Forbidden Attraction (Forbidden Trilogy) (25 page)

JORDAN WALKS INTO my bedroom wearing a red and black paneled crepe dress. “You like it? It’s a Jason Wu.”

“You look hot. Trevor would crap himself if he could see you in that dress,” I kid.

“He’s hanging out with the fellas tonight. I might take a selfie and send it to him,” she giggles. “Here. I thought you could wear this so we would match. It’s an Alexander McQueen.” For the first time I notice the red and black knit sleeveless pencil dress in her hands. I grab the dress from her and quickly slide it over my curves. The fit is divine. I feel beautiful in it. I slide on my pumps, grab my clutch, and I’m ready to go. I secretly wish I could run into Grayson tonight, he’d love this dress on me. I let my hair air dry in loose waves the way he loves it. I think about sending him a picture just as Jordan plans to do for Trevor, but I think better of it. He’s going to have to initiate the first contact.

Jordan and I have dinner at The Palm restaurant before hitting Drai’s Hollywood. We drink and dance until our feet hurt. There are no surprise visits from Grayson this time, but I’m trying not to think about it. We talk about everything from next semester’s course load to going home next Monday. It would’ve been nice to have these last two weeks with Grayson before our arrangement ended, but it appears he’s taking the coward’s way out. I hope I’m wrong—it really is business that’s been occupying his time this week. Maybe he was having a business dinner with Vanessa this past Monday. I need to talk with him once more to clear the air. For now, I let the alcohol continue to calm me. After the heartbreak I went through with Liam, I’m determined not to let anyone have that much control over my happiness. I’m pushing desolation in the corner—hopefully it stays there. I sit and sway to the music since my feet are protesting anymore dancing.

My phone buzzes, but I’m disappointed to see that it’s only Liam. We’ve talked a couple times outside of class and each time has been awkward. It’s obvious he wants me back. I hope our upcoming study session doesn’t give him false hope. I’m done trying to avoid the inevitable. Our parents live in the same subdivision back home. We can work on building our friendship over the break, but tonight I just want to be drama free. I decline his call. Jordan and I order another round of drinks and stay until the club lights signal closing time.

VOICES IN THE living room wake me from my slumber. As I listen closely, I recognize Trevor’s voice. I slip out of the bed, shower, wash my face, and brush my teeth, throwing on a pair of boyfriend sweats and a tank top before heading to the kitchen for a cup of coffee.

“Morning, Shiv.” She gives me an apologetic look and I am baffled. She points to the Los Angeles Times next to the Keurig, but I’m still clueless. Whatever she’s hinting at, she doesn’t want Trevor to know. “Trevor, why don’t we take our coffee to the balcony.”

As Trevor walks ahead of her onto the balcony, she turns to me and suggests that I check out the entertainment section. Her eyes are sad so I know whatever it is can’t be good. I take my coffee and the newspaper back to my room before I gather the courage to flip to the section that has Jordan so upset. My breath leaves me and I gasp for air. What the fuck? Right smack in the middle of the page is Grayson and Vanessa. They are both dressed in formal attire. I want so badly for this to be business related, but upon closer inspection I see his arm wrapped intimately around her waist and she’s snuggled into his side. A smaller picture captures the two of them sharing a kiss. Okay, Vanessa is kissing him on the cheek, but still. Again, what the fuck?

Tears sting behind my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. Through my blurred vision, I read about the event and see that it was a gala for autism awareness. This was the engagement he’d planned that he couldn’t be with me this weekend. But that isn’t what has me outraged. Why couldn’t he just tell me about the event and that he was taking Vanessa? Why cancel our whole weekend unless he’s spending it with her? Before I rationally talk myself out of it, I dial his number.

“Hello.” I hear the hesitation in his voice.

“You fucking coward. How dare you?” I hear Vanessa in the background asking who’s on the phone. “I knew it. I hear Vanessa in the background you son of a bitch.”

“Siobhan. We need to talk, but not over the phone,” he growls.

“What? You want to breakup with me in person? Well, fuck you!” I forcefully push end on my phone. This would be the one time I wish I had a regular phone to slam it in his fucking ear. My heart is being ripped in two. Why couldn’t he be honest with me? Why the fuck would he make all those ridiculous claims about being his, and had so much more that he wanted to show me and do to me? Why say he loves sleeping with me and then flaunt Vanessa in my face? He knows that is exactly what Liam did to me—flaunt my shortcomings and deficiencies in my face. Was I just some sort of joke for him after all?
God, I hate him
.

Jordan must hear the commotion because she comes running into my room. “I’m so sorry Shiv. I knew this wouldn’t end well.”

I’m not in the mood for
I told you so
. “I’m fine. Just go back to Trevor. I can’t take your lecture right now.”

“YOU’RE RIGHT, SHIV. I’m not here to lecture you. I’ve already sent Trevor home. Please, just let me be here for you.” As I break down, she wraps her arms around me.

“I love him, Jordan. I’ve never felt remotely close to this way for Liam. It hurts so bad,” I sob.

“I know, Shiv. You’ll get through this. We’re going home in a week and I’ll be there for you every step of the way.”

