Forever & More: The Friend Zone series (24 page)

Now, when I think about her, the love is still there but it’s tainted by her actions. I feel like a part of me is missing. It’s the part that makes my heart beat, it makes my lungs move, and it’s the part of me that makes me feel. I feel lost and completely alone. At one time in my life, I was used to this feeling; I wrapped myself in like a blanket, shielding myself from life.

However, since Chloe stripped that comfort from me the day I saw her in that diner, and then again at BAR, I had forgotten how to find solace in the emptiness. I understand her more than she realizes. There was a point in my life where I had wanted to hide from the world, myself included.

I was actually able to succeed, but it took drugs and alcohol to do it. For several years, I drowned my sorrows with tequila, and I suppressed my turmoil with oxycontin. There are so many moments in that time that I don’t remember, and that’s what I wanted. One night of fun became three years of a drug-induced memory lapse. I can’t say that if I had to go back in time I would do it differently because I wouldn’t. It made me who I am today, but I never want to be that person again.

We finally reach BAR and Brady drops me off at the back door. I let myself in and then to the apartment. I strip my shirt off with every intention of heading to the shower, but Chloe’s diary screams at me from its propped position on the dresser. It’s been sitting there for a while and I haven’t given it another thought since I placed it in its spot. A layer of dust rests on it it’s been so long.

I grab the book and fall to the bed belly first. The cool sensation of the comforter touches my skin and I adore the feeling. There is nothing more relaxing than cool sheets or a pillow. I bury my face in the soft, plush cloth. I feel like the biggest dirt bag in the world for reading Chloe’s journal. I shouldn’t violate her privacy like this. I know all of these things, but yet I’m going to do it. I need inside her head so that I can feel close to her again.

I flip lazily through the pages until I find a new entry. As I read her feminine script, my heart drops. My eyes roam over each word and with every line in the entry I feel more and more like an asshole.

Chloe didn’t purposely try to kill our child! How in the hell am I going to be able to live with myself knowing that I put her through this for nothing. The air is knocked from my lungs. The room starts to spin. All the horrible things I’ve said to her fly at me, slapping me in the face with each hateful word I let leave my mouth.

Tears fall from my eyes, then suddenly, I’m on my feet. I race through the apartment in nothing but my jeans, but that doesn’t stop me. I race out the door, down the stairs, then into the alley. The cold air hits my skin, but I keep going. The concrete under my feet scrape at the tough skin, but I run faster.

Before I know it, I’m at Chloe’s apartment door, panting like a dog in the middle of July with no water. I breathe in deeply through my nose and burst into the apartment.

“What the fu—” Sara starts to yell from her chair when the door slams into the wall. When she sees me, she stops talking and just points down the hall with a smirk on her face. Chloe must hear the commotion because she swings the door open, takes two steps into the hallway, and freezes.

Her strawberry locks are in long thick waves, resting on her shoulders and falling down her back. The pink tank top she’s wearing clings to her round stomach proudly. My knees give out and I land on them with a loud thud. In slow motion, I walk on them until I’m kneeling before her. My hands shake as I hold her stomach in my hand like a basketball. My head meets the cotton of her shirt and I begin to shake.

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry,” I whisper to my baby and her mother. How could I do this to my family? I let her go without a second thought because I was blinded by anger and what I thought she did. I should have gathered all the facts, given her the opportunity to tell me the truth. But I didn’t, and now I’ve missed out on so much.

Chloe mimics my position and grabs my cheeks. “It’s okay.” She wraps me in her soft, forgiving arms. One arm wraps around my neck while the other is bent so her hand can stroke my hair. “It’s all right. You’re here now, that’s all that matters,” she coos.

My right arm wraps around her waist, the other finds her knees, and I lift her into the air. She shrieks and then giggles as I carry her to her bedroom. I push the door shut with my foot and then gently lay her on her back on the bed. I hover over her, tears still stream down my face.

One stray drop falls to her lips. Chloe stares into my eyes, focused on reading all my emotions but then, her tongue darts out and the tear disappears. My heart is pounding in my throat; I need to be closer to her. I pull her mouth to mine and she lets me. My tongue glides over her lips, begging for entrance and she lets me. My heart begs to be hers again, and I know that she’s let me when she pulls back and whispers, “I love you.”

That’s all I need to hear to know that all is forgiven. I still have a million things to make up for, but right now, I know that everything is going to be just as she’s said. It’s going to be all right.

He’s here, lying on top of me. Skye’s in my arms, begging for forgiveness, and he had it the moment I came out of my room and saw him standing in my apartment. A million different emotions wash over me as I stare into his sorrowful eyes, but the one that is screaming the loudest is happiness. I don’t know that it could even be called happiness because it’s so much more. He looks different than the last time I saw him. His face has aged over the past few months. His hair is longer and his eyes sadder.

“I love you,” I whisper again. I don’t expect him to say it back, but he does. His forehead touches mine and he mutters those three words to us over and over again. Skye stands up and reaches his hand out to mine. When I take his and stand before him, he drops to his knees. His hands cup my stomach the same as before, but the words that come out of his mouth aren’t meant for me.

