Forget About Midnight (30 page)

“A divine force,” I repeated with a bitter laugh. “There is nothing divine in this room. We both belong in hell.”

I slipped so easily into that dark place where only the hunger for blood and power dwelled. Falon had never seen me this far gone before, and the surprise was evident on his face.

“That’s not true,” he said, as if he thought that keeping me talking would help. “You’ve done a lot of good, Alexa. That matters. You are not the darkness that’s inside you. You do know that, right?”

It was the first and only nice thing Falon had ever said to me. Too bad it didn’t matter when all I could focus on was hurting him. I’d resisted the night he’d dropped in on Kale and me, but I didn’t have this evil building whispering in my ear, getting inside my head.

“Do you know how many people I’ve killed since I turned?” I asked, advancing on him with slow, even steps. “I don’t. I stopped counting. I’ve done nothing but hurt people, even the ones I love the most. If I am not the darkness, then I’m just a horrible person. It’s much easier to just be dark. No guilt. No tears. No sanity.”

Falon held his ground, knowing that to retreat would only encourage me. “I get it. It’s easier to give in than to stand up under the pressure. Trust me; I’ve been there. We’re not so different, are we? Creatures of light forced to become one with the dark. We walk in both worlds, and it often means walking alone.”

The truth in his words wounded me. Of all people for me to relate to, Falon should never have been one of them. That reality was so harsh, such a slap in the face, that I believed perhaps there was no hope for me now.

Alone. Yes, that was what I was now. Two beings trapped in one body and one mind, a battle that would destroy what was left of my fragile sanity. Maybe Shya was right. Maybe Willow had unknowingly condemned me to a fate worse than if the dark had claimed me in full.

Unseen shadows gathered close. I could feel them, cloaking me like a blanket of broken dreams. Everything in me that was vampire flourished under that dark touch.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked, not caring what his answer was, merely wanting to mess with him. “I might almost be a match for you now. It could get dangerous.”

Falon’s eyes narrowed. “You will never be a match for me, wolf.”

Instead of arguing, I twirled a hand in the air, stirring the energy into a small, sensually charged tornado that I released. As expected, it swirled around Falon, dancing about, taunting him to play my game.

He stiffened and put out a hand to subdue the small energy storm. “Don’t play with me, Alexa.” Despite his words, Falon’s pupils dilated as he responded to the growing force flowing from me. He didn’t fall under my spell, but it beckoned to him.

‘Find your freedom from the human pain you still carry.’ The evil in my ear spoke directly to my weakness, knowing how to get inside each person it targeted. ‘Feel nothing. Be free. He can free you. You can free yourself.’

Some part of me knew it was a lie. That same part of me was desperate to be rid of the sinking sensation of having to face myself in the mirror every night after everything I’d done. Freedom was short lived and always an illusion, but for those few precious moments, it was almost worth the pay off.

This was why Kale spent endless nights in The Wicked Kiss, screwing and bleeding victims in a desperate attempt to escape the constant, nagging guilt and remorse. No sooner had Kale crossed my mind than I relinquished whatever remaining hold I had on my control. I didn’t want to think of him. I didn’t want to feel what he made me feel. Pain. Love. Guilt. Fuck all of it.

“I don’t want to feel this way anymore,” I said, feeling detached from myself. No emotion fueled my words, just the need to be liberated from the shackles of love and sorrow.

I stopped in front of Falon. The power roiling about inside me flowed out to fill the room. It made the tips of my hair float and my fingers crackle with blue and yellow sparks.

The heady succubus energy crawled all over Falon, seeking to enslave him. He watched me with a mix of intrigue and understanding. The thought that Falon could understand me and maybe even relate bothered me in a bad way. I was nothing like him. He was vile, a horrible being willing to do awful things.

‘At least he has a good reason,’ the dark voice spoke louder in my head. ‘You’re worse than he is. A killer with no justification.’

I shook my head and grabbed two handfuls of hair as if that would make the voice stop. A small cry escaped me as the voice grew louder until it caused my head to ache.

Falon grabbed hold of my hands and pried my fingers open. “Don’t listen to it,” he said. “It’s evil. And evil always knows the right buttons to push. You can shut it out. You have to.”

