Forgotten (28 page)

He threw me
a fleeting look. “From what I can gather, lady, he must have bin
pretty worried to do it. He don’t ask this from us for no good
reason. Whatever yer cause for yer ‘time out,’ I’s hoping it’s a
jolly good one.”

I had
thought so. Now I wasn’t so certain. I studied Jacko. I was curious
as to his commitment… their commitment. “Do you do this because
Saul Reardon has done something for you in the past?”

Jacko
laughed, sucked in a long drawl of his cigarette. “Done somethin’?
Mores than just done somethin’. But in answer to yer question, of
course, we all do. There’s nothin’ too big or too small. If I’s do
this for the rest of my years, I still wouldn’t feel I’s repaid
him.” His eyes darted from the road to me several times. “It’s his…
I don’t know how to put it into words… his compassion… yer
know?”

I was beginning to.

“
And he
keeps his promise to helps yer, sticks with yer until it’s sorted.”
He cast me a glance. If I wasn’t mistaken, quite a derogatory one.
“As long as yer sticks with him back.”

“I had to have some time on my own,” I said,
annoyed that I felt the need to re-explain myself to this relative
stranger.

He watched me for a time. “Lady, what yer
did was your business, not mine to judge. But that man don’t need
the unnecessary grief. He makes the likes of us his sorta personal
project, gives it his all, if yer know what I mean.”

I did.

“Alls yer needed to do was to let him know.
It was the least he deserved.”

I knew Jacko
was right. But, at the time, I hadn’t considered the consequences.
Now, I just felt plain wretched for causing the entire
ruckus.

We traveled
in silence the rest of the way. I thought about Jacko’s comment
about the
likes of us
being Saul’s
personal project
. I couldn’t help
wondering if that’s all I was to Saul. A project, where any warm
feelings I sensed from him were nothing more than his legendary
compassion.

As we verged
onto the back street of Zephyr, I spotted Saul stretched over the
side of a flashy, black sports car, face down, hands clasped
together above the roof. Ethan was alongside him in the reverse
mode, his back to the vehicle, his arms crossed. The car could’ve
only belonged to Ethan. It exuded charisma.

“Nice car,” I commented to the man beside
me.

“Huh,” Jacko jeered, “that’s Ethan’s chick
magnet. A Porsche no less.”

Of course, it was.

At the distinctive sound of the rickety
truck pulling in, both men straightened up. I felt a bulge in my
throat as I caught glimpses of their faces. The next few minutes, I
conceded, would not be pleasant.

“Good luck.” Jacko sounded sincere. I
unbuckled myself from the seat and thanked him.

I then
jumped out of the vehicle.

December 27, 2010

4:48
pm

ETHAN
APPROACHED ME
.

Saul disregarded me. He strode over to
Jacko.

I was afraid
to look in Saul’s direction, afraid of what I’d see. Instead, I
focused on the more convivial Ethan who instantly pressed me to
him. He smelled of lime and woody smoke, and his chest was like a
lightly padded concrete block. Oddly enough, I found it all
somewhat comforting.

“
Shit,
Angel, you had us bloody worried.” There was no typical Ethan humor
in his voice.

“
I’m sorry,”
I whispered, my apology partly drowned out by Jacko’s old utility
rumbling away. “I just needed my own space. I honestly had no
idea.”

Ethan
stiffened. When I pulled back, I noticed he was staring over my
shoulder wearing an uneasy expression.

Saul was back.

My heart
began beating a little too fast. I bit my lip and turned. Saul was
standing perhaps a yard away. His feet were slightly apart; his
hands gripped his hips, crumpling the sides of his white shirt. I
didn’t know what shook me more; his hostile stance, the
expressionless way he was glaring at me, or his notably eerie
silence.

Thirty seconds felt like an hour.

I fought
back the growing tremors in my legs and stepped towards him. But he
gestured me to stop. “Not now, Claudia,” he said, in a measured
voice. And in a cold, dismissive fashion, he spun and began
striding away.

