Forever's Promises (Forever In Luck Series Book 1) (11 page)

“I
didn’t realize that,” he answered with frustration. “Don’t they teach you all
that stuff in school?”

She
laughed. “The greatest misnomer these days is that a nurse, is a nurse, is a
nurse. Medicine has become so technically advanced that it’s impossible to
learn everything you need to know in school. Nursing school simply provides you
a framework upon which to build your career. You need exposure to many
different, and difficult, circumstances to become well rounded in your
practice, whether it’s on the front lines, or in the office. In a lot of ways,
I feel like I didn’t really begin to learn to be a nurse until I started
working as one, and as I enjoy being hands on, I need to be where the action
is.”

“Please
stay,” he implored, looking nervous. “Take a job in Minneapolis if you want,
but please stay. I love you, and want us to be married. Stay and marry me,
please?”

Gosh,
things were moving fast. “Ahhhh,” she replied nervously, “that, ummm, like,
fits into the ‘big step, with a long term commitment’ and hasty decision thing
I was talking about when you brought up buying a house.” He was clenching his
jaw, and she knew he was getting upset.

“Linnie,”
he snapped. “I want us to be married, and I thought you did too!” he responded
angrily, his temper flaring wildly.

“Please
don’t yell at me,” she said quietly. “I want us to be together too, I just
don’t know that I need a piece of paper right—”

“What
the hell does that mean?” he interrupted angrily. “Because I sure the hell need
a piece of paper, a piece of paper that defines a commitment!”

“I—”

 
Interjecting forcefully, he said. “I want a
wife. I want you, and I want our children to be legitimate.”

“Na—”

“No!”
He started shaking his head, refusing to listen. “No more being apart, Linnie.
No more! I want to spend the rest of my life with you, period. Now I want an
answer, will you marry me, yes or no?” he demanded, forcing the issue.

She
burst into tears.

“Answer
me, now!” he yelled.

“I…I…can’t,
not now,” she whispered through her tears, then hopped up and ran into the
bathroom, locking the door, crying.

It
wasn’t until sometime later that she came out and tiptoed to the bed. Nate was
lying on his side facing the bathroom. She wasn’t sure if he was awake or not,
so she gingerly slid into bed, trying not to wake him if he was. She just
couldn’t continue this conversation. She was having a hard enough time trying not
to cry. He let out a big breath and turned to his back. She lay still,
listening. Soon, his breathing evened out and deepened. She relaxed a bit, but
her eyes burned.

She
and Purdy were supposed to be newlyweds right now, off enjoying their
honeymoon. She didn’t lament the loss of that relationship, but for the loss of
her trust in the sanctity of marriage and the commitment that went along with
it. She’d been committed twice in the past, and both times the men had left
her. She didn’t think she’d survive a third.

Lying
there thinking, she listened to him snore. Hours had gone by when he began to
move erratically. Lighting the candle, she looked over at him. He was moving
his hands quickly, and then lifting them up in the air, jerking them back and
forth, then back to the quick hand movements, and then the arms up in the air
again, jerk, jerk, jerk. Linnie’s heart sunk. He was shooting his gun. He was
dreaming and shooting his gun. He wasn’t there with her, he was at war in his mind.
She wanted to hold him, wanted to feel him there with her, and for him to feel
her, but he just kept moving his hands and arms. Then he began to sweat, his
actions getting faster.

She
knew not to touch him or to try and wake him, because in doing so, he could
wake thinking he was being attacked and inadvertently hurt her. That would
absolutely destroy him, she thought. Blowing out the candle, she lay there next
to him praying for it to end. Did he know this was happening? Should she go and
lie on the couch? Not long after, he jumped from the bed with a stifled yell.

Lying
there, she listened to him breathe rapidly and swallow a number of times, as he
stood by the bed not moving. Uncertain if it was over, and wanting to observe
his behavior, she waited to see what would happen next. Going into the
bathroom, she heard him turn on the water. Turning on her side, she looked
away. She needed to get back home and start researching PTSD. That might explain
his intense anger earlier, she thought, it was just so uncharacteristic of him
to behave like that. Yes, he could be stubborn, and he didn’t always say the
right thing, but he’d never been mean or angry like he’d been earlier in the night.

