Forbidden (18 page)

W
ithout a torch, I stumbled along the paths as I weaved around empty tents. The night was dismal. A partial moon hovered bitter and white on the horizon.

Horeb had chosen the perfect night for murder.

I picked up my pace, trying to ignore the stones slicing my bare feet. The snuffling sound of rodents came from the brush near the grove. An owl hooted overhead, wings rushing eerily. Wild dogs barked to my left.

I could hear Horeb behind me, breathing hard. He’d been drinking so much, his reflexes were slow, but his legs were longer than mine so he was catching up. I darted left and he cut me off. I veered off the path and a moment later I was running away from the camp, hoping I could get lost in the brush and sand dunes.

Barely a trail now, the grasses along the path grew taller. I was headed toward the groves of the oasis. Perhaps I could hide in a tree or lie flat in the grasses, and Horeb would run right past me.

My mouth was dry. A terrible ache began to gnaw at my side. I stumbled, falling hard to my knees, and cried out without meaning to.

Behind me, I heard Horeb pause, then turn to come directly at me. I got up and took off again, slamming straight into a tamarisk tree in the dark. The excruciating pain sparked lights in my eyes. Skin scraped off my arms and face. My body began to throb with a mass of cuts and bruises as I slowed, toes burning, blood trickling down my arms and legs. A sudden, deep darkness sat directly in front of me. I’d completely lost my bearings.

Turning once more, I ran up a strange, unknown slope and then rushed down the other side. My very next step took me off the edge and I was falling through air, and then landing with a splash into the oasis pond. Water rushed up my nose and sucked at my dress, dragging me under like hands were gripping my ankles. My long hair wrapped around my neck as if it would choke me. It was deeper here than I expected, and I panicked when I couldn’t touch the muddy bottom with my toes.

I clawed back up to the surface, choking on the water, and finally managed to pull myself out, grabbing desperately at the rushes and grasses. Rolling over, I struggled to catch my breath, and tried not to cry. My head was screaming with pain
and I couldn’t tell if it was blood or water trickling down my cheek.

The next moment a hulking shadow loomed up the rise. A burning torch appeared next, and I let out a yelp at the safety of the light illuminating the darkness.

“Jayden!” a deep voice called out.

It sounded so much like Kadesh that I cried with relief at being safe in the arms of the boy I loved. Was it possible he’d returned? That made no sense—it was much too soon for his return—but my ears were filled with water, my lungs burning from gulping down too much pond water so that I was disoriented. Crawling on my hands and knees, I got up one last time and lurched forward, straight toward the torchlight—and straight into Horeb’s chest.

Fear seized me so violently I was sure I would pass out.
“You.”

“Who else were you expecting?” Horeb pushed me back to the ground, and then put a foot on my chest to hold me down.

“Let me go,” I cried, but my voice sounded weak and pathetic. My throat was raw and I could hardly speak, let alone scream for help.

“You’re my wife,” he muttered.

“I’m not your wife,” I sobbed. Everything screamed inside me to run, but the fall into the pond had seared my lungs so I couldn’t catch my breath, let alone get up and start running again.

“But you will belong to me,” he countered, and laughed
again as if I were stupid. “You already belong to me.”

Horeb, with knife in hand, tried to grab the cup from the pocket of my dress. Stupidly, I fought him, and the next instant his sharp blade slashed against my neck, slicing a line straight down and along my shoulder. I screamed and felt the spurt of blood. The world turned upside down and I staggered on my knees, holding a hand against my neck to stop the bleeding.

Horeb swayed over me, large and fierce, his eyes scouring my body in the torchlight. My wet dress clung to me, outlining every line and curve. “Take your eyes from me!” I shrieked. “How dare you?”

“I’ll dare as I please,” he said, his words slurring as he used both hands to grab at my collar and rip my wet dress straight down the middle. “A betrothal is as good as marriage, so I have every right to look at you. And do whatever I want with you.”

