Forgiven (Book 3, The Watchers Trilogy; Young Adult Paranormal Romance) (21 page)

“
How could He…
” he
started to say.

I let the fire fade and knelt in front of Brand.

“How could He what?”

“How could He still love me?”

“How could He not?” I asked in return.

Brand pulled me into his arms.  “Thank you, my love.  Thank you for sharing that with me.”

I felt Brand’s shoulders shake slightly and knew he was crying.  I held my husband close and for the first time felt thankful for the power my father had passed on to me. 

The next day I asked Malcolm to go to Utha Mae’s with me.  When I told him about our plans to build her a house
beside our
s, he was like a kid given carte blanche to a candy store.

Brand wasn’t able to go with us because Isaiah called on him to help give Mason’s message about the gather
ing
to all the Watchers he knew.

“So you’re ok with me being with Malcolm alone?” I said.

“Of course I am.  He won’t do anything you don’t allow him to.”

The gnawing guilt of Brand not knowing everything which happened on the day I spent with Malcolm felt like it w
ould literally split me in two
.

“I have to tell you something,” I
finally
said, gaining
Brand’s full attention
.

“You know you can tell me anything,” he
replie
d, leaning his back against the kitchen island as he waited patiently for me to continue.

“I know you said you didn’t need to know the details about that day I spent with Malcolm, but I need you to know.  I need you to know what I did.”

Brand crossed his arms over his chest as if preparing himself for what I was about to say.  “If you feel like you need to tell me and if it would make you feel better, I’ll try to listen with an open mind.”

“I let Malcolm kiss me,” I confessed.

Brand’s eyebrows lowered.
  He was silent for a while as if measuring his next words to me carefully.

“Did you enjoy it?”
He asked.

It would have been so easy to lie to him but that really wasn’t the point of my confession.  If I was going to finally purge myself of guilt, I had to be completely honest even if it hurt
us both
.

“Yes,” I admitted, without trying to make excuses for myself.

“And was this just one kiss?”

If at all possible, I felt my heart sink even lower with his question.

“Two,” I said.  “But the last one was
more of a way to say
goodbye
to his feelings for me.”

Brand’s chin lowered closer to his chest as he thought about what I told him.

“Do you plan to let it happen again?”
He questioned
tersely
.

“No, of course not
.
” I
shook my head to emphasize the point
.  “I shouldn’t have let it happen the first time.”

“Then why did you?” Brand asked
, finally
looking back up at me.  The hurt I saw in his eye
s
from my betrayal cut me to the quick.

“I wanted to know what it would feel like,” I
replie
d, knowing how lame my reasoning
sounded
even to my own ears
but not having a better answer to give him.

“And what did you think?  Was it as good as you dreamed it would be?”

I could see Brand’s hurt quickly turning to anger and felt helpless to stop it.

“Please,” I begged.  “Don’t make me regret telling you the truth.  You have to know how much I love you.  There
’
s no one else in the world for me but you.  I made a stupid mistake
,
and I’m sorry for it.  Please don’t let this come between us.  I don’t think I could go on if you
stayed
mad at me.”

Brand’s pose relaxed a bit.  “I’m not
exactly angry at you, more like
disappointed in you, Lilly.  I never thought you would let him do something like that.
  But, I can’t let you take all the blame.  I pushed you to spend the day with him because I needed to know whether or not you would return to me.  I needed to know you loved me more than him.
”

“You have to know after all the time we’ve spent together that you are the only man I love.  The only man I
have
ever completely share
d
my
self
with, body and soul.  I can’t live with you being disappointed with me.  You have to
find it in your heart to
forgive me
,
or I
’
ll never be able to forgive myself for hurting you.
”

Brand let his arms fall to his side.  “I am hurt,” he
admitte
d.  “
But
I’m the last person who you should be begging forgiveness from considering my past.”

I walked up to Brand and leaned into him.  He didn’t immediately put his arms around me like he usually did but after a few seconds I felt them encircle me.

“I’m sorry,” I said, tentatively
pressing my lips against his, trying to coax him into thinking about our future together, not my past transgressions.  “I’m so sorry.”

I continued to kiss him lightly until he pulled himself out of his
sad
reverie and held my head in between his hands, deepening the kiss with an urgency
and forcefulness
he’d never displayed before.  I felt him try to undo the buttons of my shirt and heard him groan in frust
ration as he finally yanked the shirt open, tearing the buttons
loose from their
thin
threads
to allow him
free
access to my flesh.

