Forget Me Not (Love in the Fleet) (16 page)

Or maybe Daddy
had gone to Penn and Jack had been born with a silver spoon in his mouth? What was
this? Was Sky jealous of a dead guy? Okay, a
handsome
dead guy who had been the love of Daisy’s life? Someone she’d promised to love forever? Yeah, maybe a little. He lay there thinking, stroking her hair, and listening to her rhythmic breathing.

It was a full thirty minutes before the tears started. He’d repeatedly told Daisy it was okay for her to cry today, but had she cried since the parking lot? No.
He
was the one who suddenly found tears streaming down his face.

What the hell was up with that? Sky carefully slid out of Daisy’s arms and slipped from the room. He opened the sliding glass door and let the dogs out into the fenced yard. Maybe some fresh air would help. But it didn’t. Waves of some kind of emotional shit kept washing over him and he had trouble catching his breath. What the hell was going on here?

Sky snuck out to his truck and headed home to check on Daisy Mae since she’d been so sick that afternoon. Yeah, that was the reason he was running away from Daisy’s house. All he knew was he had to get out of there
now,
because the tears would not stop
.

He’d never experienced PTSD problems while awake—if this
was
some kind of Post Traumatic Stress thing. He didn’t even know who he was crying for, but he sobbed so hard he could barely see the road as he drove home. Great wrenching, snot-filled sobs. He pulled over and let it flow. Was he crying for Daisy or Jack or Daniel or Daniel’s wife and
baby? All he knew was he hadn’t shed actual tears for any of them before while awake, but now the tears...

Would. Not. Stop.

Jesus Christ. Here he was. Almost thirty years old. Sitting in an abandoned parking lot in the middle of the night. Blubbering like a baby, bawling his fucking eyes out.

What the hell was wrong with him?

When the tears finally began to subside, Sky planned out his next line of attack. He’d pick up Daisy Mae and take her back with him. Tell Daisy he was worried about his cat and wanted the doc to check her out. But he knew the real reason. He was terrified he’d fall asleep with Daisy in his arms and flip out on her while dreaming about trying to save Daniel.

Daisy Mae had gotten better and better at soothing him when the nightmares started. She’d lie on his pillow and lick his hair until he awoke. Usually it helped him come out of the dream a little smoother, but there had been a time or two when she’d nibbled on his ear or walked on his head and he wasn’t certain he hadn’t knocked her from the comforter, sensing her as a threat. He actually smiled for a second when he thought:
She’s a cat. Surely she landed on her feet
. Well, he couldn’t have been too destructive; she always returned the next night.

Fuck. A Siamese cat had become his first line of defense.

Sky pulled onto the road and headed home. He’d pick up Daisy Mae and her pills and some cat food—and he’d better bring her litter box too. Christ, what had happened to the Skylark? That dapper young helo pilot? Before he knew it he’d be carrying around a diaper bag.

Sky was drowning.

As always, he could not get Daniel’s harness to unbuckle. He felt, more than heard, the pounding on the cockpit window and knew if he turned, he’d see Jill’s long, dark hair flowing in the water. He started to yell, “I’m doing my best,” but when he turned to look, it was Daisy’s blond hair floating like yellow seaweed, not Jill’s.

“Brian!” she cried. “Daniel’s dead. There’s nothing you can do to save him.” She opened the door and unhooked his harness and pulled him free. “Leave him. It’s okay. You have to move on.” Then she tried to pull Sky out of the cockpit, but he kept trying to shake her off. He had to go back for Daniel. Daisy grabbed his chin and turned his head toward her. Then she tapped him on the nose twice and said, “Follow me.”

In no time at all, they were standing in the surf kissing, Daisy’s legs locked around his hips as she ground herself into him. She practically choked him with her tongue filling his mouth, but he fought back with his own. He reached down and filled his hand with her breast. His thumb going on cruise control. This time there was no sports bra. It was just T-shirt and Daisy. Her nipple puckered under his touch. He felt the tug to go back for Daniel but this felt way too good to stop.

“Mmmmmm. Change your mind?”

Sky awoke to find himself wrapped around Daisy’s backside with her breast in his hand, his thumb doing its thing. She reached up and stroked his fingers right before he snatched them away. Which, now fully awake, he did as if he’d touched a hot stove.

His heart raced. Jesus, how could he have fallen asleep? What if the dream had gotten out of hand? And who was the fool who’d said, “I can’t make love to you?” Whose fucking bright idea had it been to grieve for Jack?

Oh, that’s right, it was his.  

What was wrong with him? He couldn’t believe he’d agreed to hold her all night–without sex. Yeah, maybe he did need his head examined.

“Mmmmm,” Daisy muttered as she stretched languidly. “This
is
nice. It feels so good to wake up with some—with you. I can’t believe you cancelled my entire day. And yours.” She turned over, curled into his arms, and reached up for a kiss.

“Gotta pee.” Sky bolted from the bed, needing a secluded place to collect his scattered wits and some kind of mental calendar to figure out how long it was going to take for him to be
ready
to make love to her. And he needed a cold shower right now.

This man of honor stuff truly sucked.

