Forever & Always: The Ever Trilogy (Book 1) (33 page)

I understood her anger, her frustration. She and her father had essentially parted ways many years ago, and hadn’t mended the distance. She claimed she wasn’t angry at him, not for anything in particular, she just didn’t care to see him. I didn’t quite believe that. He was her father. She was hurt that he’d checked out of life, that he’d rather work a hundred hours a week than see his daughters, his only family. Not having any parents of my own anymore, I wanted her to try to fix things with him before it was too late, before she lost him and realized what she was missing only after it was gone.

I’d told her this, of course, and it had become our first real fight. I’d held my ground, become impassioned, upset at her stubbornness, her refusal to even admit that she was pissed off at him, and she in turn had been mad at me for trying to force her into something she didn’t want to do. It had been a fight that lasted three days. Three days of tense silences and cold shoulders.

We’d gone shopping today and to dinner. It had been…awkward, since she still wasn’t talking to me, really.
 

I leaned forward against the steering wheel, peering through the snow, preparing myself to say whatever it took to end the standoff.
 

“Look, babe,” I began, glancing at her, “first off, I’m sorry for upsetting you.”

“It’s fine,” she said, not looking up from her phone.

“Clearly it’s not.” I sneaked another glance at her. “I just…I don’t want you to have any regrets. You’ll regret it if you don’t fix things with him.”

“If this is your attempt at an apology of some sort, it’s not going so hot for you. Just sayin’.”

“Can you please put down the phone and talk to me?”

She sighed, and finally looked up at me. “I
am
talking to you. I don’t have to turn off my phone to talk to you.”

“You’re not listening to me.”

“You’re not saying anything worth listening
to
.” Ever slid her feet off the dash and stretched. “God, this weather. It’s gonna take us another hour to get home at this rate.” It was normally not even thirty minutes from our condo in downtown Royal Oak to Somerset Mall, but it had already taken us that long, and we weren’t even halfway home yet.

“It’s insane, that’s for sure.” I rubbed my face. “Ever, listen. I’m sorry. It’s your decision, your life, your business. I won’t say anything else about it. If you don’t want to go to your dad’s place tomorrow, that’s fine with me. I love you, and I just…I wish you’d make an attempt with him before it’s too late.” Her gaze hardened, and she opened her mouth to speak, but I lifted my hand in a gesture of surrender. “You know how I feel, and that’s all I’ll say. I don’t want to fight anymore.”

She leaned her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes, swallowing hard and blinking. “I don’t, either. It’s been killing me, fighting with you.” She leaned across the console between us and wrapped her arm around mine, rested her head against my bicep. “I was so mad, because I don’t want to
be
mad, but I can’t help it.
He
walked away from
me
, Cade. From us, Eden and me. He’s worked seven days a week, from five in the morning to ten or eleven at night, every day since Mom died. Sometimes he sleeps at work. He doesn’t talk to us. Doesn’t call us or text us or send emails, sure as hell doesn’t come see us. He stopped caring, Cade, and I don’t know
how
to fix that. He’s my dad, and I love him. Or…I want to. But I don’t know how you’re supposed to love someone who isn’t there and doesn’t want you, doesn’t love you back.”

I hated the tears I heard in her voice. “I’m sorry, honey. I’m so sorry. It’s bullshit. I know it is. And I don’t know how you’re supposed to fix it, either. Maybe…I don’t know. Just go over there with me tomorrow, and try to hash it out. Tell him how you feel and that you want your dad back. I don’t know. I’m not trying to tell you what to do, babe. I’m just—I hate seeing you upset, and I know this thing with your dad is harder on you than you’re letting on, even if it is way deep inside.”

“You’re right. I know you’re right.” She took several deep breaths, sat up, and wiped her eyes. “Fine. Okay. We’ll go. But I’m not even going to try and approach the fact that we got married. Not that I’m ashamed, I just—”

“One step at a time,” I cut in, “I get it. For real.”

She twined her fingers in mine. “Thanks, babe. I love you.”

I glanced at her, smiled. “Love you, too. Together, one day at a time, okay?”

She nodded, and we drove home in silence, more companionable now.

~ ~ ~ ~
 

Ever

Cade was nervous, tense, picking at his food and bouncing his foot under the table. Dad was…the same. Not looking at anyone, not talking, just shoveling food into his mouth. Eden was gamely trying to make small talk, but it kept falling flat.
 

