Forgiven (20 page)

I cock my head to the side. “What makes you think you know what suits me and what doesn’t?”

He leans forward and puts his hand on the folder. “You’re here. It was the first thing out of your mouth.”

“Just because I’m here and want to know doesn’t mean I want to see the damn file. Curiosity killed the cat, ya know.”

“Fine.” He starts to slide it back, but I put my hand on his and stop him. As I do, there is a bolt that streaks through my body. I don’t know if it’s a warning sign to not look in the folder, or if it’s a warning sign that Joe is trouble for me.

“Maybe.” I pull the file back towards me. “Maybe you’re right.”

“Oh, I know I’m right.” He grins as he pushes the file and my hand back towards me. I look into his searing brown eyes, and we simultaneously move our hands from the file. He rests his on his right, bent knee, then he nods. “Go ahead. You know you want to.”

I glare at him as I open the file. I inhale sharply as I see a picture of my father. He’s not changed much. He looks more put together, older, but ultimately he looks like the same man that I see in my mind when I have flashbacks to that last day.

I rest my elbow on the bar and use my hand to cover my face as tears start to stream down my cheek. I close the folder back quickly. Joe sits and watches me. He doesn’t move the file away. He doesn’t say a word. I open it back up and look one more time, except I don’t close the file. I turn the page. It has every piece of information about him I could possibly want other than his shoe size.

He’s married. He has three children, two girls and a boy. He’s a Baptist deacon. He owns Gi Gi’s Coffee Shop. He’s also a member of AA. Sober for fifteen years. I pour through the information and everything Bradley has said is true according to these reports.

It doesn’t make me feel any better. If anything, it makes me angrier. He got his life back together, but he didn’t come back for us. Who the hell does that? I slam the folder closed. “He’s dead to me.”

“Sam.” Joe reaches out to turn me around. “He’s a good guy. You have a second chance.”

“He wasn’t a good guy to us, and frankly, he still isn’t a good guy to us. If he were, he would have found us. He would have apologized. He would have tried to make things right. He’s a freakin’ coward,” I hiss.

Joe rolls his neck from side to side, and it makes popping noises as he closes his eyes. “Okay. So why are you here?”

“I’m here because...” I look away. “I’m here because I didn’t know where else to go. Bradley told Gabby. She’s not talking. I’m so furious with him I could spit fire.”

He chuckles, and now’s not the time for him to laugh at me. I whip my neck back. “What’s so funny?”

He shakes his head and tries to act serious. “Just picturing you spitting fire.” He puts his hands up to surrender. “That’s all.”

I growl, but I can’t avoid the smile that is starting to curve on my lips. “Whatever.”

“What are you gonna do, Sam?” He turns serious. “What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t want you to say anything. And I don’t know what to do. Gabby and I were supposed to go dress shopping today. That’s not gonna happen. I was pretty nasty to Bradley. I don’t know what to say to him.”

“Ha. Bradley’s a big boy. I’m sure that he understood you were upset. I wouldn’t waste much time worrying about him.”

I nod and swallow. “My sister is a mess.”

“Maybe you need to go back and spend some time just being with her.”

“Because that won’t be awkward at all,” I laugh, which feels so good.

“It will be awkward, but it may be what she needs. I’m sure she’s scared. Your familiarity may be the comfort and strength she needs.”

I realize as those words come out of his mouth that he has been comfort and strength for me. I feel guilty, and I’m not sure why. Suddenly this is beyond awkward. “Will you call a cab for me?”

He pulls his cell phone out and dials a number. “Sure.”

I zone out as he talks to the cab people. I think about Gabby. I think about the things I want to say to her. I think about the apology I owe to Bradley.

When Joe hangs up, he picks the file up from the counter. “Do you want copies?”

I shake my head from side-to-side. “No.” My voice cracks.

“Okay. I’m gonna go put this back in my office then while we wait for your ride.”

I smile and close my eyes. My fatigue sets in and I just want to lay down somewhere and sleep. I want to wake up and this all be a bad dream.

He walks back up to my side and he’s about to say something when the horn blows outside. I glance up to him. “What is it?”

