For Lovers Only (33 page)
Authors: Alex Hairston
Erin said, “I agree with Kenya.”
“So do I.” Joel paused and then asked, “I've come up with a way for us to get even closer to God.”
Erin asked, “How?”
Joel stood up and moved his chair out of the way. He positioned himself between Erin and Kenya and then got down on one knee. He reached into his pocket and pulled out two ring boxes. “I'd like to know if the two of you would be willing to commit your lives and your love to me because I'm willing to give the two of you my life, my love and anything else I have to offer.”
Joel slid a two-carat diamond engagement ring on Erin's finger. He turned toward Kenya and slid a two-carat diamond engagement ring on her finger. They were both filled with excitement and nervous energy.
With tears in her eyes Erin said, “Yes, I'm willing to give you everything I have.”
Kenya's eyes watered. She reached over and took Erin by the hand. She looked at Joel and said, “I love both of y'all and I'm willing to commit to the two of you for the rest of my life.”
Joel said, “I was thinking that we could make this as official as possible and have a commitment ceremony in the Bahamas.”
Erin said, “That sounds like a beautiful idea. Wow ... I don't really know what to say. When we first met I tried to block my emotions because I was afraid to love again. But now I can't do anything else but love you, Joel.”
Kenya said, “This was the surprise of a lifetime.” She held her ring next to Erin's and said, “Look at these rings. Joel, you are the epitome of true love and seduction. I've never met a man like you before.”
Erin said, “Neither have I. You really know how to make us feel special.”
“Both of you make me feel special. I need the two of you in my life.”
Erin said, “Joel, you satisfy my innermost needs and so does Kenya. That's what makes it so easy for me to sit here and say yes to spending the rest of my life with the two of you.”
Joel asked, “What more can I ask for? We're friends ... we're lovers ... and most of all we're one, and nothing can change that.”
They joined together and shared a passionate triple kiss.
The three took a moment and had a serious talk about what it meant to commit to each other. They discussed the importance of honesty and trust. They spent the majority of the discussion talking about the compromises and sacrifices that needed to be made in order to have a successful polyamorous relationship. One of the biggest issues that came up was kids. Erin and Kenya admitted that they had no desire to have kids. After some deep thinking, Joel came to the conclusion that although he wanted kids, he would be willing to give up the idea if that was what it took to be happy and spend the rest of his life with Erin and Kenya. They were learning to see life in new ways and knew that they had to ignore certain outside influences that only stood to harm them in the long run.
When the three got home they made love to each other like there was no tomorrow.
Chapter 38
T
he next morning Renee woke up with the realization that nobody could or would ever love her the way Joel did. All night she dreamed of the good times they used to share. She felt sorry that she took Joel for granted and wished that their relationship could have lasted forever. She overflowed with indescribable emotions that made her long for and need him like air, water and food.
he next morning Renee woke up with the realization that nobody could or would ever love her the way Joel did. All night she dreamed of the good times they used to share. She felt sorry that she took Joel for granted and wished that their relationship could have lasted forever. She overflowed with indescribable emotions that made her long for and need him like air, water and food.
Renee was determined to make a rapid recovery. The doctors put her through a battery of mental exams and were impressed with her results. She answered questions with appropriate responses during her psychoanalysis sessions. Renee was clever and her I.Q. was well above average. She wanted to straighten herself up as soon as possible because she felt that was the only way she could get Joel back. There was a tiny voice of doubt in the back of her mind telling her that Joel no longer belonged to her and would never be hers again. The voice reminded her of the vicious and destructive things she had done in his apartment. She asked herself over and over how she could possibly compete with two attractive women who gave Joel so much attention. She couldn't even begin to answer that question. She simply planned to take things day-by-day.
As a result of her quick recovery and cooperation Renee was released from the hospital a day earlier than originally planned. She took a major step when she accepted the fact that she had bipolar disorder. Renee agreed to take antipsychotic medications and to see her psychiatrist regularly.
Mrs. Rhodes never remembered seeing Renee look happier. Whenever Renee mentioned Joel's name she seemed to glow even more. Her mother realized how much Joel meant to her daughter and decided to give him a call to see if he would be willing to pay Renee a quick visit. She thought it would be a good thing if he could see how calm and sensible her daughter was. More than anything she wanted Joel to see how beautiful Renee looked.