“I saw this movie the other day,” she said, taking too big a swig of wine. “I don’t even know what it was called, but it had Ryan Philippe and that redhead from
X-Files
, what’s her name, Gillian…Gillian Anderson? Yeah. And it had all these other famous people in it. I don’t remember the whole cast. It was made a long time ago. Late nineties, maybe? And it was just about all these different people going through different things. And Ryan Philippe’s character, I think it was him, he said something really cool. He said, ‘Talking about love is like dancing about architecture.’ It just struck me as such an interesting thing. Because you can’t really talk about love, can you? Not really. I don’t think so, at any rate.”

I rolled my eyes and glared at her, mentally willing her to shut up. She caught the hint, of course she did, but she ignored me, chattering on.

“I don’t even remember the name of the movie. It was on some obscure cable channel, late at night.” She paused to drink more wine. “It wasn’t Ryan Philippe’s character, now that I think about it. It was…Angelina Jolie. That’s who said it. I wish I could remember the name of that
fucking
movie.”

“
Playing by Heart
,” Caden put in, not looking up. “I watched it, too. It played on, like, one of the sixteen random Starz channels in the middle of the night. That movie had fucking everyone in it. Sean Connery was in it. So was…what’s his name, a character actor kind of guy. Jay Moritz? And Ellen Burstyn, too.”

I glanced at him, trying to hide my irritation. “When did you watch that?”

He shrugged. “Thursday? You were asleep. I couldn’t sleep, so I flipped channels, landed on that movie. It was good, in a disjointed kind of way.”

Dad let his fork drop to his plate with a clatter. “Are we still talking about this movie?” He pushed his plate away. “What does that movie have to do with anything?” He addressed the last part to Eden.

 
She frowned back at him. “I was just…making conversation. All of you are being so awkward. Someone’s got to say
some
thing.”

Dad rubbed his hand through his thinning hair. “No one’s being awkward, Eden. It’s fine. We’re all just eating.”

“Dad. Not being awkward? The tension in here is so thick you could cut it with a knife.”

And so it would begin. I glanced at Caden, who was still picking at his food, not eating but pretending to.
 

“There’s no tension.” Dad swirled the red wine in his glass, staring at the sloshing liquid.

Eden sighed and tilted her head down, placing her palms flat on the table. “Seriously? No tension? How could there
not
be tension? We haven’t seen you since our birthday over the summer.”

Dad grimaced. “I’ve been—”

“Busy,” Eden finished for him. “I know. The problem,
Dad
, is that you’ve been busy for our whole lives.”

“Eden, now is not the right time for this conversation. We have a guest.” Dad gestured at Caden with his glass.

“Yeah, but he’s basically family now, too, so…” Eden slammed the last of her wine in a long gulp.

I cringed, wishing she hadn’t brought that up.

Dad frowned in confusion. “He’s Ever’s boyfriend. I hardly think that qualifies him as family just yet.” He shot an apologetic glance at Caden. “No offense, son. You seem like a good kid.”

Caden hated being referred to as “son,” I’d come to learn. He kept his voice even, however. “None taken, sir.” He didn’t correct Dad, and I was glad he didn’t. Now was
so
not the time to have that particular conversation.
 

Eden glanced at me, and then Caden, her expression baffled. “Ev?”

I had to distract her. “Dad’s right, Eden. Now is maybe not the best time for this. Caden doesn’t need to hear it.”

“But—” Eden began.

“
Eden
. Drop it. Please.” Dad stood up. “How about pie?”

“No!” She stood up, knocking her chair to the floor. “I don’t care if he hears. He knows about all this, I know he does. Things are
not
fine. They haven’t been fine since Mom died.”

Suddenly, you could hear a pin drop. The grandfather clock in the formal living room across the foyer from the dining room tolled seven times.
 

“Eden…” Dad began.
 

“
No
. I’m not gonna drop it. You walked away after we buried Mom. You know you did, I know you did, and Ever knows you did. You checked out.”

Caden stood up, grabbed his plate and mine. “I’ll just…I’ll clean up.”

“Sit down, son,” Dad said, not taking his eyes from Eden.
 

