For the Love of Suzanne (33 page)

“He didn’t believe he was the father,”
she said with a twinge of pain in her heart. She may have dealt him
some bad cards once in awhile, but she never would have done
something like that to him. “I was going to file for a divorce,
but he died too soon.”

“Oh, my God, Suzanne,” she said in
awe, her blue eyes clouded with concern. “Why?”

“He was not a nice guy. He used to hit me
and berate me and bring women around and drink his paycheck before we
could get the bills paid. I was pregnant and I needed a stable life
for my baby and I didn’t want my baby around him. I just wanted
a happy life with a loving husband and my child. I got half of it,”
she finished with a slight smile, silently mourning for Cody again.

Jeannette saw a long tear slip down her daughter’s
face and was sure at that moment that Suzanne didn’t even know
she was there. Her daughter looked so sad. She never seemed happy
anymore. She’d been here for a week and had watched her
listlessly shuffle around the house unless Cody was awake. She would
play with him and care for him, was attentive and loving. She had no
doubt that Suzanne was a good mother, but she was just so sad.

Jeannette patted her daughter’s arm
affectionately, thinking she was missing Beau. “I’m
sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,” she said sincerely.

She gave her mother an appreciative smile. “You
didn’t. I’m just a little sad today,” she said
somberly and rose to her feet, slapping Jeannette playfully on the
knee. “I’ll get Cody’s supper made then I have to
go to work.”

“Oh, I can do it,” she said excitedly
and followed her to the kitchen which was an open area with the
living room.

“Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“I love it. I love playing Grandma,”
she said with a smile. “I have to go back home tomorrow so
you’d better let me play while I can.”

She smiled. “Okay.”

That night at work was the same as every other.
She found herself checking out all the Indian men who came in and not
one of them even remotely looked like Cody Black Fox. When her shift
ended, she went home in tears and cried herself to sleep like she did
so often since she’d been back.

“I wish I could stay longer,”
Jeannette told Suzanne longingly as they walked through the airport,
Suzanne pushing Cody in his stroller.

“Oh, it’s okay. We’ll be fine,”
she assured her with a smile. “We’ve made it this far so
we just as well go all the way.”

She sighed. “I know, but I hate that my
grandson is in daycare. You don’t know what kind of fruitcakes
work at those places.”

“I checked the references, Mom,” she
said patiently. “Everything panned out.”

“I wish you’d let me hire a nanny,”
she muttered.

She smiled. “No. There are fruitcakes there,
too, only they live with you. Nah. I’ve got this under control,
but it was sweet of you to offer,” she said appreciatively.

Suzanne sat down and pushed the stroller back and
forth with her foot as Cody slept peacefully in it, waiting for her
mother to get her luggage checked in and looking around the small
airport terminal for anyone who looked like Cody. As always, she was
disappointed.

She silently chastised herself for doing it again.
It had been seven months and there had been no sign of him. She
couldn’t help but think he’d made it over and maybe he
was hiding or looking for her. He’d be so scared and she was
scared for him.
Why can’t I just let him go?
she asked herself
with frustration. Maybe he didn’t make it. He would have shown
himself by now, wouldn’t he? She knew he would. He had always
been honest and he’d told her numerous times that he’d
loved her and she’d told him she loved him, too. Surely that
would have been incentive enough for him to at least try to find her.
She reminded herself that he was a stranger in this world and if he
was lost, he was very afraid.

“Suzanne.”

She looked at her mother, realizing she’d
been talking to her. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

“You were a million miles away,” she
gently admonished as she dug through her carry-on bag. “I think
you need to get help,” she said seriously. “I don’t
know what happened to you out there, but it has affected you. Will
you look for a therapist?”

“I can’t afford one and even if I
could, I wouldn’t go. I’m okay. Really,” she said
convincingly.

“You can call me anytime, you know,”
she reminded her.

She nodded. “I know.”

She kissed her on the forehead. “Do it more
often.”

“I will,” she promised.

“Good girl,” she said and hugged her
for a moment then knelt before the stroller and kissed her fingertips
and gently pressed them to the baby’s soft cheek.”Precious
little guy,” she murmured with a serene smile.

