Forbidden (19 page)

T
here was no sleep that night.

I lay on my bed with my newly purchased dagger in my lap.

My grandmother polished her own small knife in front of the tent fire where my father usually sat, her frail hands scrubbing the blade across the whetstone to guarantee its sharpness.

There was a raw edge to the world, and as the night deepened, I was as agitated as ever. The moon wavered on the horizon, about to crash into the edge of the world—and with it came the screams of a woman.

My grandmother’s chin jerked up.
“Judith,”
she breathed.

Grabbing my dagger, I immediately headed for Abimelech’s tent, Seraiah right behind me.

We found Aunt Judith standing under the canopy of her fire hearth, screaming and throwing ashes over her head. Tears
stained with black soot ran in rivulets down her cheeks.

Across the valley, women parted their tent doors to peer out into the black night.

“Judith!” Seraiah cried. “Go inside! You’re making a spectacle of yourself.”

There was an unnatural look in Aunt Judith’s eye. “Have you no compassion? My husband is dead! Murdered in his bed this very night! My sons are both gone! I will die now!”

Judith prostrated herself on the ground, sobbing.

My grandmother’s sharp brows came together as our eyes locked. “And so it begins. I wonder where Horeb is, and if the snake led his own mother to his father’s body.”

Cries of grief quickly spread that Aunt Judith had been widowed through the night. That Abimelech, our tribal leader, was dead.

Women hurried over to Judith’s campsite, flinging ashes into the air and wailing. I held myself still, willing myself not to collapse. I hadn’t slept for a moment and my body ached as if I might have a fever.

Judith’s grief was horrible and frightening.

My grandmother whispered fiercely, “You are right to fear Horeb. We all should.” Her eyes darted about the camp and I could almost hear her thoughts. “Where is Falail? And your sister?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know.”

“They were to attend a new baby party with Judith last night, but I see that isn’t true. Judith must have come home to search the girls out—and found her husband instead.” Seraiah pursed
her lips. “I’m sure we can both guess where they are now.”

I nodded, not wanting to admit that my sister and cousin were at the temple. I would not be the one to tell Judith that she had lost a daughter to the Temple of Ashtoreth, after losing her husband.

Aunt Judith let out another wail as she smeared ashes across her forehead. She covered her hands with the fine, gray powder and lifted them to the sky. “I need my son, my Horeb! And he is gone, too.”

Seraiah tried to pull Judith to her feet. “Let’s talk inside the tent.”

Judith crumpled into a heap and my grandmother knelt in the fire’s ashes with her, trying to soothe her as she had done for me earlier. “God will bring Horeb home. Of that you need not worry. And we will find Falail and Leila. Remember your young son, Chezib. He needs you now as we mourn Abimelech.”

After a few moments, Aunt Judith suddenly pressed her lips together, smoothing soot-stained hands on the shreds of her dress as she rose from the hearth. Her calm demeanor now scared me more than the screaming rants. “I can be happy about one thing. That Horeb is not here to witness his father’s death. That he will be spared his burial while he’s out protecting us and assuring our security.”

I flinched at the lies. She would never doubt Horeb, never question her son’s loyalty and love.

“There’s more to say before we wash and dress my husband’s body.” My aunt turned to me and gave me a cold stare.
I shrank back, my heart hammering against my chest. “Last night Horeb met me on his way to lead the tribe. We talked about many matters.”

“What could be worse than the news we’ve already shared?” my grandmother murmured, trying to shepherd Judith into the tent, but my aunt wouldn’t move. She merely spoke louder, in front of all our neighbors and friends.

Judith turned red and swollen eyes on me, pointing harshly. “Horeb’s betrothed, our
dear
Jayden here, has betrayed him.”

Her words were stones in my chest.

“What are you saying?” my grandmother asked sharply.

“Your innocent granddaughter is more devious than you know,” Judith hissed. “Jayden has given herself to the stranger, Kadesh. Horeb says that she is no longer pure.”

My world seemed to explode as I heard the gasps and cries of the women surrounding us. Some were shocked, but a few faces turned ugly and spiteful. I knew I shouldn’t have sat up all night with a dagger in my skirt. I should have killed Horeb when I had the chance. I was sure he had left for the desert after coming to my tent and arguing with Seraiah, but instead, he’d gone to his mother and whispered dangerous secrets into her ears.