“I’m not your son.” Caden set the plates back down and resumed his seat. “All due respect, sir, but don’t call me that, please.”

Dad slumped into his seat. “I didn’t walk away, Eden—”

“The
fuck
you didn’t!” Eden yelled. “You checked out! You all but abandoned us!”

“I kept a roof over your head, didn’t I? I paid for your cars and your apartments and your college educations.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “So don’t tell me I abandoned you—”

I couldn’t keep quiet anymore. “That’s all well and good, but it doesn’t replace
you
.” I tried to keep my voice reasonable, calm. “I’d rather have been poor and had you.”

“You
had
me,” he said.

“No we didn’t!” I couldn’t keep the shout from escaping. “You were gone! Always gone! And you never came back. Not really. You work, and that’s it. You don’t—don’t call us. Don’t come over. Don’t act like we’re even—even—even your daughters.”

“And how much effort have you made, either of you, to reach out to me? This can’t all be on me.”

“You’re our father!” Eden cried. “You were…you were supposed to be, at least. Now? Now you’re more of a memory than anything else. Just as much of a distant memory as Mom is.”

Dad buried his face in his hands. He took a deep, shuddering breath, and then another, and then his shoulders began to tremble. Eden and I exchanged glances. What were we supposed to do now? Tell him it was okay? That we understood and forgave him? We didn’t. I didn’t, couldn’t.

He stood up, head bent down still. “Just a memory, huh? Well. I—I’m sorry I let you down.” He moved away from the table, shambling and shuffling as if he’d aged a hundred years in the last five minutes. “I’m—sorry. That’s all I can say, right? Sorry.” And then he was gone.

Silence reigned, a thick, impenetrable presence at the table.
 

“Great job, Edie. Way to ease into it.” The sarcasm dripped from my voice, and I didn’t try to stop it.
 

My twin glared at me. “How would you have done it? Oh wait, you
wouldn’t
have, would you? You would’ve just sat there with your
husband
, which Dad doesn’t even know about, mind you—and said nothing. Done…nothing.”

“I was going to…I was waiting for the right time, Eden! I was going to…make it a conversation, not a fight!” I was yelling now.

“Because that would have worked
so
well!” she yelled back at me, eyes full of unshed tears. “Sometimes there just is no easy way, Ever. Maybe you wouldn’t know that, though, since everything’s always come so easily to you.”

My jaw dropped open. “Easy?
Easy
? What the fuck are you talking about? What’s come easily to me? Losing Mom? Getting my heart ripped open by Will—Billy—whatever the fuck his stupid name is? You think that was easy? You think basically losing Mom
and
Dad at the same time came easily to me?”

“You were never anything but an easy
fuck
for Billy Harper,” Eden shot at me, “and everyone knew it but you. You brought that on yourself. And you know what? You wanna know what’s even more fucked up? Even though I
knew
that Billy never gave a shit about you, I was
still
jealous of you, because you got him when no one else could, and it just
happened
! He just—just
wanted
you. No effort on your part. He wanted
you.
Not me,
you
. We’re supposed to be
twins
, but you get
every
thing. All the friends, the guys chasing after you, the looks. You’ve had
him
”—she jabbed her finger at Caden—“almost your whole life, and you even took that for granted until it was almost too late. So yeah, I think everything comes easy for you.”

“I don’t think that’s quite fair, Eden,” Caden said, standing up now.
 

“I wasn’t talking to you!” Eden shouted. “This is none of your business, so shut the fuck up!”

“Hey!” I pushed Caden back and stood between him and my sister. “Don’t talk to him that way! This is his business. My business
is
his business. What the hell is wrong with you?”

She seemed to go weak, suddenly, leaning on the table with her head hanging between her arms. “I don’t—I don’t know. I just—I wanted this to be a…a nice Christmas. For once. Not just you and me, but…a family. Some kind of a family again. It’s been just you and me the last few years, you know? We’d come over here, but Dad would…he would be spaced out, and he’d go to bed early, or he’d have a phone call to make or emails, or something. Anything to avoid being with us. And I thought—I thought now that you have Cade, you’d…we could…” She trailed off, picking up her empty wine glass and tipping more from the bottle into it. “I guess I just thought we could be a family again. I guess I was wrong.” She turned away from the table, taking her wine glass with her, and left the dining room.