Forgetting Yesterday (8 page)

I slid off his lap, rising to my feet. “Show me the way.”

He stared at
me a moment. Something floated across his features, indecision perhaps? Yet as he took in my expression, his own changed from questioning back to flat-out longing.

He stood,
wrapping his arms around me; my back nestled into his front. When he led me down the hall, he had his hands around my waist, his body pressed to mine. He leaned in, nuzzling my neck as he guided me to his room. He flipped his light on, letting me get my bearings.

“Sorry
about the mess.” He let me go so he could scoop a towel and a pair of jeans off the floor. “I wasn’t expecting to bring you back here,” he said as he tossed them on top of the hamper.

I
cringed, realizing this was not something that should be on a first date agenda. It had never been on my first date agenda before. Or second or third even. In fact, Jason and I had dated
months
before I’d finally decided the time was right. I’d waited…and look what that had gotten me. Still, I was suddenly embarrassed about my rash decision. “Right, sorry, I don’t—”

He stopped
me by leaning in to devour me with another kiss. It was the kind of kiss that chased my logical thoughts away. It made my knees grow weak. It made my girl parts heat up. It melted away any conscious thought of an argument I may have been building.

“I was not compla
ining,” he murmured against my ear. His hands slid up and down my back, not straying into questionable territory but making me feel safe and wanted.

For those fe
w moments prior to the kiss, I’d been thinking I should call Claire. But when his mouth had come down on mine, those thoughts were slammed into oblivion. I’d spent my life being careful and it had only gotten me into trouble. This time, if I was going to find trouble, I wanted it to be of my choosing.

I tugged at him and he went with me but not before
his hand flew out, flipping off the light. Moving backward, I guided him to the bed. I broke the kiss long enough to lift my dress over my head and slip out of my panties. Alex unclasped my bra and it fell to the floor. I tugged at his shirt, pulling it off in one swift motion. My hands went to the button of his jeans. He helped me to tug them down. Then I found the edge of the mattress, lowered myself onto it and scooted back.

In the darkness,
I heard a drawer open. He fumbled for a moment, the sound of a condom being torn from a strip soon followed. I waited, fighting for patience.

Moments later, he lowered
himself until he was positioned between my legs. His erection slid against me as he propped himself only inches above me. I reached for him, my fingers curling into his muscular shoulders. He shifted, freeing a hand. His thumb and forefinger rolled across my already hardened nipple.

Reflexively,
I arched my back, pressing into him. “Alex.” His name came out on a low moan.

“If you think you might want to stop,” he said, his voice slightly strained, “now would be the time.”

“I definitely don’t want to stop,”
I assured him.

“Tell me what you do want,” he demanded.

“I want you inside me.” My hand slid down between us, taking his erection between my fingers, I guided him to where I needed him to go.

A feeling of ecstasy burst through me as he slid into me,
slowly, inch by inch. My body resisted only slightly at first, then stretched to accept him. I rocked my hips against his, loving the way his breath hitched, loving the way our bodies immediately found the perfect rhythm.

I thought of nothing but him. His skin against mine, his body moving with mine, his desire growing, peaking and exploding…right along with mine.

Not only did
Alex have a good job, and a nice house, but by the next morning, I realized he also liked to snuggle. I realized this the second I opened my eyes. I had fallen asleep in his arms. I’d awakened the same way. For a few moments, I just let myself enjoy the feel of him. His warmth, his scent, the feel of his muscular body pressed against mine.

His hair was rumpled from sleep. His exp
ression looked so peaceful. The way my body curved into his as I gazed at him over my shoulder, it felt unbearably tantalizing.

Alex
, I thought, was perfect.

But
me? I was feeling like an absolute skank.

For a moment
I just lay there, melting into the warmth of his arms around me. I glanced up at his face again. He was
so
perfect. Not just his looks. It was everything. Everything about him was so perfect.

I
’d never done anything like this before in my life. I was disgusted with myself. In that moment, I panicked. I carefully slid out from under the comforting weight of his arm. I hastily plucked my undergarments and dress off of the floor, silently begging him to stay asleep.

My
eyes scanned over his room one last time. The deep cocoa colored walls, the plaid cocoa and cream comforter, the soft brown sheets, the heavy oak bedroom set. It was the perfect masculine bedroom. A bedroom I suddenly desperately wished I was waking up in under different circumstances.

Alex
let out a loud, drowsy exhale as his arms swiped across the bed. He found purchase on the pillow I’d just vacated. I stood there, holding my dress up, barely covering myself as I held my breath. I cringed and my heart pounded almost painfully. He pulled the pillow to his chest sleepily and then he was still again.