“No dowry or bride price has been exchanged, only promises,” I said hoarsely. “And promises can be broken. Wait until my father hears of this!”

“It’ll be too late by the time he does.” Horeb’s deep, drunken laugh was eerie in the stillness of the night. Before I could tell what he was doing, he reached down and ran his fingers along my belly and hip. I jerked and lashed out with my fists, pounding him in the chest as I tried to push him away.

With both hands, he threw me hard against the ground and my head cracked once more. My teeth slammed together, and tears gushed down my face.

“You’re a stupid girl thinking your father can rescue you. You are mine and everyone knows it. Besides, the men have
departed, and there’s no one left to hear your cries. No one left to tell your lies to either.”

“My father wouldn’t leave without telling me.”

“Scouts came back early with information about the Maachathites. Our enemy is within three days’ ride, so they had to leave tonight instead of dawn. And your father is a desperate man.”

“Why aren’t you with them on the raid, then?” I whispered hoarsely. “Or did you prefer to stay behind and fight a girl half your size? You’re a murderer, Horeb! It won’t look good for you when the tribe finds Abimelech’s body—and I tell them you attacked me.”

Horeb slapped the back of his hand against my face, knocking my head into the earth again. My jaw cracked, and I heard myself whimper.

Straddling me so I couldn’t move, he lifted the cup stained with poison and crushed it between his hands. Shards of pottery rained down around us, and with it any proof of Abimelech’s murder. “I intend to satisfy our clan’s revenge against the Maachathites, but I’m playing the part of a dutiful husband-to-be. I leave as soon as I rescue you. At least that’s what I will tell our families and the others. You were distraught, you were lost, and I was the only one here to save you. Besides, my camel is the fastest of our herd and I’ll easily catch up.”

His breath was hot and his body heavy against mine as he continued to restrain me. “Now, Jayden, before I leave for my triumphal raid, tell me good-bye like a proper wife. You owe me a kiss. Like you kissed the stranger.”

“No!” I cried, jerking my head away. Kicking my legs, I tried to push him off or knee him in the groin, but he had my lower body pinned. “Let me go!” Reaching up with my free arm, I swung at his face. “I hate you, and I always will.”

Just as fast, Horeb slapped me across the mouth for a third time, so brutally I was sure my brains had come loose. The next instant the torch rolled off into the mud, the flame sputtering to nothing.

“You won’t have to worry about your fool stranger wanting you after I finish with you here. The betrothal will be binding forever once I take you. I’m king now and I decree it.”

I fumbled for the dagger at my thigh, trying to reach it, my last chance for escape, but his chest came down on me, knocking the air from my lungs as he stopped me from grasping the knife.

Horeb grunted, his meaty hand sliding higher on my thigh. Before I could move again, he’d found my dagger and unsheathed it, holding the weapon above my face. The knife glistened under the moonlight as Horeb ran the flat of the blade along my cheek. I went still as cold marble. “My wife doesn’t need a knife. I’ll take this dagger and keep it safe.”

And then his mouth came down on mine and I tasted the bitterness of him and thought I’d be sick. His lips seemed to be everywhere, his sweat slippery on my skin. The odor of cheap wine filled my nose, making me nauseous.

“You should get used to your new title. My scouts brought word of the Edomite caravan,” Horeb went on, his mouth moving down my neck to my chest as he held my arms fast.
“When I head in that direction, my men and I will overtake them in a matter of days. The stranger will be dead before the new moon.”

“You’re a liar—Kadesh will kill
you
first.”

I flinched, sure he would hit me again, but instead he held up my newly purchased dagger once more and studied it, smiling like a mad man. “I brand my camels with the mark of my clan to show the world they belong to me. To make sure you won’t stray from my bed, I’m going to mark you with the brand of Horeb.”

