For Lovers Only (31 page)
Authors: Alex Hairston
Chapter 34
T
he aroma of fresh brewed coffee drew Erin, Kenya and Joel back to the canteen that had served as their confessional during the wee hours of the night. It was officially open for business and had lost most of its intimate appeal. The area was now well lit and flowed with employees and visitors looking for a quick Monday morning pick-me-up.
he aroma of fresh brewed coffee drew Erin, Kenya and Joel back to the canteen that had served as their confessional during the wee hours of the night. It was officially open for business and had lost most of its intimate appeal. The area was now well lit and flowed with employees and visitors looking for a quick Monday morning pick-me-up.
This time the three sat at the same cafeteria-style table with lightly sweetened black coffee for Joel and mocha lattes for Erin and Kenya. Each of them had bran muffins. Erin didn't have much of an appetite. She split the top of her muffin and spread butter into its warm center. As the butter began to melt she sampled the goodness by eating a small piece. Erin assumed her nurturing role. She broke her muffin into smaller pieces and hand-fed the rest to Kenya and Joel.
Joel seemed distant. He tried his best to ignore the morning paper that sat inches away from him. He caught a quick glance at something about Baltimore's 190th murder of the year and the stock market plunging. Joel actually turned the paper facedown to avoid reading the depressing headlines because he already had enough on his busy overloaded mind.
At six-fifty, the three switched themselves into overdrive and headed upstairs to the operating room's registration area to meet up with Mrs. Davis, whose surgery was scheduled for nine o'clock. Joel went straight to the registrar and asked if his mother had arrived. She was an attractive plus-sized sistah who kept giving Joel goo-goo eyes. Erin and Kenya noticed, but got a kick out of seeing other women sweat their man.
The registrar hadn't seen Mrs. Davis. To be on the safe side she double-checked with a couple of the nurses before giving Joel an answer. After a few minutes she told him that Mrs. Davis hadn't arrived yet. Joel was tempted to call his mother, but he decided to give his mother a little more time.
As the minutes passed everybody began to worry that something might be wrong, especially when Mrs. Davis hadn't arrived by seven. A few minutes later the registrar called Joel to the desk and informed him that he had a call. He looked confused for a second and then quickly figured that it had to be his mother.
He picked up a phone at the farthest end of the desk and said, “Hello.”
“Good morning, Joel.”
“Hey, Ma. Good morning. Where are you?”
“Home.”
“Home? Did you forget about your procedure? They're waiting for you. You were due here by seven.”
Erin and Kenya looked at Joel with concern and curiosity in their eyes. He looked back at them with total confusion in his eyes and simply shrugged his shoulders. They shook their heads in disbelief. It was obvious that it was his mother and she was being stubborn.
Mrs. Davis said, “I know what I was supposed to do this morning. Last night I prayed harder than I ever prayed in my life. When I woke up this morning I felt a change. God healed my body. I'm telling you ... today is a blessed day.”
“Okay. Now you just have to get here as soon as possible for the surgeon to do his thing.”
“You don't understand the change I feel. I've never felt so good. The lumps are gone. I don't have any aches or pains and my mind is clear. I'm not having the surgery.”
“What?” He let out a heavy sigh. “There's nothing to be scared of. I'm on my way over there to pick you up. I'm going to see if they can still do the surgery as long as I can get you here before nine.”
“Please listen to me, Joel. Whatever I have right now is what I plan to leave here with ... my cancer included. Nobody's cutting on me. The biopsy was enough. I know what I have and what it will eventually do to me, but I'm okay with it. It's in God's hands now.”
“Do you understand what you're saying? I'll ask the staff to reschedule the procedure. You just need a little more patient education. I'll come over later today and review the patient information packet with you. I'm sure we can have your doctor or one of his nurses review the information with you. Would that make you feel better?”
“No ... I'm already better. You don't understand. I don't want the surgery. All I want to do right now is go on that pilgrimage to the Holy Land ... get baptized in the Jordan River ... walk the same path my Savior walked before He made the ultimate sacrifice.” She paused for a second to praise God and then continued. “I'm ready to move on to a better place. I know that God has already prepared a home for me. I put a down payment on my heavenly home when I gave my life to Christ a long time ago. My debt has been paid. Yes, I've been redeemed. God is so good to me. I've lived my life. I've had my share of good days and my share of bad days. And you know what? God has given me the strength to bear it all. This is my sunshine after the rain. The storm is over and now I can clearly see the path that I've chosen and it's the right one. I'm going to heaven and I'll see you when you get there. Oh Joel, I know you're gonna make it there one day and we'll both share the glory. I'm so sorry for saying the hurtful things that I said to you yesterday. I just know that God is trying to tell you something. If you just take the time to listen I'm sure you'll figure it out. He's trying to make a change in your life too. Don't forget who you are and where you came from. Most of all, don't forget God. You were raised in church, and I want you to start going again on a regular basis.”
