Forever Breathing (Just Breathe #3) (8 page)

I sit up carefully and glance around. We’re in the blue room back in Amber’s dwelling. This helps to calm me. Some sort of semblance before everything is turned inside out literally.

Staring at him solidifies what I’ve done to him all the way around and how everything is falling apart around us, once again. That annoying thing, guilt, has reared its ugly head once again.

He breaks the silence that seems to spread, distancing us from each other. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Yeah, I am.” I try to lighten the mood, “I really thought I was past this fainting business.”

My tactic doesn’t work. His eyes are fierce and angry.

“Ever, I’m so sorry. I told him no. He can’t expect you to do that after all you’ve been through.”

He softens and quietly adds, “And if you go, then I can’t protect you.”

He sinks into the bunk and gathers me in his arms. I rest my head on his chest and savor the rise and fall of his breathing.

You know when you struggle with choices and decisions and you waver back and forth forever never knowing what the wisest choice is? Then one day you wake up, it’s as if the answer was there all along and all you had to do was grasp it. This happens to me as I relax into my rock, my one constant. We are so good together and because of that fact I know what I have to do. I’m terrified and sad but more importantly I know that it’s the right decision for Jack. I owe him so much. He has saved me in every way possible. It’s my turn to save him.

I glance up at him and smile softly as our eyes lock. Blue seeps through his eyes matching the water around us. He lowers his head so our lips barely graze one another. So much feeling in such a slight touch. I linger, feeling every part of my body that is touching him. Finally, I pull away and try to shake off the fact that I want to curl up in his arms and forget about the crumbling world around us. I pull back ever further and look away.

His hand comes up under my chin and forces me to look at him.

“Hey, what was that?”

My gaze wavers and so does my courage. This is going to be so much harder than I thought.

I shake my head deciding now isn’t the moment, “Nothing.”

I curl back up against him and l knstw isisten to his heart beat once again. The constant thumping that is my life line now. I smile thinking that my best friend Gabbi would
so
disapprove of this. She would ask, “What ever happened to women’s liberation? Why can’t I live without a man?” I miss her so much. Times like this make me want to go back and bounce my thoughts around with her. She would help me decide if I’m doing the right thing or not.

Jack slowly leans back into the bunk and I find a cozy spot in the crook of his arm. I am
so
going to miss this.

Chapter 12

James

I wake up thinking about the unexpected visit from Sara yesterday. Once I gave in and wrapped my arms around her, I knew I was a goner. Today though, I have a clearer head without her presence and I’m feeling okay about it. Yes, if Ever knew she came to visit, I’d get hell. But this is my life and I have some big decisions to make.

Sara asked me to come back to the sea with her. I know I’m a nut case if I go so I probably deserve anything she has to dish out. I fell asleep with a bit of clarity shining through in the whole mess I’ve made. I can actually help Ever if I do go. I can actually play the Sara card so to speak. It will be hard and just judging from yesterday, I’d easily fall under her spell but it will be worth it if I can help Ever out and Jack.

I hear a slight knock on my bedroom door. 

“Come in.”

My mom peeks her head through as the door swings open, “Hey, you awake?”

I nod, “Yep, what’s up?”

She frowns and comes into the room, stopping a few feet from my bed. The look on her face is one I know so well. One of her troubled, heartfelt talks is coming. I push myself up
to a sitting position leaning back against my headboard. I grab a pillow and squeeze it under my arm, bracing for the guilt that is coming or the tears.

“James, I was just wondering, we haven’t heard from Ever in a while. How did she seem before you left Gam-aw’s?”

Oh, so that’s what this is about. Ever isn’t keeping a very good façade for the parents. And once again I’m here to smooth it all over.

I tell her soothingly, “Mom, don’t worry. I’m sure she’ll call soon. She was really busy when I left.”

Her frown smoothes a little and she seems sad.

I add, “I know she misses you. She’s just taking a class and working, so she is tired when she gets back to Gam-aws.”
I kick myself, Damn James, you’re giving out too much info, sounding like a girl.

This seems to do it though.

“Maybe I’ll call her tonight, see if I can catch her.”

I nod, agreeing with her.

She backs out and turns to the door but stops and turns back toward me asking, “What are your plans for today?”

“I um… have practice with Garrett and Davis tonight but that’s about it.”

Really now I have to let my sister know a phone call is in order. Why do I have to always do the right thing? This decides it for, me; I’m going back with Sara. This is the right thing, I know, but to everyone else it will seem wrong. I can handle that for a while.

My mom brings me back from my thoughts, “Dad wants your help out in the yard. He’s building a raised bed for me to start a garden.”

“Yeah, I’ll help. Tell him I’ll be down in a little bit.”