I
released a silent, relieved sigh.

I
tiptoed out his door, slipping my clothing on as I crept down his hallway. I yanked my purse off the bench in the entryway, where I’d left it. I shoved my feet into my sandals as I carefully, quietly pulled the front door open. I pulled it closed in the same fashion. I was already fumbling for my keys as I flew down his front steps.

It was early morning and the air was damp, chilled and just what
I needed to fully snap myself awake. I darted to my car, closing the door carefully, soundlessly. I felt sick and it had nothing to do with the amount of wine I’d consumed the night before.

It had everything to do with the sudden,
overwhelming wave of shame and guilt I felt. I was relieved I’d awakened before him. That’s the way the walk of shame worked, right? Slipping out before either one of you had to face the awkward embarrassment of the morning? I didn’t know for sure, being new at this and all, but I was pretty certain that was the way these things were supposed to go.

I
turned the engine over, grimacing at the sound, sure it would wake him. I backed out of his driveway, throwing cautious glances at the house. I was so afraid he’d come stumbling out onto his porch.

I breathed yet another sigh of relief as I made it out to the road.

It was probably silly to worry that he’d come after me, even if the sound of my car starting had awakened him.
If
he was awake, maybe he was also letting out a relieved sigh, happy that I’d saved us both from the ensuing awkwardness.

“What did I just do?!” I muttered to my reflection in the rearview mirror.

It
had been stupid and exciting and one of the most impulsive things I had ever done. After living my life in such a carefully constructed manner for so long, it had felt freeing. Freeing
at the time
. The consequences of it were quite the opposite. They felt suffocating and confining.

Those
last several months with Jason, I’d gone through the motions. I’d played my part. I did what I had to do until the day I could get away. Sex with him had always been extremely one-sided. Even more so at the end.

My
toes curled in my sandals as I remembered how that had not been the case with Alex. Not at all.

Alex
had taken his time, ensuring that I was every bit as fulfilled as he was. He’d held me afterwards, whispering sweet little sentiments in my ear.

I
pulled a hand through my tangled hair. Then I threw a pair of sunglasses on. I was just barely familiar with the town of Grafton. I did, however, remember how to get to the little coffee shop he’d taken me to. I went through the drive through and ordered myself an extra large latte. The entire time, I couldn’t help but wonder if my disheveled state gave me away. Did I look like a girl who’d just had a one night stand? Did my tangled hair and smudged make-up give me the appearance of a girl that was sneaking way in the morning? No sane person should be out this early in the morning, though admittedly, I wasn’t the only one. I was relieved when the girl behind the glass, sliding window handed me my drink and bid me a good day.

I pulled back onto the road, slowly sipping my drink as I
made my way back to Claire’s house.

I
was living proof that men were not the only ones who thought with something other than their brains. A nervous laugh erupted. Maybe that wasn’t an accurate realization because really, I hadn’t
thought
at all.

How stupid could I be
? I wondered.
Throwing myself at him like that? I must’ve looked desperate.

I
groaned, silently hoping he didn’t think I did that all the time. He hadn’t seemed to mind last night. But this morning? Was he going to think I slept with the guy on every first date I had?

I was surprised when tears burned behind my eyes. The thought that he’d think of me that way was humiliating. But more than that, it was disappointing. I had a horrible feeling I’d just ruined what might have been a really, really wonderful thing.

Another guilt-laden thought hit me then too. My mother had raised me better than that. This past year, I’d been one colossal failure after another. Would that never end?

I
finished off my drink, the caffeine giving me a mental boost I realized I possibly didn’t want. The more awake I became, the more alert I became, the more horrified I became over what I’d done.

I
let myself into the house, trying to be quiet in case Claire liked to sleep in on the weekend. I slipped my sandals off, hung my purse up on a coat hook and began tiptoeing to my bedroom. I was anxious for a shower and a change of clothes. I made it halfway down the hallway.

“What is this?” Claire asked as her door flew open. Her eyebrows were raised and her hands were on her hips. She was wearing a short, pink nightgown. Her hair was wild but she looked instantly alert as she took in my rumpled state. A smirk decorated her face. “I feel like I’m back in the dorms, watching my roommate take a walk of shame.”

I
blushed because Claire’s thoughts so closely matched my own. I hung my head and grimaced.

“I know. I know. How stupid could I be?!”
I asked as I raised my eyes to Claire’s once again.

“Stupid? Why?”
Claire asked. She was instantly concerned. “I assume you and Alex…” Her eyebrows bounced up and down. Then she frowned. “Was it
bad
? I can’t believe he could be bad at anything.”

“No,”
I said as I slumped against the wall. “It was amazing.”

