Forbidden Attraction (Forbidden Trilogy) (17 page)

I roll my eyes at his crudeness. “Well, nothing as exciting as your interests apparently, but I like music, reading, and soap making.”

“Soap making?”

“Yes. What’s wrong with that?” I ask defensively.

“Nothing. I’ve just never met anyone that made soap.” I give him the basic reasoning behind natural soap making and how much better it is for the body. He listens attentively as I explain the process and the ingredients I use. “That sounds fascinating. Maybe you can bring your ingredients here and teach me.”

“You don’t have a optimal kitchen here. The fumes can be hazardous.”

“Oh, I didn’t think about that,” he says disappointedly.

“It’s okay. Maybe you could come by the condo sometime.”

“Siobhan,” he chastises.

And just like that I’m reminded that we can’t be seen publicly. There aren’t many college students that hang out near our condos, but the risk is still there. He came by once to restore our arrangement, but it was a risk. Still, his honest interest in my hobby crumbles a little of my resolve to keep my heart to myself. Liam never showed any interest in soap making. He argued it was cheaper and less time-consuming to just buy soap. Anything that took my attention away from him was frowned upon. It was always about him and his needs. I’m starting to see he wasn’t so perfect after all.

Grayson reads the displeasure on my face. He pulls me off the sofa and leads me toward my bedroom.
Oh yeah, that will cheer me up.
He backs me up to the bed before taking my face in his hands. His mouth crashes down on mine, but the kiss itself is slow and tantalizing. He licks my bottom lip, encouraging me to open up to him. I gasp and his tongue snakes inside. He explores every aspect of mouth as our tongues tangle in lust.

“I love kissing you. You have the sweetest mouth.” His erection pressing into my thigh confirms his declaration. “Normally kissing is too intimate, but I can’t seem to help myself around you. It surprised the hell out of me when I kissed you on the dance floor that night at Drai’s. Your lips just looked so delectable and were calling my name.”

“So you don’t kiss at all?”

“Not at all. Just you. I love kissing you.”

Call me a fool, but I’m pleased to hear he doesn’t normally give away kisses. It makes me feel like I am special—just maybe I have a small hold on him like he’s beginning to have on me. Delighted, I kneel on my knees before him. I have never done this before, but I want to pleasure this man. I’m nervous about the mechanics of it, but his wicked smile gives me all the encouragement I need.

“Are you sure, baby?” I simply nod before lifting his T-shirt and tracing the planes of his abs with my tongue. I was fantasizing about doing this earlier and now it’s become a reality. He doesn’t hesitate to pull the shirt over his head to give me better access to his sinful body. As I unbutton his jeans, he runs his hands through my hair in preparation for what’s to come. I slide my hand down his jeans and find he is commando. His beautiful cock springs from its confinement and I salivate. I didn’t think a penis could be so pretty, but his is absolutely breathtaking. A vein runs underneath the dorsal side while the mushroom head adds to its virile allure. I take his shaft in my hand, surprised to find that it’s a delectable blend of hardness and silkiness. I stroke his cock up and down until a hiss slips from his lips. I tentatively lick his slit and am rewarded with a bead of liquid that coats my tongue. He is salty with a hint of sweet. The two distinguishable tastes have my own panties soaked with desire. I pull my lips over my teeth and apply a slight amount of suction. He has a tighter grip on my hair now and I’m letting the frantic entanglement of his hands in my hair guide me to what he likes.

“Oh God, baby. Your mouth is amazing. Take me deeper.”

His eyes rolls back as he begins to fuck my mouth slowly. I want him completely undone so I increase my suction while pumping his cock vigorously. I hollow my cheeks and take as much of him as I can until he hits my gag reflex. He smirks at me as he picks up his pace. “I love fucking your mouth, baby. I love it even more that these pretty lips haven’t been around another cock. I’m going to claim every inch of you.” Hearing his daunting promise spurs me to suck him faster. I cup his balls with one hand while jerking him with the other, all without losing suction. Let’s just say my research on the Internet on giving head is paying off. I looked at a few porn sites in preparation for this exact moment and apparently I’m doing it right because he looks as though he’s going to spontaneously combust.