Coming
back into the bedroom, he simply stood by the bed, and she could feel his eyes
on her even though it was dark. Holding her breath, she waited. After inhaling
deep, and letting out a tremendous sigh, he got back into bed. Turning onto his
side, he pulled her in close, holding onto her tight. He trembled from head to
foot.

CHAPTER 10

Following
close behind Linnie as they traveled back to Luck, Nate was concerned she’d
fall asleep while driving. She’d been up most of the night tossing and turning,
only to sleep an hour or two before getting up to leave. She’d been tearful off
and on, and had tried hiding it from him, but he knew. Not to mention her eyes were
nothing but red, swollen slits come morning. They didn’t say anything to each
other when they got up, and he didn’t know if that was good, or bad, or both,
but she had let him hold her much of the night.

He
was angry, and wanted to yell it out with her, and she was upset, reverting to
her inner shell. Can you really blame her, he asked himself. Every time she’d
tried to say something, you talked right over her. Talked? Yeah right. He
hadn’t exactly talked. She didn’t really say no, but it sure felt like she had,
and it had sent him right over the edge, shooting his anxiety up and off the
charts. They’d argued before, but he’d never yelled at her like he had last
night. Then to top it off, he had one of his nightmares. Like he really needed
that shit to start now.

Now
what? He felt like he’d ruined everything. They’d come so far in the last few
days, and now he blew it. He just needed them to be together, and he was
beginning to feel desperate. Her presence had a calming influence on him and
his nerves. The nights they’d been apart, he hadn’t slept but a wink or two,
and then he’d be up roaming around, edgy and irritable because he couldn’t
relax and settle. But with her by him, he felt like he could tolerate the dark
and the quiet, he felt like he could breathe. Her controlled, quiet demeanor
calmed him, and he really needed that.

He
felt guilty for so many things, but mostly because he was putting so much
pressure on her for reasons she didn’t even know. Hell, the other night, he
woke with a start thinking he was caught in the middle of a blinding sandstorm,
and here it was just the howling blizzard winds, and then there’d been the day
at the airport, when he’d heard the jet engines wine and scream. So, yeah, he
could add noises to the growing list of problems he was experiencing, auditory
triggers, angry outbursts, hypervigilance, flashbacks, and now nightmares.
Great, just great. If they could just be together, then everything would go
back to normal, he was sure of it. Now he just had to convince her of that too.

Pulling
into the farmyard, she headed towards the house, as he went to the shop. It was
soon to be milking time, and her father stepped out of the garage, talked with
her a few moments, then headed over to where he was disconnecting the
snowmobiles.

“She
left here in tears, and came back in them. You seem to be the common denominator,
and I’m not liking the way this is adding up. I promised her rest if she
stayed, and right now she looks worse than when she arrived a week and a half
ago. To say I’m less than pleased, would be an understatement.”

“We
had a disagreement,” Nate tried to explain.

“Yeah,
I gather that. I’m still not okay with it,” Karl answered bluntly.

“I’ll
talk to her. We’ll work this out,” Nate assured him.

“You
best make sure she doesn’t start crying again, or I’ll have your ass hauled off
my property, and you won’t be welcomed back.” Then he turned and walked away.

After
unloading the sleds, Nate went to her car and carried in her things. She was in
the shower, and he waited for her to come down for dinner. When she did, she
went to the kitchen to help dish up, and he followed. They all sat around
eating in relative quiet, her brothers glancing at the two of them, and then
away. When dinner was over, they all cleaned up and went their separate ways,
except for her father, who stayed close.

Getting
up to leave, he took her hand and pulled her over to the door, then kissed her
on the forehead. Looking her in the eye, he asked, “Can we talk about this
later? I know we can work things out.” She stared back at him for what seemed
like forever, and then gave him a little affirming nod. Thank God! He took a
deep breath, then gave her a gentle kiss before walking out the door.

