Forgiveness Creek: The Creek Series (5 page)

“Good idea, I’ll ask them.”

“Would you ever stay at the cabin when you come in to town?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Then what about turning it into a B&B?”

“In our tiny town, who would rent it?”

“You won’t know until you try.”

“Hmm, I don’t know. It would be strange for other people to be there. He built it with his bare hands. It was a part of him and a part of us.”

We spent the first couple of days sorting Stephan’s things and packing up the cabin. I went in to town and picked up all the mail then called and had the utilities forwarded to me in Denton.

The mail had a letter to me from the insurance company. Since he’d been hit by lightning while technically working out on the lake, it was as if he’d been hurt on the job to no fault of his own. It was considered accidental and his accidental policy paid double, but no amount of money would bring him back.

As the beneficiary of his life insurance policy, I was being notified that I would be receiving a check for over three hundred thousand dollars. They needed me to contact them for processing, and the check would be sent by certified mail within ten days.

There was more. Letters from the bank and from an attorney out of Hot Springs indicated that the contents of his checking and savings accounts were left to me as well. Stephan had saved his money, owned his home out right, and with the life insurance, there was over $600,000 in cash, before the house and truck.

None of it mattered. I only wanted him.

I sat in the middle of the cabin living room floor with the papers in a pile in front of me, Karina across from me, and the same bottle of Jack beside me.

That night I finished the Jack and once again vowed to protect my heart and never look back.

School and work brought routine—the only thing that kept me sane. I tried to come home every third or fourth weekend to see Mom, but I didn’t go to the cabin, and I avoided talking about Stephan with anyone.

Justin was keeping our place up well. He’d helped do quite a few repairs to the outside siding, and the whole house had a new coat of paint. He was getting excited for his own little house to be finished by the end of summer. Even though he was a little more than a stone’s throw away, I knew Mom was going to miss having him right there to talk to.

I scheduled classes for the summer, so I could get ahead in my program, and Karina did the same. We decided to get an apartment, and when we looked, nothing decent was available, but we found a house for not much more money and moved at the end of June. I found it hard to believe four months had passed since Stephan’s accident, and I had very little accounting for most of it.

“You puzzle me sometimes,” Karina said one night over pizza.

“Oh yeah, how so?”

“You always make quick decisions, and yet, when it comes to anything about Stephan’s place or the money he left you, you pretend it doesn’t exist.” She hated olives, and she was picking them off the pizza, tossing them onto the lid of the box.

“That’s not true. I did use a little of it, but for the most part, I can’t deal with it.”

She grabbed my arm. “You won’t start healing until you deal with it and put closure to that part of your life.”

She was right, I supposed. Funny how we were currently taking a psychology class together, and suddenly she was an expert, but there was some truth to her observance.

On the outside, I was a functioning robot, going through the motions. But, I’d lost a good bit of weight, my skin was gross, and I didn’t even want to talk about how yucky my hair was. “My life lost its sparkle.”

“Only you have the power to change that, honey.”

Later that night in bed, I thought about what Karina had said and mentally listed the power I had. Some of the answers finally came to me.

Stephan had been about helping people. Stopping to help someone change a tire, or paying for someone’s gas when they were down on their luck and because he was that kind of person, I went to him for help when I’d needed it for Mom—and me. He was there without asking for anything in return, even though he’d teased me that I would owe him. Little did I know…

With the new resources I had, it was possible I could set up a fund to help people and give back, the Stephan Hart way.

I put it on the list.

The following day I made the decision to start therapy and asked Becky for a reference when I got to work. She told me to call Darlie Harris, the grief counselor who worked in our cancer center. When I called Darlie and explained my situation and requested a recommendation of a therapist and support group, she asked me to come down and visit with her. We ended up talking for several hours, and I finally just let it all out.

Guilt had been holding me back, and when she finally got me to admit it, I felt a world of relief.

I was consumed with the angst over leaving Arkansas to pursue my own goals, instead of spending the precious time I had left with the ones I loved. Darlie helped me realize nothing I did would’ve changed the outcome.

While her job dealt mostly with cancer patients, loss of life and grief was mostly the same, she said. She provided me with the contact for a support group, and I decided to start right away.

But over the course of the next few days, she also started texting me and checking up on me, and we quickly developed a close bond. While I would visit her in her office, I got the chance to interact with the cancer patients and their families and began to feel that oncology might be my calling.

I went home the last weekend in July to spend my birthday with Mom. She had gone part-time at the diner just to have something to do, and the rest of the time she spent quilting. I was so excited when I saw her quilting. She had worked so much over the last few years that, while it was a passion, she hadn’t had the time or energy to quilt. She even had some of the local ladies coming out to the house a day or so a week for quilting sessions.

Justin had moved into his house and gave me the formal tour.

“How’s school going?” he asked, showing me the kitchen.

“Full speed ahead. Hard to believe I have only two semesters left. Wait,” I turned and pointed, “You have two ovens? What on earth for?”

“Whose idea do you think that was?” He gave a small chuckle. “Then what’s next, job or more school?”

“I start the next phase for my Nurse Practitioner license, while I work weekends or part-time. It won’t be easy, but another eighteen months and I’m done.”

“Your momma will be happy to have you home. There isn’t a sentence that comes outta her mouth that doesn’t have your name in it.”

“Oh boy, that bad, huh?”

He nodded.

I followed him out to the new barn and saw our old tractor inside.

“How did you get this old thing up here?”

“It’s running now. A few parts was all.”

“Wow, that’s awesome. A mechanic, I am not.”

Justin was beaming with pride. He wasn’t much for words, but he was a hard worker, and I took him for being very loyal.

“Do you know anyone who would be interested in buying Stephan’s truck?”

“Sure. Me.”

“You? Then it’s yours. It’s my gift. I’ll get you the keys and sign the title over to you.”

“Wrenn, are you sure? What brought this on?”

“Closure and he would be honored to know you have it.”

Justin hugged me. It was an awkward hug, but he was happy all the same. “I’ll take good care of it.”

“I know you will.”

Soon after I’d received the checks from the insurance company, I’d paid off the loan on our place, but for the most part, the rest—other than what Mom needed—had been sitting in the bank, growing interest. She fought me on quitting work at first, but she realized Stephan would’ve wanted that and finally gave in.

I hadn’t been back to the cabin since Karina and I packed it up, but Justin had been checking on it for me. I was beginning to feel it was time to do something with it.

“Whatcha thinking about, kiddo?” Mom asked from her reclined position.

I realized I’d been staring off into space through our living room window. “What to do with the cabin. I gave Justin the truck today. He was thrilled.”

“That was a good move. You giving him the cabin too?” She wrinkled her forehead in a puzzled look.

“No, but I’ve been thinking about doing something with it, like a home for someone in need or something. I don’t know yet.”

“Don’t rush, it will come to you. It’s not going anywhere.”