Forever Is Over (25 page)

“
That
’
s exactly what I am trying to tell you!
”

“
OH
…
.MY
…
.GOD! JEMMA! Have you seen the amount of
freaks that are here? Did you sleep with him?
”

“
Depends what you mean by
“
sleep with
”
, we both fell asleep when
he first came in.
”

“
You know exactly what I mean by
“
sleep with
”
, Jemma Watkinson!

I mean
“
birds and the bees
”
sleep with! Did he dip his wick?
”

             
“
Not for long!
”

“
Oh my god, Jemma! You lost your virginity and you don
’
t even
know who to? Imagine how bad this could be! Imagine if you had
a baby and blood tests and stuff revealed someone really sad like Jim
Billingham was the father!
”

“
I know it wasn
’
t Jim! When I was here with
“
The Phantom Fucker
”
,
I was thinking for a second it could be
Jim Billingham and if you want
to know the gory details, that thought was tightening me up a bit, but 
then I remembered I punched him in the jaw! He couldn
’
t possibly kiss
me, let alone, as you so eloquently put it,
“
dip his wick
”
!

“
It could be someone equally bad though!
”

“
Thanks for making me feel better, Amy! You really are working
wonders! Anyway, someone will have seen him coming out of here so
we
’
ll know soon enough. Where
’
s Kelly? She might know.
”

“
She was in the kitchen before. I
’
ll go and find her.
”

Amy disappeared. There were plenty of mysteries still to be solved,
including where Eddie Garland had got to and how far Amy had gone with him, but for now, the only one I wanted solving was,
“
The Mystery
of the Phantom Fucker!
”

I continued getting dressed and within a few seconds of finishing,
Amy was back, now accompanied by Kelly.
My eyes were beginning to focus a little better and thankfully
Kelly still looked a lot better than me. I was setting a terrible example
to Kelly, I was almost as bad as Vomit Breath, but luckily Kelly seemed
to be showing no interest in following in my footsteps, well, except for
the incident earlier with the can and the copper, but maybe she was innocent after all.
Kelly was looking me over quizzically.

“
How are you feeling, Jemma?
”

If I had a pound for every time I had been asked that question in
the course of that evening, I would have had enough money for the taxi
ride home.

“
A bit better. Still a pile of crap though.
”

“
You scared me before. I sat on the side of your bed for an hour to
check you didn
’
t choke on your own vomit. Like we do with Mum.
”

“
Sorry babe!
”

“
No, no, I wasn
’
t looking for an apology or any praise, I was just worried.
”

“
I
’
ll be alright now.
”

“
Good!
”

I now needed to see if Kelly could provide me with any clues.

“
Kel, where were you five minutes ago?
”

“
I don
’
t know. I
’
ve just been downstairs to book us a taxi, it
’
ll be
here in fifteen minutes.
”

“
You went down, where were you before that?
”

“
Having a wee!
”

“
So were you in the queue on the landing for a while?
”

“
There wasn
’
t much of a queue, but yes, why?
”

“
Did you see anyone coming out of this room?
”

“
No. The toilet queue faces the wrong way for this room. My back
would have been facing it. Why, did someone come in and do something to you, Jemma?
”

Amy butted in.

“
Less a case of doing s
omething, more a case of taking
some
thing!
”

Amy laughed at her own
“
witty
”
comment, Kelly looked confused
and I glared at Amy. We normally got on so much better than this. I
felt like telling her to stop being so bloody cocky, but stopped myself as
I knew I was teeing her up for another stupid innuendo.

“
What
’
s happened?
”
Kelly was both concerned and inquisitive.

“
I was having a lie down, someone came in here, a lad, got into bed
with
me, we had a bit of a kiss and cuddle and then all of a sudden he
scarpered.
”

“
How long was he in here?
”
Amy asked.

“
I
’
m not sure. We both fell asleep.
”

“
Good kissing then! Instead of the kiss of death, it was the kiss of
the coma!
”
Amy jibed once more.

