Four Scarpetta Novels (51 page)

I stop for a moment, rocking. I tell Anna, “Well, he stopped bothering. Benton died because he no longer believed what was ahead was better than what was past. It doesn't matter that it was another person who took his life. Benton was the one who decided.” My tears have dried and I feel hollow inside, defeated and furious. Feeble light touches my face as I stare into the afterglow of fire. “Fuck you, Benton,” I mutter to smoking coals. “Fuck you for giving up.”

“Is that why you had sex with Jay Talley?” Anna asks. “To fuck Benton? To pay him back for leaving you, for dying?”

“If so, it wasn't conscious.”

“What do you feel?”

I try to feel. “Dead. After Benton was murdered . . . ?” I consider this. “Dead,” I decide. “I felt dead. I couldn't feel anything. I think I had sex with Jay . . .”

“Not what you think. What you feel,” she gently reminds me.

“Yes. That was the whole thing. Wanting to feel, desperate to feel something, anything,” I tell her.

“Did making love with Jay help you feel something, anything?”

“I think it made me feel cheap,” I reply.

“Not what you think,” she reminds me again.

“I felt hunger, lust, anger, ego, freedom. Oh yes, freedom.”

“Freedom from Benton's death, or perhaps from Benton? He was somewhat repressed, wasn't he? He was safe. He had a very powerful superego. Benton Wesley was a man who did things properly. What was sex like with him? Was it proper?” Anna wants to know.

“Thoughtful,” I say. “Gentle and sensitive.”

“Ah. Thoughtful. Well, there is something to be said for that,” Anna says with a hint of irony that draws attention to what I have just revealed.

“It was never hungry enough, never purely erotic.” I am more open about it. “I have to admit that many times I was
thinking
while we were having sex. It's bad enough to think while talking to you, Anna, but one shouldn't think while making love. There should be no thoughts, just unbearable pleasure.”

“Do you like sex?”

I laugh in surprise. No one has ever asked me such a thing. “Oh yes, but it varies. I've had very good sex, good sex, okay sex, boring sex, bad sex. Sex is a strange creature. I'm not even sure what I think of sex. But I hope I've not had the
premier grand cru
of sex.” I allude to superior Bordeaux. Sex is very much like wine, and if the truth be told, my encounters with lovers usually end up in the
village
section of the vineyard: low on the slope, fairly common and modestly priced—nothing special, really. “I don't believe I've had my best sex yet, my deepest, most erotic sexual harmony with another person. I haven't, not yet, not at all.” I am rambling, speaking in stops and starts as I try to figure it out and argue with myself about whether I even want to figure it out. “I don't know. Well, I guess I wonder how important it should be, how important it is.”

“Considering what you do for a living, Kay, you should know how important sex is. It is power. It is life and death,” Anna states. “Of course, in what you see, mainly we are talking about power that has been terribly abused. Chandonne is a good example. He gets sexual gratification from overpowering, from causing suffering, from playing God and deciding who lives and who dies and how.”

“Of course.”

“Power sexually excites him. It does most people,” Anna says.

“The greatest aphrodisiac,” I agree. “If people are honest about it.”

“Diane Bray is another example. A beautiful, provocative woman who used her sex appeal to overpower, to control others. At least this is the impression I have,” Anna says.

“It's the impression she gave,” I reply.

“Do you think she was sexually attracted to you?” Anna asks me.

I evaluate this clinically. Uncomfortable with the idea, I hold it away from me and study it like an organ I am dissecting. “That never entered my mind,” I decide. “So it probably wasn't there or I would have picked up the signals.” Anna doesn't answer me. “Possibly,” I equivocate.

Anna isn't buying it. “Didn't you tell me she had tried to use Marino to get to know you?” she reminds me. “That she wanted to have lunch with you, socialize, get to know you, and tried to arrange this through him?”

“That's what Marino told me,” I reply.

“Because she was sexually attracted to you, possibly? That would have been the ultimate overpowering of you, wouldn't it? If she not only ruined your career, but helped herself to your body in the process and therefore appropriated every aspect of your existence? Isn't that what Chandonne and others of his type do? They must feel attraction, too. It is simply that they act it out differently from the rest of us. And we know what you did to him when he tried to act out his attraction to you. His big mistake, no? He looked at you with lust and you blinded him. At least temporarily.” She pauses, her chin resting on her finger, her eyes steady on me.