Suzanne stood with her mother when her flight was
called and hugged her fiercely. “Thanks for coming, Mom. I
really enjoyed having you here and I hope you come again soon.”

She drew away with a smile. “You’ve
always been such a sweet person, Suzanne,” she said with
admiration. “I’m so lucky to have you for my daughter.”

“I’m lucky to have you for my mom,
too,” she said sincerely and kissed her on the cheek. “I
love you.”

“I love you, too, honey,” she said
with a gentle smile.

They hugged again and Jeannette picked up her bag.
“I hate these damn commuter flights. They are just like driving
on an old country road,” she complained. “All they are is
aerial stagecoaches. You feel every bump.”

She laughed. “You’ll be fine.”

“I’ll just get drunk on the plane,”
she teased with a wink and a smile.

She giggled. “Bye, Mom.”

She laughed and waved. “Call me,” she
called as she headed toward the gate.

She waved. “I will.”

After the small airplane took off, Suzanne took
her sleeping son back to her car and secured him in his car seat in
the back of the late model four-door dark blue Chevy her mother had
bought her after little Cody had been born. It wasn’t new, but
it was newer than what she’d had and ran like a top and looked
great. She appreciated it.

Cody woke up, fussing a little as she started the
car. She popped his pacifier into his mouth and backed out of the
parking place and headed for the desert where she’d crashed the
Cavalier and had met the elder Cody. It was far out of her way and
she knew she should save the gas, but she went every chance she got
just in case he was there.

~~~

She came upon the site where the accident had been
and slowed down as tears streamed down her face. She looked out into
the land of cactus, rocks, and sand. There was no sign of anybody out
here just like it was every time she came out here.

Pulling off to the side of the road, she broke down into sobs
and buried her face in her hands. “Oh God,
Cody, where are you?” she blubbered. “We could have made
it work. I would have taken care of you and made sure you were okay,”
she wept, tears blinding her as she freely and openly wailed her
anguish.

A soft tap on the passenger window startled her
and made her look. An Indian man was looking in at her. He had dark
eyes, bronze skin and had hair almost to his waist that was flying in
the wind. He was wearing buckskin pants and no shirt.

She rubbed her eyes, trying to clear them,
thinking her imagination was in overdrive. This man looked like Cody
with hair that was longer than before, but the bare chest, the pants
and those eyes were unmistakable. She covered her eyes in disbelief
only to hear the tap again.

The man was still there.

She slowly got out, afraid that this was an
illusion or a mirage or that maybe the man wasn’t Cody at all,
but was nefarious and wanted to hurt her or little Cody. Maybe he
needed help or a ride. Regardless, he looked so much like Cody, it
tore at her heart even more.

He stood on the other side of the car and looked
at her, but didn’t say anything, wondering if she recognized
him. He recognized her even though her hair was shorter, but that was
the only difference he could see other than the fact she’d
given birth to her child. She was dressed in those short pants again
that showed her legs and made her look sexy. She was slim and every
bit as beautiful as he remembered.

“Do you need a ride?” she asked him
breathlessly, suddenly trembling with nervousness.

He looked at her openly, wanting to kiss her and
hug her, but she’d shown no sign of recognizing him so he said
nothing.

She was staring at him, too, hoping it was him
and then looked away. “I’m sorry for staring. It’s
just that you look so much like a guy I used to know,” she said
shakily. “I’ve lost him and I came out here to see if I
could find him. I’m sorry. That’s too much information.
Where are you going?” she asked with a soft sniff.

He knew it was her now and her last few sentences
told him that she knew who he was, too. “With you, I hope,”
he said softly.

She recognized that voice and went around the
running car as tears started again and lightly touched his chest with
her fingers. “It’s you,” she whispered in
amazement, looking into his dark eyes.

He touched her arm and nodded, returning her gaze.
“It’s you,” he repeated barely above a whisper.

“Oh my God, Cody,” she wept and went
into his arms and hugged him tightly.

“Sh-h, honey,” he whispered, caressing
her hair, smelling the fresh fragrance of it. “It’s all