“I’m going to come, baby, so if you don’t want me to do so in your mouth you better stop.”

I answer his warning by increasing my stroke. “Fuck ... ” he yells as he spurts down my throat. The women on the Internet made swallowing look easy. The texture catches me off guard, but I welcome the saltiness of my success. I made him come undone. He pulls me up and immediately his mouth crashes mine. He kisses me wildly as he pulls at my dress. It only takes him seconds to have me completely nude. “Your turn.”

He pushes me down on the bed and spreads my legs before he starts nibbling the apex of my thighs. “You smell so good. It’s making my dick hard again.” He nuzzles my slit with the tip of his nose before flicking his tongue inside my core. He then sucks on my clit as he pushes a finger inside me and I almost buck off the bed. My whole body trembles as the tingling sensation spreads through my pussy. I’m on fire.

“Grayson,” I moan. His lids are hooded.

He stills my movements and inserts a second finger. “Who does this pussy belong to, baby?”

“You,” I answer in earnest. I absolutely, unequivocally want it to be true. He begins to suck and lick me like I am his favorite dessert. The suction on my nub causes my knees to quake. I feel tightening in my belly. My legs tense around his head as I brace myself for the most powerful orgasm I’ve ever had. A quick nip of his teeth pushes me into the abyss of orgasmic pleasure. As I cry out in ecstasy, Grayson trails kisses up my body until we are face to face. He then captures my cries with his mouth on mine. I can taste the remanence of my essence still on his tongue.

“You drive me crazy woman.”

“Ditto.”

“You trust me?”

“Yes.” I don’t know why or how, but I’m definitely owned by this man. He has managed to flip my world on his head and I give him my trust willingly. I just hope I don’t regret it. My subconscious is screaming that I’ve been down this road before and I’ve seen the outcome with my mother, but at this moment I don’t care.

“I want to feel just you again. Just you. I want to bury my naked cock into your hot pussy. I’m clean and I trust you are too. I know we haven’t seen each other’s test results but I trust you. I don’t want there to be any barriers between us. Please say yes.”

I know this is huge. He already admitted he’s never had sex bareback, yet he’s willing to give me another of his firsts.

There are so many sexual firsts for me so I find this reasoning dissolves any hesitations I may have. “Okay,” I whisper.

“Okay?” He gives me a chance to change my mind.

“Yes.” I look him in the eyes and he sees my unhidden lust for him. My eyes are glazed over and my chest heaves as I pant. I feel so wanton. As he enters me slowly, I watch his face contort and his lips separate.

“Shit. You feel so damn good baby. I feel your hot pussy milking me.” He closes his eyes and lets his head fall back. His thrusts are slow and calculated like he is savoring the moment. Every stroke is enslaving and pulls me further under his spell. I don’t want this moment to end either. This dance we are creating feels a lot like making love, unlike the frantic pace he normally sets when we are just fucking. My hands grip his inky black hair as he grinds into me. I can feel the thread of his control unraveling when he begins to push into me harder and his rhythm changes to one that I am accustomed to—back to fucking. We both reach our intended destination of orgasmic effervescence and my limbs go limp in satisfaction. We lie motionless for several moments before he rises to put his jeans back on.

“Stay with me,” I plead.

“That wouldn’t be a good idea, Siobhan.” A flash of sadness appears in his eyes, but vanishes quickly. “We can’t blur the lines. I like what we have and don’t want to ruin it.”

And just like that, the mood has died an arduous death. I’m reminded that this arrangement is temporary. It doesn’t go unnoticed that he just called me Siobhan and not baby. He’s reestablishing the boundaries of our relationship.

“No. You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking.” I slip my mask of indifference back on and head for the shower. When I come out, Grayson has gone to his room.