“I know. I will. I haven't forgotten about God. I still pray every day.”
“It's time to get closer to Him. Choose the right path. We all fall along the way, but you have to get up again. You've fallen ... get up Joel ... get up. Tomorrow is a brand new day and all of your sins can be washed away. Do you understand what I'm saying?”
“Yes.”
“It's so true. Do me a favor and tell those people to give somebody else my slot because I don't need it.”
“I hope you know what you're doing. What can I do to change your mind?”
“Nothing. I know what I'm doing. Don't worry about me. I'm fine. I'm not depressed or crazy. I'm just tired of this world. I love you, Joel.”
“I love you, too. What are you going to do?”
“I'm about to make arrangements to go to Jerusalem as soon as possible. I'll leave today if I can. This is something that I need to do for myself. Don't come here looking for me because I won't be here. It's time that I do something for myself for a change.”
“Call me and let me know that you're all right when you get to wherever you're going. I don't know what else to say. You might be making a huge mistake.”
“Well, it'll just be my huge mistake. I don't have any babies or a husband to worry about anymore, do I?”
Joel closed his eyes and said, “No. Maybe you can reconsider the surgery when you get back home.”
“Okay ... if that makes you feel better.”
Joel began to realize that his mother was being guided by a stronger power and that resisting it was useless. At that moment he felt a strange sense of calm. He felt himself gradually letting go of his mother and giving her and her problems to God. She had chosen her path, just like his brother and father had chosen theirs. Joel opened his eyes and looked directly into Erin and Kenya's eyes. When he looked at them he saw love and knew that he couldn't go wrong. He accepted his fate and chose to continue down his current path side by side with Erin and Kenya.
Mrs. Davis was a lot sicker than anyone had suspected. She knew that her health was failing, but didn't want to admit it to Joel. The battery of diagnostic tests she had undergone failed to pick up on certain uncommon characteristics of her cancer. The type of cancer cells she had didn't have the common proteins or receptors that made them treatable or responsive to chemotherapy. She had an aggressive form of breast cancer that had already begun to rapidly spread to her surrounding organs. There was a good chance that she wouldn't even make it back home from the pilgrimage. Actually, she didn't want to come back home and had given in to the idea of visiting the Holy Land and then dying. Joel said goodbye to his mother and they both knew that this was possibly the last time they would speak to each other.
Chapter 35
S
o much had happened in such a short amount of time. On the way home he talked to Erin and Kenya about the details of his mother's decision to forgo any type of cancer treatment. Their hearts went out to Mrs. Davis for making such a life-altering decision. They looked at Joel in amazement because they couldn't believe how strong he was. He seemed to be carrying on with his life as if none of this family drama or relationship drama from his ex even existed.
o much had happened in such a short amount of time. On the way home he talked to Erin and Kenya about the details of his mother's decision to forgo any type of cancer treatment. Their hearts went out to Mrs. Davis for making such a life-altering decision. They looked at Joel in amazement because they couldn't believe how strong he was. He seemed to be carrying on with his life as if none of this family drama or relationship drama from his ex even existed.
Erin knew that the pressure had to be building up inside of Joel and would eventually come to a head. She asked him, “What are you thinking right now?”
“I'm thinking about a whole lot of things. I've always had this I-can-save-the-world mentality, but I can't even save one woman ... my own mother. It hurts.”
In a sympathetic tone Erin said, “Awww, don't think like that. You can't do everything. You try so hard, but it's impossible to be everything to everybody.”
Kenya added, “She's right, Joel. It's too much for one person to bear.”
“I'm used to it. As a teacher I always feel obligated to save all of my students. And y'all can't begin to imagine how overcrowded my classroom is. Everybody wants to be in Mr. Davis's class. Those kids need to be saved from all of the adversities they face. Most of them look up to me because they know that I grew up in the same neighborhood, went to the same school and sat in some of those same seats.”
Kenya said, “You talk about me putting too much pressure on myself. You can't save the world ... not by yourself anyway.”
When they stopped at a red light Erin took Joel by his hand and said, “The crazy thing is that you have so much pressure on you and not once have you shed a tear. It's okay for you to cry. As a matter of fact, it's healthy.”
Joel shook his head and said, “I don't wanna cry. Crying won't do me any good.”
Erin asked, “Do you think crying is weak or something?”
He said, “Kind of.”
Kenya asked, “Why is it that most men don't cry in real-life situations, but when it comes to sports y'all just let the tears flow? I see athletes cry like babies whether they win or lose.”
Joel said, “I don't know how to explain it. I'm just trying to figure out what's gonna come out of all this. Trust me, it's gotta be something good.” He yawned and said, “Hopefully all of this despair is going to broaden my perspective on life and stimulate some kind of growth.”