Swiftly, before I could even attempt to yell again, he proceeded to make a series of small cuts across the top of my chest and along each of my arms with my very own dagger. My skin was bloody and raw when he finally finished, and I could barely speak for the pain.

My fingers searched the grass in vain for the torch, for anything I could hit him with, but there was nothing.

“The blood of Zenos, Abimelech, and your own have now bonded us forever,” he said, his mouth pressed to my ear, his hands all over me.

Clawing at the grass with a desperation I’d never known before, my hand finally closed around a rock. As Horeb tore at the remainder of my dress, his legs pinning mine, I tried to relax my limbs to trick him into letting his guard down. I felt him ease up on his weight as his mouth moved down my belly. In the darkness he didn’t see my arm rise overhead. Swiftly, I hit him as hard as I could in the back of the skull with the rock.

Instantly, my dagger dropped into the grass as he went
limp. I pushed at him, grunting as I slowly rolled his arms and legs off of me. I waited for a sign of consciousness, but there was none.

Heaving myself to my knees, I crawled inch by inch across the grass, eyes watering, grappling for my knife, but I couldn’t find it.

Forcing myself to rise again, I staggered to where Horeb lay and searched through the grass. At last my fingers closed around the blade of the dagger, the hard handle in my fist. I’d never felt anything so comforting in my life.

Horeb’s lips had fallen open. He was unconscious. It would be so easy. “You wanted to bond us with blood and scars,” I said. “Now it’s your turn.”

Crouching over him, I took the tip of the blade and touched it to his skin. My hands were shaking, and sweat dripped into my eyes. I was terrified beyond reason but wanted revenge more than I wanted anything else.

I began to cut across Horeb’s chest and stomach. The knife was so sharp it was easier than I’d imagined. Bubbles of blood left dark streaks on his skin.

With every slash I felt more powerful, in control of my own life once more.

Horeb was now scarred, just like me. At least on the outside. I felt a sense of satisfaction when I sat back and stared at my handiwork, but revenge was short-lived. Because now I wanted to crawl into a hole and let someone bury me alive.

I dropped to the damp grass, my shoulders convulsing as though I might be sick. Horeb had ruined any beauty I might
have had. I felt violated to the core of my being.

I lifted the weapon into the air, gazing at it in wonder. One single thrust to Horeb’s chest was all it would take. One pierce into the center of his blackened heart and he’d be gone. Could I murder him in cold blood as he lay drunk and sleeping?

I raised my eyes to the heavens, searching for a sign. I had never wanted anybody dead before. I’d never hated like this. But Horeb’s death would bring me under condemnation before God, and before my family and tribe.

With my dagger gripped tight in hand, I left Horeb lying by the pond unconscious. Not looking back, I raced through the bushes, swaying with unsteady steps toward the distant hearth lights.

T
he camp was quiet when I finally stumbled back into it. Keeping to the shadows, I slipped through the rear door of my tent and dropped to the pillows, exhausted and now in severe pain.

It was black as pitch. The hearth fire was a pile of cold ashes, and no oil lamp had been left burning. My father was gone, as Horeb had claimed. Crawling across the floor, I eased my arms through a warm, clean robe.

The two young camels left behind by my father for milk and company bumped against the outer panels of the tent, trying to come inside. They sensed something was wrong.

“Now don’t knock down the poles,” I scolded them, trying to speak in a light voice.

Lifting one of the waterskins, I took a shaky sip. Fear was making me crazy. Any hope of Horeb leaving me alone was
just a dream. He wouldn’t be content to let things lie. After what I’d done to him, his desire to murder Kadesh—and me—would only be stronger.

Suddenly, a new noise came at the tent door and I backed into one of the dark corners, trying not to make a sound as fresh panic seized my heart.

Seconds later, Seraiah parted the tent flaps and stepped inside. “Jayden, child!” she exclaimed. “You’re home. Where have you been?”

Quickly, I turned away to hide the bloody knife marks. “You know that my father and the others have gone, then?” I said, trying to keep my voice steady.