Joel decided to visit Renee without Erin and Kenya. When he arrived at the Rhodes' home Mrs. Rhodes greeted him with a warm embrace. Joel wasn't sure whether he trusted this new friendly version of Mrs. Rhodes.
She said, “Thank you so much for agreeing to see Renee. She's upstairs in her bedroom. She has no idea you agreed to come here.”
Joel seemed somewhat hesitant and asked, “Do you think it'll be okay with her that I came here unannounced?”
“Sure, she'll be excited to see you.”
“How is she?”
“She's doing fine. Wait till you see her. Come on and I'll take you up to her room.”
Joel followed Mrs. Rhodes upstairs. Renee's bedroom door was closed. Her mother knocked, but there was no response. Joel looked worried. Mrs. Rhodes assured him that everything was okay. She opened the bedroom door. From where they stood they could see that Renee was fast asleep.
Mrs. Rhodes said, “Go right inside. It's fine to wake her. I'm sure it'll be a pleasant surprise.”
Joel said, “Okay.”
Mrs. Rhodes closed the door and Joel walked toward Renee's bed. He stopped and stared at her for a moment. He never remembered seeing her look more natural and beautiful. She looked like a black version of Sleeping Beauty, waiting for her prince to awaken her with a kiss. Instead of kissing Renee, Joel touched her right shoulder and shook her gently.
“Renee ... Renee, wake up.”
Renee stretched and rubbed her eyes at the same time. She opened her eyes and looked at Joel sideways. She smiled, sat up in bed and said, “Hey Joel, where did you come from?”
“What do you mean? Where did I come from? I appeared out of thin air.”
Renee laughed and said, “You're too smart. You know what I meant. I just dozed off. I didn't expect to wake up and see you standing there, but I'm so glad you're here.” She moved her legs over and said, “Sit down.”
Joel sat on the side of the bed and said, “You look well.”
Renee said, “Dag, thanks.” She gave Joel a funny look and decided to mess with him a little. “I thought I looked better than
well
.”
well
.”
“You do.” Joel acted like he didn't really want to look at Renee for more than a second at a time. The last thing he wanted to do was to give her the wrong impression or start something he didn't want to finish. He avoided eye contact as much as possible because he could feel Renee staring at him. He mumbled, “You look ... pretty.”
“Thank you.”
“I've got something for you.” Joel took out Renee's friendship ring and slid it on her left ring finger. “I thought you might have wanted this back.”
Renee lit up and sounded almost breathless. “Yeah, thanks. Did you mean to put it on that finger?”
Joel responded quickly, “No, I wasn't thinking. That's where you had it the other night when I found you in my bed.”
They shared a moment of awkward silence.
Renee said, “I need to apologize for all of the things I did in your apartment. I was completely out of my mind, but I'm okay now ... I'm back to normal. I'm so sorry for what I did to your things and I'm going to repay you.”
“Good, because you really wrecked my shit.” He smiled and said, “But it's okay for now, we don't even have to talk about that. Actually, I'd rather not talk about it. I'm just glad you're doing better.”
“You saved my life and I'm so thankful.”
“I didn't do it alone. Erin and Kenya helped me.”
Renee rolled her eyes and said, “Oh yeah ... them. They saw me like that?”
“Yeah. No big deal.”
“Maybe not to you. I never thought about them finding me. I only thought about you.”
Joel frowned and asked, “What were you thinking?”
“I wanted to die. And I wanted to hurt you for not being in my life. I felt totally rejected that day.”
Joel noticed tears welling up in Renee's eyes and said, “Please don't get upset.”
“I can't help it. Now I realize how stupid and selfish I was being. I was spinning out of control and had no idea what I was really doing. I couldn't control my impulses.”
“Just don't scare us like that again.”
“Did Erin and Kenya make fun of me?”
“Not at all. All they wanted to do was to help you.”
“I feel so stupid. But tell them I said thanks.”
“You shouldn't feel stupid. You couldn't help what happened. You were sick. That could have happened to anybody.”
“Why are you being so understanding?”
“What do you want me to do, kick your ass while you're down? Because I can if you want.”
They both laughed.
“No. I want you to hold me for a second because that would make me feel a whole lot better.”
“I don't think that's a good idea.”
Renee looked dazed and confusedâshe couldn't understand why Joel didn't want to touch her. She worried that he no longer found her attractive. “I promise not to bite.”
