Fosters: Blackhawk (39 page)

When they trickle in Jeremy leans against me.
 "Brother."  I look at him then look at Joey she's
smiling but not saying anything.  

I look out the door, they're all fine.
 "Ok."  I have no idea what to say so that will have to
do.  He goes to Joey and helps set the table.  The table
is beautiful; the whole damn house is beautiful. The furniture
looks handmade.  

The kitchen has everything in it to make my life
easy, with six kids there is no small anything, using the stove
with eight burners is a dream come true.  I have everything
cooking and feel like a chef moving from pan to pan.  Taylor
is making enough toast for an army, as I set the food on plates he
puts toast on them Jeremy brings the plates to the table.
 Joey has fruit on a plate and cuts melon up.  For people
I don't know I make scrambled and throw a couple of omelets on a
plate.  I make myself another coffee, by the time I get to the
table everyone but Ben, Kate and Jess are seated.  There is
one seat left and I take it.  

We talk about the land and what happens at a Pow
wow and when that is.  Steve and Danny are interested in
coming back for it.  I'm excited.  Cloud tells us we
can't wear the clothes we have on because we look like
tourists.  Everyone laughs.  We are tourists, but we're
learning.  We finish and the kids clean up.  Danny washes
pans.  I love having so many people around.  

Christian stands in front of Cloud.
 "Jeremy said he's ready to take the vision away.  He
said we have to go to the lake with Nunánuk and our family. 
It will keep him strong."  Cloud lifts him holding him to his
shoulder he talks softly to him.  Putting him down he looks at
Danny. 

"Can you come to the lake with us?"  

Danny looks surprised.  "Of course. 
He gets shoes on the little ones; I grab hats for me and the babies
and rub sunscreen on everyone as they hit the door.  We take
one truck and the bikes.  I follow Cloud to the lake. 
Eagle Feather, Bear, Brody, Eagle Eye, Pamela and two women I don't
know are there talking as we pull up.  We walk around the lake
to the rock where Cloud proposed and greet everyone.  Nunánuk
kisses Jeremy saying something to him in Mohegan. Jeremy answers
her.  I can't believe he just answered her and he did it in
the old language.  I smile at my littlest boy.  She calls
for Christian and Cloud placing them in the center of a circle. She
has us make it wider, we move and sit.  She makes us smile
saying Indian style.  I help Joey move her legs around once
she's got it she smiles.  Nunánuk comes to her and kisses her
head saying something in the old language.  She tells us to
close our eyes, hold hands and relax.  

Cloud sits with Jeremy on one leg and Christian
on the other.  While my eyes are closed I hear Cloud talking
softly to the boys.  Nunánuk says something and people answer
her.  It's almost hypnotic, a chant of some sort.  I
listen for the words and answer when everyone else does.  The
wind picks up and I feel like Cloud always says, it’s caressing
me.  Joey answers when I do.  I smile at the picture we
make as if seeing us from above, a family holding onto each other
to bring peace to one and healing to another.  It's dreamlike.
 

Cloud

We skim the lake drawing the spirits healing
over us, around us, into us.  I feel Jeremy fighting to feel
and dip us in.  He sighs.  I call for the spirits to
guide us, heal us, take the pain from my boys and fill them with
the peace of the spirits.  Holding them I speak the old
language circling the lake and my family.  I circle the family
and feel their love, their peace.  Here with my people, my
land, my spirits I feel peace flow through Christian, he holds
Jeremy feeding him, helping me hold on to him.  Don't let him
go Christian; he needs us to come back.”  Christian holds him
tighter.  We stay in our circle where the air feels thick with
spirits.  Peace envelopes us.  I can feel their hands on
us holding us together.  I chant with them, Christian follows.
 Jeremy sighs again.  Water flows over us in our family
circle.  Christian laughs, 'feel them Jeremy, they have hands
on us, let them have it Jeremy, they can take it and fill you with
light, peace, love.’ Nunánuk calls them for us; she uses our love
to help.  ‘Let them take it Jeremy, they know what to do, it
won't hurt them.'  We chant louder, Jeremy relaxes.  'You
can do it my Littlest Ninja, let the spirits in, let them take it
away and fill you with peace.  The spirits are wise; ancient
they know what to do.  Trust in them, trust in your family,
trust in
me
Jeremy let them take this.  It won't hurt
them, see it, see the truth in my heart.'  I ask for Jeremy to
be filled.  He laughs.  He laughs.  I hold him
tight; we thank the spirits, the guides to peace and healing.
 My boys thank them in Mohegan, they make the spirits smile.
 

