Forty-Four Box Set, Books 1-10 (44) (67 page)

“I don’t know, Abby,” Dr. Krowe said, placing his glasses up on top of his balding head.  “I’ve dealt with a lot of Devins over the years, too many, and I still couldn’t tell you why they do it.”

I nodded, appreciating the honesty.

“But maybe it’s not your job to try and figure them out,” he said. “Maybe it’s about you staying one step ahead of them, like you did with those kids.”

The priest finished his prayer and the eulogies began. There were a lot of tears.

When it was over, the priest walked down the stairs swinging the thurible from a chain, white smoke rising up and around the casket as he circled it in prayer. Soft sobbing echoed off the walls as the procession began and Mrs. Collins and their three young children followed the coffin down the aisle out into the glaring sun, never once looking up at the crowd.

I remembered what Pep Guardiola had said when Chelsea eliminated Barcelona.

“Sometimes you smile, sometimes you lose.”

Today we all lost. And there were no smiles.

CHAPTER 47

Breakups are hard. Tough. But sometimes, there isn’t a choice.

We walked along the river until we got to the Big Eddy rapid and then sat on some rocks near the white foam cascading down in front of us. Mist floated upwards, touching our faces. We were quiet.

It had been a long hour and I was tired of talking. And even though our relationship was about to crash on the rocks, I still felt good about telling Ty everything. I was tired of keeping secrets from him. If he couldn’t handle it, that was another story. I wasn’t going to hide anymore.

And I couldn’t just keep ducking from his calls or leaving messages saying that I needed more time. We would be guiding together in a few weeks and seeing each other on the river most days. We had to figure it out, end it amicably.

Ty knew all the details of the bombing like most everyone in Bend. Probably like most people in the country. And he knew from Kate that I was involved somehow, although he didn’t know the specifics.

So as we walked on the trail that followed the river up to the rapids, I filled him in. Leaving nothing out.

“I didn’t ask for this,” I said, after talking about the visions of Devin. “None of it. Everything changed when I drowned in that lake. Everything. This is something that found
me
. And now it’s who I am.”

I watched his gentle white energy turn a little darker as the story about Devin progressed. I could tell he wanted to ask a question, but he didn’t. He just listened.

But we had been sitting for a while now, the story done, and he still hadn’t said anything. I stared at the whitewater and told myself to be strong.

I looked at my watch.

“I’ve got to get going soon,” I said. “Shift starts at two.”

I was hoping David was working today. He seemed like a perfect friend to talk to about this kind of thing.

“Abby,” Ty said finally. “First off, I’m so sorry you had to go through all that.”

He moved to a closer rock and took my hand. But it didn’t make me feel any better. I had already made a decision. I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t believe me. It wasn’t going to work out.

“Yeah,” I said.

We sat for a moment watching an early season kayaker dressed in a wet suit, walk up to the river and study the rapids, his hand out over his eyes blocking the sun. It was unusual for them to go down solo. It was a permit-only section and mostly the rafting companies took people down.

“Going down?” Ty asked, his arms resting on his knees. He already had a nice tan going.

“Yeah,” the guy said. “I’m looking to avoid that nasty pocket over there.”

“Good idea,” Ty said.

I smiled. We always tried to avoid the nasty pocket, too.

When he left, Ty looked back over to me, reaching toward my face. He lifted up my sunglasses and put them on top of my head. He did the same with his and moved even closer.

“I know I hurt your feelings that day at the park,” he said. “And I’m sorry about that. But you’re not the only one, Abby, that has things in their past that they’re dealing with. And everybody deals with them different.”

I nodded.

“Now, that was a terrible, terrible thing you went through last week. All I can say is that I wish you would have let me in. Let me help you in some way.”

“And that’s the exact reason we can’t be together, Ty. I don’t think I could have asked you for help. Not when you think I’m crazy.”

He sank back, looking sad.

“I’ll take responsibility for that day,” he said. “I shouldn’t have left it like that. That’s my fault.”

I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure if it was his fault or not. It was how he felt.

“But I don’t want to lose you, Abby. I’m falling in love with you. I am in love with you.” He looked away quickly. “And I’ve been waiting for this for a while now. This feeling. I don’t want this to end. Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”

His words were nice, filling my heart, but I still couldn’t see a way around it.

“I can’t tell you to believe me when you don’t,” I said. “And I don’t want you pretending. I’ll know if you’re lying.”

“But can’t you give me a little while? Why can’t you be a little more flexible? More understanding.”

I sighed. He was twisting everything up.

“I need to be able to talk about these things if I’m with you,” I said. “And I need to know you don’t think I’m crazy. And I don’t want to have to prove anything. I don’t care about that anymore. I’m not out to convince people. They believe me or they don’t. But the person I’m with has to, Ty. And you don’t. I don’t see a way around that.”