Erin laughed and asked, “What? I'm sorry for laughing, but what are you talking about? Poor thing. You're drained. We all are.”
Kenya laughed too and said, “I know, right. I'm so sleepy I can hardly see straight.” She nudged Joel and asked, “Are you all right, man?”
Joel smiled and said, “I'm okay. Just trying to stay awake and be as optimistic as possible. Don't worry, I'll be all right.”
Joel's cell phone rang. He looked at the Caller ID and saw his mother's home number pop up. He said, “Hello.”
“What's up, Joel? It's Shawn.” There was a long awkward pause. “Your brother, Shawn.”
Joel was so shocked he could hardly talk. “Yeah ... hey ... I know ... what's up ... Shawn? I was just wondering how you got my cell number.”
“I got all of your numbers. Is that a problem?”
“Nah, not at all. I just haven't heard your voice in a while.”
“I really haven't had the need to call you until now. You should be glad you haven't heard from me because that means I'm doing all right. I always try to save you as a last resort in trouble situations.”
“Uh-oh. What do you need, some money?”
Shawn laughed and said, “Ain't that some shit? See what you think of me. Nah, I don't need none of your damn money ... not right this minute anyway.”
“What's going on then?”
“It's Momma. Something ain't right with her.”
“What do you mean?”
“She gave me a hug, a kiss on the cheek and then told me that she loved me. She left out the front door with some bags and didn't say where she was going or when she was coming back. Now check this shit out. Daddy just called looking for her and told me to get the hell out of his house because he and that girl broke up. He said he was on his way back home and my black ass better not be here when he comes home. I need to know what the hell is going on around here and what I'm supposed to do. Momma said I could stay here. I need a roof over my head and I feel like Daddy is seriously trippin'. I'm gonna have him call you so you can help me straighten this out.”
“Don't have him call me because I don't have nothing to say to him ... nothing. Do you understand?”
“I hear you, but I don't understand.”
“Look, Momma is sick. She was supposed to have surgery done this morning, but she refused.”
“What's going on with her?”
“She has breast cancer.”
Shawn had difficulty trying to process what he had just heard. “Aw, shit.” He lowered his tone and couldn't get his thoughts together. “Aw, shit.” Shawn lowered his tone even more as Joel's words sank in and he repeated, “Aw sssssssshit.”
“Is that all you have to say?”
“What I'm gonna do? I mean, is she bad off?”
Joel shook his head because he knew that his freeloading brother was thinking of himself more than their mother. “I think she's pretty bad off considering the fact that she won't let her doctors do anything.” Joel paused for a second and said, “I know you're worried about yourself, but you're just gonna have to be a man. Keep your head up and try your best to stay clean.”
Shawn moaned, “I haven't had anything in me in a while.”
“What's a while?”
“I'm gonna be honest. It's been a few days now.”
“Well, at least that's a start. Maybe you should go to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting or something.”
Shawn laughed and said, “I don't need no meeting. I said I haven't used in a few days. I can do this on my own. The urge is gone.”
“Yeah, for now.”
“You don't even know what it feels like, so stop trying to talk about something you can't relate to.”
“I just call myself trying to look out for you, big bro. If you need me, you know my number. Don't call me for no dumb shit though. Do me a favor and stay out of Daddy's way because he's gonna feel real guilty when he finds out about Ma. His guilt is gonna turn into anger and I know you don't want him to take it out on you.”
“She didn't even tell me she was sick,” Shawn said, in tears. “See how y'all treat me,” he cried. “Damn.”
“Be a man, Shawn. Do you have a job?”
“No.”
“Do you want a job?”
Shawn paused for a few seconds and then said, “Yeah, I want a job. I'm trying. Stuff like that takes time when you have a record. Nobody is in a hurry to hire somebody like me. You think you can bring me an application from your job?”
Joel laughed and said, “I'm sure you've heard that old saying,
you gotta get up ... get out and get something.
Show some initiative and do it for yourself. You gotta see it, believe it and want it. The future is right now. Don't let another moment or another opportunity pass you by.”
you gotta get up ... get out and get something.
Show some initiative and do it for yourself. You gotta see it, believe it and want it. The future is right now. Don't let another moment or another opportunity pass you by.”
Shawn got offended by Joel's little speech. “Hold up a minute. Who you think you're talking to ... one of your students or somebody? I don't even know why I called you anyway. Fuck you, Joel.”
The phone call ended with an abrupt click. Joel wasn't surprised that Shawn hung up on him. He had come to expect just about anything from his unstable brother. Joel continued to act unfazed, all the way to Erin and Kenya's apartment. As soon as they made it to Erin's bedroom they all crashed in her bed and slept for hours.
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