Forever Country (14 page)

I decide to go in. The bell over the door
chimes to alert the employees that a customer has arrived.

“
Take a seat, the waitress
will be right with you.” The cook is standing at the serving window
wearing a white chef’s hat.

“
Thank you.” Walking into
the empty diner, I decide to take a seat furthest from where she
was talking to her ex-husband. I pick up the plastic menu and
pretend to browse it. Suddenly, I feel like my tie is choking me. I
should have changed first. Maybe this wasn’t such a good
idea.

When I stand to leave, Savannah Mae comes out
of the bathroom. Her hair is pulled into a high ponytail, and her
eyes are red and puffy. She fidgets with her white work apron
before she sees me.

“
Looks like you’re leavin’,
Abel Lee.”

“
Nope, just getting here.”
I sit down and loosen the noose, otherwise known as my tie, around
my neck.

“
Coffee?”

“
Yes, please.” I turn the
coffee cup over and wait.

She shows up with a pot of fresh coffee. She
says as she looks at the coffee as she fills the cup, “I’m
surprised to see you here today.”

“
Why’s that?”

“
It looks like you’re just
gettin’ out of the church. Didn’t you stay for the
potluck?”

I move the cup of coffee closer to me and
say, “I did. I saw your sister and Sawyer Jackson; she said you
were working today.”

She looks sad as she stares at the coffee pot
she’s holding. “I had to pick up an extra shift this week, and this
was the only one available.”

“
Looks like a slow
day.”

“
It’s Sunday. Sundays are
always slow. ‘most everyone goes to church and then stays for the
potluck.” She looks around the empty diner. “Are you havin’
lunch?”

“
No, just
coffee.”

“
Let me put this back on
the warmer, and I’ll be back to check on you.”

She turns to leave and I reach my hand to
stop her.

“
Savannah Mae?” She stops
and looks at me. “Is everything all right?”

“
No.”

Savannah Mae

I walk away and set the coffee pot back on
the warmer, and just stand there with my back to Abel Lee. My hands
shake and I make a fist in each hand in an attempt to stop the
shakin’. When he asked was everything all right, why didn’t I just
smile and say yes? Because it would’ve been a lie. Sometimes a lie
is better than the truth. Right? Not accordin’ to my Mom. “It’s
better to always tell the truth,” she always says.

“
Savannah Mae?” a deep
husky voice murmurs behind me.
Why didn’t
I just lie to him?
I turn around and Abel
Lee is standin’ closer than what I expected. I tilt my head back to
look up at him.

“
Come and talk to
me.”

“
I can’t. I’m workin’ in
case you can’t tell.” I lift the bottom of my apron so he can see
that I’m in my work uniform. I’m hopin’ a little humor will help. I
even add a small smile. It’s the only smile I’m capable
of.

I see a hint of a smile. “I’m not leaving
here until you talk to me.”

I’m at work. I don’t want to discuss my
problems with him, especially here. I think about the conversation
Ethan and I had just before Abel Lee got here. My eyes begin to
tear up. “I can’t.” I close my eyes and I can feel a single tear
roll down my cheek.

Next, I feel a large hand behind my head,
pulling’ me into him. His chest is broad and muscular and hard. I
don’t pull away, I lean into him instead, restin’ my face against
his body. I hear his heartbeat and I feel safe. Why do I feel safe?
I barely know him.

“
Tonight. I’ll be over
tonight, and we’ll talk then.”

I can only nod. I’m afraid to say anything.
I’m afraid the tears will start and the waterworks won’t stop. The
bell over the door rings, alertin’ us of a customer. Abel Lee
kisses the top of my head before he releases me. I turn around with
my back to the restaurant and stare at the coffee pot, willin’ my
tears to go away. When the bell rings again, I know Abel Lee is
gone.

After work, I go home and find that my
sister, Samantha Marie, has already bathed Sawyer Jackson. He is
dressed in his Thomas the Train pajamas that Santa got him.

“
I missed you,” he says,
jumpin’ up in my arms.

“
Oh, Buddy. I missed you,
too. Were you good for Aunt Sammie?”