“Lies!” I moved toward Judith, looking her in the eye, not willing to be disgraced. “All lies!” I sputtered. “What about these cuts? These bruises?” I pulled up my sleeves, wincing as the festering cuts stuck against the cloth and pulled away with fresh specks of blood. “Horeb,” I spat, “your beloved son, attacked me earlier—before he talked to you.”

“You won’t get me to turn against Horeb,” Judith snapped. “I’ve seen you making eyes at the stranger. We all saw it, and were relieved when he was gone so your marriage could take place and secure the safety of the tribe. You’ve brought shame to us, your family, and dishonor to Horeb, our leader.” She clutched her belly, grief overcoming her. Through her tears she screeched, “How could you do this, Jayden—after all our family has done for yours! You don’t deserve Horeb. You’ve dishonored us all!”

Judith dropped to the heap of rugs. She pulled at her hair, her mourning howls piercing the night. The other women of the camp surged forward to comfort her, offering solace while Hakak and Timmath sent me sharp, razor glares as they passed. One woman even spat at my feet.

I was so humiliated, I couldn’t even move. Horeb had taken everything from me, and Aunt Judith’s words had now condemned me.

My grandmother wiped at her face and then said in her soft, commanding voice, “There’s more here than can be discussed right now, despite the horrors of this night—” Her voice broke off as the sound of racing camels roared behind us.

“Horeb!” Judith screamed, running forward.

Horeb and a group of his hunting and raiding companions quickly surrounded the tent. Camels and men were everywhere, reigning in their mounts, shouting orders.

I sank to the ground, keenly aware that I’d been caught in a prison—not for my own sins, but for Horeb’s treachery. The moments of my life were already slipping away as the warriors’
camels spit and reeled in a frenzied circle, trapping me forever in fabricated lies. The scorpion’s sting was a dagger to my heart. I’d be stoned at dawn. All because I secretly loved a stranger.

Horeb and his entourage of more than a dozen young men were decorated and ready for battle. Dust swirled about their camels’ feet in a cloud-like plume. The animals were packed and loaded with water, rations, and sleeping mats. Swords and curved daggers were strapped to their waists. They were outfitted for a war they were determined to win at any cost.

I pressed a fist to my chest, trying to suck in air, trying not to faint.

“My son,” Judith murmured as Horeb leaned down from his saddle to embrace her.

“We ride to avenge my good name, my father’s death, and the reputation of my betrothed, the daughter of Pharez,” he declared in a loud voice.

My lip curled as I realized that Horeb had just betrayed himself. He’d mentioned Abimelech’s death before he was supposed to know about it.

I threw a hateful glance at Judith and the others, but my aunt stared up at her son, enraptured by him, her hands clasped to her breast. My grandmother’s eyes caught mine, and she slowly nodded. At least somebody believed me. Someone would help me. But who would listen to an old, feeble woman? Horeb would blackmail her, too. Or toss her aside.

“The stranger, Kadesh, has attempted to strip away her virtue, and for this he will be killed,” Horeb went on, his presence commanding as he sat tall on his mount. “We’ve learned that a
caravan loaded with spices from the south is heading to the city of Damascus, hardly a week’s journey. We’ll take their camels and riches as payment for my betrothed’s purity.”

The group of raiders lifted their swords, cheering at Horeb’s words.

“You are so good, so noble,” Judith said, pressing Horeb’s hands to her lips, tears rolling down her face. “To think of your betrothed over your own welfare and good name. God will bless you as you take your father’s role as tribal leader.”

I watched my worst fears realized, and there was nothing I could do. Bile raced up my throat, and I was sure I’d be ill right there.

Horeb smiled down at his mother from his lofty perch, and only I could see the condescension written on his face. “There’s only one line of wells, and the stranger’s caravan will not leave the trail merely to avoid a raid. They will be impossible to miss. I’ll come back with riches for you, and I will return with the head of the stranger called Kadesh!”

I dropped to the cold fire under the canopy of Judith’s tent, but immediately elderly hands grasped my arms. “Come, child,” my grandmother urged.

The earth shook from the speeding hooves as Horeb’s raiders began to depart. New grass and flowers were trampled as the men skirted the oasis and headed for the open desert. The confident war cries of Horeb’s men—boys I had known my entire life—rang like death in my ears.

