Forty-Four Box Set, Books 1-10 (44) (170 page)

Something was still bugging me. Maybe Kate would have some insight.

I found her in the living room, sitting cross legged on the sofa, papers scattered in piles around her. A few candles were burning on the table and I stretched out across from her and pulled a pillow under my head.

“Have you guys talked about where you’ll be living when you get married?”

“Hopefully here in Bend.”

“Well, whatever you want to do with the house is okay with me. If you want to sell it, that’s fine. Or if you guys want to live here, that’s fine too.”

“Well, if we stay, I’ll look into buying your half of the house,” I said.

“I don’t really care about that, Abby. Whatever works.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Well, we have time.”

I got up and walked over to the window. It was getting darker earlier and earlier, and with the rainy weather, summer was starting to feel like a memory.

“So I saw Ben at the hospital earlier,” I said, sitting down again.

Kate looked over at me.

“He must have gotten called in,” she said. “I thought he was off today.”

“It was kind of weird actually. He walked right by me, but didn’t say anything.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I said hello and he kind of ignored me. He looked right at me, but… Well, he just kept going. Maybe he was lost in thought or something. But it was kind of weird.”

Kate closed her laptop, moved it over to the table, and sighed.

“You know, he’s done that same exact thing a couple of times with me. I think he’s tired. He hasn’t worked these kinds of hours in a long time.”

“Yeah.”

“And he’s had a hard time of it,” she continued. “I think you know that. Since everything that happened on the island, I mean, and, you know, trying to come to terms with what he did. He told me what really happened in that room, Abby. He told me that he killed Nathaniel.”

I nodded, relieved that she knew.

“I appreciate what you did,” she said. “Not telling me. It was something I needed to hear from him. I think part of him feels better talking about it, but it’s taken a toll. It makes me love him all the more.”

Love?
I thought.
Where did that come from?

“So, are you guys back together?”

“Yeah, I guess you could call it that. But I’m taking it slow. That’s why I haven’t mentioned it. There’s no pressure. It will work or it won’t. There’s always been so much baggage in our relationship, and now I think it’s finally all out in the sun. I hope it works out. In my heart, I really do think he’s the one I’m supposed to be with.”

I smiled.

“He’s a good man, Kate,” I said. “I’m happy for you. I think you guys belong together, too.”

She stood up.

“You know, I think I’ll go see him at the hospital,” she said. “He doesn’t know I’m leaving tomorrow. Maybe I can catch him on his break.”

“Okay,” I said. “Say hello.”

“Will do. And see you after work tomorrow, right?”

“You got it.”

I watched her rush out and then made my way to the freezer, where I was hoping there was some ice cream with my name on it.

CHAPTER 46

I finished the last of the triple chocolate and most of
The Killers.
They just didn’t make them like that anymore. Ava Gardner, Burt Lancaster, and Edmond O’Brien were so good in it, almost exploding off the screen.

But my favorite character was one of the hit men in the opening lunch counter scene. He kept calling everybody “Bright Boy.” For some reason it reminded me of David. I smiled. Maybe I would start calling him Bright Boy.

I would have finished the movie but my eyelids put their foot down. I recorded the rest of it, brushed my teeth, texted Ty goodnight, and got under the covers.

It had been a long day and it felt good to be in bed. The soft sheets smelled of lavender-scented detergent, reminding me of the wildflowers in that field and all those colors. A breeze blew through the open window and whipped at the curtains. I watched them for a moment and the memory rushed back of the day Mom had made them. They were pretty basic, but there was something special about the way they looked when they danced in the wind like they were doing now, just like something out of an old-fashioned ghost story.

Kate had some hanging in her room, and even though she redecorated at least half a dozen times over the years, she always kept them up.

I thought about Kate and what she had said about selling the house. I had slept in this same room practically my entire life. It was strange to think about moving. But moving to a new place with Ty was probably the right thing to do. As much as I loved this house, it represented my past. When we got married, it seemed right that we should begin our lives together in a new place, heading toward the future.

