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Her expression warmed my heart much more than
the fire had warmed my hands when I walked into the hallway. I knew
in that moment if I could just keep her with me, see that smile
every day for the rest of time, I could live this life and I could
live it fully.

You scoff because you say I didn't know her.
I counter with the question of how many of the gentry know their
betrothed before marriage? A friendly smile. A warmth toward me.
What more could I want in a wife?

"Mr. Dodsworth." She curtsied toward me and
my mouth went dry when, from the top of her dress, I could see the
wonderfully seductive line formed by her breasts. I'm not a
scoundrel, though I know others disagree on that point and I had
not meant to look. But… they were there. And I wanted nothing more
than to run my hand down it, over her dress, over her body.

You think ill of me for telling you this?
Why? It is the truth. Not many men will tell the truth about when
they fall in love with a woman. No, it wasn't lust. Yes, I admired
her and yes I wanted to know her — to marry her if I could — but it
was not because of lust. It was because with her beauty came
compassion. One couldn't possess that tranquil of demeanor and be a
monster.

As Rebecca rose, her eyes fluttered up under
her lashes and caught mine in their seductive gaze. It was very
hard not to bite my lip, for I knew it would be rude. I'd get to
know her, dance with her, be cordial with her, but by the end of
the night I had no doubt. We would at the very least — the very
least — begin a courtship. At the very hope, become betrothed.

When her kind and compassionate eyes met
mine, I knew two things about life. One, I knew I was in love with
Rebecca Eaton: heart, body, and soul. And two: I knew I would never
let anyone take her away from me.

I sat next to
Rebecca
during our meal. It wasn't difficult to slide my way into the seat.
Anthony was across the room introducing Simon to Lord Culpepper;
the man looked like an old walrus even way back then. He hasn't
aged much, truth be told. He always looked like that. I imagine he
came screaming from his mother's belly with a wrinkled brow and
upturned nose.

When I sat next to Rebecca, our hands touched
for the briefest of seconds. Hers had fallen to her side and mine
moved back to reposition the chair forward. It was totally
unintentional. I didn't mean to touch her. It didn't mean I hadn't
wanted to from the moment I saw her, but, at that time, it hadn't
been my intention.

But… you would not believe the feeling that
rolled through my body at her touch. A current I can't explain
started at my finger tips and flowed through me. It warmed my
chest, erupted inside my heart.

Yes, I realize I sound like a fool to you. It
wasn't love, you say. You cannot love someone so quickly. I say to
you, you should know better for you did.

That isn't cruel for me to say. It is the
truth. Love happens to us all when we least expect it. Sometimes it
is wrong, as with you. And sometimes it is so very right, as it was
with Rebecca and I. She felt it too for her eyes lifted to mine,
filled with wonder. "Pardon me." She said, her voice strained in an
exceedingly lovely way.

Do you know what surprised me most of all?
She made no attempt to move her hand. She kept it there, against
mine, her gaze on me… her lips slightly parted until she bit the
bottom one so tenderly I would have given her my soul right then
and there.

In fact, I might have.

"No, my lady. Don't apologize. I…" I had no
idea how to end that sentence. Was I sorry to touch her? No. Did I
want to pull away? Never. Did I believe she felt the same? Yes.

A love story has to begin somewhere. Even
Romeo and Juliet had one brief encounter that defined the rest of
their lives. This was our moment. Before, yes, I believed I loved
her — but I cannot be certain all these years later if those were
actually my emotions upon laying eyes on her, or just my heart's —
yes, I have one of those as well — way of reacting to seeing
Rebecca in my mind. But I can tell you this, I know more clearly
than the sound of my name that when I touched her hand, I fell
madly, deeply in love with her.

It wasn't just her touch. It was her reaction
to it. She didn't pull away. She didn't act offended that I touched
her in public; accident or not some women would have stalked away.
She acted like she wanted me there, next to her, touching her even
if it was ever so slightly. I like to think that was when she fell
in love with me as well.

You can say what you want. You can remind me,
as I'm sure you want to, that she didn't end up with me. That isn't
the point. That wasn't my fault and neither was it hers. I loved
her and she loved me, and no one will ever convince me
otherwise.

Rebecca swallowed hard and inhaled a deep
breath, the effect of which I tried not to watch. I wasn't someone
who went around gazing at a woman's cleavage, but I have to tell
you, it was difficult not to at the moment. I wouldn't have done
that to her though. I wanted her to know that I wasn't just
attracted to her, though it was what initially drew me to her
admittedly, but that I was in love with her for her — for her sweet
spirit — for her calmness — for her…

Across the room, someone cleared his throat
and our moment was gone. I knew who it was before I even had to
look. Rebecca did as well because instantly she dropped her hand
from mine and turned her body so it was no longer facing me. Pink
tinged her cheeks and I knew she had to be embarrassed that someone
saw what had transpired between us.

I wasn't embarrassed. I was very grateful for
the moment, and I wanted to kill the man who'd broken into it.

Anthony Wexley. My friend.

He patted Simon on the back and they both
took their seats across from Rebecca and me: Anthony in front of me
and Simon in front of Rebecca. He smiled at her very nervously and
I watched out of the corner of my eye as she smiled back politely.
It wasn't the kind of smile she gave me. There was no feeling
behind it. No love. No admiration. It was simply a cordial smile.
Nothing more. But it didn't seem to matter to Simon. He smiled back
like his entire world was for the better now.

