Forget About Midnight (37 page)

“Kale…”

“Don’t feel like you have to justify anything to me. I know what that place can do. But I kind of saw this coming.” The way he said it made me think it was accompanied by an indifferent shrug. “Mostly, I’m just upset you never told me that you planned to go back into that building.”

My initial reaction was shock, then anger. At a loss for a response, I sputtered, “You shouldn’t have left.”

“I had to, and you know it. You and I need some time apart. Alexa, take this time to find yourself. I mean really find yourself. You owe it to yourself to overcome the obstacles that have plagued so many of us.” It was quiet when he paused. There was no background noise, leading me to wonder where he was. Was he at The Wicked Kiss Las Vegas with Jenner?

Feeling miserable, I stopped outside of Kale’s abandoned room and stared at the number thirteen on the door. “Juliet is there. Briggs sent her to watch you and Jenner. She’s helping the Vegas FPA get their shit together. I’d rather Jenner not know if possible.”

Kale digested this bit of information. “I’ll keep an eye out for her.” There was an awkward moment where neither of us seemed to know what to say. “Well, I’ve gotta run. I’ll talk to you later.”

Panic gripped me as I became desperate to keep him on the line. Anything to feel close to him for just a moment longer. “Wait, Kale, please—”

He cut me off. Irritation crept into his voice. “Forget it, Alexa. I don’t want to do this right now. I just… I can’t.”

He hung up, leaving me standing there staring at my phone. The urge to hurl it down the hall in a fit of temper was strong. So I did.

At that moment Willow stepped into the back hall, and the phone smacked his chest before hitting the floor at his feet. He looked at me in mock offense. “What the hell was that all about? I know I haven’t been here for a while, but there’s no need to be abusive.”

I shoved away from the door and headed toward him. Scooping my phone off the floor, I grimaced. “Sorry. Bad phone call.”

“What’s up?”

With a shrug and a sigh, I tried to feel something other than morose. “Briggs sent out the security footage of me and Falon. He thought it would drive a wedge between me and certain people. He was right.”

Willow slung an arm around my shoulders and guided me along, back into the main part of the club. “The evil in this city is overwhelming. Even those who claim to fight it end up joining it. It’s discouraging, which is why you must not be discouraged.”

“Bit late for that.” I let him lead me along to the bar where he slid onto his favorite stool and patted the one next to him.

The club was just starting to fill up. The Crimson Sin girls were hauling their gear onto the stage. Josh, the bartender, placed a tequila bottle and a shot glass in front of Willow.

“Nice to see you back,” Josh said, a mouthful for a man of few words who rarely spoke to any of us.

Willow grinned. “Nice to be back.” He slammed back two shots of tequila before turning to me. “I can’t stay long, but I needed to come by and make sure you’re ok. And you are ok. You must know that.”

“Ok? I’ve killed people who didn’t deserve it. I’ve made some of the worst choices of my life in the last week alone. And to top it off, I’ve successfully alienated every man I’ve had an intimate relationship with. I’m not ok.” Eyeing the tequila bottle, I was envious that his escape could be found in a bottle while mine was inside anyone with a heartbeat or enough juice to give me a power high.

“Words have power, Alexa. What you speak, you create. Positive and negative intents and declarations manifest a reaction. Haven’t you figured that out yet?” Willow frowned at the next shot he poured. “Too bad you can’t partake. I’m going to miss that.”

“I miss it too. I have a new addiction now. Darkness.” Sure I was bitter. It had been a hell of a week. As if death wasn’t bad enough, I’d had to take it a step further and destroy everything I touched as well.

Willow took the shot and slammed the glass down. The gold flecks in his eyes glittered against the red. “It’s not the darkness you’re addicted to. It’s the misery. I know this well.”

Pondering this, I watched the front entry. Part of me expected Kale to walk in any moment. Old habits would die hard.

I didn’t doubt that Willow was right. His wisdom came from a place older than time. It warmed me to discover that side of him had survived.

“Can I ask you something?” He slid a curious glance my way. “Falon… was that the misery, or was it something deeper than that?”

The evil inside the FPA building, my hunger for blood and power, my reckless spirit: all of these things played a role in what happened with Falon. However, it all boiled down to just one thing.

