Forever in Love (Montana Brides) (17 page)

“I started feeling good about myself. To think I had a future.”
 

Amy ran her hands down either side of his spine and he almost purred. “You think I should accept myself the way I am?”

“You’re still the same person you’ve always been. A bit bossier maybe, but that’s got nothing to do with the accident.”
 

He turned his head and a quick smile darted across her face.
 

“You need to accept that your body can’t do all the things you want it to. You’re still recovering from the fire. Give yourself time to heal.”

“I don’t have time. Dad wants an answer soon about whether I’ll manage the ranch.”

“It’s what you’ve always wanted.” Amy rested her hands on his shoulders. “Why haven’t you said yes?”

He leaned against the chair and sighed. “Because I can’t do what needs to be done.”

“Just because you won’t be wrestling a steer to the ground doesn’t mean you can’t manage the ranch.”

“It’s not the steers I’m worried about. I can’t even pull myself onto my horse.”

“Use a ladder.”

“That’s not funny.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be.” Amy passed him his shirt. “Get Matthew to rig something up for you. He’s always tinkering in the barn with some piece of machinery. Ask him to make something that could help.”

“It wouldn’t work.”

“You could give it a try. How’s the pain?”
 

He rolled his shoulders. “I can move, so that’s a bonus.”

“Amen to that.” Matthew said from the hallway. “It might make you less of a bear to live with.” He glanced at Amy. “Catherine’s woken up and Mom’s gone to get her.”
 

“I’ll be there in a minute.” She rubbed the last of the cream into her hands and headed toward the door. “Let me know when you need another massage, Nathan. I’m only half an hour away.”

“Amy…”
 

She turned and looked back at him.
 

“Thanks.”

“Just remember what I said. No hot-dogging around the ranch until your shoulder’s able to keep up with the rest of you.”

Nathan pulled his shirt on and stood up, carefully straightening his back. Amy had brought relief to his body, but stirred up a whole lot of other issues he wasn’t ready to deal with.
 

He needed to manage his family’s ranch as much as he needed to breath. And he was ready. More than ready to make his mark on what had been created by three generations of Gray men and women.
 

He snapped the domes on his shirt together and followed Matthew into the lounge. All of the excuses in the world couldn’t change what he’d been born to do. If his family were willing to help, then his answer to his parents would be yes.
 

What he’d do about Amy was a whole different matter.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Amy walked toward the new barn, breathing in clean, cold, mountain air. In the last week winter had set in for good, bringing with it more snow, more rain, and more twists in her life than had to be better for her.
 

The late afternoon light turned the two-story building chestnut brown. White shutters surrounded the windows, gleaming against the dark wood.
 
Compared to the last barn, this building looked
like a prima donna poised against the landscape, all shinny and new and waiting for an encore performance.
 

She pulled the side door open, blinking against the bright lights dangling from the ceiling. The rich scent of raw wood tickled her nose and the whine of the lathe concealed her footsteps as she walked across the room.

Nathan glanced up from the workbench. His mouth hitched into a half-smile as he turned off the lathe. “When did you arrive?”

“About an hour ago. I didn’t think you’d be at your parents’ house.”

“Is that a subtle way of telling me you wouldn’t have come if you’d known I was here?”

Amy pushed her hair behind her ears. “Of course not.” She couldn’t quite look him in the eye, so she stared at the sawdust coating his shirt.
 

“Dad bought new machinery after the fire. It didn’t make much sense to buy a second set for my place.”

 
Amy nodded, watching Nathan wind
a lever on the side of the lathe. “Your mom said to tell you that dinner will be ready soon. What are you making?”

His hands ran lightly over a length of wood. “A table. When I’ve finished this leg I’m starting on the top.” He moved over to another piece of machinery and gripped the wooden leg in a large vice. “How did the visit with Catherine’s case manager go?”

“How did you know I had a meeting with her?”

“Mum told me…so?”

“Better than I thought,” Amy sighed. “She’s happy with Catherine’s daycare and my work arrangements. She wants to see us in a few months once I’ve found somewhere permanent to live.”

“What about your mom?”

