Forever Breathing (Just Breathe #3) (7 page)
Read Forever Breathing (Just Breathe #3) Online
Authors: Heather Allen
***
Incessant tapping wakes me. I open my eyes and realize I’m in my jeep and there’s tapping on the window. I glance over and see those perfect aqua eyes that haunt me when I’m awake and asleep. I sit and stare at her savoring the sight. Her lips turn up in a grin and she glances down to her hand. I break my trance and fumble to unlock the door. She opens the door and it’s as if a light is shining down on me. Just being around her brightens everything. I turn the music all the way down.
She climbs into the passenger side and shyly says, “Hi James.”
I’ve lost my words. All I can do is stare. I’m such an idiot.
She waves her hand in front of me bre [ontuchaking whatever hold she had. I look forward out the window to gather my thoughts. Why did I agree to this? I know it’s a mistake but she does something to me that I can’t explain.
I look over carefully and tell her quietly, “It’s good to see you.” It is good to see her. Better than it should be.
She fidgets with her hands in her lap. “I wanted to see how you’re doing. Alex said you came back to land.”
Alex, what the hell? This breaks my trance and I find some words.
“You spoke to Alex? When?”
She looks around and avoids my sudden stare.
“I guess it was yesterday. I wanted to see you but I knew I couldn’t go to the city…”
She trails off the last of her sentence and for good reason. It reminds me of the reason we are here in the first place.
I sigh, “Sara, you tried to kill my sister… twice. Why are you really here?”
She is wringing her hands around in circles now as if she doesn’t hold on, she might lose it.
Pleading she tells me, “I really
did
want to see you.”
Her hand moves to my arm. That touch could be the death of me. I stiffen not wanting her to let go but hoping she does. Her hand drops back to her lap. I breathe deeply. I must have been holding it in.
Her sad eyes meet mine, “I’m so sorry about your sister. I really am.”
She takes a deep breath and continues, “I thought Jack loved me. He told me to come to the sea and then after I did, he didn’t want anything to do with me. I really did care for him because he made me think he felt the same way.”
My brain turns over. This is a different story than the one I was told. But it remains that she tried to kill Ever and I can’t let that go.
“James, I really like you. I enjoyed our time together and I miss you.”
I place my hands on the steering wheel needing to grab onto something instead of her. What she’s saying to me and how her presence can turn me upside down, kills me.
I say a little too harshly, “I think if you really felt that way, you wouldn’t have tried to kill Ever. Your actions and words say two very different things.”
Her breathing becomes erratic and she looks down crying quietly. It takes everything in me not to console her but I just can’t. There are still so many things that aren’t right.
“Sara, I’m sorry you’re upset. I just need to know why. I mean why you can’t let Jack be with Ever. I don’t know what happened with you and Jack but he is with Ever now.”
She shakes her head sadly and stifles her breathing. She looks up and meets my eyes. If I wasn’t putty before, that did it. I grab her hand [gra her and pull her to me, wrapping my arm around her. She sidles closer and lays her head on my shoulder. Did I mention what an idiot I am?
Chapter 10
Ever
It’s very clear that we are in a bit of a situation as Jaspen so calmly put it. I’d actually like to scream that it’s quite larger than his brush off. As soon as he left, I pretty much lost most of the stability I’d so carefully built up. The realization that more people are going to die turns my stomach inside out. I’ve sunk into myself again and barely made it back to Amber’s dwelling. Now I’m lying here in the blue room engulfed in pity while Jack is planning for this unknown battle back in the Erebus caves with Jaspen. I pleaded with him to stay with me but he left anyway. My selfishness takes over again or really that avoidance thing I’m so good at. Good thing he is nothing like me, we’d never accomplish anything.
I doze off and my mind wanders…
“Ever, where are you?” I frown and look around. “Alex?”
I spot him in the coral bed across the sea floor. His green eyes sparkle as he glances in my direction. “Ever, I’ve looked everywhere for you. Where did you disappear to?” I shrug but then remember I left him in the middle of the battle. Guilt settles over me. “Alex, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to…” But he’s fading away. I yell out and reach for him, “Alex, wait, please don’t go.”
“Ever, Ever, hey wake up.” I roll over groggily and realize; I did it again.
“Hey, were you having a nightmare? I heard you calling out.”
I frown and look up at Amber trying to gauge exactly what she heard.
She looks at me sympathetically. Yep she heard his name. I silently kick myself.
What is my problem?
I have the most amazing person dedicating his life to me and I keep dreaming about Alex.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I shake my head, no way am I talking about this with her. It’s already bad enough that Jac ^gra h
She backs away and tells me, “It’s still the middle of the night; you might want to try and get back to sleep.” And she leaves, closing the door behind her.
I take a deep sea breath and glance around the darkened room. I hold my hand out and ‘will’ the lights from my fingers. A glow emanates through the room and I realize I’m alone, Jack never made it back.
