Forty-Four Box Set, Books 1-10 (44) (118 page)

“No,” I said. “I only feel empty and cold when you’re around. That isn’t love, Nathaniel. But I can understand why you might be confused. Since you don’t have a heart.”

He was quiet for a moment as if he was considering the possibility. I was still amazed by how real he looked. Even his face seemed to have shading.

“And I don’t believe it was an accident,” I said.

“It’s not among my powers to make you believe me. But even if we were to entertain your view of the events, that I willfully shoved the drug dealer over a cliff, can you seriously maintain that the world would miss him? I appreciate the drama of it, I do, but would it really have been all that tragic if he had died?”

I closed my eyes and drew in a long breath.

“Always the same Nathaniel,” I said. “That’s not for you to decide, who lives and who dies.”

“That’s an argument for another day. But for now try to understand that I have no feeling for the injured snowman one way or the other. I’m not here to disrupt your childhood friendships. I’m only here to settle a score. Nothing more.”

“I don’t understand you,” I said. “I saw you as a child playing with your brother at Christmas and you seemed so normal. You came from a good home. People loved you and gave you everything. I just don’t understand how you ended up so evil.”

“Ah, here it is, your lesson for the day,” he said. “Your colorblindness has bled into your sense of morality. You see the world as black and white. Literally. But there is no such thing in the realm of what you call good and evil. Don’t we all possess varying degrees of good and evil, Abby? Don’t we all have both those traits within us?”

I shook my head.

“What about your friend, the
base
jumper? You only seem to see the good in him. But you don’t have to look too deep below the surface to see his darkness.”

“Derek’s not perfect,” I said. “But—”

“But what, Abby? He’s not a killer like me? I wouldn’t be so sure. How many lives do you think he has destroyed, given his chosen profession? I wouldn’t be surprised if his ripple of destruction hasn’t swept away more lives than the few I was forced to sacrifice in the name of science.”

This was going nowhere. I couldn’t feel my legs anymore.

“What would it take to make you stop?” I said finally. “What do I have to do?”

He was quiet for a moment.

“I couldn’t have you when I was alive. But I see. It might not be too late. Let me understand. Are you saying that I could be the one who holds your hand in the park? Would you really give up your ghost boyfriend for me? That’s very touching, Abby. I won’t lie to you. Your offer is tempting. But, no. There are things I must do first. Perhaps then we’ll see.”

Out of the corner of my eye, through the downpour, I saw something move in the distance. It was at the far end of the cemetery and coming toward us at full speed. The ghost dog.

I didn’t think Nathaniel saw it. Not until he heard the barking.

He flinched at the sound, but only for a split second before recovering. He took a step back and I suddenly felt a little stronger.

“What would Emma say?” I said. “About you showing up here like this to kill your brother?”

I knew it was useless to try to shame him, but I had nothing to lose. The ghost of Emma had saved me once before. Maybe her memory could help again.

It seemed to rattle him momentarily, but then his eyes turned black. I shivered as he stared at me.

“Never mention her name again,” he said slowly, the anger dripping from each syllable.

“Em—” I began.

My words were lost in the fierce barking of the dog. He was no more than 20 feet away and closing rapidly.

“That’s too bad,” Nathaniel said. “It appears that our little reunion has come to an end.”

He suddenly backed away, becoming more and more translucent.

“Leave your brother alone!” I shouted.

But he was gone. There was only the rain now.

CHAPTER 45

I took a hot shower when I got home, trying to push away the thought that Nathaniel was somewhere nearby, watching me.

After I dried my hair I went out to the living room and started a fire. Then I heard the front door open.

It was Kate.

I gave her the gist of my conversation with Nathaniel. She shook her head several times as she listened.

“I don’t understand why he followed him here,” she said. “And why did he wait all this time, why didn’t he do something in India or Boston? Why did he wait for Ben to come here?”

I stood a few feet from the fireplace, the flames shooting up, but I was still cold. It felt like I would never be warm again. I wrapped a fleece blanket around my shoulders and rubbed my hands together.