He inhaled slowly.

“Is it because of your religion?” I asked.

“Religion?” he said. “My religion is the sky and the river and the trees. You know that.”

I looked over at him as he tried to think of more words to say. His energy was lighter again, swirling around in quick circles. As I stared at him, that fluttery feeling bubbled around inside.

“Abby, I don’t think you’re crazy or lying or anything like that. I promise you. You saved all those kids at the school and that was amazing. And I totally believe that some sort of supernatural something happened.”

He stopped for a moment, choosing his words carefully.

“Can’t you just understand that I’m not comfortable with it? Why does that mean we have to break up?”

We were quiet for another minute and watched as the kayaker squeezed into his boat and paddled out to the calm stretch of the river, before turning into the roar. He sailed down the rapids, avoiding the whirlpool, like he had done the run a hundred times.

Ty stood up, offered me his hand.

“Come on,” he said, smiling. “I don’t want you to be late on my account.”

I took his hand, and as he pulled me up I smiled at those crazy feelings surging through me again. It was nice, having feelings like this.

“Maybe we can try,” I said, squinting in the sun.

Ty came closer and gave me a long, long hug.

CHAPTER 48

It was those large, empty holes that always chilled me the most in cemeteries. The ones freshly dug out and waiting, the holes that would forever swallow the dead.

We strolled past one, a shovel thrown next to it on the grass, and I shivered.

“Damn,” I said, smoke floating up into my face. “I hate those.”

Mo took another hit.

“I’ll meet you,” she said and took off down the narrow cement path that led past rows of tombstones.

I didn’t follow. I knew she wanted to be alone. I could visit Spenser’s grave later.

She had wanted to come with me when she found out I was stopping by the cemetery after work. I was surprised, but glad for the company, even if she didn’t say too much.  It was a cold, gray day, but the rain had stopped and the clouds were breaking up above.

I walked toward the east, past three angel statues and an enormous Celtic cross.

It had been a few weeks since the bombing and I was still trying to get my head right. But it was getting better. Lately I thought about all those kids we had saved. They had been in the crosshairs of a killer and hadn’t even known it. And it was a good feeling knowing that they were all still alive, thinking about tests and soccer and homework and football games and friends and kissing and the coming summer. They all had their lives out in front of them and it felt good that I had helped.

As I walked through the cemetery, past all the gravestones and flat markers in the grass, I smelled the bouquet of flowers I was holding in my hand. I had brought a mix of roses and daisies and irises, and kept the flowers close to my face so they would hide the tears in case he was around, watching me.

I knew where he was buried. And he was right in mentioning it. There was a reason I hadn’t come before.

But I was ready now.

When I walked up, I shivered again.

Then I placed the flowers on the grave, said a soft prayer, gliding my fingers over the stone.

Over Jesse’s name.

THE END

Forty-Four Book Five

by

Jools Sinclair

Copyright © 2012 Jools Sinclair

You Come Too Publishing

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book, or portions thereof, in any form. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in, or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical without the express written permission of the author. The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or to actual events or locales is entirely coincidental.

For Mom,

This, and a thousand

lemon cake kisses…

Forty-Four Book Five

by

Jools Sinclair

PROLOGUE

It was the noise that woke me.

I sat up, confused. I was in a chair, next to an empty bed. The curtains blowing in the wind.

Then I remembered.

She was sick, very sick.

I touched the sheets and glanced in the bathroom.

Where was she?

There it was again, coming from somewhere outside.

I walked to the window and let my eyes adjust to the darkness. And then I saw that someone was out there, near the fence by the flower garden. A black silhouette at the edge of the yard, moving. Something in his hands.

I ran and got the gun.

“Abby?” I whispered as I made my way down the hall.

There was no reply. She wasn’t in the living room watching TV.

I hurried to the kitchen and froze. The sliding glass door was open, the cool air blowing in. My mouth went dry.

“Abby!” I said, trying to contain my fear.

Nothing.

“Let her be okay,” I whispered and walked out to the patio, the gun out in front of me.

I released the safety and scanned the yard.

Just him.

He could be anyone. He could be one of them, coming back for her. I gathered my courage and steadied my hand as I moved toward the dark figure.

His back was to me. He was doing something. He had a shovel in this hands. He was digging.

“Stop!” I yelled, pointing the gun at his head.

He slowly turned around, the porch light catching his face. I gasped and dropped the gun.

She looked at me, her eyes fierce.

“I’ve been waiting for you,” she said in a dead voice.

I backed away, staring at the ground, at what she had done. All the flowers were dug up and thrown to the side. Where there had been a garden there was now just a large hole in the ground.

“Abby, what are you doing?” I screamed.

She raised the shovel up over her head.

“Digging, Kate,” she said, a smile spreading across her pale face. “I’m digging your grave.”