I blinked up at him through a haze of agony and desperation. “Make me forget. Please, just make me forget everything.”

It was a desperate plea, spoken from a place in my heart I’d tried and failed to protect. It was accompanied by a wave of power that rose up to crash over us both. Caught up in the dizzying force, I fell headlong into the promise of escape. Falon blinked a few times, and I watched as it swallowed him whole.

“I’ll make you forget what it’s like to feel,” he whispered, sliding a hand into my hair. “If you can make me remember.”

He kissed me with a drowning desire that wiped all thought from my mind. His lips moved on mine, firm but gentle. I slipped my tongue between his lips, seeking to accept all that he was offering. Somewhere in the back of my mind I was vaguely aware of the entity’s cackle of victory.

Every action led to a reaction. We went from moment to moment, letting the power guide us to what we most longed for. It wasn’t each other, not by a long shot, but we could give each other what we needed if only because we had no tie to one another.

Our actions grew hurried, as if we couldn’t wait another second for that bliss moment we sought. His mouth was warm on mine. His hands were in my hair, and then they were on my waist. Our clothing hit the floor as we tossed it carelessly aside.

Looking at him through the eyes of a desperate, hungry predator, I tasted him again, needing his mouth on mine as his hands explored my body. He picked me up and avoided the bed, placing me instead on the desk.

His hand slid between my legs. I was ready, charged by the violent succubus essence ruling me. Falon gripped my hips, and I spread my legs in invitation. He needed no further encouragement. With his silver gaze on my vampiric blue one, he entered me in one aggressive thrust that forced a cry from me.

With clawed fingertips I clutched at him, drawing blood from wounds that healed instantly. I eyed his neck, eager for his blood now that the aroma of it had stained the air. The rustle of feathers preceded his massive wings as they appeared, cloaking us in a shelter of silver. Unable to resist, I reached to run a hand over one wing. It was impossibly soft.

Falon’s breath came hard and fast. With one hand he held tight to my hip, guiding himself into me over and over again. His other hand glided up my stomach to my breast. I ran my hands over his chest, marveling at his hard physique, tight muscle and firm lines created for a warrior who had never been human. How amazingly well made he was.

I focused on the way he felt inside me and my growing hunger for the powerful blood beneath his skin. Falon was everything I hated and losing myself in him changed me in ways greater than I could know in that moment.

Right then I hated myself. It was only fitting that I punish myself with someone I hated nearly as much.

The absence of love made the entire thing deliciously wrong. The pleasure I got from that was all kinds of sinful. Knowing it was so illicit, so vile in its own way, only made me enjoy it more. Having Falon between my legs brought me to a place of liberation that was built on a lie. And I didn’t care.

I kissed him again, a violent kiss born of inner pain. My fangs pierced his lip, and a drop of blood hit my tongue. The atmosphere flooded with power that neither of us maintained any control over.

With a groan Falon muttered against my lips, “You better come for me, you bitch.”

The wicked laughter that spilled forth barely sounded like me. “That’s all in your hands now, isn’t it? Stop being such a pussy and show me what you’re made of.”

His expression was one of tortured desire. I knew that loving what you felt at the touch of someone you hated was a real slap in the face. In a low, husky snarl he said, “I am going to wreck you.”

We challenged each other because we hated each other. This encounter held all of the same aspects as every other encounter between us. Tension. Disdain. The subtle promise of violence. It was wrong and dirty, and I loved it.

Falon hooked an arm under my leg and used it to angle himself deeper. His wings flapped once, bathing me in a soft, brief breeze. There was urgency in his rhythm. It was fueled by the rising power, the angelic and vampiric crashing together like the warm and cool air that creates thunder.

All too quickly his aggressive thrusts forced me closer to the edge of orgasmic release. My cries grew in volume, becoming screams that echoed the primal force inside me.

I wasn’t going to miss this opportunity to take everything I could get from Falon. I was drunk on his potent energy, seeking only to add blood to the mix.

With a hand on the back of his neck, my fingers played in his near-silver hair. I leaned in and pressed my mouth to the pulse pounding in his neck. The heady, masculine scent of him tightened the knot of arousal in my groin.