“I don’t really know,” I said. “Maybe he wants us all to be there when it happens. To witness it or something.”

“Did you see Jesse?” she asked.

“No, but I can feel him. He’s like the sky, full of sadness and rain. The air is heavy with it. It feels like the trees are crying.”

“I stopped off at the garage,” she said. “They had a little thing. People brought food and they told stories. It was really nice.”

I felt bad that I hadn’t been there.

“Oh, I have something his brother wanted me to give you,” she said.

She smiled and went over to the front door. She brought back a large paper sack that was folded over and stapled and set it on the coffee table.

“ABBY” was written on it in big black letters.

“What is it?” I asked.

“I don’t know. His brother didn’t know either. He said he just found it in the office.”

I tore open the bag and started to cry.

It was a six pack of his beer. Like he had promised me.

CHAPTER 46

Ty called later that night. I told him about the funeral and Nathaniel. I was in bed, watching the trees blow in the wind out my window.

“I’m sorry, Abby,” he said. “I’m sorry I’m not there for you.”

“I know. But it’s only a few more days, right? I can make it.”

“I’ll get on a plane tonight if you want,” he said.

“The airport’s closed.”

“Then I’ll rent a car and drive back.”

“Finish what you started and then come home,” I said. “I’ll be waiting.”

 “Hey, I know it’s short notice but I have some time off when I get back. Maybe we could do something.”

“That sounds really nice.”

“I was thinking maybe we could go somewhere together,” he said. “If you could get out of work. It sounds like you could really use a vacation. I know I could. It’d be fun.”

 Fun. I didn’t even know what the word meant anymore.

“Seems like a plan,” I said. “I’ll see what I can do.”

CHAPTER 47

Derek pushed the tray of empty cups and used plastic utensils out of the way.

“I forgot how much I loved chocolate pudding,” he said, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “A couple more of those snack packs and falling off that cliff would almost be worth it.”

I took a seat in a chair next to the bed. 

“Well, at least something good came out of all this,” I said.

I handed him a couple of sports magazines and some candy bars I had bought downstairs.

There was a story in one of them about Barcelona’s 4-0 win over AC Milan. They were still alive in the Champions League. With everything that had happened, I had missed the game. I had even forgotten to record it. Hopefully, I’d be able to catch a replay one of these days.

“I thought these might be good for that long ride you’ve got ahead of you,” I said.

He smiled and nodded.

Derek was going home today. His father was driving him.

He put the magazines and candy bars down on the nightstand next to a plastic pitcher of water.

“So how’s that leg doing?” I asked, glancing down at his cast.

“Itchy as hell,” he said. “But the doctor says that’s a good sign. I’m not going to be running a marathon anytime soon, but it’ll get better. It might take a while, but it will.”

“What about your spleen?” I said.

“Same goes for that,” he said.

He hesitated for a moment and then took a deep breath.

“And the same for that other problem, too, Abby,” he said. “I mean, I’m not stupid. I know it’s going to take some work. But I’m going to turn things around. I’m serious about it. I want to… be the person I should be, you know?”

I smiled.

“That’s good to hear, Derek,” I said. “I know you’ll be okay. You’re tough. Tough as you were back in the fourth grade.”

 “Ha,” he said, shaking his head. “That was one stupid kid to take on a bully like that.”

“Yeah,” I said. “But that kid had a lot of guts, too.”

It was strange. I hadn’t seen Derek in such a long time, and it wasn’t like I knew him all that well anymore. But in some ways, it felt like I did. I knew that same little kid still existed beneath the drug problem and the Hollywood lifestyle. Maybe he’d gotten off-track since he was last in Bend, but that didn’t change who he was deep down inside, or who he’d always be to me. Someone who saved me from getting picked on all those years ago. Someone who would always be a friend to Jesse and me.

I stood up.

I didn’t want to drag the goodbye out any longer than it needed to be.