Leave it to my mom to get my dad to build a garden in the middle of summer in the desert. I know he does it just to appease her but come on. What a waste. Nothing is going to grow.

I sigh and get out of bed as my mom leaves. Suddenly I have a shit ton of things to do today.

I glance at my watch as I climb back up the steps, three o’clock, after helping my dad all day. I have a little bit of time before I have to be at Garrett’s. Really, after the hard labor, all I want to do is go to bed but I steer to the shower. The water refreshes me and I decide a visit to Ever is in order.

After getting dressed and letting my parents know I’m going to Garrett’s I head for the jeep. Hopefully Sara won’t be at the lake.

***

The lake and field are empty again. I climb out and focus on Amber’s dwelling. Hopefully they are there. I really have no desire to confront Jaspen on my short visit back. As the air around me turns to cool saltwater, I shift my legs to my fin. As soon as the water hits my lungs, I take a deep breath and savor the feel of the water. I didn’t realize I missed this. It feels so good to be back in this form.  If I had to describe how I feel as a mer-man, it would have to be singularly, free. No other word captures everything it gives me.

I swim up to the dwelling in front of me and knock. I’ve decided not to tell them about my decision. It would do nothing but bring arguments and anger. Both of which my sister doesn’t need right now.

The door swings open but no one is there. I smile, she must be home.

“Ever, you around?”

I see her face peek around the corner. A smile spreads and she bounds through the water knocking me back out the door to the dwelling. I laugh so hard and she giggles.

“Sorry, James, guess I don’t know my own strength.”

“No worries, I guess you’re happy to see me?”

She nods and laughs, “Yep, of course I am.”

Her eyes squint, “You said you aren’t coming back, why are you here?”

I widen s="+ sq my eyes and point at her, “You owe mom a phone call. She came in to my room this morning about to get emotional.”

She chuckles, “Oh boy, how’d you handle that one?”

I fake insult, “What, you don’t think I can handle mom?”

“Actually at this point, you’re probably better at it than I am.”

“That’s right, I am. But that doesn’t mean I
want
to handle her though. Especially at the hands of whatever is going on with you.”

She sighs, “I know James, I’m sorry. I just haven’t been able to get away to call her. This battle thing…”

“What is going on with that? Have you and Jack discussed things with Jaspen?”

She nods but doesn’t say anything else. I can tell she’s not telling me something.

I probe, “What did he say?”

“Just that we need to get ready for another battle.” 

She hesitates, “I…I’m a little scared. What if we don’t win this time?”

If I was undecided before, the look on my sister’s face just decided it for me. She looks scared and helpless. Both of which I never want to see my sister experience again.

I reassure her rubbing her arm, “Hey, you know it will all work out. It always does.”

She gathers a little strength and smiles a sure smile, “I know, thanks James.”

I smile again hoping it’s convincing and scold her, “Go call mom tonight before she calls Gam-aw and gives her hell.”

“I will.”

I gather her in my arms for a hug. We part and I tell her, “See you soon.”

She smiles and pinky waves as I travel back to the lake.

When the air changes around me, a sweet smell hits my nostrils before my eyes can focus on the beautiful person belonging to it. I knew she’d be back to get my answer. I just thought she’d give me at least a day.

I look down at her beautiful face and lower mine. Her lips meet mine and I’m very happy with the decision that I’ve made.

&n s sit>

Chapter 13

Ever

I wake with a start, unsure where I am. Something terrible happened in my dream but I can’t seem to remember it. Heat is seeping into my right side. I try to shake the sleep from my eyes and glance over to find myself wrapped in Jack’s arms. I watch his beautiful face for a few minutes. Today is going to be one of the hardest days of my life. Unfortunately, the one thing I never wanted to do, I must do to this unbelievable person, yet again. He will be so hurt. I try to focus on something else and squirm my way out of his grasp, not wanting to wake him.

As I swim to the door leading to the hall, I glance back and try to ingrain the sight of him so peaceful, into my brain for later.

I swim out into the hall and realize how famished I am. Amber is sitting at the table as I enter the kitchen. She looks over and greets me, “Good morning. How did you sleep?”

“Great! Any fruit left?”

She holds up an apple smiling.

I take it from her and sink into the seat across from her.

She takes me completely by surprise, “You do know that you can’t go.”

I look up at her as I take a bite of apple, preventing me from answering.
What is she talking about?

I frown giving her a questioning look.

“Jack came out after you fell asleep last night and told me about Jaspen’s plan.”

I look at her surprised but decide to stay silent or I’ll lose my resolve.

She almost pleads with me, “He was just a shell before. You do remember your brother telling you how he could barely function, when you were apart, don’t you?”