I turned onto my stomach and drifted off, thinking about Bright Boy and ice cream and curtains and flowers.

***

The ashes fell around me as I stood alone in the hot storm.

“We… belon…”

I turned around quickly, looking for the crackling voice but could only see a silhouette in the distance. But then even that disappeared as the ash fell harder and harder until the whiteout was complete.

“Where are you?” I said frantically. “I can’t see.”

“I’m right where I’ve always been,” he said softly. “Just follow your heart.”

I closed my eyes and listened to the beating in my chest and moved forward. When I felt his warm breath on my face, I opened them and found him staring at me with a fierce hunger.

“I’ve always loved you,” he said.

He kissed me, his warm lips on mine, his tongue pushing in, his arms around me like a cape.

“Be with me,” he whispered.

Chills ran through me as his hands touched my body. He stroked my face, my hair, my back. He kissed my neck as the white heat bled into us.

“Wait…” I said, trying to think.

But it was too late. When I gazed back up into those emerald eyes, all I wanted was him. All I wanted was for our hearts and bodies to come together, to be as one, to surrender to the fire that burned so hot inside.

“We belong together,” he whispered again, his fingers on my shirt.

He undid the first button and then looked at me. I swallowed hard, knowing that I should stop him. But I didn’t. I didn’t move, didn’t dare breathe. I just watched until my shirt slipped off my shoulders, falling like a feather to the ground.

He picked me up and brought me to the bed.

“I love you, Jesse,” I said, wrapping my legs around him.

Our passion ignited, driving us deep into the white night, the drumming of his heart loud in my ears, those delicate hot flakes showering over us like a magical snow.

CHAPTER 47

I woke up fighting for air.

“Oh, my God,” I whispered, sitting up quickly and feeling a thick tide of anxiety rising inside me. “What have I done?”

My pulse raced, my lips tingled, my cheeks still felt warm as it all came flooding back. I flew out of bed and ran to the bathroom, splashing handfuls of cold water on my face, trying to stop the thoughts. I glanced in the mirror and was met by a sharp wave of guilt, rolling and jolting through me like a massive earthquake.

“It was a dream,” I told my reflection. “It didn’t really happen. It couldn’t have.”

So why did it feel like it had? Why did it feel so real? I could still feel him, smell him, taste him.

“Oh, my God,” I repeated over and over again, the nausea rising inside me. “What have I done? What have I done?”

CHAPTER 48

The dream haunted me all day.

As I sliced avocados, I thought of Jesse’s green eyes. As I cooked eggs, I thought of his hands under my shirt. As I plated waffles, I thought of him setting me down on the bed and…”

“Abby!” Alberto yelled. “You keeping an eye on those hash browns? They look done from here.”

I flipped them on plates and put them up for the waitress and then started on the toast for the next order.

What a mess. What a horrible, horrible mess. I slept with Jesse. I cheated on Ty. But did it count if it was a dream, if I had no control over it? But was that even true? Had I really been helpless to stop it? And if not, why didn’t? But I wasn’t even sure it was a dream. It had felt so…

“Abby,” Hector said in a low voice as he handed back the plate I had just sent out. “Whole wheat on this order, remember?”

“Thanks,” I said.

I slid some new bread into the toaster. Hector smiled at me as he flipped pancakes.

“Rough night?” he said, the smile growing wider.

I nodded, taking in some air.

“I’ll try to pull it together.”

“You better. Alberto is in a bad mood this morning. He found out that the owners of the building want to raise the rent. I would stay off his Mexican radar today if I were you.”

I limped through the rest of the shift, doing my best to try and keep my attention in the present, on the orders and the food and the grill. But my thoughts were wild, untamed, and roamed elsewhere. There was nothing that could get my mind off of Jesse and me and Ty.

Not one damn thing.

CHAPTER 49

“Abby! Look out!”

A car swerved into my lane as we drove past Target on the way to the Redmond Airport. I slammed on the brakes and missed the Nissan by only inches. I landed on the horn and let it roar for a good long time.