Sky turned on the shower and let the water beat down on him. He needed to wash away the desire that had consumed his body—had he really woken up copping a feel? But he also needed to cleanse himself from that weird-ass meltdown he’d had last night. Christ, had he actually bawled his eyes out while
awake?
In a woman’s bed? Had to have been the shock of learning that her husband had died in combat—strapped in his helicopter, like Daniel had died. A shiver wracked his body. And it wasn’t from the cold shower. Maybe Philip was right. Maybe Sky needed to think about talking with someone about the dreams. Because this shit was getting out of hand.

But he felt better the second he stepped from the shower: clean and fresh and none the worse for wear. Apparently Daisy Mae made her presence known in the guest room because he heard Daisy calling from across the hall. “Where did you come from? Brian, did you go get Daisy Mae?”

“Yeah,” he called to her. “I couldn’t sleep and I was worried about her so I went home and got her. Not sure if I trust my roommate to give her the pills.”

“Aw, you’re a good cat daddy. Come here, baby.” He heard Daisy Mae hiss as he finished dressing.

Sky walked to the guest room doorway. Daisy was still propped up in bed, looking too fucking gorgeous for her own good, with her hair down and all sleep-rumpled. What he wouldn’t give to run his fingers through it. He busied himself towel drying his own hair instead, although his short buzz cut didn’t really need it. “So, uh, what are we going to do all day?” he asked.

A sly smile crept across her face as she yawned and stretched. How had he missed the fact that she’d taken off her bra sometime before bed?

Holy shit.

“I thought I needed holding,
Sky
.”

“Sky?” His heart damn near hammered out of his chest.

“You said that’s what your friends call you. And…um…I think now that we’ve spent the night together, well, that makes us friends.”

A jolt of sexual energy slammed him low in the gut. “Friends? You wanna be friends? Sure.” Had he just said that or was it some 13-year-old-boy with a cracking voice? “You have coffee? You want to go out and get some breakfast?
Or do you have food here? I’ll go see what you have.”

Sky headed for the kitchen.
Jesus, he had to get out of that bedroom where Daisy sat on the bed looking sleepy and sultry and bra-less. “Or we could grab some chow and go walk on the beach,” he called down the hall to her. Thankful she had an automatic coffee maker he pulled two cups hanging from hooks and began to pour.

“Sure,” Daisy said entering the kitchen. “We can toast some bagels and take them with us. The girls would love an early morning run on the beach.”

Sky sipped his coffee and peeked over the top of the cup, risking a glance at her. Whew. She’d put her bra back on when she changed her T-shirt. A man could only take so much.

They headed down to the beach, which was deliciously empty since it was a workday. Sky had called in a favor at the squadron after he found out about Jack and was granted some comp time. The tide was out, so they ambled along, alternately holding hands and throwing a tennis ball for Belle and Godiva. While they waited for the dogs to retrieve, he focused on Daisy collecting seashells.

He wanted her so badly. Not just in his bed, but in his life. Maybe Philip and Hallie’s words of wisdom were true. Maybe he’d been given a second chance at life after Daniel died. To do something positive in the world. Maybe he should figure out what in the hell was wrong with him because maybe he did deserve happiness. And maybe he could have it with Daisy Schneider.

Nah, she’d never settle for Sky-speak-before-you-think-rough-around-the-edges-Crawford. She’d probably never get over Jack, The Man.

We promised to love each other forever.
That’s what she’d said. Damn.

Daisy threw the ball, then took his arm as they walked through the surf, barefoot. Suddenly she stopped and turned to him. “I need to talk to you about something.”

Uh-oh. Here it comes. What had he done wrong now? Sky uncapped his water bottle and self-consciously sipped from it. His gaze locked on those eyes the color of the ocean.

“I want to thank you again for last night. For holding me and listening to me extoll the virtues of Captain Jack Tucker.”

Tucker. Google, here I come
.

“But…”

Sky didn’t like that hesitation
.
But I think you’re an asshole? But I think you’re a scatter-brained asshole? But I think you should take a hike? But I think you should find another vet?

“But I wasn’t really being fair. People tend to only remember the good things about someone after they die.”

Wait a second.
Did
this mean The Man, The Proud, The Marine had a flaw?

“So I think you should know I came very close to filing for divorce.”

Chapter 16

Sky choked on his water. Daisy slapped him on the back, but he waved her away. She should have waited until he’d swallowed before hitting him with talk of divorce. All she knew was she’d awakened this morning and realized how unkind she’d been last night. Lying in his arms and talking about Jack, as if everything had been perfect. Oh, everything
had
been perfect with Jack at one time. Until he’d returned from Iraq.

Sky was still speechless—a rarity—but he signaled for her to keep talking as he attempted to clear his throat. It would take Daisy a little while to think of him as
Sky
, but they were definitely friends now. They’d slept together hadn’t they? Well, they hadn’t
slept together
, but they’d
slept
together.

She took his arm and continued walking through the surf. “Jack changed after his tour in Iraq. I didn’t see it right away, but he started drinking more than he ever had before. That was my first clue. He’d never been much of a drinker and suddenly it was every night. And we started fighting. A lot. Something we’d never done before. I asked him if it was PTSD and he was furious with me.”