With
Nate gone, Linnie went to sit on the couch in the family room.

“You
okay?” her Dad asked.

She
nodded. “I’m just tired, I didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Yeah,
I pretty much figured that out. You going to hit the hay early then?”

“I
think so.” she responded with a heavy sigh. “Goodnight, I love you.”

“Love
you too.”

Going
upstairs, she brushed her teeth, then headed to her room and closed the door,
thankful for the privacy. She should’ve been surprised, but for some reason she
wasn’t. There, on her bed waiting for her, was Nate. She stood there looking at
him. All he did was open his arms, and she couldn’t help herself, she went to
him.

Holding
each other close, they lay together for some time without speaking, then Nate
whispered, “I’m sorry I yelled at you. I understand what you’re getting at, and
even though you didn’t really say no, it felt like you did, and my heart
couldn’t take it. I lashed out in anger, and I’m sorry I upset you, making you
cry. I promised you I’d wait till you’re ready, and I will. I guess I’m just a
little disappointed is all. I’ve waited so long to be with you, and I can’t
stand us being apart, and I’m not referring to making love either, I’m talking
about lying next to you, and holding you all night long.”

Kissing
him first, then looking into his eyes, she whispered, “I’m sorry too, but I’m
just not into the whole ‘let’s get married’ thing right now. Too much has
happened in a short amount of time for both of us, and I can’t help but feel we
need to take our time and let the dust settle some.”

Tightening
his hold on her, he accepted her answer for what it was, a delay, not a denial.
“Okay, we’ll slow it down, but I won’t promise that I won’t be sneaking into
your bedroom each night.” Holding her and kissing her deeply, she responded
passionately. He had to stop this. “Go to sleep. I’ll stay a while and then
leave.”

“How’d
you get in?”

“I
unlocked your window when you were in the shower.”

“You’ll
need to be super quiet when you leave.”

“Not
a problem,” he answered with confidence. “Stealth is one of my Ranger
specialties.”

**********

The
next day Linnie was standing outside Nate’s house. When no one answered the
door, she opened it and yelled for Bev. Bev had said she’d be home when she’d
called earlier, so she knew Bev was expecting her. Going in, she found a note
on the counter telling her to start some coffee and to make herself at home,
and that Bev would be back in a few minutes. It seemed silly, but what Linnie
really wanted to do was go lay on Nate’s bed. In fact, it took all her
discipline to stop herself from doing just that. Seriously, how embarrassing
would it be to have his mother walk in on her lying in his bed? She still
wanted to do it though. Just then his mother walked in. Thank goodness.

“Hi,
how are you, sweetie?” Bev asked, setting down her things and coming over to
give her a hug.

“Good,”
she answered.

Bev
looked at her and said with a knowing smile, “You do know, that as a mother, I
can see right through that answer, don’t you?”

Linnie
felt bashful. “I…well…ummm, can we talk?”

“Yes,
absolutely! Let’s make some coffee and have some of the treats I bought. I take
it this is a girl’s talk, maybe, hmmm?”

Linnie
took a guarded breath. “Maybe…some,” she answered.

“Come,
sit, you can talk to me about anything,” Bev assured her.

She
sat. “Well, I was wondering what you knew about Mikey.”

Bev’s
eyebrows went up. “Not much really. Naomi stayed around for a little while after
you left, but then she moved before Mikey was born. Several months later, we
received a birth announcement, but that was it until she came to the house this
past weekend with him.”

“She
came here?” Linnie asked, surprised.

Bev
nodded. “Yes, she wanted to talk with Nate in private, said she brought Mikey
over for him to see, but Nate refused, and his dad and I supported him in that
decision. Nate was furious, and after he took a look at Mikey, Naomi got up and
left.”

“Do
you still have the birth announcement?”

“Yes.
Wait here, I’ll get it.”

Coming
back, Bev handed her the announcement. Taking it, Linnie studied it. Then
picked up her purse and took out a piece of paper and a pen. After doing some
math, she sat back, thinking.