Our lovemaking was filled with a desperate need on both our parts.  My desperation stemmed from a need to erase Brand’s mental picture of me allowing Malcolm to kiss me. I wanted him to know without a shadow of a doubt he was the only man I wanted to share all of me with.  Brand seemed intent on wiping any trace of desire I might have had for Malcolm from my mind
and every inch of my body
.  He was slightly rougher than usual but it only added to the fuel of our passion for one another.  When we reached that point
where
both
our world
s
shattered, we met it together with our thoughts only for one another.

We la
y
on the kitchen floor
trying to calm our beating hearts afterward.  Suddenly, Brand sat up looking down at me in alarm.

“What?” I asked, still basking in the glow of our heated love making
, wondering why we hadn’t done it that way sooner
.

Brand watched me, his breathing heavy. 

When he didn’t say anything, I sat up too.  “What’s wrong?”

“How do you feel?” He whispered, almost
like
he was scared to hear my answer.

“I feel wonderful,” I said, not understanding why he was looking at me so strangely.  “What’s wrong, Brand?”

Brand drew me into his arms and I felt him
breath
e
a sigh of relief
.

“I didn’t use anything,” he said.  “I was worried…” he couldn’t finish the rest of his statement but I knew what he was thinking.

“Would we know instantly?” I asked.

“If you were pregnant, we would know by now.  That’s the way it happened with Abby’s mother.”

I hugged Brand tightly needing him to feel my strength, a reassurance that I wasn’t pregnant.

“I won’t let that happen again,” he promised
fervently
.

I pulled back slightly
holding his head between my hands,
forcing him to look into my eyes.

“Please don’t keep that promise,” I said to him
earnestly
.  “Because I want that to happen again and again and again and as many times as we can possibly do it in my lifetime.”

Brand’s mouth finally twitched into
a
smile
and the light of happiness I loved to see in his eyes when he looked at me reappeared
.  He phased us to our bed and proved to me that
my worry was completely unfounded
.

A couple of hours later Brand and I decided we needed to meet our obligations for the day.  Malcolm came to the house and picked me up in his Bugatti saying he didn’t get to drive it much and the trip gave him a good excuse to
stretch its legs
.

Brand answered the door when Malcolm knocked on it.  I suppose in hinds
ight
I should have made sure I was the one who greeted Malcolm, but what followed probably would have happened
one way or the other
.

As soon as Brand opened t
he
door to a grinning Malcolm,
he
reared back his fist and hit Malcolm so hard
across the chin
the force of the blow sent Malcolm flying over his car and into the dirt road in front of the house.

I ran to the front
porch
to make sure my friend was still
in one piece
and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw him stand up rubbing his chin.

“What the
h
ell
was that for?” Malcolm
grumbled
, walking back up to the house.

“That
,” Brand yelled back, pointing his index finger at Malcolm, “is
for kissing my wife
!
”

Malcolm looked at me.  I shrugged lamely.

“Well, at least you didn’t take my head off this time.  I guess that’s an improvement.”

“Take you
r
head off?
” I asked, assuming I had heard him wrong.  “
When did he take your head off?”

Brand crossed his arms over his chest and said, “
After
he saw you naked in the shower.”

I looked at Malcolm for confirmation and saw him nod his head as he walked up the steps to the front porch.

I felt myself start to smile and then found myself completely amused by such an absurd vision
as
Malcolm without a head.  Will had told me Watchers could tear each other apart and still survive
,
but I guess I never thought Brand would go that far to avenge my honor.

I was still giggling when Malcolm drove us away
from
Lakewood
towards
Dalton
.

“
Why on
E
arth would you tell your over protective husband about our
innocent
little interlude, dearest?”

“Because I don’t want to keep any secrets from him.
  He deserved
to know
the truth and I needed to get rid of the guilt.”

“Could you possibly warn me the next time you tell Brand something
which
might result in my having to reattach a
part of my body
?”

I smiled.  “Just keep you
r
hands to yourself and we won’t have anything to worry about.”

Malcolm sighed heavily, clearly disappointed in my suggestion.  “I’ll try,” he said.  “But don’t hate me if
I
take advantage of an opportunity.  The loss of a limb might be worth it.”

I hit Malcolm on the arm which just made him chuckle.

That afternoon Utha Mae described to Malcolm the home she wanted us to build for her.

“Nothing too big,” she said.  “I just want a little yellow painted house with a wrap around porch. 
I don’t want an upstairs. 
These poor old legs aren’t what they used to be
anymore
.  I need a good sized kitchen, a couple of bedrooms and a living room.”

Malcolm jotted down the details in his notebook.  “What about a nice sunroom to watch the lake from?” Malcolm
suggested
.

“Oh
,
do you think I could
have
that?” Utha Mae asked
, her eyes lit up like a kid at Christmas
.

“You can have anything you want,” I
tol
d
her
.  “All you have to do is tell us.”