“You think you’ll be back in Bend sometime?” I asked.

“Sure thing. As soon as I get straightened out. It’s been good being back. Even with that little detour off the waterfall.”

I laughed. It was nice to hear him joking about it.

I gave him a big hug.

 “Let’s keep in touch this time. Call me if you need anything,” I said. “Anything at all. Okay? I’m here.”

“Thanks, Abby. Friends for life, right?”

“Yeah,” I said. “Always.”

***

If I hurried I could make it. It was the day of the presentation and Dr. Mortimer still hadn’t asked me to speak. I figured that I was out of the woods. I must not have been the “special guest” after all. I felt it was safe for me to sit in the back and lend my moral support.

I took the elevator down to the basement and followed the signs for Road to Recovery to a large conference room.

There was a fairly large crowd of at least 100 in attendance. People were talking and laughing as they waited. It took me by surprise. I had only expected a few doctors.

I took a seat in the back row and looked up at the large crystal chandelier hanging down from the ceiling. It almost made me forget I was in a hospital.

There was a podium with a microphone at the front with a large projection screen up against the wall.

The presentation was supposed to begin at two. I looked at my phone. It was six after.

Just as I looked up, the audience started clapping and Dr. Mortimer appeared. He was dressed in a suit and tie and had gotten a haircut.

He smiled and waved to some of the people in the crowd. I scrunched down, hoping he wouldn’t see me. Then he began talking about a little boy.

A picture came up behind him on the screen of the boy and Dr. Mortimer, both smiling.

“He wasn’t supposed to live,” he said. “But, to be blunt, money made that possible. In these next 30 minutes I’m hoping to convince you to help Road to Recovery so that we may continue helping people like Omar.”

Dr. Mortimer was a persuasive speaker. He sounded so natural and comfortable. I couldn’t imagine being up there doing what he was doing.

 “We’ve helped hundreds of people so far,” he said. “And with your help, we will be able to reach out to thousands more. Please be generous as you write those checks. These people are depending on it.”

Suddenly I heard a tinkling sound. The lights began to flicker.

I looked up and saw that the chandelier was moving.

Then I felt that all too familiar loss of energy. I felt the hairs stand up on the back of my neck.

I turned around and saw him.

Nathaniel was standing right behind me.

***

“What is that?” I heard a man in front of me say.

Everyone’s eyes were on the chandelier now as it swayed back and forth. Dr. Mortimer had stopped speaking. At first the movement was minimal, like a large truck had gone by somewhere above. But instead of subsiding, the swaying became more intense.

“No need for alarm,” Dr. Mortimer said, but no one seemed to listen.

They were all hypnotized. Then a few people started getting up and walking toward the door. I tried to stand too, but my legs wouldn’t work.

“Maybe it’s a military jet,” I heard someone say.

But I knew better. I turned around and looked back at him.

Nathaniel was staring at the chandelier.

He was smiling.

The light fixture began to swing more violently. I felt myself grow weaker and weaker with each movement. Back and forth. Weaker and weaker.

People started to panic and run toward the exits.

“Stop it, Nathaniel,” I managed to whisper under my breath.

He was sitting next to me now.

“Almost there, Abby,” he said.

Suddenly the heavy chandelier ripped free from its mooring and crashed to the ground.

The few people remaining screamed and followed the others. Dr. Mortimer stood behind the podium, motionless, staring at the shattered collection of crystals on the ground in front of him.

We were alone.

“Is he here?” he said, looking at me.

“Yes,” I said, nodding. “He’s here. He’s sitting here. Right next to me.”

CHAPTER 48

Nathaniel walked up to his brother, his eyes glowing.

“Leave him alone,” I said, no louder than a sigh.

Dr. Mortimer had taken a seat near the front. He appeared collapsed and defeated, his eyes hollow shells as they shot around the room in search of his dead brother.

Nathaniel stood and stared at him.

“This can’t be happening,” the sad figure in the chair said. “It’s all too…”