going to be okay now,” he promised, holding her close.

She couldn’t believe she was finally holding
him in her arms and hoped she wasn’t imagining this. She could
feel the heat coming from his body, smell his familiar masculine
scent, hear his heart beating under her ear and touch his hair. He
was real. He wasn’t a ghost or a figment of her imagination. He
was a living, breathing human being.

He hushed her tears into his shoulder, slowly
rocking her, so happy to have her in his arms again. He held her as
close as he could, letting his own tears of emotion roll down his
cheeks and began to kiss her neck and cheeks. “I thought I
would never find you,” he said with relief and kissed her lips
for a moment then hugged her. “I’ve prayed for this
moment.”

“Me, too,” she choked and lifted her
head to gaze into his warm, dark eyes. “How long have you been
looking?” she asked him with a reverent sniff.

“Forever,” he whispered and kissed her
gently on the lips. “I’ve longed for you, Suzanne,”
he told her with a sniff.

She ran her hand down his handsome face, gazing
into his dark eyes again.
It’s him
, she thought happily and
kissed him longer and harder then hugged him tightly again. “It’s
you,” she whispered against his neck.

He held her tightly. “Oh honey, I’ve
been looking for you for so long. I thought I’d never find
you.”

She clung to him. “I was looking for you,
too.”

“I know you were,” he said softly.

“How did you know?”

“I’ve seen this evil machine go up and
down this road a lot. I’ve seen a lot of these evil machines,
but not as many times as I’ve seen this one. I was always
afraid to show myself,” he confessed.

She drew away, holding him by his biceps and gazed
into his dark eyes again. “You’ve been here the whole
time?” she asked with surprise.

He nodded. “I saw the big white machine that
said ‘ambulance’ on the side take you away and I didn’t
know where you’d gone.”

“That was seven months ago,” she said
wondrously. “I’ve been coming out here a couple of times
a week ever since my baby was born. You didn’t know it was me?”

“I wasn’t sure until today. I couldn’t
see your face until now.”

“But I got out of the car and called for you
a bunch of times.”

He nodded. “I know, but with your hair being
shorter and not being with child anymore, I couldn’t be sure it
was you.”

“You heard me?”

He nodded again with a look of apology in his eyes
and touched her soft, blond hair.

“I was worried about you,” she
whispered and hugged him again.

He held her. “I’m sorry, honey.”

The baby began to squawk, drawing them apart.

Suzanne opened the back door of the car and
released him from his car seat and lifted him into her arms to show
Cody.

He looked on in awe, knowing the child was a boy
because he was dressed in a pair of light blue shorts and a matching
t-shirt that had
Mommy’s Best Man
written across the chest. “My
son,” he stated more than asked.

She nodded with a smile. “If you still want
the job.”

“Yes, I do,” he said with soft
enthusiasm and took the baby from her and cradled him to his chest
and kissed him on the forehead and gazed into his face, noticing his
dark eyes and dark hair and surmised her late husband must have had
the same. It didn’t matter. “Hi,” he cooed to him.
“I’ll bet your name is Cody, too.”

She nodded with a big smile. “It is. I told
you I was going to name the baby after you.”

He smiled back at her as he lightly bounced the
baby in his arms. “Yes, you did.”

She moved closer to them and kissed her son on the
cheek. “This is your daddy,” she told him, unable to keep
the happiness from her voice.

Little Cody looked at the elder Cody with a
toothless smile and reached for his nose.

Cody cuddled him, already in love with him. He
pulled Suzanne into the embrace and hugged his little family, kissing
each of them then looked toward the sky. “Thank you,” he
whispered.

EPILOGUE

Suzanne sat on the front step of the ranch house
watching her two favorite men ride horses around the yard and
reflecting on the last four years.

Having the elder Cody around with the younger Cody
had almost been like having two babies at once in a lot of ways.
She’d had to do some fast talking to get him into the car when
she’d first picked him up in the desert. She had showed him how
to use a seat belt and explained why the car was cool on the inside
while it was so hot outside. She remembered the fear and discomfort
his body language had exuded and had held his hand the whole way back
to her house, telling him that it was all right.