“Yes.” She paused. “Jayden, what’s wrong?”

My grandmother pushed through the room on slow legs, her hooded eyes missing nothing. Coming closer, she lifted my hair before I could stop her.

“Child, you’re hurt.”

I pulled away. “I fell while walking home.”

“Your hair is wet,” she observed, combing the strands of my hair with her gnarled fingers. “Mud and twigs and cobwebs.”

“I fell into the pond,” I added as I checked over my shoulder, terrified Horeb was about to appear at any moment.

Seraiah put an arm around me. “Jayden, you’re trembling. What’s wrong?”

My mind spun with dizziness and terror. I was caught in the middle of a tangled web, terrified of the blackmail hanging over my head if I made the wrong move. But I needed
to tell my grandmother that Horeb murdered his own father, even though I had no proof any longer. I needed to tell her of Kadesh, of my love for him.

I pushed myself tighter into my grandmother’s arms, wishing I was six years old again and cuddled together in front of the fire to listen to her stories and songs. Her hands caressed me as she tried to comfort me. Desperately, I wished I could undo the whole night. I wished I’d never found Abimelech.

My grandmother pressed her lips together. “Those wounds are
not
from a fall. Somebody did this to you. Tell me,
what has happened
?”

“If I see Horeb again, I will kill him,” I said, the words flying out of my mouth.

My grandmother’s black eyes saw and knew everything. “He’s done this to you?”

“Yes. And worse things, Grandmother, you must believe me!”

“You don’t have to tell me the details,” Seraiah said soothingly. “I am your witness.”

The empathy and love in her old, dear eyes just made me cry harder. “Oh, Grandmother, what am I going to do?”

She held me, stroking my tangled, sodden hair. “I don’t know, child. But you need to tell me what happened tonight. What did Horeb do besides attack you? Are there deeds you regret?”

“There is so much sorrow I don’t know where to begin.”

“You’re shaking like a newborn camel,” she said, holding my hands firmly in her own.

Fear filled my throat so I couldn’t even speak.

My grandmother kissed my hands and put her thin arms around me as I buried my head into her neck. “Whatever happens, I will be behind you. Believe, my daughter.”

I jerked my head up. “
Believe
. That’s exactly what Kadesh told me.”

She gave me one of her wry smiles. “Then he is even wiser than I gave him credit.”

Sitting me down on the rug, she began to gather supplies for cleaning my wounds. Our baby camel pushed her way into the tent and I curled at her side as she folded herself up and blinked at the world through long-lashed eyes.

In a few minutes, the fire was hot and the large pot of water starting to bubble as my grandmother made sure the tent flaps were secured.

Peeling off the last shreds of my torn dress, I felt as though I were shedding the petals of a wilted, dying flower. Something inside me had died, too. The night had changed everything and I wasn’t sure I’d ever be whole again.

When I climbed into the tub, I winced as the hot water covered my wounds. Without a word, Seraiah dipped clean linens into the steaming water and began to gently wash away the blood and dirt.

“Everything hurts!” I moaned as the water turned red. The slash along my neck was still bleeding, oozing along my shoulder.

“Lie back now and close your eyes,” she commanded softly. “I think we need to stitch this wound.”

“But Horeb!” I cried, unable to relax in the hot water. “He was chasing me, and he could show up here any moment.”

“I’ll deal with Horeb if he does. Now do as I say.”

I wanted to immerse my aching body, but my nerves were on edge, the night full of danger. “I’m so afraid, Grandmother. Horeb will kill me out of vengeance for not loving him. For loving Kadesh instead.”

My grandmother nodded, listening as she gently sponged my neck and threaded a needle to make three small sutures.

“I tried to talk to my father about the betrothal,” I went on. “But he won’t change his mind.”

“Without camels, a poor man doesn’t have many choices.”

“Neither does the daughter of a poor man. What will I do if Kadesh never returns?”