“What an idiot,” Kate said, giving the driver the finger as I passed him. “Shit, Abby, you need to pay more attention. I saw that fool coming a mile away.”

“You’re right,” I said.

“Seriously. What’s going on with you? It’s like you’re somewhere else.”

With
someone
else was more like it. I looked at her and lifted my shoulders.   

“I think I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night.”

The highway opened up and I muscled past goat farms and open fields and junipers. Kate was on her phone, texting. She glanced at the console and I had a feeling I knew what was coming.

“Hey, you better slow down. There are always cops along this stretch and this car was born guilty, if you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I’m still getting used to the accelerator. My foot just hovers over it and the next thing I know I’m doing seventy.”

“Did David ever tell you about all his speeding tickets?”

“No,” I said, suddenly feeling nervous. “He’s paid them right?”

“Yeah, he’s careful about that. But I think he was up to nine. This year.”

“How much would that even come out to?” I said, counting how many months were still left in the year.

“I have to think a nice vacation to Maui when it’s all said and done. Anyway, keep that in mind as you drive. This car is cop bait.”

I turned off the highway and onto Airport Way.

“How long will you be gone for?” I said.

“I think about a week.”

I pulled up to the curb, a few yards past the security guard that always harassed people for lingering out front three seconds too long.

“You sure you have to go?”

“Don’t worry, I don’t think Atlanta’s been overrun by the walking dead just yet,” she said, squeezing my arm. “I’ll say hello to Carl and Rick for you.”

I gave her a nervous smile.

“I sent you my itinerary, flight number, and where I’ll be staying.” She then got out and pulled her luggage from the backseat. “Look alive.”

“I will,” I said. “Safe travels. Call me when you get there.”

As I drove back toward the highway I flipped on the radio and one of David’s old dance CD’s blasted from the speakers. I turned it up even louder, trying to drown out the noise in my mind.

CHAPTER 50

I brushed some olive oil over the eggplant slices and the steaks, shucked the corn, and brought it all out back.

“Man,” Ty said. “Those look high end. Did you get them at Primal Cuts?”

I had trouble looking at him without thinking of the dream and what I had done.

“Yeah, I stopped on my way home.”

“What’s the occasion?”

“You, me, us,” I said, smiling nervously. “Quality meat and quality time with my fiancé.”

Ty clicked on the grill and we wandered over to the chairs by the pond and sat with our bottles of Apocalypse IPA while the barbeque heated up.

“How did it go last night?” I said.

“Well, we finally righted the brew, but I gotta go back for a few hours tonight. Sorry, I know we were going to see that ape movie.”

“I think Caesar will understand. We can catch it another time. I’m kinda tired anyway.”

“Did you have a rough shift at Meg’s? Trouble sleeping?”

My stomach tightened as Jesse floated around in my head. I took a long pull, trying to wash away the memory.

“Yeah, I mean, no,” I said, hearing how rattled I sounded. “Actually I had a great morning at the restaurant. Everything I touched was golden.”

“I could have used that touch last night.”

I knew he meant brewing but all I could think of were Jesse’s hands. I felt the heat on my cheeks and turned away, not wanting him to see.

I stared at the waterfall feeding into the pond.

“You excited about Montana?” Ty said, trying to cut through my weirdness. “Two weeks from today we’ll be sitting at the ranch, watching the most amazing sunset you’ve ever seen.”

“Yeah,” I said. “I can’t wait.”

“You ready to ride with me? Because you know, it’s tradition for the men in my family to only marry girls who know their way around horses.”

“Well, horses scare the manure out of me.”

“That’s funny coming from you, since you’re sort of a ghost whisperer.” He started to laugh but then stopped when he saw I didn’t understand. “You know, horse whisperer, ghost whisperer?”

I tried to smile but felt my lips go taut across my stressed out face.

“Hey, babe, is everything okay? You seem a little off, like something’s wrong.”