I could
sense my customary fear and guilt perpetually hanging onto to me
like ravenous leeches.
But, I could also
sense my annoyance.
“Don’t walk away from
me. Not until I explain.”

Saul
stopped
, took his time to turn around.
Again, he leveled that icy stare straight at me. “I felt a
responsibility to get you back safe. I have done that. And, yes,
for now, I will walk away.”

What did he
mean by that exactly? That h
e wasn’t
helping me any longer? Why? Because for a few hours, I
didn’t
sticks with him
back
? Injustice, anger and yes, good old
fear caused my cheeks to burn and tears to stab my eyes. “That’s
not fair,” I hissed.

Saul dropped
his head and shook it. When he straightened it again, it came with
a very disturbing smile. This man, I decided, had the potential to
be highly worrying.

“
Fair? You
want to talk about fair?” Again, his hands gripped his hips; I
could swear the tips of his fingers appeared bluish. “Did you, just
for one self-indulgent minute, consider how your sudden
disappearance looked to us, the endless possibilities that ran
through our heads, knowing there’s some sadistic ‘nutter’ out there
targeting you, getting closer? Then after finding your bag, your
wallet, your phone still in your unit and you… simply gone.” His
voice lowered, but still with the same biting resentment. “Do you
have any idea what we thought?”

Shit.

I had never thought of that. The impulse to
run had been foremost. I cursed again.

“
That
was what wasn’t fair.” Saul
stepped closer until I could feel his red-hot breath burn down on
my skin. “You went without one word. Was that your inability to
cope playing out again? Couldn’t you have trusted someone, trusted
Ethan or perhaps even me?”

I wanted to
say
it wasn’t like that. But a large,
swelling bulge in my throat stopped me.

“
Well, I
hope your so-called bloody time to yourself
was worth it; that your little ‘run and hide’ act possessed
enough importance to offset your lack of courtesy.”

Saul stopped
and studied me, as one would when sizing the worth of an
outcast heifer at a saleyard. “You know, for a
moment there, I actually thought you were growing up!”

I felt like a dozen enraged wasps had just
stung me. I gasped and stumbled back. Is that what Saul thought of
me? Anger took another nasty circuit around my insides. I pulled up
the flagging spaghetti strap of my lightweight top, straightened my
shoulders and prepared to fire back.

But Ethan got there first. “That, mate, was
totally out of line.”

“
Butt out,
Ethan,” Saul growled. “I didn’t ask for your opinion.”

“On the contrary, you did, remember? So
I’m

telling
you…
now
.”

Their eyes locked solid; silent words flew
between them. I was unsure what it all meant, but whatever
happened, it worked. Still edgy, but softer, Saul said, “Get her
home, before I say or do anything else I regret.” And with that, he
jumped into his car and thundered off, the wheels screeching their
irritation along with him.

I stood
motionless, gazing at the flurrying dust, smelling the strong,
putrid odor of burning rubber, feeling my life race away. I had
finally sorted a part of my screwed-up self only to have enraged
the very person I least wanted to.

“Come on, Angel,” Ethan whispered, guiding
me to his car, “Let’s get you back.”

Back? To Saul’s house? Was that now even an
option?

Once in Ethan’s car, I fumbled with the seat
belt. Ethan glided the unwilling clasps together for me. That’s
when a jackhammer drew its first breath in my head. I massaged my
temples but the ongoing pain was stubborn. I closed my eyes but all
I saw was Saul’s hard, emotionless face.

Ethan jumped
into the driver’s seat. “Are you all right?”

Of course I
wasn’t. Blood vessels were bubbling out of control, punishing me.
“I never wanted to cause all this. I had so much on my
mind.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Ethan said. “Saul will
too. Just give him time to calm down.”

Ethan appeared a little anxious, as if he
were tussling with a dilemma of his own. He started the car, backed
out of the empty parkway and rocketed off. The air-conditioning
relaxed the hot, strained atmosphere. I breathed a little easier.
And in time, the jackhammering began to subside.