Seraiah’s eyes held mine with a fierce love. “If you love this young stranger,” she said quietly, “then you can only believe that somehow he will find a way to stay alive.”

My grandmother tied my hair on top of my head so she could examine the knife wound and begin to make a dressing doused in turmeric and myrrh. “I knew something was going on the night of Hakak’s wedding,” she admitted. “I saw those thunderous gazes between you and the stranger. I suspected, but did nothing, thinking you would forget about him when he left. Thinking that was safer for everyone. But I was wrong.”

“But will he want me now that Horeb has marked me with all these scars?”

My grandmother pursed her lips. “If Kadesh is the kind of man you could love, then he will forgive the scars Horeb gave
you tonight. Not only the scars from his malevolent dagger, but the wounds left on your heart, and the terror on your soul.”

Silent tears ran down my cold cheeks despite the soothing hands of my grandmother. From outside the tent came the noises of the snuffling of camels. I gripped my grandmother’s arm.

Seraiah’s eyes darted about the room. “The night is restless.”

I realized for the first time that she was also afraid of the shadows on the other side of the tent walls.

A sudden premonition made me rise from the water.

“Help me out of the tub, Grandmother! We must flee!”

I threw my dress over my head just as the tent doors flung wide. Horeb stood there, blood splattered, breathing heavy, staring at us with slitted, dark eyes.

Seraiah wasted no time in marching directly up to him. “You’re not welcome here. Every sane person is asleep.”

“Then we must not be sane,” Horeb said with a wicked grin. “I came to claim Jayden and take her to my tent. I don’t trust her, and she knows it.”

“You will not take her from me. Think about your honor, Horeb. Me, an old woman being tended by my own granddaughter, and you barging in here uninvited at this hour.”

“Looks just the opposite to me with your medicines and sutures,” he countered. “After tonight, Jayden and the kingship are mine. It’s done. I officially declare it.”

Turning red in the face, Seraiah flung words at him. “You would claim the Nephish throne as our king—and not give
your betrothed a wedding fit for a queen! What a shameful beginning to your rule as our leader. Think of your role. Haven’t you done enough damage for one night? You could be forced out permanently and banished for what you’ve done to Jayden, a woman you should honor and protect. I’m ashamed of you.”

I turned my back on him, knowing that my grandmother didn’t even know the whole story, the loss of Abimelech making me sick. I clutched my hands to my belly, keenly feeling the absence of Kadesh and my father as well.

“Go home to your parents. We will discuss the matter of the betrothal and your wedding later. Not in the middle of the night. And be warned: I will kill you myself if you lay a hand on Jayden again before your marriage.”

Horeb took a step forward, his face dark with fury. Pointing his finger at me, he added, “Do not believe everything she tells you. Your granddaughter is a cunning liar.”

I whirled around, but before I could say a word, he strode through the tent doors and was gone, like an evil spirit.

My grandmother turned to me. “He has the eyes of a wild man. I fear for the tribe under his leadership. And I can see why you fear for Kadesh. What did he mean by his accusations against you?”

“He saw me and Kadesh . . . before he left to travel with the caravan. My virtue is not at stake, although Horeb tried to take it from me tonight.”

“The snake! Trying to blackmail you and me. At least he has time to grow up and be trained by his father.”

I shook my head, bitter tears swamping my eyes and throat. “There’s more,” I added softly.

She grasped my hands in her old, wrinkled ones, her own eyes stricken and wild. “What haven’t you told me?”

“Abimelech is dead. Murdered this very night in his bed by Horeb. I saw the evidence myself, but Horeb already destroyed it.”

“I believe you,” my grandmother said slowly. “The deed is written all over Horeb’s face and in his efforts to steal you away tonight to his bed. I fear our tribe is in dire trouble, and you are doomed, my child. Horeb will not let this rest. Not until you’ve given him what he wants—and Kadesh’s dead body.”