Opening my eyes I laugh.  We have
everyone's hands on us and we're all soaked.  Jeremy laughs.
Christian hugs him.  "You let it go.  You did it. 
Nunánuk the spirits don't get hurt do they?"

"No my grandson, they are ancient, they take
pain for the living and leave you with the sun and the wind, peace
and love to share.  The spirits are happy to be of service to
us, they guide us, still teaching us in the old customs,
strengthening our bond to the past and to them.  We use them,
learn from them and are grateful for their knowledge.  You did
good today Christian, you helped teach Jeremy of the elders before
us.  You helped him learn how to trust in his family and the
spirits.  Jeremy has a long story; today you made it an easier
one."  She kisses his head.  

Christian smiles and pulls Jeremy's head to his
mouth he kisses him loud.  I laugh.  Jeremy smiles,
"Christian."  He hugs him.  Everyone laughs. 
Touching them.

Danny helps us up.  "That was the fuckin
craziest thing I've ever felt.  Ask me for the next one. 
I may learn the language yet."  CJ laughs hysterically with
Joey.

Nunánuk yells over everyone, "my warrior,
Wôpiqôwan wuci nikôni wunicônah." My head whips around.  Bear
lets out a yell.  Eagle Feather and Brody come over slapping
my back.  I'm too fuckin stunned to know what to say.  I
look over at CJ.  

Jeremy pulls my shirt.  "Brother."
 He smiles.  Christian laughs.  

I look at CJ then Nunánuk.  Holy
fuck!  I'm going to be a dad again.  I will see her
stomach swollen with my child.  Looking at Christian and
Jeremy, "Don't you dare tell her.  Let her find out when it's
time.  It will be more special for her.  I want her life
to be perfect.  It is our job to make it that way."  They
nod smiling.  

Danny slaps my back.  "Congratulation
Brother.  Pretty soon you'll catch up to me."  Fuck!

"We're not telling her.  I don't want to
take that away from her."  I tell him so only he hears.
 

He laughs.  "You may want to get the crowd
away from her then."  

I turn around looking for her.  Bear is
hugging her.  Fuck!  She looks at me with tears in her
eyes.  I go to her lifting her away from everyone; I carry her
to the rock and sit.  "I was trying to keep them quiet until
you found out for yourself.  I'm sorry baby."  She laughs
holding on to me. I thank the spirits and laugh with her.  I
hear the bikes and trucks leave but don't take my eyes off her.
 "You are giving me a son CJ.  Our son, number six.
 Another warrior."

She smiles.  "A baby.  I can't get my
head around it.  I'm excited and scared to death.  I
never did this before Cloud."  

I laugh, "Me either but we'll do it
together.  I can't wait to see my boy growing in you."
 She smiles laying her head on my chest.  "Let's get
back; we need to get our family home.  I need to spoil my
wife."  I stand and set her down.  

Four months

CJ

I am having a boy.  The Dr just handed me
the pictures, not that I needed it.  My kids should work for
the national weather bureau at least we'd get accurate
reports.  What was supposed to be a nice fall day is cold and
raining.  Friggin weatherman.

Cloud is in Chicago, he's not happy about
missing this appointment but work is work.  It's not like he
doesn't know I'm carrying his boy, I promised I'd call him as soon
as I left so I sit in the truck and take a picture of the picture
and send it to him.  Danny laughs, "He'll like that."  I
nod smiling.  I get a thank you text when we pull into the
Bakery lot.  

Peg smiles when we walk in.  "Little mamma,
you're absolutely glowing."  I love when they call me little
mamma.  I smile and ask for a muffin and tea.  Danny has
to see Jess about something with a donut shop.  Tess comes
from the back with Max.  She sits with me, her coffee is
teasing me with its strong vanilla smell, I don't even drink it
with vanilla.  She laughs.  Friggin readers.  

"Look at you, you're beautiful CJ."  Rob
says from the side of me.  I look up smiling thanking him.
 "When are you due?"  He sits making me feel weird, I
don't know if I want him this close or not.  Tess watches us.
 