“
You know I meant before the kissing, Amy!
”

“
You couldn
’
t have been asleep long. I kept checking on you every
fifteen or twenty minutes.
”
Kelly said.

“
It
’
s a pity you didn
’
t come in whilst he was here, I could have done
with knowing who it was!
”

“
I went in, Kelly, but all I saw was your sister
’
s bum mooning at
me!
”

Neither Watkinson laughed.

“
What were you doing in bed not clothed and kissing someone,
if you didn
’
t even know
who it was in the first place? Are you mad?
”
Kelly wanted to know.

“
I don
’
t know. It felt right. I suppose I am mad!
”

“
And drunk and horny!
”

Amy added for good measure.

“
Anyway, I can
’
t turn back time, it
’
s done now. Can one of you
two help me up, I
’
m bursting for a wee and I
’
m still not sure how well
my body will cope with a walk?
”

Ke
lly and Amy both helped me out
of bed, then out the bedroom and into a now massive queue for the
bathroom!

“
I thought you said there wasn
’
t much of a queue!
”
I said to Kelly.

“
There wasn
’
t before!
”

“
That would be the icing on the cake and the cherry on top if I now
wet my knickers!
”
I moaned.

“
I thought your knickers were already wet but for entirely different
reasons!
”
Amy
added.

Maybe it was the drink that transformed Amy into this right royal
pain in the arse, whatever it was, it was getting on my tits.

“
Will you just shut up, Amy!
”

Amy
’
s cocky side now took a backseat as her sensitive side came to
the fore.

“
That
’
s not fair speaking to me like that! I thought we were best
friends?
”

I still couldn
’
t see all that well, but it sounded like Amy was about
to burst into tears. Tough, she had brought it on herself.

“
We are best friends, Amy! I
’
ve just hardly seen you all night and
when I have, you
’
ve been making stupid comments!
”

“
I have not!
”

“
Hasn
’
t she, Kelly?
”

Getting my sister on side was a little cruel, but necessary. I could
always count on Kelly to take my side, but also to be diplomatic.

“
Once or twice, Amy, you
’
ve had a few little digs, which isn
’
t like
you at all.
”

“
I
’
m so sorry, honey!
”

Amy gave me an apologetic hug.

“
I
’
ve just been so excited about tonight and with the wine and Eddie
Garland and everything, I think I
’
ve just got a little out of control. You
don
’
t hate me, Jemma, do you? Tell me you don
’
t hate me!
”

“
Of course I don
’
t hate you!
”

We had another hug. It was at this point I realised Amy was probably
not a great deal more sober than me.
We waited in that toilet queue and we waited and waited. Amy
excitedly related her evening to us in minute detail, whilst stopping
every thirty seconds to check I was still OK. Thankfully french kissing
was as far as she had been with Eddie Garland, who had then sloped
off dejectedly to catch a taxi into Southport with Billy McGregor. After
about ten minutes, my bladder had taken a turn for the worse and even
more worryingly, I felt it was time to throw up. Knowing I would be sick
soon, I kept focusing on the bathroom
’
s door handle, as it became the
centre of my world and everything else revolved around it. My sick was
so near at one stage, I could almost smell it. Just as I was about to give
in to Biology and pebble dash the landing, I heard a familiar voice,

“
I think I am allergic to marijuana! The smoke keeps catching in my throat!
”

That voice! That famil
iar voice! THE PHANTOM FUCKER!

             
I wanted to turn around to make doubly sure but I was too paralytic
to turn. He was standing behind us in the queue, chatting to Kelly!
Who was it?

Then I realised. Richie! Richie Billingham.

Polite? Yes.

Good body? Yes.

Drunk? I think so.

Guilty about screwing me? Probably.

Kelly said he had asked her out, so that would make sense. That
would explain the jump out of bed, the gathering of clothes and the bolt out the door. Guilt.

I was mulling this all over when the bathroom door opened and
Kelly, Amy and I flooded in. I only got about two steps into the room
when the combination of a previous near vomit condition and the rancid
smell of Andrew Cullen
’
s crap, hit me. I was sick before I could get to
the toilet.