I am looking directly at her now. I have that feeling again. I would almost describe it as a warning. I just can't put a name to it.

“What might you have done had Diane Bray tried to act out her sexual attraction to you, saying it was there? If she had hit on you?” Anna keeps digging.

“I have ways of deflecting unwanted advances,” I reply.

“From women, too?”

“From anyone.”

“Then women
have
made advances.”

“Now and then, over the years.” It is an obvious question with an obvious answer. I don't live in a cave. “Yes, I've certainly been around women who show interest I can't reciprocate,” I say.

“Can't or won't?”

“Either.”

“And how does it make you feel when it is a woman who desires you? Any different than if it is a man?”

“Are you trying to find out if I'm homophobic, Anna?”

“Are you?”

I consider this. I reach as deep as I can to see if I am uncomfortable with homosexuality. I have always been quick to assure Lucy that I have no problem with same-sex relationships beyond the hardships they bring. “I'm okay with it,” I answer Anna. “Really and truly. It simply isn't my preference. It's not my choice.”

“People choose?”

“In a sense.” Of this I am certain. “And I say so because I believe people feel many attractions that aren't what they would be most comfortable with, and so they don't act on them. I can understand Lucy. I have seen her with her lovers and in a way envy their closeness, because although they have the difficulty of going against the majority, they also have the advantage of the special friendships women are capable of having with each other. It's harder for men and women to be soul mates, deep friends. I'll admit that much. But I think the significant difference between Lucy and me is I don't expect to be a man's soul mate, and men make her feel overpowered. And true intimacy can't occur without a balance of power between the individuals. So because I don't feel overpowered by men, I choose them physically.” Anna says nothing. “That's probably as much as I'll ever figure it out,” I add. “Not everything can be explained. Lucy and her attractions and needs can't be completely explained. Nor can mine.”

“You really don't think you can be a man's soul mate? Then maybe your expectations are too low? Possible?”

“Very possible.” I almost laugh. “If anyone has low expectations, I deserve to after all of the relationships I've fucked up,” I add.

“Have you ever felt attracted to a woman?” Anna finally gets to this. I figured she would.

“I have found some women very compelling,” I admit. “I remember getting crushes on teachers when I was growing up.”

“By crushes, you mean sexual feelings.”

“Crushes include sexual feelings. Innocent and naïve as they may be. A lot of girls get crushes on their female teachers, especially if you're in a parochial school and are taught exclusively by women.”

“Nuns.”

I smile. “Yes, imagine getting a crush on a nun.”

“I imagine some of those nuns got crushes on each other, too,” Anna remarks.

A spreading dark cloud of uncertainty and uneasiness encroaches on me and a warning taps at the back of my awareness. I don't know why Anna is so focused on sex, particularly homosexual sex, and I entertain the possibility that she is a lesbian and this is why she never married, or maybe she is testing me to see how I might react if she finally, after all these years, tells me the truth about herself. It hurts to think she might have, out of fear, withheld such an important detail from me.

“You told me you moved to Richmond for love.” It is my turn to probe. “And the person proved a waste of time. Why didn't you go back to Germany? Why did you stay in Richmond, Anna?”

“I went to medical school in Vienna and am from Austria, not Germany,” she tells me. “I grew up in a
Schloss,
a castle, that had been in the family for hundreds of years, near Linz on the Danube River, and during the war the Nazis lived in the house with us. My mother, my father, two older sisters and my younger brother. And from the windows I could see the smoke from the crematorium some ten miles away, at Mauthausen, a very notorious concentration camp, a huge quarry where prisoners were forced to mine the granite, carrying huge blocks of it up hundreds of steps, and if they faltered, they were beaten or pushed into the abyss. Jews, Spanish Republicans, Russians, homosexuals.