I waited until that perfect thrust, the one that would knock me over the edge, and then I plunged my fangs into his beautiful vein. Blood rushed from the wound, just enough to coat my tongue before it healed. Licking my lips, I sighed and bit him again.

The power driving us ran rampant, bending us to its will. Falon tensed and groaned, twitching inside me with his release. There was a roar of white noise in my ears, momentarily deafening. A flash of brilliant light lit up my vision. The power in his blood hit me like a ton of bricks.

I felt like I was flying, soaring far above this room, this building, even this city. It was like my spirit left my body behind with Falon and escaped into the ether, becoming one with all things. The impact of taking his blood and power was greater than it had been prior to my vampiric transition. For a second, I forgot who I was.

Then it all came rushing back to me, and I crashed down to earth like I’d been shot out of the sky. With my ears ringing and my vision clearing, I became painfully aware of what we’d just done. What we could never undo. And the jarring realization made me sick.

I pushed Falon away, clambered off the desk and managed to turn away before violently dry heaving in the corner. It hurt. My body was no longer equipped for vomiting. The blood I’d taken from him refused to come up. My body would not part with it.

“Well,” Falon’s voice came from behind me. “You sure know how to stroke a guy’s ego.”

Unable to bring myself to look at him, I sunk to my knees and tried to stop my head from spinning. I was overloaded with power that needed to be used.

“Please, don’t take it personally,” I said, shivering even though I felt no chill.

“Of course not. I’m sure you dry heave after orgasm with all of your lovers.” The sound of clothing rustling followed his snide remark. A few items hit my back as he tossed them at me. “Here. Get dressed. We have to get this door open.”

I reached for my clothes and rose, donning them fast. “Um, Falon, where’s my underwear?”

“Oh these?” He forced me to glance over my shoulder to find him twirling my black panties on one finger. “I’m keeping them.”

Before I could protest he stuffed the tiny article of clothing into his back pocket. I was mortified but unwilling to fight him for it. I slid my pants on and found my horror turning to disgust.

“Is that like some kind of trophy for you, Falon? You’re sick.”

“And you’re a screamer. I thought you might be.”

My face burned with humiliation. I wanted to be mad, but the power high made it difficult. When I came down, I would owe him a punch.

Feeling too many things to make sense of any one emotion, I stuffed it all back down inside. After running my hands through my hair a few times to smooth it down the best I could, I steeled myself and faced him head on.

A devilish light shone in his silver eyes. He was enjoying my discomfort. He’d shared some private information with me, and then he’d become the first lover I’d had whom I did not love. Hell, I didn’t even like him. And not a damn thing had changed.

“All right,” I said, gesturing to the door. “Tell me what to do.”

Falon pointed at the door. “Feel for the ward. I’m sure you’ll feel it now.”

Wary of him, I reached out with a hand and focused on the energy in the room. Sifting through it in my mind, I could feel the demonic residue tainting the room, making it a true prison.

With my eyes closed so I could concentrate without having to look at my biggest mistake, I asked him, “What now?”

“Search for a weak point. It will have one. They always do. Only someone strong enough can exploit it though.” Falon drew closer. Even with my eyes closed, I was aware of it. “Use our power together. It’s got to work.”

“Geez, you sound so desperate,” I muttered, waving him away. “Give me some space. I can’t concentrate with you hovering so close.”

He scoffed but took a few steps back. “Sorry. I should’ve warned you. I tend to have a lasting effect.”

Cracking one eye open, I held up a hand toward him and hit him with a shot that brought him to his knees with a grunt. “Don’t get too cocky. You’re the one who’ll be craving me. It’s a succubus thing.”

Ignoring the dark glare he shot my way, I turned my focus back to the demon ward. In my mind it felt thick and black, like spilled oil. It was strong and well made. I searched it for the weak link, finding it as Falon had said.

I called forth all of the angelic power I’d drawn from him. It blew threw me like a gale force wind, making it difficult to harness. I also called on my wolf, knowing that was where the light inside me lived. Much like I’d done the night I took on Shya, I channeled a dark force through a light force. It wasn’t easy, and the required focus was tiring. It was using up all of the power I’d taken from Falon.