"April."  

He smiles, "The kids must be excited."
 

"They are looking forward to meeting their
brother."  I don't say anymore. 

He nods a couple of times.  "I saw them in
the yard, looks like they're all growing their hair like
Cloud."

I look at him wondering where this is going.
 "Yes, they are."  

"Joey is out of her wheelchair, I saw her with
crutch things.  She looks happy."  He smiles but I feel
like it's fake.

"She is."  I want him to move on now.
 

He looks around, I think I should have been
blocking and work at putting my block together in my head. 
Tess tells me I need to see her new desk in the office so I stand
thankful for the escape. We say goodbye to Rob and follow Max to
the back.  "Thank you Tess, he makes me nervous or
something."

She smiles back at me, "It's or something and I
feel it too.  He's not out to hurt us but I feel he will."
Wow, shit, this isn't good.  I decide to make it a point to
avoid him. 

Danny takes me home, he's quiet most of the time
but this feels like a tense quiet. Something is going on.  I
thank him and walk in going straight to the office to finish the
paperwork for the new boy we got yesterday.  The new house has
a great older husband and wife team that love the kids; this fills
our last open bed, until tonight.  With six kids the house
runs surprisingly well. We waited to fill the last bed so we could
see how they handle a large family.  Their only son was killed
in Kuwait; the kids seem to bring them happiness as only kids
can.  The MC has Brothers who served stopping by for some
activities and visits with the kids.  I think they are
thoughtful and considerate.  I shake my head clearing it of my
daydreaming and get to work.

I need to get this done so I can make it to the
party after school today; it’s for one of the girls aging out of
the City house.  I wish the kids could go but Ben doesn’t want
them leaving the yard while Cloud is in Chicago with the Baxter’s
and Rich is training a Club in New Mexico.  I don’t understand
the training but I guess I don’t need to.  I send the
checklist and supporting documents over to the boy’s caseworker and
my handler at DSS. 

Rob

I’m like a fuckin leper. I don’t even get civil
conversation. You would think they would be over it already.
Christina was right. They’ll never trust me again. They’ll just
keep ignoring me until I walk. I stand up and nod to Peg. I’ll
start now. Christina is off. I’m not hiding with her anymore. They
treated her like shit too. Throwing her out of the bar and treating
her like a criminal because of some guys she doesn’t even know. Her
only crime was talking to me apparently. She’s the only one I can
count on nowadays. Fuck them. I don’t need Brotherhood enough to
beg for it. Their star child is on their street, an Officer and
they bought a fuckin helicopter for him. They can have it and him.
CJ isn’t worth the trouble I got into over a fuckin kiss.

CJ

I change into a warmer outfit and grab an apple
as I walk through the kitchen.  I wait on the porch for my
ride, Chet.  His timing is perfect.  He gets out and
brings an umbrella over to walk me to the suv, they’re always
prepared.  He’s wearing a water repellant coat.  I need
to look for something like that in a big belly size.  It may
get a lot of use; Cloud wants a big family, like seven isn’t going
to be enough.  I smile thinking I don’t mind. 

A guy from Baxter Security opens my door when we
pull up.  I can’t believe they still have a guard here but
it’s another thing I don’t need to know the why for.  I smile
and thank him.  The kids from the other two houses are here
and happy.  The new boy, Ryan is quiet and watchful. 
This is normal for the new kids.  They want to see how
everyone interacts so they get a feel for their new home. 
Thinking back I remember doing the same thing, people act different
in front of company.  As soon as the caseworkers would leave
the real people emerged and most were not nice.  I go to him
and introduce myself telling him I hope he’s enjoying his first
party, if not another is coming up soon.  He’s surprised and
smiles. He’s a good looking kid when he smiles.

The kids are asking about my kids.  I tell
them about Cloud being gone and Security thought they were safest
at the Kid’s Center.  They’re happy when I tell them they will
be at the next party.  Ricky calls them over; friggin Little
Ben has the kids on video chat.  They wish Marissa luck and
tell her to keep in touch with them.  She’s so happy she tells
them; Kate has a place for her with a roommate, she has her license
and a job.  The MC has her working at a friend's restaurant in
the city.  She'll be able to finish school and go to the
community college in September.  He tells her if she doesn't
keep in touch they know where to find her.  I love that
kid.