Before long, we were careering along the
busy, open highway. If Ethan was at all concerned with traveling
above the speed limit, he didn’t show it. I lounged back and
allowed the rapid speed to loosen my tense body further.

“
Feeling
better?” Ethan asked, as we took a quick, sharp right off the
thoroughfare. Driving with Ethan, I decided, was comparable to an
intensive joyride.

“
Mmmm…,” I
answered and spun to him. “
You’re
not
mad with me are you?”

“
No, Angel,
just relieved you’re okay.”

“I really messed up today, didn’t I?”

Ethan
remained fixed on the black strip before him. “No, not exactly, and
there’s no harm in wanting time to yourself. But things are
escalating, quite quickly, and well, Saul feels a certain
obligation to keep you safe. If anyone had taken you, then Saul
would’ve lost control of that safety and the chances of finding you
wouldn’t have been good.”

Again, the thought never crossed my
mind.

“Your need to escape today,” Ethan said.

“
Battling my
damn demons in the wilderness.” I sounded annoyed. Not about
the
demon
battling
. It had been, I believed, a
monumental achievement for me. I was annoyed with my failure in not
considering the impact my selfish act had on others. I had this
sudden, crazy urge to scream. But I was mindful of the small space
I was in and in particular, of the driver.

“These demons. Anything to do with this
Simon fellow?”

I nodded.

“Want to tell me about him?”

From Ethan
shone this rare, encouraging glow. How tempting it was for me to
succumb and spill out all that had caused my ill-timed meltdown.
But instinct told me to wait. “One day, Ethan. Right now, I have to
tell
him
first, that’s of course if he’ll listen.”

Ethan had one hand on the steering wheel,
effortlessly guiding it to suit the many twists in the road. The
other hand gripped the gear stick. “I’m sure he will.”

I wasn’t so
sure and told Ethan so. “I’ve never seen Saul so angry. I didn’t
think it was even possible.”

“To be perfectly honest, neither did I.”

“
Are you
telling me only
I
have caused this?”

Ethan
flipped me a blatant, smug look. “Singlehandedly.”

I couldn’t
believe it. “Great, I’ll go down in history as the only woman who,
with a flick of an insane moment, ruffled the ‘unrufferable’ Saul
Reardon.”

Ethan laughed. Then his expression changed
to something more serious. “Listen, if it helps any, Saul was
worried about you today.”

“I already gathered that.”

“No, I mean really, really worried.”

“
I’m sure he
worries about all his so called
‘personal
projects,’” I said with mild sarcasm.

Ethan frowned but pressed on. “Yeah, he does
feel a certain commitment to those he helps, if that’s what you’re
talking about. But this? This is different.”

I asked him what he meant. He scraped his
hair; his chiseled face looked a little more jumpy than normal.

“You’re making me nervous,” I said.

“
I’m making
myself nervous. Not a situation I find pleasant.” He swerved off
the main road and sped down a gravel section that soon would join
the long, dirt track to Saul’s house. “Ah, hell. How do I put this
without being totally skinned alive?” He flicked me an exasperated
expression before finally conceding. “Saul has a history. It’s not
a good one.”

“An issue with anger or something?”

“
No, nothing
like that. Saul
is
the person you see. The proverbial cool, calm and
collected. The absolute epitome of control. It’s quite sickly
really.”

“Except, when I come along.”

“Precisely.”

“Ethan, you’re making no sense.” We were
fast approaching the turn off onto the track. Concealed by
overgrown shrubbery it would have been impossible to find if one
didn’t know its exact location. “Stop the car,” I ordered.

Ethan slung
a look at me that clearly stated,
As if.

“Please.”

He looked at me once, twice and then with a
maddened groan promptly skidded to an abrupt halt. Both his arms
collapsed on the steering wheel; his head lowered, but tilted
towards me. “You, my dear Claudia, can be quite taxing at
times.”