“I used him,” I admitted. “He was there. He had what I wanted, and I used him. But the best part was that I didn’t have to feel bad about it, because it was him. And I don’t. I want to, but I don’t feel bad. I don’t feel anything.”

My thoughts went to Shaz. I never wanted to taint our relationship by using him as a food source. It had happened anyway. Though he’d enjoyed it, that didn’t make it right. The dynamic between us had shifted. Using him that way was not something I would ever be entirely comfortable with. But with Falon, that could never be an issue. I felt nothing for him other than contempt.

Willow nodded and reached to capture my hand in his. “I can’t tell you what you should or should not do, but I must remind you of one thing. You are here for great things. God has no use for perfect people in this day. That’s why there aren’t any. He is found in the beauty of the broken.”

Conflicted, I turned his advice over in my mind. “I died to stop Shya. Now I’m being driven mad by the shift in the light and dark inside me. I’m beyond broken, Willow. I’m shattered.”

His eyes narrowed as he frowned and made a tsking noise at me. “Haven’t you figured it out yet? The light and the dark cannot reign equal in one heart. Eventually, one must reign alone.”

“Easier said than done.” My voice rose with my rising desperation. I didn’t want wise words meant to enlighten. I wanted a quick fix. Now. Patience has never been my virtue. “It’s like a war going on inside me. And I don’t even know which side I want to win anymore. It’s easier to just stop caring.”

“Well, yeah. Of course it is. Because that’s the dark talking. It doesn’t want you to care. People who care fight the hardest.” He spun the empty shot glass with a finger until it toppled over and skittered onto the floor behind the bar. Willow flashed an apologetic smile at Josh who picked it up with a frown.

“What’s it like for you now?” I asked, afraid of the answer.

On the surface he seemed like the Willow I’d known before, but the oily, demon power clinging to him and the faint scent of sulfur made it impossible to deny the truth. He wasn’t the same any more than I was. In our efforts to overthrow Shya’s plan, we’d both come out tainted by evil. Willow’s sacrifice had been much greater than mine.

“I’m still me,” he said, reaching for the tequila bottle as if to confirm that statement. “I still have free will. There’s no rule that says I must do the things my dark brothers are doing. However, there is now a part of me that wants to. There are new desires, new sins, horrible thoughts and rash actions. I imagine it’s quite similar to what you’re experiencing. The difference though is that it’s too late for me. It is not too late for you.”

He caught my gaze and held it. There was a silent plea in his red eyes. He had given himself to the darkness for me. Letting him down was not an option.

I squeezed his hand, finding strength in his familiar, friendly touch. “I hope you’re right about that.” I searched him, a question dancing on the tip of my tongue. “Why haven’t you gone after Shya yet? I mean, you must owe him one hell of an ass kicking.”

Willow pondered this, unable to hide the shadows that flitted through his eyes. “Like I said, I’m still me. Do I want payback for what he did to Christina? Like you wouldn’t believe. But vengeance won’t change Shya. It would only change me.”

I nodded, understanding completely. Willow was still too good to ever be as bad as Shya, and I understood that if anyone was going to make Shya pay for what he did to Willow, it would have to be me.

“Now if you’ll excuse me,” Willow continued, “I’m off to crash a party I wasn’t invited to. There are some perks to regaining my power even though it’s now dark. Ruining demon rituals is one of them.” He smirked, looking pleased with himself.

Willow rose and held out his arms in an invitation I couldn’t refuse. I hugged him tight, trying not to focus on the evil force thrumming through him but instead on the genuine warmth and purity of his spirit.

When we pulled back, worry creased Willow’s brow. “You need to reconnect with Arys. Whatever this is doing to you, it’s also doing to him. Remember that.”

He kissed my forehead and vanished. Our visit had been much too short, but I was elated, relieved, all kinds of good at having seen him. Willow was a constant inspiration. Rather than being a victim of what he had become, he was using it to thwart the plans and rituals of other demons. The dark battling the dark, an intriguing concept. A rarity I was sure.

Willow was all dark and still choosing to serve the light. It was similar to what Falon had shared. Could creatures of darkness truly serve the light from the inside? And more specifically, could I? Could I find a way to honor the light within me while still being plagued by the dark?