“Hey, sweetie. I know that I haven’t been around much and that I’ve missed a lot of exciting things. I’m so sorry for that, baby. But I promise you that I won’t miss another moment from now until the day I die. I’m going to be here and love you and mommy with everything I have in me. There will never be anything else in this world that separates us again. You’re my world and I love you.” His words cause my eyes to sting. The slight burning sensation moves to the back of my throat.

Tears fall from my eyes and they’re a combination of happy and sad. I’ve spent the last several months working on me. Making myself better for my daughter and for me. I’ve done any and everything to not think about this possible scenario. I couldn’t imagine him walking through my door and sweeping me off of my feet again. I couldn’t, because if it didn’t happen, it would have killed me.

Instead, I filled my time creating the nursery, and reading baby books. I also spent a lot of time reflecting on my past behavior. Learning how to forgive myself and others is by far the hardest thing I have ever done, but I got there with the help of my therapist and my friends.

“Sit down, sweetie. You need to get off of your feet.”

I look at him curiously. Why would he say that?

“Your ankles.” He points to my feet. “They’re swelling.”

I obey him because he’s right, they are swollen, but not to the point of noticing them. I climb on the bed being mindful of my round tummy. When I lean against the pillows, Skye is right behind me, fluffing them for my comfort.

“That better?” he asks.

“Yes, thank you.” It feels so good to have him in my space, but I need to know what’s going on. There’s only one way to get that information, so I ask, “Where have you been?” He looks down, then back up to me.

“I have some things I need to fill you in on. Are you sure you’re ready? It’s pretty intense.”

I narrow my eyes at him. He throws his hands in the air in defeat.

“All right, so let me start from the beginning. You remember the day I left the courthouse with Jay?” My teeth clench and he notices the tension in my jaw. “Chloe, it’s not what you think. It’s almost worse; just hear me out, okay?”

I take a deep breath and prepare for the worst. He goes into vivid detail about leaving with Jay, the attack, and the motive behind it all. The part that really upsets me is the part about her putting her disgusting body against his when he came here to get my stuff, and the need to reclaim him grows. He tells me about reading my journal, then he apologizes.

“Don’t be sorry. I’m glad you read it. I wonder how it ended up at BAR, though.” I have a hunch, I already know how that happened, but that’s a discussion for another day. The information Skye shares with me about the Cayman Islands account shock me. I didn’t know Tom had that type of money, let alone left it all to me. I’m rich and didn’t know it.

“So that’s why you stayed away? That’s not a good enough excuse.” I can feel the anger I’ve suppressed coming to the surface.

“Chloe, calm down, I know. Yes, that’s the main reason I stayed away, but your latest incident had a little bit to do with it. I really thought you did it on purpose.” I jump from the bed and step in front of where he sits on the edge of the bed.

“Do you really have that little faith in me? Do you honestly feel like I could do something like that? Jesus, why are you even here if you think I’m that kind of person?” I yell at him.

“Chloe, calm down.” He stands. I push him back on the bed.

“No! You don’t get to come in here and tell me to calm down after being MIA for three months. I’m seven months now, Skye, SEVEN MONTHS! I’m fat, my feet hurt, my boobs leak, I can’t shave my legs, and you’ve been GONE! I don’t have to calm down!” My stomach starts contracting. Maybe I do need to calm down. I’ve been having Braxton Hicks contractions for about a week now.

The doctor says it’s normal to start getting them this early, but Skylar’s measurements are bigger than the average baby at the seven-month mark, so they think they may be a few weeks off. I’ve started going to the doctor’s once a week so we can monitor her growth and make sure she doesn’t try to come sooner than she should.

“I know, I’m sorry. It’s not a fucking excuse, but I’m sorry. I don’t feel that way, that’s why it hurt so bad to think you felt like that. I’m so sorry.” He stands and pulls me close to him and I let him.

“Never again, baby.” He lifts my chin, and presses his lips to mine. My hands wind around his neck, pulling him closer to me. He grabs my waist with one hand, the other runs up my back.

Throughout my pregnancy, I’ve been so careful to steer away from anything that will get my hormones excited, but it didn’t always work.

I’ve spent a lot of nights taking care of myself to images of our times together, but nothing could compare to the feeling of him pressed against me. His tongue twists with mine, sending a jolt straight to my core. The tingling feeling expands the entire length of my body and lights every single one of my senses. I take a step back and pull him with me. He comes willingly. I pull at his shirt, silently begging him to take it off. I need to feel his skin on mine.

We separate long enough for both of us to rid ourselves of our tops. He takes a step back and looks longingly at my stomach. A soft smile graces his lips at the sight of my stretched skin. He’s so focused on my belly that he misses me unsnapping my bra. When the lacy material falls to the floor and my breasts are free, he gasps.

I can’t stop the chuckle that bubbles up from my chest. “Like something you see?” I coyly ask.

His face turns a rose color and he nods. Each hand cups one of my heavy breasts and he gently presses them together and buries his face in my cleavage.

“Do we get to keep these after the baby’s born?” He yelps from the sting of my palm. “I was just joking, chill.”

