Forever Love (17 page)

Chapter 19

Liv

I hate hospitals. I hate the smell of them, like antiseptic mixed with death. Ok, its probably not death but there ain't nobody that can walk into hospital and be like "Oh I love the smell of this place."

I hate the look of it, all white walls, white floors, white fucking beds, everything white. It makes me want to gouge my eyes out. And the sound, all that damn beeping, how does anyone even sleep in here?

I bet the Bitch loves it here, I can just imagine her reining supreme over the nursing staff, treating them like her damn servants. I don’t even know what's wrong with her, all the Doctor told my Dad over the phone was that she'd been in a car accident. Car? I always thought witches traveled on broomsticks.

I'll wager the nurse leading us to the Bitches room agrees with me, the look on her face when we said who we were here to see said it all really. The look of pity that we have the bad luck of even knowing her, yeah she doesn’t know the half it.

We're led to a private room with a large window. It's pretty nice, for a hospital. The Bitch lies In the bed at the center of the room, her arm in a cast, a bandage wrapped around her head. Her blonde hair is still perfectly coiffed, face full of makeup. It lights up on seeing my Dad walking through the door first, the first real smile I've seen on her face in years. Of course, none of her smiles have ever been directed to me, only my Dad. I see a coldness seep into her eyes when she notices me behind my Dad and I repress the urge to roll my eyes. Trust me, I don’t wanna be here any more than you want me here Bitch. I remind myself to think of the shoes and the purse I'm getting for this trip, they are what's important.

I know I sound cold and bitter, I know most people would tell me that she's my Mother, that I only have one and I should treasure her. Those people can fuck themselves, they don’t know what she's done, what she's said. They don’t know how far this relationship has gone down the drain, its irreparable and that suits me just fine.

"Phil, how did you know I was here?" She says, primping her hair.

"They still had me as your emergency contact Dana, how're you feeling?"

"Oh not too bad under the circumstances. I only broke my arm and hit my head, a few scrapes here and there."

I don’t comment on the fact she still hasn’t so much as given me a fucking wave, the daughter she hasn’t seen or spoken to in weeks. Part of me wishes I had siblings to share the burden of her, the other part is thankful nobody else has to suffer her brand of mothering.

I drop into the sage green leather chair at the side of the bed, it’s a little too near for my liking but I think it's best to not be too obvious what with my Dad here. I've had enough lectures for one day already. Her attention is solely on my Dad, she's turned the charm on to full beam. It's amazing the things you notice when you get older. I never noticed how she acted around my Dad when I was a kid, I always thought she just treated me different when he was around because she was sly. I see it clearly now, the woman does have a heart, there's just never been a place for me in it. There's no sadness or grief at the realization that she just didn’t love me, that ship sailed long ago.

I pay no attention to their conversation, instead focusing on the pictures on the wall. Two paintings by some unknown artist to me, of poppy fields. They remind me of the Phlox field back in Franklin, mine and Noah's place. I think back to last night in the hotel, the love and attention he paid me. Sex has never been like that for me before, last night truly felt like me and Noah were becoming one.

"Liv!" My Dad mentioning my name brings me out of my thoughts.

I was hoping I could just fade into the background and they'd forget I was here, instead their full attention is on me now.

"Sorry, what?"

"You were in your own head then. I was telling your Mother how well you've settled in, I'm sure you’ve already told her all about it though."

I see her purse her lips, he doesn’t know that I haven't had so much as a fucking text from her since leaving her house all those weeks ago. That suits me perfectly fine through, hell I'd be happy never to acknowledge her existence again.

"Mmmmmm." I roll my eyes.

"Well, I'll go and speak to the nurse, see when they're going to let you out of here. Is anyone else coming to see you, Dana?"

"Yes, Julia's already been, she actually left not too long ago to get me some things. You remember Julia, don’t you Phil?"

"Yes, yes, I'll be right back." He says as he leaves the room.

I'm now left alone with the Eleanor Iselin wannabe, just fucking perfect.

"Olivia, you’ve gained weight." Cheeky bitch!

"Well Dads wife Pam is an excellent cook, she really is the perfect wife." I say with a sickly sweet smile. There, stick that in your fucking pipe and smoke it.

She gives her usual hoity toity look, sticking her nose in the air as if acknowledging me is beneath her.

"I'm sure you’ve already humiliated them with your extracurricular activities." She says, giving me the dirtiest look imaginable.

"Oh yeah." I nod. "I'm slowly working my way through the town. I'm aiming for a teenage pregnancy and hopefully an STD by the time I'm eighteen. Don’t worry though, I'll make sure to give a fake name at the clinic, Dana Preston sounds a good name to use."

Her eyes get that thunderous look in them, I'm sure that if she wasn’t confined to a bed, her hands would be wrapped around my throat. She stopped with that shit as soon as I was old enough to hit her back though. She leans towards me, practically sputtering.

"You are such an ungrateful little bitch. I don’t know what I did to deserve such a whore as a daughter." I roll my eyes.

"Can't you come up with anything new to spit out, you’ve been using the same insults for years, they are boring." I fake a dramatic yawn while she snarls at me.

"I went to a lovely dinner the other day, Amelia Benson, you remember her don’t you? You went to school with her son Tommy, he was a couple of years older than you of course. Such a charming young boy he was." The blood drains from my face, nobody can be that cruel. "Of course, he's another one that you had."

"What the hell is wrong with you? Your meant to be my fucking mother?"

"Aaaah Olivia, you are nothing more than a walking abortion. Now, I think you should leave, I feel uncomfortable with you so close, who knows what diseases your carrying?"

Her cruelness shouldn’t surprise me but it still does. I get up out my seat, my head feels dizzy with the ensuing memories of that night all those years ago.