As I pondered it, I surveyed the room, taking note of the vampires present and the herd of humans that continued to pour into the building. They made it so easy. Too easy. That’s what Arys hated so much about the place. It stole the thrill of the hunt.

And yet, I could also see why Kale did enjoy The Wicked Kiss. One could spend days screwing and bleeding a victim or victims, never surfacing from the fog, staying constantly wrapped in the high of it all.

There was no safe way to be a vampire. We were damned either way.

Willow was right. This madness was not mine alone. Arys was suffering too. Not only was he suffering, he was giving me the space I’d asked for. I’d fought so hard with him so many times about such things. Now I missed them. Careful what I wish for, right?

My phone vibrated in my bag. It was a text message from Jez:
Don’t worry about me. I’m at home. It’s all good
.

She must have thought I was an idiot or something. Her message was intended to keep me away and to make me stop calling. I wasn’t going to be that easily deterred.

I went out to my car to fetch the change of clothing I always kept in the trunk. It was Werewolf 101 really. Then I headed back inside to Kale’s room to use the shower. Yeah, like that wasn’t going to be weird.

Walking into room number thirteen was a face punch of leather and the residual hum of honey-sweet energy. Maybe I should’ve told Gabriel to take Kale’s room. This was much harder than I’d anticipated.

My gaze took in everything: The half-empty liquor bottle and lipstick-stained cup on the table. The haphazard arrangement of blankets on the bed. The room needed a cleaning. Removing all evidence of Kale from it was a priority.

The bathroom was well stocked with hair care items, body wash, and toothpaste. I paused in the doorway, staring at Kale’s things. How could he possibly fair better in Las Vegas? Kale had barely maintained his sanity here, screwing and bleeding everything in sight. Sin City would destroy him.

Between worry for Kale, the incident I’d just had with Shaz, and the never-ending haunting of Arys always in the back of my mind, I was mentally and emotionally exhausted.

Briefly I considered going into the club to snag myself a victim. Since I couldn’t trust myself not to break my own no-kill rule, I resisted and instead got into the shower.

All of the scrubbing and soap in the world wouldn’t wash off the stains of being inside the FPA building. My body might be cleansed, but smut stained my soul. And I didn’t even care. Not really. I’d gone from overemotional to uncomfortably numb. I couldn’t decide which was worse.

I was standing in the bathroom naked, towel drying my hair, when there was a knock on the main door. Probably some scantily clad little thing coming to bleed for Kale.

After wrapping a towel around me, I rolled blue eyes at my reflection in the mirror and went to answer the door. With my hand on the knob, I hesitated, feeling for the energy of whoever was on the other side.

It wasn’t human. Not vampire either. I got the sense that whoever it was, they were cloaking their identity. That narrowed it down considerably.

“Falon,” I said as I opened the door. “What the hell are you doing here? You’re either incredibly brave or unbearably stupid.”

With hands stuffed in his pockets, Falon leaned against the doorframe, the epitome of forced casual. Dressed differently than the last time I saw him, he almost looked human in jeans and a dark-blue shirt. There was no evidence of the beating he’d taken from Willow.

Silver eyes sparkled with amusement as he assessed my attire, or lack thereof. “And you’re naked. It’s like you knew I was coming or something.”

“Or something,” I said with a scowl. “What do you want?”

“I want to finish our discussion. About Shya.” Falon glanced past me into the room. “Is this a bad time?”

I huffed and clutched at the towel, ensuring it didn’t slip. “It will always be a bad time.”

Falon responded to my scowl with a sneer. “Well, now that you’ve gone and given Shya the damn dreamwalker he wanted, we’re running low on time.”

“What do you mean?” The sound of a door opening down the hall panicked me. I stepped back and motioned for him to enter. “Get your ass in here before someone sees you.”

“You’re ashamed to be seen with me? I’m wounded.” He put his hand over his heart in mock agony.

“Very much, actually. Now that our sex tape is making the rounds, I’m even more ashamed to be seen with you.” I closed the door and locked it before leaning against it.

Falon glanced around the room before taking a seat at the small bistro table. “Our sex tape? You’ve seen it? Is it good? I bet it’s fucking spectacular.”