I roll back over and the lights dance through the water shifting on the walls. This dream is different than any of the other ones. It seems to be bringing the past back instead of showing something from the future. I wish I knew how to read my dreams. The guilt still resonates with me but now more for Jack. He’s still over in the caves and here I am sleeping away
valuable time. I’m suddenly motivated to do something. I decide it’s time I stake my claim to this existence. I need to stand up and fight, for once in my life.
***
I enter the Erebus caves suddenly feeling self-conscious about my motivating factor. What in the world do I really have to offer at this point? I’m pretty emotionally unstable and kind of a wimp. As I slowly swim down the hall to the map room, all that confidence I so quickly gathered, seeps away just as fast. By the time I’m facing the door with muffled voices beyond, I’m ready to turn around and flee back to Amber’s. Before I can turn though, the door creaks open and my reluctance disappears as I’m face to face with my rock. His mouth turns up in that adorable half grin that melts my heart. He holds his arms wide open as if he heard my inner monologue. I embrace him as he envelopes me in his arms. Slowly that confidence creeps back and I remember this is why I’m here, to fight for this. I’m extremely lucky to have this. I have to stand up for those who don’t get this opportunity. This is my new mantra, I must not forget.
He breaks our connection and lifts my chin up so my eyes meet his and tells me softly, “Hey, what are you doing here? It’s still the middle of the night. You should be sleeping.”
I mumble, “I couldn’t sleep and I want to be here. I
need
to be a part of this.”
He shakes his head and smiles, “Have I ever told you how stubborn you are?”
I smile easily remembering this claim from him many times before and follow him into the room. He gestures for me to sit at the table laden with layers of maps. I glance across the table as I settle in and meet Jaspen’s yellow stare. He smirks and looks back down at the maps in front of him. Jack slides into the seat next to me and grabs my hand.
Jaspen clears his throat and asks while still staring down, “So, Ever, my granddaughter, what is it that you think you can contribute to this discussion?”
His use of granddaughter takes me by surprise and my confidence falters. I have to get this under control if I’m going to be any help at all. To reassure me, Jack squeezes my hand. I look up and gaze across the table. Jaspen is still either ignoring me or waiting for a response, so I clear my throat. Jaspen ignores me. I look over at Jack and he nods, somehow knowing my intentions. I place my hand in the middle of the map Jaspen is reading and clear my throat once again.
This time he l chisp Jooks up amused and waits.
I stutter, “I…I..ah…I think…”
I feel Jack’s squeeze again and this seems to give me strength.
“I can help plan how we will defend the city. I think we need to go about it in a roundabout way.”
Jaspen frowns, “What do you mean by that?”
I look over to Jack and he nods again.
“I think we need to fight here where we are comfortable and where we can attack with the element of surprise. I’ve been thinking about it. We don’t have the manpower they will have so we’ll have to be careful how we use what we do have.”
My momentary confidence wavers and I’m tired all of the sudden. Obviously standing up to Jaspen is high on my list of nerve breakers.
“Yes, Ever, Jack and I were discussing this right before you came in. We both agree that surprise is the only way we will have a chance for any kind of success.”
He looks down and over to Jack. Jack withdraws his hand and by the sudden change in his face, I can tell he is uncomfortable or upset with something.
Jaspen continues but my eyes don’t’ stray from Jack’s face. He won’t look at me which alarms me to what could possibly upset him so suddenly.
“Ever, I’m so glad you came of your own accord. This would have been a lot more difficult if I were to force you. No worry though.”
I frown at Jack through this whole speech but I can’t figure what has him so spooked.
Force me what? I’m confused.
Jaspen places his hand over mine. I pull my hand away quickly and stare at him accusingly. Somehow I missed something.
Jaspen laughs his little sinister laugh and explains, “
You
are our element of surprise, Ever. We need you to go to the city near Peru and…how do you put it on land? Oh yes, become a spy. They won’t suspect a thing because of your, ah, past with Alex.”
My heart stops and I look at Jack, panicked. He doesn’t look my way. Instead he lowers his head, resting it in his hands. Suddenly I have the feeling that things are about to get really bad.
I was doing such a great job but
that
did it. The tingle rises in me and I’m at once happy for it. I look over at Jack again but it’s as if he’s in a trance. It overtakes me and sadness for Jack consumes me right before the darkness.
Chapter 11
Ever
“Ever, Ever, wake up.”
I hear Jacks voice. It sounds distant but then it gets closer. I realize I’ve been sleeping and I panic thinking I called out in my sleep again. But then I think about the last thing I remember. No, I fainted again.
Oh Ever, you gotta stop this.
I remember why I fainted and stop chastising myself.
I open my eyes slowly and see troubled green staring back at me. Of course, he’s troubled. Jaspen is asking him to feed me to the wolves, so to speak. He caresses my cheek and smiles slowly. It doesn’t reach his eyes.
What have I done to you?