Amy stuffed her hands in her pockets. “She wants to visit Catherine.”

“You don’t like the idea?”

“She didn’t want her a few months ago and now she can’t wait to fly all the way to Montana. I don’t trust her.”

Nathan picked up a piece of sandpaper, lightly swiping it across the wood. “Maybe she’s changed.”

“I doubt it.” Her mother hadn’t changed one bit in all the years they’d been living together. The only time she had any maternal bones in her body was when she passed between mildly drunk and sloshed out of her head. Then she’d wrap Amy in her arms and tell her what a wonderful daughter she was. How sorry she was that things hadn’t turned out better for them. After another couple of glasses of whatever poison she’d been drinking she’d turn into a depressed drunk and crawl into the nearest male she could find.

“What are you going to do?”

Amy pulled herself back from the hole her memory had sucked her into and watched Nathan lean over the vice, blowing wood dust in the air. “I can’t do anything. She arrives in ten days. The case worker’s going to arrange supervised visits while she’s here.”

He unclamped the vice and stared at the wooden leg. “Looks to me like she’s making an effort.”

Little did he know. “My mother only makes an effort when it’s in her best interests.”
 

Nathan grunted and she couldn’t work out whether he was agreeing with her or not. He put the wooden leg on a shelf behind him and took his safety glasses off.
 

“When did you start woodturning?”

“A few years back. I’ve been coming out here more often since the accident. It’s cheaper than a shrink.”

“You need counseling?”

“I’ve had counseling. A fat lot of good it did me. I still couldn’t sleep for weeks after the fire.”

“Do you remember much?”

“No.” He reached for a broom leaning against the back wall. With deliberate strokes he cleaned the floor, nudging shavings of wood from beneath the workbench.
 

“How are you sleeping now?”

“About as good as you if those black rings under your eyes are any clue.”

He stopped sweeping, spearing her with a look that would have felled a lesser mortal. And it would have worked, well almost worked, if he didn’t have half a ton of sawdust stuck to his head and shoulders.

“That observation would have meant so much more if you didn’t look like Pinocchio.”

Nathan frowned, glaring at her like she was the one with a wooden brain.

Amy felt a slow smile pull at her lips. “You’re covered in sawdust, big man.”

Nathan glanced down at his shirt, then shook himself like a wet dog. Sawdust floated around him like a snow storm. “Are you happy now?”

Happy didn’t begin to describe how she felt watching him flick his hand through his hair, shaking all her good intentions to the ground with the wood chips. “I’m going to leave you to your clean-up. I’ll see you back at the house.”

Nathan reached forward, holding onto her arm before she could quietly slip out of the barn.

“Not so fast. Why haven’t you been sleeping?”

Amy felt his fingers flex against her jacket, then let go before his touch became too personal, too much of everything she’d once wanted. “I’ve been worried about Catherine.”

“You’ve been looking after her fine for eight months. I think you can stop worrying now.”

“Not with my mother about to be sprung loose. So what’s your excuse?”

Nathan walked across to the lathe and swept a pile of wood shavings into a tray, tipping everything into a bag hanging on the wall. “I don’t need an excuse.”

“Have you told your doctor? There’s medication that might help.”

“I’ve got plenty of pills. They make me feel worse than not sleeping.” He left the broom on the back wall then turned back to the workbench.
 

“I could help.”

He closed his fist around a sheet of sandpaper. “There’s not much anyone can do, unless you plan on keeping me company at night?”

Heat rushed to Amy’s face. That hadn’t been what she’d been offering, not by a long-shot, and Nathan knew it. He turned toward her. Everything in the barn stilled, even the howling wind seemed to drop to a low whimper. His mouth was set in a grim line and his eyes held a sadness that tore through her heart.
 

“I have nightmares about the fire,” he said. “Except I don’t know if it’s the fire I was in, or something I’m making up. I feel the heat and hear the roar of the flames getting closer. I can’t move, can’t do anything about them.”
 

Amy stepped forward and rested her hand on his arm. “It will get better.”