“Day in and day out, dark clouds of death stained the horizon, and I would catch my father staring off and sighing when he thought no one was looking. I could feel his deep pain and shame. Because we could do nothing about what was happening, it was easy to slip into denial. Most Austrians were into denial about what was happening in our beautiful little country. This was unforgivable to me but could not be helped. My father had much wealth and influence, but to go against the Nazis
was to end up in a camp or to be shot on the spot. I can still hear laughter and the clink of glasses in my house, as if those monsters were our best friends. One of them started coming into my bedroom at night. I was seventeen. This went on for two years. I never said a word because I knew my father could do nothing, and I suspect he was aware of what was going on. Oh yes, I am sure of it. I worried the same thing was happening to my sisters, and am quite certain it was. After the war, I finished my education and met an American music student in Vienna. He was a very fine violinist, very dashing and witty, and I came back to the States with him. Mainly, because I could not live in Austria anymore. I could not live with what my family had averted its conscience from, and even now, when I see the countryside of my homeland, the image is stained with that dark, ominous smoke. I see it in my mind always. Always.”

Anna's living room is chilled, and fire-scattered embers look like dozens of irregular eyes glowing in the dark. “What happened with the American musician?” I ask her.

“I suppose reality introduced itself.” Her voice is touched by sadness. “It was one thing for him to fall in love with a young female Austrian psychiatrist in one of the most beautiful, romantic cities in the world. Quite another to bring her back to Virginia, to the former capital of the Confederacy where people still have Confederate flags all over the place. I began my residency at MCV, and James played with the Richmond symphony for several years. Then he moved to Washington and we parted. I am grateful we never married. At least I did not have that complication, that or children.”

“And your family?” I ask.

“My sisters are dead. I have a brother in Vienna. Like my father, he is involved in banking. We should get some sleep,” Anna says.

I shiver when I first slide beneath the covers, and I draw up my legs and tuck a pillow beneath my broken arm. Talking to Anna has begun to unsettle me around the edges, like the earth about to cave in. I feel phantom pains in parts of me that are past, gone, and my spirit is heavy from the added burden of the story she has told about her own life. Of
course, she would not volunteer her past to most people. A Nazi association is a terrible stigma, even now, and to consider that fact causes me to paint her demeanor and her privileged lifestyle on a very different canvas. It doesn't matter that Anna no more had a choice about who stayed in her family home than she had a say about whom she had sex with when she was seventeen. She would not be forgiven if others knew. “My God,” I mutter, staring up at the ceiling in Anna's dark guest room. “Dear God.”

I get back up and make my way down the dark hallway, passing through the living room again and into the east wing of the house. The master bedroom is at the end the hallway, and Anna's door is open, thin moonlight seeping through windows and softly outlining her shape beneath the covers. “Anna?” I speak quietly. “Are you awake?”

She stirs, then sits up. I can barely make out her face as I come closer. Her white hair is down around her shoulders. She looks a hundred years old. “Is everything all right?” she asks groggily and with a trace of alarm.

“I'm sorry,” I tell her. “I can't tell you enough how sorry I am. Anna, I've been a terrible friend.”

“You have been my most trusted friend.” She reaches for my hand and squeezes it, and her bones feel small and fragile beneath soft, loose skin, as if she has suddenly become ancient and vulnerable, not the titan I have always envisioned. Perhaps it is because I now know her story.

“You've suffered so much, carried so much all alone,” I whisper. “I'm sorry I've not been there for you. I'm just so sorry,” I tell her again. I bend over and hug her awkwardly, cast and all, and kiss her cheek.

E
VEN DURING MY
most burdened, distracted moments, I appreciate where I work. I am always aware that the medical examiner system I head is probably the finest in the country, if not the world, and that I co-direct the Virginia Institute of Forensic Science and Medicine, the first training academy of its kind. I am able to do all of this in one of the most advanced forensic facilities I have ever seen.

Our new thirty-million-dollar, one-hundred-and-thirty-thousand-square-foot building is called Biotech II and is the center of the Biotechnology Research Park, which has stunningly transformed downtown Richmond by relentlessly replacing abandoned department stores and other boarded-up shells with elegant buildings of brick masonry and glass. Biotech has reclaimed a city that continued to be bullied long after those Northern aggressors fired their last shot.