Sky had another coughing fit and stopped walking. He pulled away from her to cover his mouth. He couldn’t seem to catch his breath, but he kept waving her away, so she figured he was okay. Then he cleared his throat a second time
and waited for her to continue.

“I tried to talk him into going for counseling, but he said nothing was wrong. He could handle it. He wouldn’t take advantage of anything the Marine Corps had to offer. ‘Counseling is for pussies,’ was how he put it. If I had a problem with our marriage then maybe
I
should get some counseling. Now I wish I had. I started pulling away from him and, God, I felt so guilty about it, but I couldn’t continue like that.”

Sky pulled her to him for a hug, but she pushed back and looked up at him. “You know, talking to you like this, it seems so cut and dried. He had a problem. I should have made him get help. Simple. But it snuck up on us. It wasn’t as clear as talking to you about it now. Our life together changed gradually. Even the sex. I finally knew something was truly wrong when…”

Daisy opened her mouth, shut it, and then turned to look at the ocean. She shook her head to try to clear it and turned back to him. “Anyway, we stopped having sex.”

Daisy paused and searched Sky’s face. He swallowed. Hard. But he didn’t say a word. Just looked at her, his crystal clear blue eyes not giving away anything. Either it didn’t shock him or he was very good at hiding his feelings.

The dogs barked madly at them to throw the ball, but Sky remained hypnotized, not even blinking. Daisy bent down, picked up the ball, and threw it out into the ocean. She turned back to him and continued. He hadn’t moved.

“Jack was the most virile man I’d ever known, but he started having problems. Couldn’t, you know, perform.”

Sky swallowed. This time his Adam’s apple bobbed. Repeatedly.

“He blamed it on the alcohol. No doubt that was part of the problem, but it was all mixed up together. I couldn’t see it as clearly as I can now.”

“Aw, Daze…” Sky, who was finally able to speak again, reached out and caressed her arms, slid his hands down and took her hands in his. “Baby, I’m so sorry you had to deal with that.”

“Let me finish,” she said. “It feels so good to finally talk about this.” She let go of his hands and turned to gaze at the horizon. He slid his arm around her shoulder and squeezed gently. “He moved out of our bedroom. Into the guest room.” She felt Sky flinch and turned her head to look at him, reaching up to cup his cheek. “Not the room we shared last night. We lived at Cherry Point, remember? Don’t worry, it’s even a new bed.”

Sky exhaled an obvious sigh of relief.

Daisy went back to gazing at the ocean. “When it came time for him to deploy again, this time to Afghanistan, I knew he shouldn’t go without some kind of intervention or treatment. One night we had a huge fight. He yelled and I screamed right back at him.”

Sky stepped in front of her, incredulous. “You?”

Godiva nudged the soggy ball into her hand and then barked until Daisy responded, blindly throwing it into the water.

“I got so angry at him, I threatened to go to his CO and tell him Jack needed help. That he shouldn’t fly. He told me if I ever stabbed him in the back like that, he’d leave me. And you know what? That started to sound like not such a bad idea. Because I was on the verge of offering him an ultimatum. Either seek help or I would file for divorce. I feel bad about being angry with him when he deployed, but I’m still angry.”

She could see her pain reflected in Sky’s eyes. On a visceral level, she felt he was getting this. Maybe he had some kind of military pilot sixth-sense about it. All she knew was it was the first time in several years, she felt someone understood what was in her heart and soul.

Sky cleared his throat again. “Hard to be angry with someone who’s dead, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” It felt so damn good to be able to admit it.

“But it’s a very normal reaction. We just feel guilty for feeling that way.”

“Are you angry at someone who died?” she asked him.

“I’ve heard people say that.” He took her hand and started walking again.

Daisy couldn’t put her finger on it, but something had just shifted. Had she hit a nerve?

“Anyway, it was like he became another person. He was no longer the man I’d loved and married. He became a stranger. I never knew what would set him off. And I’d vowed to love him in sickness and in health so…” Her voice trailed off.  “It was very confusing.

“After he was shot down, I questioned whether his PTSD, or whatever it was, played a part. I mean, his co-pilot died with him that day. I’ve always wondered if his state of mind caused them to... Did it keep him from making a split second decision that allowed the RPG to destroy the helicopter? I don’t know. I’ll never know.”

Sky remained uncharacteristically quiet as they strolled through the water, the waves kissing their toes.

“The board of inquiry stated it was unavoidable. He was trying to cover Marines who were pinned down when it happened. I mean, they gave him a posthumous medal for bravery, but I’ve always wondered if I—”
 

Sky stopped and pulled her into his arms. “Oh, baby, I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t be carrying this around with you. That’s a lot to think about. To worry about.”

He pulled back, his compassionate look stroking her. “But Daze, you can’t second guess this thing. Nothing’s going to change. And it’s not your fault. There’s no way you can blame yourself for any of this. If he was unable to perform his job, his CO and his squadron mates would have known. His co-pilot would have known. We get pretty close to our HACs,
honey. That’s the pilot in charge, the Helicopter Aircraft Commander.”

“I know what a HAC is.”