“
Yep. We went to church,
played games, and I even had a bath. Smell,” he says, lowerin’ his
head for me.

I inhale deeply and I agree he does smell
good.

“
Thank you for keepin’ him
for me.”

Samantha Marie gathers her coat and purse. “I
love watchin’ him.”

She leaves, and Sawyer Jackson and I play for
awhile before bed. We both have milk and cookies. I remember the
gift that Abel Lee got him for Christmas. “I have another gift for
you.”

“
From Santa?” he
asks.

“
No, this one’s from Abel
Lee. He brought it over for you.” I stand and walk into the bedroom
to get it. When I return, Sawyer Jackson is at the table smiling.
“Here ya go, Buddy.”

He eagerly takes it and smiles. I watch as he
tears the wrapper off of the white box. He removes the box lid and
smiles even bigger when he reveals a beautiful shiny harmonica.
“This is so cool.”

Sawyer Jackson removes the
new harmonica and blows in it. I take the box and try to read the
instructions that came with it. It might as well be written in a
foreign language. Sawyer Jackson continues to inhale and exhale
into the instrument. It’s the worst soundin’ thing I think I’ve
ever heard.
Abel Lee’s words come back to
me. “You may want to hold off on the gratitude.”

We finish our cookies and milk. “You can play
with it more tomorrow,” I say, placing the noise maker, aka the
harmonica, back into the box.

“
I wanna play it now,” he
says.

“
Tomorrow.”
I wanna tell him he can play it all day long to
Abel Lee, but I don’t.
Sawyer Jackson says
his prayers before bed and he falls asleep quickly. The house feels
colder than usual, so I add another log to the fire and adjust the
furnace. I shower quickly and dress in a pair of sweats and
an
Ohio State
hoodie.

I hear the creakin’ sound of the wooden front
porch, and it alerts me that Abel Lee is here before he knocks.

When I open the door, he’s standin’ there and
holdin’ an Adornetto’s pizza and salad. There’s nothin’ better than
a salad and pizza from Adornetto’s. “Hey, come on in.” I hold the
door open wide for him. He’s wearin’ jeans, boots, and a black
leather coat.

“
I brought dinner.” He
smiles and holds up the pizza box.

“
I can see that, thank
you.”

He takes the food into the kitchen while I
lock up behind him.

“
I hope you like
pepperoni,” he asks from the other room.
“I
covered the pizza box with my coat to help hold in the heat. My
coat will smell good for the next few days.”

When I get into the kitchen, he’s already
removin’ the salads from the bag.

“
I do like pepperoni.”
Adornetto’s has the best food around. I reach up into the cabinet
and remove two plates. “Water or pop? I don’t have any beer to
offer you, sorry.”

“
Not much of a pop drinker,
water’s fine.”

We take the plates and walk into the livin’
room to eat. I sit on the floor, in front of the fireplace, tryin’
to get warm. Abel Lee sits on the chair nearest the door. He opens
my pop and his water before he begins to eat.

“
I gave Sawyer Jackson your
gift you got him tonight.” I just watch him.

He smiles slightly. “Did he like it?”

I watch as he takes a bite of his pizza. “He
did. A noise maker huh? When did you think that would be a good
gift for a four-year-old?”

He laughs, “‘A noise maker?’ Is that what you
think that is?”

“
Sure didn’t sound much
like music.”

He leans up in his chair. “I was afraid of
that. I’m sorry.”

“
Don’t be. It’s pretty
nice. Doesn’t look much like a toy.”

“
It’s not. It’s a real
harmonica. Maybe when he’s older, he’ll be able to learn to play
it.”

Halfway through the meal he asks, “So, are
you going to tell me what’s going on?”

Looking up at him, I say, “Abel Lee, you
don’t want to hear about my problems.”

“
Sure I do.” He wipes his
mouth off with his napkin and leans back into the chair.

I shake my head. “You’re gonna regret
this.”

He rests his arm on the back of the chair in
an attempt to get comfortable. “Something’s bothering you and I
want to know what it is.”