The light feeling that had filled my heart no
long existed. The jealousy I had felt earlier came back. Simon was
trying to take possession of something that belonged to me,
Rebecca's heart. Rebecca's soul.

I know how it sounds. I do, but know that I'm
not crazy nor was I then. I knew… I knew that she had given me her
heart at the same unspoken moment I gave her mine. And there was
Simon Hartwell, trying to steal it away with his embarrassingly shy
grin. He didn't deserve her.

Our roasted turkey and side items were placed
on the table. The blessing was given, and the meal began. Chatter
filled the room of twenty or more guests, but I cared not to listen
to their drivel. I only wanted to hear of Rebecca. My two other
companions felt the same, obviously, for they asked her question
after question.

She answered them politely.

"Everdale is beautiful this time of year. We
had our first snow a few weeks ago."

"My mother is well, thank you for asking. She
speaks of you often and is proud of the man you have become."

To this I fought the urge to roll my eyes, a
horrible thing to do. I had been proud of Anthony up until that
night as well. How could a friendship deteriorate so quickly? Over
a woman, obviously, but there was something else. Something that
had been brewing between us since the last school break when he
went on holiday in London and I went back to visit my mother. When
he came back to school, it was like I was a stranger to him, and I
could not understand it. I didn't dwell on it much because I knew
he had much on his mind, still… I know now what caused him to treat
me differently, and I hate him for it. But at the time, I didn't
know. I only knew my friend was no longer the brother I once knew
as evidence from the dinner that evening. He chatted Simon up, "His
father owns over half of Enhurst. It is a beautiful country with
lots of streams and mountains. Simon will be an excellent baron.
Yes, and his home… you should see it…"

On and on this went until I could no longer
take it. It was as if this was all set up to force Rebecca into
falling for Simon which I knew could never happen because she had
given her heart to me.

I wanted to pulled Anthony aside and talk to
him about it because, frankly, I wasn't liking it at all. I would
make something of myself and, really, when it came to love I was —
at the time — a naive soul. People were to marry for love, not for
wealth or titles. I could give her wealth and a happy life. I would
love her until the day she died. What would Simon give her?
Mountains? Streams? A title?

Rebecca didn't seem like the girl who cared
of such things, but I spent the rest of our meal half angry at
Anthony for his obvious bias toward Simon Hartwell and the other
half praying and living in fear that he would disclose my
secret.

But we all know that titles do matter. Money
matters. They are the only two things in the entire world that
matter. Can you imagine living in a world where people only married
for love as they do in the drivels of literature? What a world it
would be. I wanted to live in that world. I lived in that world for
one brief night, and it was the happiest and most exciting time in
my life.

To my surprise, Anthony did not even let on
about my secret. Rebecca never asked about my family or my home.
She didn't seem to care about any of that. She did, however, ask if
I had any hobbies and what I studied in school. She seemed
genuinely interested in my answers and always looked me directly in
my eyes as I gave them. When we spoke to each other, everyone else
in the room disappeared, even the two traitors across the table
from us. It was just Rebecca and I, learning more about each other,
falling more deeply in love.

I learned that her favorite color was red and
she wore it whenever she could, much to her mother's disapproval.
She believed it to be the color of prostitutes — Rebecca laughed as
she imparted this tale to me — but since it brought out the
paleness to her skin, she wore it anyway. Her mother she would
disobey, but not her father, which I learned later.

Also, she loved riding horses and had a
favorite back in Everdale. I told her I should love to visit
Everdale since I had never done so. She smiled and welcomed me. I
felt Anthony's eyes on me, but I refused to look at him. This was
our time: Rebecca's and mine. And I would do whatever it was I had
to do to know her better.

She laughed at all of my silly jokes and
shook her head when I said something most ladies would find
strange. A few ringlets fell around her face, framing her
beautifully delicate features and she reached to place it behind
her ear. I watched in a daze.

I know I sound foolish to you as I tell you
my story, but know I would have done anything for her, become
anything for her. And the longer we talked, the more I believed she
felt the same way.

When the music began in the ballroom, Anthony
stood and looked as if he was going to ask Rebecca to dance.
Without thinking, I stood, held out my hand, and asked before he
could get the words out. Rebecca's brows knitted together ever so
slightly as she looked between her cousin, her cousin's new best
friend Simon, and me.

Duty would expect her to dance with Anthony,
he being family and all. But do you know what she did? She chose
me.

She stood politely and nodded to my
competitors on the other side of the table. "Thank you for your
kind offer, cousin, but I believe I should like to accompany Mr.
Dodsworth. Please find me in a few minutes."

If looks could murder, well, I would be a
marked man. Anthony nodded, but said nothing. His jaw appeared
rigid and I feared for his teeth if he kept clinching them so
hard.

"Shall we?" I asked Rebecca as I held out my
hand, which trembled a little bit. It wasn't so much fear that
caused it to tremble, but anticipation and excitement. Our brief
touch earlier had been an accident — well an accident on our part.
I firmly believe God knew better. However, dancing with her, I
would have a reason to touch her and I trembled in anticipation of
it.

Without a word, she slipped her gloved hand
in mine and I led her into the ballroom. Yes, I took an extra
little second to look over my shoulder at Anthony and Simon.
Anthony's nostrils flared, and Simon looked as if someone led his
favorite pet away. I know I looked smugly at them. I meant to. Here
I had Rebecca when they tried so hard to get her. I had my time and
I would use it to the best of my abilities to get her to fall as
hard for me as I had her. I felt it wouldn't take much, as the look
in her eyes led me to suggest.