red’s mother, his business problems and their argument in Germany, and then how things had gone when they came back to the mansion in Connecticut. “I feel like such a drama queen,” she said. “I know I sound totally nuts.”

“Just a little nuts,” Danielle admitted. “Look, we’ve all been there. It’s hard when you really care about someone and the relationship is tumultuous. It’s difficult to know whether you can get past it or if you’re just wrong for each other.”

“The thing is, mostly it feels so right,” Nicole whispered. “I mean, he’s really sweet and loving and I know he cares about me. I feel like he’d do absolutely anything for me.”

“Okay, that’s awesome,” Danielle said.

“But then he has these moods. You know, with his mother being such a miserable person, I think he has a lot of issues. On top of that, his business is falling apart and it’s really stressful for him. I know he’s trying, though. I see how hard he’s trying.”

“Do you love him?”

Nicole didn’t even need to think about it. “Yes, I love him completely.”

“And you believe he loves you?”

“I know he loves me.”

“Well, then,” Danielle told her. “I think if you’re both in love then you kind of owe it to the relationship to try and figure it out. Obviously you need to come up with better strategies, ways to resolve conflict.”

Nicole nodded. She’d gotten teary again. “It’s just hard. He takes it out on me sometimes, getting mad at me for doing the wrong thing. I’m just doing the best I can.”

“Well, that’s not okay. He shouldn’t make you feel bad for being yourself. You aren’t being malicious toward him and he needs to handle his own issues.”

“Yeah.” Nicole nodded. She already felt lighter. “Thanks, Danielle. You’re a good friend, you know that?”

“Actually, yes. I do know it.”

“Hey, how are you doing?”

“Can’t complain.”

“No seriously. Tell me what’s been going on with you. I’m sick and tired of dwelling on my own stupid problems,” Nicole laughed.

Danielle laughed too. And then she told her about the guy she’d met last week who’d turned out to be a total jerk. He’d taken her out to a nice dinner and paid for it and pretty much assumed that meant he was at least entitled to a blowjob.

Nicole just thanked her lucky stars that Red wasn’t one of those guys.

Danielle said that it had been hard living in their apartment by herself, and feeling more alone, feeling the lack of a companion in her life.

“I’m going to come back and spend more time with you,” Nicole said. “We’re going to hang out more, I promise.”

“It’s okay,” Danielle said. “I’m doing fine, seriously.”

“I know you’re fine, but I think it would be fun to have a girl’s night—get manicures, get our hair done. Maybe eat ice cream later on and watch bad TV.”

“Sure,” her old roommate laughed.

“Hey, thanks again for listening and for giving such great advice.”

“No problem, Nic.”

Nicole got off the phone, smiling to herself and thinking how lucky she was. Her life was charmed and most of the time she didn’t even appreciate it, she was so wrapped up in the day-to-day silliness of work, and Red’s issues, and their relationship.

Feeling a new sense of purpose, Nicole dried her tears and went back upstairs to talk to Red and apologize for leaving the room that way.

But when she got there, he was gone.

A strange fluttering sensation moved through her stomach. She checked the bathroom and he wasn’t there either.

Next, she walked to the study, hoping against hope that she wouldn’t find him in that damn room again.

Unfortunately, that’s exactly where he was.

“Hey,” she said, watching him as he sat in that same chair near the window, drinking some kind of alcohol. It almost felt like she’d gone back in time.

“Hey,” he replied, not bothering to look at her.

“I’m sorry that I left like that. I should have stayed and tried to work things out, but I just felt upset and overwhelmed.”

“I totally get it,” he said, taking a quick sip from his glass. He swirled the liquid around absentmindedly, still not looking at her.

Nicole came forward into the room. “Are you okay?”

“No, not particularly.”

“What is it? You’re scaring me a little.”

Finally he turned and looked at her. His eyes had circles under them and his expression was pained. “I’m sorry if I’m scaring you, Nicole. You should never have to feel scared. Never.”

“I just want things to go back to normal,” she told him. “Let’s go lay in bed together and laugh and talk and kiss. This is silly.”

“No it’s not.” He shook his head slowly. “I thought a lot about how I’m treating you and I don’t think it’s very good. It’s not what you deserve.”

“You treat me wonderfully. You just have some things to work out.”

“No, it’s way beyond that,” he said. “I’m no good for you, Nicole. I’m a bad guy and anyone who’s with me is going to end up in a bad place sooner or later. I can’t let that happen to you. I care too much about you.”