I tell him briefly about my marriage and
catchin’ Ethan kissing Heather Sue last year at her birthday party.
I also tell him about Ethan denying it and about our divorce.

“
He pays child
support?”

“
We agreed to handle the
child support outside of court. He helps me out whenever he
can.”

Abel Lee nods.

“
The other day, he told me
that he and Heather Sue are gettin’ married. Isn’t that something?
His life moves on as if he’s never been affected by our marriage or
the divorce.” I take a deep breath. “While I’m sittin’ here, not
really sure how to get my own life together, let alone my son’s
life.”

“
I’m sorry.”

“
Me, too. We live in a
small town and as soon as word gets out about the upcomin’ weddin’,
people will start talkin’
—
more than they already are.” I think for a minute
and say, “It’s Sawyer Jackson that I’m worried about.”

He leans up in the chair and rests his elbows
on his knees. “When’s the wedding?”

“
He didn’t say, and I
didn’t ask. It’s not fair that he destroyed our life together, and
he gets to move on and be happy.” I close my eyes and pray this is
just a dream. Sayin’ it out loud only makes it even more
painful.

“
Do you still love
him?”

I open my eyes and he’s
watchin’ me.
Do I still love him?
“No, not anymore. I’m an old-fashioned girl. You
get only one chance to hurt me. The night I saw him kissin’ her,
that was it. I do miss the thought of havin’ a family.” I wipe away
the single tear. “I’m sad that Sawyer Jackson won’t have his dad
around. I feel sorry that my son will be missing out on so many
things. He didn’t ask for this, and he doesn’t deserve the
struggles that we face.”

“
Is he still giving you
money?”

“
He came into work today
and gave me some. He said work’s slow, but he gave me what he had.
My biggest fear is that he’ll stop payin’ me altogether.” I think
for a moment and say, “That’s a lie. My biggest fear is he’ll move
on and forget about our son.”

Abel Lee

I watch as Savannah Mae breaks down in front
of me. She tells me personal moments in her life and her worst
fears. I doubt she has ever told anyone about this, other than her
family. She fidgets with her hands before looking at the fireplace.
I watch as she stands to add another log to the fire. She looks at
me and smiles. It’s not a real smile. “Bet you wish you never
asked.” She sits down on the couch and tucks her legs under her.
“I’m a bit of a mess.”

“
I wouldn’t say
that.”

She laughs. “Really.”

I wish I knew what to say to her. I wish I
had the right words. “I see a strong, beautiful girl.” She shakes
her head, but I don’t stop. “I also see a fighter.” I look her in
the eyes. “I know a lot of women who would have overlooked a
cheating husband. Ignored it, as if they didn’t see it.”

She watches me with big eyes. “Really?”

“
Sure do. They would rather
stay in a bad relationship because it’s easier, only to be cheated
on again and again. Not a lot of women would have done what you did
— stand up for something you believe in.” I watch her as she takes
in my words. “It may not be easy, but you’ll get where you need to
be. And one more thing.” She watches me. “If that ex of yours was
stupid enough to cheat on someone like you, he’ll surely do it
again.”

She doesn’t say anything. I stand and walk
into the kitchen to leave her with her thoughts. I put the pizza
and the extra salad in the fridge.

“
Thank you, Abel
Lee.”

I close the refrigerator door and turn
around.

“
I didn’t think it was
possible, but I feel better. I have always second guessed myself
for my decision. I wondered if I should have stayed because it
would have been easier, or stayed for Sawyer Jackson’s
benefit.”

I interrupt, “And you shouldn’t have.”

“
I know that now. Thanks to
you.”

“
You’re better than that.
It may not seem like you’re moving on, but you are.” I look at the
wall clock hanging over the door. “I should leave. Momma wouldn’t
be happy if I kept a beautiful girl awake.”

I watch as her face lights up with a smile.
“Do you always do what your momma wants?”

“
Yes, ma’am. Always been a
good rule to live by. Never wanna disappoint your
momma.”

She walks me to the door. I don’t open it
until I’m ready to leave.