“So
? What’s the problem?” Claire demanded. “Was he an ass about it this morning? Did he say something?” She looked at me like she couldn’t believe Alex could possibly be guilty of such a thing.

Of course, he wasn’t.

I shook my head. “He didn’t say anything.”

“Come on,”
Claire said as she took off down the short hallway, back the way I had just come from.

I
followed her into the kitchen. She went straight to the coffee pot. I didn’t protest. While my mind was now alert, my body was still dragging.

Minutes later,
we were seated in the living room, each sipping a huge mug of coffee.

“I can’t believe you just snuck out of his house!”
Claire admonished.

I
cringed. “I panicked. I’ve never done anything like that before. I couldn’t imagine facing him when we woke up! I mean, what the hell?! I can’t believe there are people who do that on a regular basis. How do they deal with it? I mean, what do you say? How does a morning like that go? Thanks for dinner and the sex was amazing?! Can I make you some pancakes?!” I rambled.

Claire
shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

I
groaned at her. “What do you mean,
why not
?! My mother raised me better than that!” Out of nowhere, heaviness settled into my chest. Part of the reason I had decided on this move was to start a new life. A life that my mother would be proud of.

That had lasted all of five days.

And I’d already failed miserably, on a very epic level.

“Oh, sweetie,”
Claire said sympathetically. “Maybe you shouldn’t go there. It’s not a good idea to pull your mom into this conversation.”

I
blinked at her, pushing back tears. “It’s hard not to. I can’t help but think how everything I’ve done the past few years has been just one big disappointment after another. I wanted to come here, have a clean slate, start over and live a life that would make her proud. Now, I’ve made a mess of everything before I even had a chance to really start over.”

“Okay, so you made one questionable decision. It’s not the end of the world. Just set it right,” she suggested.

I huffed out a breath. “And how would you suggest I do that?”

Claire
grinned at me. “Call him up later today. Explain yourself. Then date that man, good and proper.”

My
fingers felt cool as I pressed them against my heated cheeks. I clutched my coffee mug in my other hand and then took a big gulp. I shook my head. “I don’t think so. I can’t call him. I made a fool out of myself.”

“Because you were attracted to a gorgeous, sweet guy? Because you were a consenting adult and he was a consenting adult? And you both…consented?” she demanded with raised eyebrows.

“Yes,” I said simply.

“Look,” she sighed. “
Alex doesn’t strike me as the type to sleep around, or to just have sex with random girls.”

I
groaned. “Are you trying to make me feel better? Because now, I feel even worse. Like I corrupted him or something with my skanky ways.”

“You,” she admonished, “
are not skanky. So you let things get out of control one time. It happens. Deal with it.”

I
rested my head on the back of the sofa, knowing I ruined what might’ve been the best thing that ever happened to me. Not that I was going to be able to find out. I couldn’t imagine talking to him again. I realized that might not be a problem. I’d never gotten his number and I still didn’t have a phone so he obviously did not have my number, either.

Maybe a c
lean break was in order. Fresh Start, Clean Slate…
Take Two
.

“
Zoey,” Claire moaned.

“No, you know what?”
I asked as I sat up straight. “Maybe this is a good thing.” A smile appeared but then fell when I continued. “I mean, maybe it’s good I messed everything up. I’m probably not ready to date. I’m sure I’m not ready to jump back into a relationship. I really need to concentrate on myself. I need to find a job.” I took a deep breath. “I should really go see my dad.”

Claire
scrutinized me for a moment then emitted what sounded like a little sigh of defeat. “You’re right. If this was meant to be, it’ll happen…eventually. For now, we’ll just take baby steps. We should head into town today. There’s a new chick flick out that I am dying to see. I know that Sean would go but hate every minute of it.”

I smiled
. “I’d love to see it with you.”

“We should get you a pho
ne. Then maybe try out this barbecue place that I think you’d love. I wouldn’t mind doing a little bit of shopping today, too. We can check out some of the shops downtown. As for your dad, let me know when you’re ready for a visit. Maybe I could go with you? It’s been a while since I’ve seen my parents. We could make a weekend of it?”

I nodded
. “That would be great. We’ll do it soon.” I wasn’t quite ready to face him yet. Now that so much time had passed, the thought of seeing him felt strange. Awkward. I was embarrassed by my behavior over the past few years. And selfishly, I didn’t want to answer the questions he was likely to ask.

“You want to hop in the shower first?”
Claire asked a little too sweetly. “You probably need one more than I do right about now.”

I
sliced a good-natured scowl at her as I rose from the sofa. “That sounds good. Save me another cup of coffee, would ya?”

Not that
I needed it.