“Quit playing around and make love to me,” I demand.

“We don’t have to rush, baby.” His tone becomes worried.

“I’ve been waiting for months now. Don’t make me wait any longer,” I whine. His mouth is on mine, stopping my words and heart.

I climb onto the bed and Skye follows. His heat blankets me and the feeling is so comforting it feels like home. “I can’t wait any longer, I need to feel you inside of me now.”

Skye grabs the waist of my yoga pants and pulls them, along with my panties, off my hips. The room temperature is drastically increasing with his nearness. Skye stands back up and pulls his pants off in one swift motion.

“Jesus, Chloe. You’re beautiful! I’m gonna keep you knocked up so I can look at this view all the time.” The words come out of his mouth before he realizes what he says.

“Shut up and come here,” I tell him. He kneels between my thighs, his hard length in his hand.

“You sure this is okay? It won’t hurt the baby, right?” His need for reassurance is adorable. But I need my sexy, confident Skye back, now.

“It’s okay, I promise.” I let him know how annoyed I am with my tone.

He leans forward and slides the tips of his fingers through my slit. My back arches at the same time a hiss leaves my lips. If it always feels like this when you’re pregnant, then I may have to agree with Skye on the staying knocked up topic. His finger slices through me again and my body shudders beneath him.

He slips a finger inside of me and I can feel the walls of my sex clench around him, trying to trap him there forever. My head thrashes from side to side while he gently presses in and then pulls out.

“Skye,” I whisper his name. He leans over me and takes my left breast in his mouth and begins sucking. I writhe underneath him and lift my hips. Even though he’s working me with his skilled finger, I need more.

I moan his name this time, trying to tell him with one word what I need. He understands my broken language. Skye grips his hard steel and slowly works his way inside of me. In and out, adding only an inch at a time until he’s completely buried himself inside of me.

When he’s buried to the hilt, he stills. His chest rises and falls with his labored breath, my heavy pants match his. I move my hips, trying to get him to move with me, but he pulls back, almost completely out of me.

“Ya gotta stop moving, babe. Be still for a minute.”

“What’s the matter?” I ask.

“Oh, nothing’s wrong. I just need a minute.” He blushes.

After a moment, he starts moving again. With each stroke, I’m pulled closer to the edge. The orgasm building inside of me feels like a tornado of sensations and emotions that are about to tear my insides apart.

“I’m not gonna last, baby. I’m sorry.”

It’s okay, because I’m going to be a goner in just a few more strokes myself if he keeps hitting it like that, and I tell him that. My sex clenches so tightly that it draws my toes in.

“Harder,” I command.

“Chloe, the baby,” he tries to remind me.

“I know she’s there. Just do it, please.” He slams into me so hard my back arches. My muscles tighten and I scream his name. The twister inside of me explodes into dust and I can see the millions of tiny specks from it floating around the room.

Skye’s cock swells inside of me, his muscles turn to solid rock beneath my finger tips and I feel him spill inside of me. I greedily milk ever last drop of him until he collapses next to me.

“Oh shit,” he sighs. A satisfied smile spreads across my face. I know exactly how he feels.

“So, I have something to show you.” I get up and waddle to my bathroom. Apparently Skylar isn’t as happy about her daddy coming home as I am. She’s using my bladder as a trampoline and back flipping off of that onto a nerve in my back that’s causing a small shooting pain to shoot up my spine.

I relieve myself and then wash my hands. When I walk back into the room my heart weeps with joy. Skye’s put his pants back on and is lying on his side, staring at me with absolute love. No disgust, no rage, no resentment, none of the emotions I saw at the hospital and the days that followed are in those beautiful pools of green.

They shine a bright azure green and radiate everything good. I approach the foot of the bed and hold out my hand. He sits up and takes it. I lead him out of my room and stop in front of the door across the hall.

“Close your eyes,” I tell him. “No peeking.” He does as I say so I turn the knob. We enter the nursery. I spin to tell him to uncover his eyes, but before I can tell him, Sara and Harley file in behind us.

She nods letting me know to go ahead.

“Okay, open them.” When he opens, those emerald eyes I love so much cloud over with tears. I can only imagine what he’s thinking right now.

The room is a very soft, pastel purple, the ceiling has streams of white twinkling lights and small cutouts of fairies falling from the lights. To the left is a giant hollow tree painted in the corner that extends to each side of the wall. The painted leaves and moss extend from the middle of the trunk to the ceiling. Small winged people are painted sporadically on the limbs and in the hollow of the tree.

On the wall next to the tree sits a bookshelf that holds my daughter’s name in wooden blocks. Skylar’s lettered blocks are painted in different colors, each piece of wood has a different theme—some are covered in flowers, some with fairies, and some stripes. Her circle canopy crib sits on the other side of the room awaiting her arrival.

Skye walks to it and runs a shaky hand over the dark cherrywood. He looks at me with an
is this real
expression. I offer him a soft smile and cross the room. I settle into the glider next to her crib. Beside me is a bookshelf that holds ever nursery rhyme you could ever imagine. Skye walks silently to the shelf and touches every spine of every book in fascination.