She walked closer still and tried to touch his shoulder but he pulled away.

“Red, you’re tired and you’re upset. You should sleep on it and then we can talk tomorrow.”

He glanced at her sadly. “Fine,” he said.

She held out her hand. “Come to bed with me.”

“In a minute,” he said softly. Then he went back to staring outside.

She left the study, her stomach doing flips and twists as she tried to understand just what was going on. She told herself things would be better in the morning.

***

When they woke up the next day, Jeb was already gone. He’d left a brief note on the kitchen counter saying that he was sorry if his intrusion had caused any problems, and that he was glad to have met Nicole.

When Nicole showed the note to Red, he barely even glanced at it.

His eyes were red-rimmed and glassy as he drank his morning coffee. “I’ve called a car to come get you,” he said.

She just stared at him. Her stomach sank. “Did you sleep at all last night?”

“Not really.”

“Red, please—you need to get some rest.”

He sipped his coffee. “I’m not going to change my mind on this, Nicole.”

“Why are you intentionally trying to sabotage us?” she said. “After everything we’ve been through?”

“Exactly,” he replied. “We’ve been through too much in such a short time, and let’s be honest. It’s all my fault.”

“That’s not true.”

“But it is. All of these games, all of the hoops I’ve made you jump through, the mental gymnastics. It’s all because of me.” He thought about it and laughed a hollow, despairing laugh. “I’m really just like her.”

“Just like who?” Nicole said, already knowing the answer.

“Just like my mother. The manipulating, the self-obsession. We’re two peas in a pod, her and I.”

“That’s not true. You’re not like her at all. You’re a kind, loving, decent man and I won’t let you talk about yourself that way.”

“Thank you for saying that,” he smiled. The smile didn’t touch his weary eyes.

“But just the same, I’m going to give you the greatest gift I can possibly give you—which is to disappear from your life.”

The tears started now. She wiped them away, angry at herself for being weak again. “This isn’t a gift. You’re taking away the best thing either of us has.”

“You’ll look back in a few months or a year and see that I did you a favor,” he told her. “Now come on. The car is waiting.”

She almost refused to go, but from the look on his face she knew it was no use. Red had made up his mind.

When she got outside to the car, the driver was already putting her bags in the trunk. Nicole turned toward Red. “Looks like you were all prepared to kick me out. Just like your mother and your brother.”

She saw him flinch a little at her words, and regretted it instantly.

“It’s very different,” he said. “You’ll never possibly know how hard this is for me.

But I care more about your happiness than my own, and you deserve a far better life than I can ever give you.”

“That’s such bullshit,” she told him. The tears were coming again. “You’re just afraid.”

“Not for myself,” he said, taking her arm and gently walking her to the car. “Go on now. And have a wonderful life and remember that there’s someone who will always love you, no matter what.”

“Is this how you show your love?” she cried, getting in the car.

“Someday you’ll look back and understand,” he said, closing the door.

Nicole closed her eyes and didn’t open them again until she was far away.

***

Many things had changed in a single week, Nicole thought as she and Danielle came back from a night out at one of the nearby clubs.

It had been refreshing to go out and just dance with a bunch of drunken girl friends and not think about Red or anything that came along with him.

But still, she thought, entering her old apartment, so much had changed.

Just the other day, she’d seen the report on TV about Red Jameson being fired by his board of directors.

She’d already known about it, of course. The company had had a big meeting a couple of days prior to alert the employees about everything that was happening.

To say that people in the office stared at her funny lately, would have been an understatement. Everywhere she went people gawked now. And sometimes they were even bold enough to ask her what Red was doing, where he was staying, when was the last time she’d talked to him?

Red Jameson was their version of Elvis Presley or Tupac—a celebrity that might be anywhere in the world or nowhere at all.

She told them the truth. She had no clue where Red was now and what he was doing.

The Rag had even run some report on him that claimed he was the new Howard Hughes. Red Jameson had gone completely insane and was now living on a tropical island under an assumed identity with a new face given to him by a willing plastic surgeon.

The sad part of it was, Nicole thought it possible that the article in The Rag was accurate. For all she knew, Red had made sure that he could never be found and would never enter her life again in any way.

Mostly she told herself it was for the best.

But most of the time, Nicole also knew it was a lie. She missed him and she ached for him in every cell of her body—wept for the loss in deepest part of her soul.

Nicole didn’t care if he was crazy, didn’t care if he was bad news. She just knew that she loved him and he loved her, and hoped maybe someday he’d figure out what something like that was truly worth.