“It wasn’t important.” He holds his hand out to help me off the stool. “That’s your cab.”

“Yeah. Thank you for everything.”

“No problem.” He clears his throat. “Uh, anytime you need to talk. My door’s always open.”

I smile. “Thanks.”

When I get back to Bradley’s, I decide to take the stairs instead of the elevator. I don’t want to wait. I want to be with my sister. I want to make things right with Bradley. I’m pumped to try to fix this situation.

As I’m about to get to the top of the stairs, I get a text. I stop for a moment to glance down, it’s Bradley. I’m horrified by what I see.

Gabby’s gone. I took a shower and she was gone when I came out. She’s not answering her cell. Is she with you?

I sprint the rest of the way and bang my fist on the door of his apartment. “Bradley.”

I nearly fall into his arms haphazardly as he opens the door. “Sam. Thank God,” he says. He looks around. “She’s not with you, is she?”

“No. I was with Joe. I was coming to apologize to you and try to get through to her.”

“Joe?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Different story.” Ugh, I dread having to go into that story, but I know Bradley, and he’s going to pester me like a brother until I finally spill those beans. If I don’t, I’m sure Joe will be only too happy to tell him. “Long story. Another day. Gabby. Could she be in school?”

“No.” He shakes his head and moves out of the doorway, inviting me into the apartment. “They were off today. That’s part of the reason she scheduled dress shopping for this weekend.” He closes the door. “She was supposed to be doing wedding stuff all this weekend.”

“Maybe I should try to call her, then?”

“Sure. Wouldn’t hurt.”

I dial her number, but it goes straight to voicemail. “What about the library? Would she be studying?”

Bradley shakes his head no. “She doesn’t study at the library. She studies at Gi Gi’s.”

Just the mention of Gi Gi’s makes my blood boil. “Do you think she went there?”

“I don’t know. I guess we could go see.”

“I’d offer to go and you stay, but I don’t have my car. Again, long story.” I take a deep breath. “Don’t you think one of us should stay here in case she comes back?”

He grabs his keys. “Not a bad idea. You stay, I’ll go.”

“Okay.” I plop down onto the couch as he walks out of the apartment.
Where are you, Gabby? Where are you?

I had to get out of the apartment. I had to get away from them. When he got in the shower, it seemed like the perfect chance to escape. I couldn’t tell him I was leaving because he wouldn’t have let me. Everyone thinks I’m so fragile, that I’m so broken.

I’m a lot stronger than they think I am. I am in shock, yes. But more importantly, I’m beyond pissed and angry that they knew about this and kept it from me. I’m so tired of secrets and revelations. It seems like as soon as Bradley and I get past one thing, something else happens to threaten our happiness.

As if it’s not enough, my sister refuses to quit treating me like the broken, fragile five- year-old girl I used to be. She insists on protecting and sheltering me. I’m a grown woman. I wish that people would let me make my own decisions. I’ll never be able to make them if people are constantly trying to make them for me.

I decide to walk a block or so trying to figure out what I am going to do. It didn’t take me long to figure out that I needed to see him. I need to see the creeper that’s my father. I call a cab since I’m carless and make my way to Gi Gi’s. I need to see him one more time with the knowledge that he’s my father.

I watch from a distance when I arrive. How could I have missed this all the times I’ve been here? It’s not like we look all that much alike, though. What I should have noticed is how much he looks like Sam. I guess that’s why he’s always been so familiar.

I decide to go inside. I walk up to the counter where he’s taking orders. He smiles like he always does. This time, it doesn’t creep me out as much. I’m curious.

He nods. “What can I get for you today?” I notice things about him I’ve never noticed. His voice is deep. I replay what he just said and try to hear if we talk alike. “Do you want what you usually get?”

I nod my head.

He presses a few keys on the register. “That’ll be $2.50, then.”

I hand him my card. When I do, I realize that he’s known who I was all this time. He’s seen my card over and over again. I look at his ring on his finger as he takes it. “You’re married?” I ask.

He looks down at his finger. “Sure am. You’re engaged, huh.” He points to my ring.