"Eat shit and die, bitch." I say, just as my Dad re-enters the room.

"OLIVIA PRESTON!" He shouts, I'm too far gone to care though.

I shove past him and break out into a run. I need to get out of here, I need to get some air. The walls feel as if they are closing in on me, about to squish me. The air is being sucked out of my lungs, my heart beating out of my chest. I slump against the wall near the elevators and try to calm my panicking body down. I just need to breathe, if I breathe everything will be ok.

How can someone be that evil? How can a woman, no less, be so cruel to their own child? A child they carried within their body for nine months, that they brought into the world? She knows, yet she doesn’t care. She knows what Tommy did, she knew all those years ago and she knows now, she just doesn’t give a fuck.

I feel my heart slowing down, thank god! I take a much needed gasp of air into my lungs and lie my head in my hands. I need to get out of this hospital, I can't face my Dad like this. He'll ask questions, questions I can't and wont answer. I lift myself off the floor and press the G button on the keypad next to the doors and wait. Theres a DING! before the doors open and I jump into the enclosed space before jamming the button over and over again in a bid for it to hurry the fuck up.

I can't believe I let her get to me, I could slap myself for it. I can just imagine her now, crying to my Dad because I'm such a cruel daughter. She'll spout off some shit about me blowing up for no reason whatsoever and my Dad'll eat it all up like the sorry sap that he is. I can't think about that right now. I just need to get out of here.

I come out into the large entrance area, a bronze statue of the Civil War nurse, Clara Barton, is in front of the glass revolving doors. I take a moment to read the plaque at the base.

"
I may be compelled to face danger, but never fear it, and while our soldiers can stand and fight, I can stand and feed and nurse them.
"

I remember studying her in school, she never had any children. How is it that someone so pure and good doesn’t have any children, yet that she-wolf upstairs does?

I walk out of the doors and realize that I came with my Dad. There's no way I'm ready to face his wrath so I just start walking. I could call Noah, he's with Pam though. I take a look at the time on my phone, another two hours until schools out so Trina's out of the question. Ada might be home though and by the time I get there Trina should be out of school soon. I'll just deal with my Dad later. Noah will probably worry, I'm completely drained through, I can't be worrying about someone else right now.

Not even a purse and some shoes are worth this shit.

***

I smile on seeing the familiar house, it's been way too long. I walk up the steps and ring the doorbell, I would usually just walk in but it doesn’t feel right anymore.

"One sec." I hear Ada's voice at the other side of the door.

The door opens and I'm faced with my second Mom, the woman whose practically adopted me. Shes fed me, clothed me, comforted me and supported me. All things my own Mother should have been doing but couldn’t find it in herself to.

"Liv, baby girl, this is a surprise. A good surprise of course, it's been way too quiet round here since you've been gone." She pulls me into a hug, squeezing me tightly.

The show of affection is just too much though and I can't help but burst out crying.

"Oh sweetie, what's wrong? Come on, let's get you some coffee, some Green Mountain makes everything better." She keeps her arm around me as she ushers me through the door into the brightly colored living room.

I'm a sobbing mess, covered in snot and tears. The dam's finally burst, its only took about two years but I can't seem to stop it. The only noises coming from me are sobbing hiccups. I'm well aware I sound like a dying animal, I'm thankful Noah isn't here to see me like this, not attractive at all.

"Oh baby girl, you come and sit down, tell me all about it. You know what I say, a problem shared is a problem halved." Ada passes me a tissue, which I use to wipe the runny nose and dry my tears.

"I-I'm s-sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about sweetie, we all need a good cry every now and then. Cleans out all the bad stuff."

I give her a grateful smile and take a few deep breaths to calm myself. A steaming coffee cup is placed in front of me and I wrap my hands around it, the warmth grounding me. Ada takes a seat opposite, holding her own cup and waits patiently. She'd never push me, she never has, just waits patiently for me to talk when I'm ready. She's my very own therapist, just listens and makes all the appropriate noises before giving me advice. She never judges me or yells, despite some of the stupid stuff me and Trina have got up to over the years, just listens to our side and then helps us to see it clearly. 

I lift the cup to my mouth a take a sip of the scolding hot coffee, ignoring the burning sensation in my mouth. I hold it in my mouth for a couple of seconds, trying to take in the full bittersweet taste. Ada's right, coffee does make everything better.

"The bi-, I mean my Mother was in a car accident."

"Yes, Trina told me, how is she?" Ada's a pretty good actress, we both know she can't stand my Mom almost as much as me.

"She's got a broken arm and she must have hit her head or something, it was bandaged."

"Well, honey, I know full well it's not your Mama being in a car accident that’s got you all upset."

"I just, I just don’t get it. Why does she hate me so much? I never did anything to her."

Ada takes my hand in hers and gives it a gentle squeeze. She looks at me, her eyes full of sympathy. I hate it. I hate that look, like I'm the poor little girl whose Mother doesn’t love her.

"There are some women in the world, Liv, that just aren't meant to be Mothers. Now, that doesn’t mean they can't have children since you're very much here. It just means that they haven't got it in them to love and care for a child, unfortunately it’s the child that suffers."

"Why do they have children then?"

"Oh I can't answer that honey, I love Trina to death, and you. You’re a big girl now, you’re a young women. You need to let everything go and move onto the future, so you can heal. Trina tells me you've found yourself a beau." She raises her eyebrows, causing me to giggle like one of those mindless twits in the movies.

"Noah." I whisper.

"Well, I'm very much looking forward to meeting this young man who's captured your heart."

"Who says he's captured my heart?"

"Oh Liv." Ada shakes her head and smiles. "Nobody had to, the look on your face says it all. I have a feeling that this Noah will be the making of you, you know how I get with my feelings Liv, never wrong. Aaaah to be young again and finding your forever love."