“What’s
going on?” Bev asked.

After
double checking her math, she looked at Bev and said, “I don’t think Nate’s
Mikey’s father. I think he’s right when he says that’s not his child.”

Bev
sat up in her chair. “Really? Tell me what you know, please.”

“This
has to stay between us,” Linnie answered with emphasis. “This is very private,
and personal to Nate, and…well, to me too. You can tell Steven, but that’s it.”

“Yes,
of course,” Bev said in alarm. “What is it?”

Linnie
shared with Bev what Nate had told her. Bev sat back stunned. “So often I’ve
wondered what happened, and I have to say, things just never made sense. Nate
has only ever had eyes for you. He’s always been steadfast in this. He’s always
known you were the one for him, so it never made sense that he’d be with
Naomi.”

“I
know, I’ve often wondered too,” Linnie answered, then continued, “So, by plugging
Mikey’s date of birth into this formula I learned in nursing school, it puts
Mikey’s conception somewhere around the end of April, first of May.”

Leaning
closer, Bev looked at the paper, and Linnie gave her a moment before she continued,
“Nate referred to the party taking place when Jake had gone fishing up north
with my dad, and I being in the cities looking at colleges with my mom. I specifically
remember that time, because my mom was worried about leaving Nik home alone,
and him skipping the last days of school or throwing a big party while we were
gone. So, we considered driving back and forth each day, but then Kris promised
mom he’d keep an eye on Nik, and make sure he stayed out of trouble, so we went.
It was the first of June.”

Taking
a drink of her coffee and sitting back, Linnie finished. “Now, I know from my
nursing experience that anything over thirty six weeks is considered full term
for a newborn, and if we hold to the argument that Nate is the father, then
Mikey would have been born at thirty six weeks. But I don’t know that there are
too many infants at that gestation that are eight pounds, thirteen ounces.
Heck, if she’d gone the full forty weeks, Mikey would have been twelve or
thirteen pounds when he was born. So that brings us back to the end of April,
first of May, and I can say, I specifically remember the last weekend of April
that year being prom. I think it’s good that Nate’s getting the DNA testing
done, and I think it’s going to show he’s not the father.”

“Oh
Linnie, you don’t know how happy I am to know all this. I would give anything
to be able to go back and change it, but I can’t. And it breaks my heart that you
and Nate have suffered so, but I’m darn happy to finally have something other
than the confusion to think about. Steven will be relieved too.”

Linnie
nodded, then said nervously, “Ummm…well…there’s more. We need to talk about
some other stuff too.”

“Okay,”
Bev said, squeezing her hand. “What is it, you can talk to me.”

“Ahhhh,
Nate and I spent the last few days together at the cabin up north. We didn’t
plan it, it just happened. After running into Naomi, I almost went back to
Chicago. Then at the last minute, I changed my mind and told my dad I was going
to the cabin, and he promised to keep it a secret. Two days later, I was
returning from the store, and in drives Nate. We spent the weekend together, if
you know what I mean.”

Bev
laughed, then struggled to hold a straight face. “Linnie, I got used to the
idea of you and Nate
spending time
together
years ago, that it happened now is, well…wonderful. I’m happy for
the two of you.”

Relieved
to have it all out in the open, and feeling thankful Bev was so accepting
helped immensely, but she still felt shy about it. “Ummm, I was wondering if you’ve
seen him, like, without a shirt on.”

Losing
her smile, Bev answered, “No, why?”

“Ahhh,
he has a very large tattoo covering half his chest and back, as well as one
whole arm,” she answered.

“What?
A tattoo? A large one? Are you sure?” Bev asked incredulous.

Linnie
nodded. “Very sure. I studied it in great detail. It’s ahhh…well, it’s a tribal
tattoo and it means something significant to him.”

Bev
looked at her suspiciously. “What are you trying to tell me?”

Pausing,
Linnie looked at Bev soberly and said, “It’s strategically placed to cover
numerous scars, some of them surgical. He nearly died from a collapsed lung and
sucking chest wound when he took a direct hit.”