Joel laughed and said, “Okay.”
He took Renee into his arms and he could feel her melt. Actually she felt really good to him because just a few days ago he thought that she was gone for good. Their embrace seemed to go on a little too long and Joel's arms began to loosen.
Renee held him tighter and whispered, “Don't let go ... don't ever let me go again. I'm sorry for everything I did to you. I missed you so bad that it hurts. I still love you, Joel.”
“Stop. I can't go there again.”
Renee felt herself clinging and slowly peeled herself away from her sweet obsession and said, “Don't treat me like a stranger. I'm sure you still remember what we used to share. You can't tell me that things like that don't run across your mind from time to time.”
“That's all in the past now.”
“Deep down inside I know that you still love me. You still love me, don't you?” Joel didn't respond. “Something's different.” She prepared to ask a question that she really didn't want answered. “When did you stop loving me? I need to know.”
“I don't wanna answer that.”
“Because you still love me.”
“I'll always love you, but I'm not in love with you. I realized I wasn't in love with you the day I met Erin.” Joel paused and said, “I've said too much and the last thing I came here to do is to hurt you. I would never want to hurt you. The best thing I can offer you right now is friendship. As far as I'm concerned we'll always be friends.”
“You don't understand. Friendship isn't enough.”
“Nothing is ever enough for you. That's one of your biggest problems.”
She let out a heavy sigh. “You're my biggest problem. Why can't you understand me? The pain I feel right now runs almost as deep as the love I feel for you ... it hurts so bad. I've been waiting for this moment to be face-to-face with you again, but this conversation isn't going like I had planned. I'm pouring my heart out and you don't understand a word I've said. I've never felt like this about anyone and I don't want to be without you.”
“I understand what you're saying. You just need more time to clear your mind. You've been through a lot.”
“I'm still going through a lot. Stop treating me like I'm crazy.”
“I know you're not crazy.”
“Well, you're treating me different. You used to love me and treat me like I mattered.”
“You still matter.”
“I wanted to die, but you saved me. Save me one more time. Let's get back together. That's all I'm asking you.”
“We can't. I didn't want to tell you, but things between me, Erin and Kenya are more serious than you probably think. We're having a commitment ceremony in the Bahamas next Friday at four o'clock. We're renting a spot on the private island where they filmed that movie
The Blue Lagoon
.”
The Blue Lagoon
.”
Renee pressed her lips together and fought to hold her tears back. With sarcasm she said, “That's lovely, but I can't imagine you with those lesbians like that. What do you see in them and why do you think y'all have a future together?”
Joel laughed and said, “Don't call them lesbians.”
“That's exactly what they are. And you avoided my question. Why do you think y'all have a future together?”
“I'm in love with them and the three of us just belong together. Everything is so smooth when we're together. I'm in love with themâ”
Renee cut him off. “You're not in love with them. Don't be stupid. It's called infatuation. It won't last.”
“If it ain't love then I don't know what love is.”
“You don't.”
“You're bitter.”
“No, for once in my life I'm being real. My heart is aching and excuse me for saying this, but I'm horny as hell too. We could be having sex right now and nobody would know.” Renee turned on her side and said, “Don't you miss this ass and being inside me?”
Joel had never heard Renee talk dirty and tried to hide the fact that he liked it. He looked at her and said, “Come on, how are you gonna ask me something like that?”
She touched herself and asked, “Remember how tight and wet it used to feel? I know you remember. I remember how good you used to lick me down here. You used to fuck me so hard. But I liked when you took your time and made love to me real slow, like nothing else mattered in the world but me. I had the best orgasms that way. It felt like something was building up inside of me and then out of nowhere I'd have the most intense orgasm. You used to be my man and I need you back so bad ... oh, so bad.”
Joel put his finger up to Renee's lips and said, “Shhh.”
Renee had an unexplainable effect on Joel. He took her in his arms again. He used the heels of his feet to take off his tennis shoes. The next thing Renee knew she was lying in her bed wrapped up in Joel's strong affectionate arms. He knew that he was sending mixed signals, but he just couldn't help himself. To Renee it felt like heaven being in Joel's arms.
Joel had incredible willpower. He was in control, knew his limits and how far he would allow things to go. Joel watched as Renee's medication began to take effect. He held Renee until she fell asleep. He gently kissed her on her forehead and then eased his way out of her house and, he hoped, out of her life.
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