“That’s what Doc Johnson says. But I’m still waking up drenched in sweat.” Nathan cradled her hand in his palm, an embarrassed grin spreading across his face. “I’ve gone a bit crazy with smoke detectors. I bought every alarm in Jake’s store.”

She tried to imagine the nightmares that still haunted him. His smile disappeared and heat that had nothing to do with his dreams flared between them. She let go of his hand, stepping away from the hunger in his gaze. “I umm…I miss the old barn.”
 

Nathan’s grin almost melted her heart. “You used to sit in the hayloft for hours.”

“That was my dream-time.” The barn had been her refuge. It had stood three stories high, faded to a dull gold, gnarled and warped with age. From the top of the hayloft she’d been able to see forever. She’d spent a lot of time leaning out of the wooden sash window, trying to figure out what she’d do with the rest of her life. What she’d do with the second chance the Gray family had given her. And a lot of time daydreaming about the six-foot cowboy coming home for the holidays.
 

 
“I’ve been thinking about what happened before you left for university.” Nathan’s voice slipped like a ripple of silk over her skin. “I’ve missed you.”

Amy held her breath. She felt the weight of tears hover behind her eyes. “It wouldn’t work. I can’t…”

Nathan’s mouth landed against her lips in an explosion of need. Before she knew what was happening her mouth opened, inviting him close, wanting more. She craved the rush of raw emotion flooding her body like a sugar addict in a candy store. He devoured her mouth, sinking hard and fast into her body until she couldn’t remember what it was that wouldn’t work. Her hands wound around his neck, pulling him close, holding onto his shoulders with something that felt close to desperation.
 

Her back arched as Nathan’s hands moved to her waist, finding the gap between her jeans and sweater. His hands spanned her waist, holding her against his body, heating her skin until she felt as hot as the flames filling his nightmares.
 

Alarm bells crashed inside her head. She stepped backward, banging into the lathe.

“I can’t, Nathan.”

He stood in front of her, trapping her between the bench and his body. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”
 

Nathan lifted his hand, brushing his fingertips along her jaw. “Doesn’t look like nothing to me.”

‘I umm…I’ve got to go back inside.” She sidestepped to the right. Nathan’s arm blocked her exit.
 

“Not so fast, honey. Tell me what’s wrong.” His arms moved to her waist, holding her in a loose embrace that should have annoyed her, but it didn’t. Instead of running for cover, she imagined what it would feel like to rest her head against his chest, just for a minute, and take comfort from the beat of his heart.
 

But that would take her even deeper into a place she didn’t want to go. She shoved at Nathan’s arms. They didn’t budge.
 

She glared at the buttons on his shirt. She could lie. Find some phony reason for stepping away from a kiss that had sent her hormones to heaven and back. Or she could tell the truth.
 

“Amy?”

Of all the people in the world, Nathan was the last person she wanted to be having this conversation with. But if she didn’t tell him the truth he’d think she was a tease. The worst of where she’d come from. “I’ve never…you know…slept with anyone.”

Nathan’s eyebrows nearly shot off his face. “You’ve never had sex? Ever?”

“There’s nothing wrong with that.” Amy drew her spine straight, cursing the bench behind her and the man blocking her exit. “You might be happy to throw your body around, but I’ve got standards.”

“And do those standards cover Brett Forster too?”

Amy felt her jaw drop. “How did you…”

“You can’t move in this town without someone knowing what you’re up to.” Nathan looked almost smug if you discounted eyes that had turned into miniature laser beams.

“He took me out for coffee…and cake.” Amy started to get mad, angry, and so brassed off that she felt like stomping on his size fourteen cowboy boots. “For your information, and this is coming from the primary source, not secondhand gossip, Brett is a perfect gentleman.”

“I’m sure he is,” Nathan drawled, leaning closer until she could smell his aftershave, almost taste the fine dust still coating his skin. “Don’t wiggle around so much. You’re not going anywhere until we’ve finished this discussion.”
 

“There’s nothing to discuss. I’m not going to sleep with you. Or anyone.” She shoved at his chest and felt slightly better when he moved out of licking distance. Nathan’s fingers tapped against her waist and shockwaves rippled along her spine.