“Sad thing is I can’t even be mad at him. He told me in the beginning he didn’t want a relationship and what did I do? I went and fell in love with someone else who doesn’t want me.” I cry harder at my stupidity.

“You guys still had an arrangement. He broke your trust by seeing Vanessa after saying you would be exclusive.” That much was true. He should have been a man and ended it last weekend.

A bang on the door makes us both jump. “Do you think Trevor came back?”

Jordan shakes her head no. “I told him I would call him later—you needed me.”

The banging gets louder. “Siobhan, open the damn door!” It’s Grayson and he sounds pissed. He has no right. He’s the one who messed up.

“Do you want me to get rid of him?” Jordan is irate. She just needs the green light to kick his ass.

“No. Let him in. It’s time to put the nail in the coffin and end this once and for all.”

I wait in my bedroom as Jordan lets Grayson in. I hear her spew expletives as he heads straight to my room. I wipe the remaining tears from my eyes, but the redness and snotty nose gives me away. He flinches at my obvious distress.

He turns to Jordan with a look of disdain. “Leave us.”

“Fuck you, asshole. This is our condo—”

I cut her off. “Jordan, it’s okay. I need to face this alone.”

She throws her hands up in defeat. “Fine, but I’ll be in the next room if you change your mind.” She stomps out of the room like a petulant child.

Grayson turns to me in frustration. “Do you want to tell me what that little performance on the phone was all about?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I pick up the entertainment section of the paper and throw it at his head. “We had an agreement. We were supposed to be exclusive, remember? You could’ve had the decency to end things with me this week before getting back with Vanessa. Instead you’re a fucking coward who chose to ignore me.”

“Are you finished accusing me of shit?” He waits for my reply. I don’t give him the satisfaction of a response. “I’m not back with Vanessa nor am I fucking her. We went to a goddamn gala together like we do every year. It’s not about us. It’s about autism. Her seven-year-old brother suffers from it. This is something that’s important to us both. We raise money every year to help fund different projects whose sole focus is autism. The pictures in the paper are misleading.”

“So her kissing you on the cheek and being at home with you when I called is what? Misleading too?” He’s hiding something. I appreciate his involvement with autism, but why the avoidance this week? “Why couldn’t you just tell me you were going to this gala with her? Why avoid me all week?”

“Okay, I admit I should have told you, but this is exactly what I’ve been trying to avoid. This kiss was a ploy for the paper, hence the cheek rather than the mouth. She knows I don’t kiss. I already reprimanded her for that stunt. My guess is she wanted you to see it and stir up this very reaction. She thinks you’re bad for me. As far as her being as my place this morning, she was there with our fathers to strategize a business brunch for tomorrow. It is a follow-up meeting from Thursday. This is why I told you I’d be busy all weekend.” He lets out a long cleansing breath. I know whatever is coming is going to be bad. “Siobhan, I’ve been sensing you’re changing the rules of our initial agreement, but I didn’t want to acknowledge it. Your bouts of jealousy should’ve been the first clue I needed to end this. After our night together last Saturday, I regretted it. Only because I think I went too far. The whole scene was romantic. I wanted to give you a taste of the fairy tale. I couldn’t see I was the one muddling the waters, or shall I say blurring the lines? I’m so sorry, Siobhan. I think we should end this now. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Stop while we’re ahead, right?” My sarcastic tone doesn’t get by him.

“Yes, something like that. I needed time to think this week, but I think it’s for the best. I was planning to come and see you. I wasn’t going to end things without an explanation. Regardless of what you think, I’m not a coward.”

“I’m glad you’re able to get all that off your chest. Clear your conscience, per se. No hard feelings, Grayson. Now that the novelty of this forbidden attraction has run its course, you’re free to move onto your next arrangement, or one-night stand. It’s not your fault I was a dumb-ass and let myself fall in love with you. You were upfront on what you were offering from the beginning.” Grayson is frozen in place. His eyes are wide and his breath hitches.

“You’re not in love with me. You just think you are. I’m so different from any man you have ever known. I’m the rebound guy, remember? You don’t fall in love with the rebound guy.”

“Fuck you, Grayson. Get the hell out of my house,” I scream.

“I really am sorry, Siobhan, and I promise I was never unfaithful, even though we were never in a relationship.” His remorse is evident. I believe him, but it doesn’t matter. He has annihilated my heart. And just as I thought, it’s so much worse than when Liam broke my heart. I gave him that power even though he didn’t want it. How can he not feel anything? I didn’t go into this arrangement with the intent on falling for him, yet I was helpless in the outcome. My heart didn’t give two shits about what either of us wanted. He made me love him and now I’m one of many, just as Vanessa predicted.

“Please leave, Grayson.” The tears begin to trickle down my face, and this time I don’t attempt to stop them.

“Siobhan, I’m so sorry. This is who I am. I ... ” He doesn’t finish his sentence. He turns on his heel and leaves. The absence of his endearment crushes my already shredded heart. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want to blur the lines yet we had done so almost from the beginning. We shared so many firsts it was impossible to stay objective to what was supposed to be happening between us.