As I pull out something to sleep in, I question: is this me? Do I really have the ability to have no-strings-attached sex? In theory, it’s a way to experience ultimate pleasure without the hassles of drama and regretful attachments, but I’m beginning to have doubts. I love the way Grayson makes me feel and the small glimpses of himself he sometimes let me see. I don’t want our time to come to an end, but does he feel the same way? Does he return to his room for his own protection not just mine? His parents are divorced, so I wonder whether he was scarred by that experience and doesn’t ever want to replicate it. Perhaps he has experienced something in life that has made him opposed to commitment and relationships in general. After all, he was with Vanessa one week, looking very comfortable with each other, only to be with Meredith the next week. When I’m with him he doesn’t give off the vibes of your typical playboy. Who hurt him? Although my upbringing hasn’t painted the prettiest picture of love and Liam’s philandering act taints it even further, I’m drawn to him and can’t explain it.

Loneliness seeps under the covers as I try to stop thinking about Grayson in the other bedroom. I image his masculine body sprawled out on his bed and I want to go to him. I’ve never been this wanton. Does he feel the same connection? Can I ignore his resistance? I’ll continue this arrangement for now. I hope my heart and my sanity survive when it all ends.

WHEN MORNING ARRIVES, we have breakfast before I head home. Grayson is in a somber mood. I hope I didn’t cross the line last night by asking him to stay with me. This weekend has left me confused. On one hand, the sex was wonderful and I want more of that.
Absolutely
. On the other hand, I felt bereft at times and lonely. I’m not sure I can handle such mixed emotions frequently.

When I arrive home Jordan is already up, lounging on the sofa. She gives me a knowing smile and gets up to make us tea. “Don’t even think about disappearing to your room. I want all the juicy details. Start with the sex.”

Leave it to her to get straight to the point. “The sex is amazing. He has a dominant nature, and I feel he might be holding back. I don’t think his inner freak has truly been exposed.”

“That’s hot. I love it when a man takes control in the bedroom.”

“Yeah, I like it too.” I don’t share all the specific details of our sexcapades, but do share my doubts about the whole separate bedroom thing.

“Are you starting to have feelings for him?” Jordan stares at me, looking for any indication that I’ve fallen for him.

“I don’t know. I feel something. I like how he makes me feel. It’s indescribable, but I feel a pinch of disappoint when the sex ends and he returns to his room. It feels like our connection is lost. That is, if there is a connection there in the first place. Perhaps I am just deluding myself.”

“Oh, Shiv. You can’t let yourself fall for him. He was honest and upfront. He told you he didn’t want a romantic relationship.” She sighs. “I think you’re vulnerable right now. After the way things ended with Liam, it’s natural to want someone to erase those feelings. Grayson isn’t the one. If you can’t be objective about what you two have, I recommend you get out now while your heart is still intact.”

I can’t argue with her logic. The bluntness stings, but she’s right. It seems I have a decision to make before next weekend. Do I continue down this path of possible self-destruction or do I stop this madness now and just enjoy the wonderful memories we made? The ringing of my phone brings me back to reality. I don’t take the time to look at who is calling and I immediately regret it. Silence greets me on the other end of the line and once again it’s an unknown caller.

Jordan must see the perturbing look on my face. “Who is it?”

“I don’t know. I keep getting these unknown calls with either silence or heavy breathing on the line.”

“Do you think it is Liam?” I see the concern in her eyes.

“I don’t think he’s that childish. It’s really pissing me off though.” I throw my phone on the sofa in frustration.

“Maybe he just misses you and wants to hear your voice.” The look I give her signals the conversation is over. “Okay, let’s have some tea.”

We have our tea in my room as we surf through Netflix looking for something good to watch. We settle on starting the first season of
Nikita
since we already finished Vampire Diaries. We make a day of it and order in. It’s nice sharing a day together, just her and me. It feels like old times and our time together brings some normalcy back into my life. Jordan and Liam has been my lifeline—my coping mechanism after my parents’ divorce. The rift between Liam and me upset my plan for the life I’d visualized. Jordan acts as my anchor while I attempt to rebuild a different life.