Kadesh would never survive. He was completely outnumbered. Even with a caravan, Horeb would use his army’s
cunning to separate Kadesh from the rest of the people he was traveling with to murder him. An army against one.

My grandmother tugged at my arm again as Aunt Judith turned to us. Grief had thrust deep etches in her soot-stained face. Her eyes were hollow, her dress torn and ragged as a witness to her dead husband.

“Judith,” Seraiah said bluntly. “Horeb knew of his father’s death without ever entering the tent to witness his body. Before anyone had the chance to impart the news.”

Aunt Judith’s eyes came into focus. “You will not turn me against my son and my king. Most likely, one of his men heard the news and informed him. He also witnessed the obvious signs of grief here.”

“Judith—” Seraiah started again, but the woman ignored her, throwing up a hand to dismiss her, and leveled her gaze at me instead.

“You’ve brought humiliation and defamation to my family and to my son. Now get out of my camp.”

“Aunt Judith, you must listen, please—” I begged.

She raised both hands as though she would strike me, and I stepped back to avoid the blow. “Deceitful, lying girl! Your father would do well to cast you out forever.”

“Judith!” my grandmother cried. “That’s enough!”

“Don’t defend her, Seraiah! Now get out,” she screamed, turning to me. “I don’t want to see you again!”

Tears streamed down my face as I stumbled backward.

Horeb had won. With Judith’s condemnation as tribal queen, I was officially an outcast. Until Horeb took me to the
marriage tent and I could be forgiven.

“Horeb planned my destruction well,” I told my grandmother as she accompanied me back to the tent. “He’ll still agree to marry me despite the fact that he claims I’m tainted by Kadesh and impure. The clan will believe he’s a man of honor and integrity!”

My grandmother was sorrowful. “His prize will be every camel your father brings back from the raid, of course. Your bride price and dowry in one.”

Tears slipped down my face. “My father will believe Horeb’s falsehoods. Because I already confessed my love for Kadesh.”

I pictured Kadesh’s caravan ambushed while he slept, Horeb’s sword slitting his throat. My father coming home in shame to a daughter who had betrayed him. What if Horeb had plans for my father, too, to ensure that I would never be able to tell him about Horeb’s deeds?

“I hope being in my company doesn’t taint you now, Grandmother.”

She gave a grunt. “
I
will decide who I speak to. Besides, I’m too old to care what people say.”

My mind raced ahead. “Leila! I need to find her at the temple. I need to talk to her. What if Horeb goes there and tries to destroy her, too?”

“Oh, Jayden, no,” she said sadly. “My worst fears are being realized with Leila and her lust for the Temple of Ashtoreth, but not you. Is there any way to talk you out of going there? I fear you will never come back.”

I shook my head, gritting my teeth at the thought of betraying her and my dead mother, but my grandmother nodded, understanding that there was no time to lose if I was going to stay ahead of Horeb. Seraiah kissed each of my cheeks, and then held me in her old, bony arms. “Go with God, my daughter. I pray I’ll see you again before I die.”

I clung to her and kissed her, knowing there was a strong likelihood I wouldn’t see her again.

The night was dark and sinister, but I couldn’t wait until morning for the possibility of stoning by Judith’s loyal friends. Quickly, I stroked the forelock of the young camels, saying good-bye as they lay asleep, cobbled in front of the tent.

I paused under the canopy to untie the silver bracelet Kadesh had clasped around my ankle, clenching it in my fist to extract its strength, to remind myself of his love. It had been two months since we’d said good-bye. My throat was full of emotion as I touched my lips, trying to remember the feel of Kadesh’s lips on mine instead of Horeb’s poisonous mouth. He’d taken away my beauty and my peace of mind. He’d smothered the good memories of Kadesh, the ones I clung to when I feared for his survival in the brutal desert.

When I finally stepped outside to leave, the moon was waning. Tomorrow it would be smaller still—a tiny shard low in the sky like one of the broken pieces of the clay cup. The next full moon would have marked the possibility of Kadesh’s return.

Hatred grew inside my chest. Perhaps vengeance was a good thing. I’d use my loathing to stop Horeb from succeeding.
He’d driven me from the safety of my home, to the one place that could ruin my reputation far worse than a stolen kiss from Kadesh.