When I moved here in the late eighties, Richmond consistently topped the list of cities with the highest homicide rate per capita in the United States. Businesses fled to neighboring counties. Virtually no one went downtown after hours. That can be said no more. Remarkably, Richmond is on its way to becoming a city of science and enlightenment, and I confess I never thought it possible. I confess, I hated Richmond when I first moved here for reasons that reach far deeper than Marino's nastiness to me or what I missed about Miami.

I believe cities have personalities; they take on the energy of the people who occupy and rule them. During its worst era, Richmond was stubborn and small-minded, and bore itself with the wounded arrogance of
a has-been now ordered about by the very people it once dominated, or in some instances owned. There was a maddening exclusivity that caused people like me to feel looked down on and alone. Through it all, I detected the traces of old injuries and indignities as surely as I find them on bodies. I found a spiritual sadness in the mournful haze that during summer months clings like battle smoke over swamps and endless stands of scrawny pines and drifts along the river, swathing the wounds of brick pilings and foundries and prison camps left from that awful war. I felt compassion. I did not give up on Richmond. This morning, I struggle with my growing belief that it has given up on me.

The tops of buildings in the downtown skyline have vanished in clouds, the air thick with snow. I stare out my office window, distracted by big flakes drifting past as phones ring and people move along the corridor. I worry that state and city government will shut down. This can't happen on my first day back.

“Rose?” I call out to my secretary in the adjoining office. “Are you keeping up with the weather?”

“Snow,” her voice sails back.

“I can see that. They aren't closing anything yet, are they?” I reach for my coffee and silently marvel over the unrelenting white storm that has seized our city. Winter wonderlands typically grace the commonwealth west of Charlottesville and north of Fredericksburg, and Richmond is left out. The explanation I have always heard is that the James River in our immediate area warms up the air just enough to replace snow with freezing rains that sweep in like Grant's troops to paralyze the earth.

“Accumulation of possibly eight inches. Tapering off by later afternoon with lows in the twenties.” Rose must have logged on to an Internet weather update. “Highs not to get above freezing for the next three days. It looks like we'll have a white Christmas. Isn't that something?”

“Rose, what are you doing for Christmas?”

“Nothing much,” her response comes back.

I scan stacks of case files and death certificates and push around phone message slips, mail and inter-office memos. I can't see the top of my desk and don't know where to start. “Eight inches? They'll declare a
national emergency,” I comment. “We need to find out if anything's closing besides schools. What's on my schedule that hasn't already been canceled?”

Rose is tired of yelling through the wall at me. She walks into my office, looking sharp in a gray pants suit and white turtleneck sweater, her gray hair pinned up in a French twist. She is rarely without my big calendar and opens it. She runs her finger over what is written in it for today, peering through half-moon reading glasses. “The obvious is we now have six cases and it's not even eight o'clock yet,” she lets me know. “You're on call for court, but I have a feeling that's not going to happen.”

“Which case?”

“Let's see. Mayo Brown. Don't believe I remember him.”

“An exhumation,” I remember. “A homicidal poisoning, a rather shaky one.” The case is on my desk, somewhere. I start looking for it as muscles tense in my neck and shoulders. The last time I saw Buford Righter in my office it was over this very case, which was destined to create nothing but confusion in court even after I spent four hours explaining to him the dilution effect on drug levels when the body has been embalmed, that there is no satisfactory method to quantitate the rate of degradation in embalmed tissue. I went over the toxicology reports and prepared Righter for the defense of dilution. Embalming fluid displaces blood and dilutes drug levels, I drilled into him. So if the decedent's codeine level is at the low end of the acutely lethal dose range, then prior to embalming, the level could only have been higher. I meticulously explained that this is what he needs to focus on because the defense is going to muddy the waters with heroin versus codeine.

We were seated at the oval table in my private conference room, paperwork spread before us. Righter tends to blow out a lot when he is confused, frustrated or just pissed off. He continued to pluck up reports and frown at them, and then put them back down, all the while blowing like a whale breaking surface. “Greek,” he kept saying. “How the hell do you make the jury understand things like 6-mono-acetylmorphine is a marker for heroin, and since it wasn't detected, then it doesn't necessarily mean heroin wasn't present, but if it was present, then that would mean heroin
was too? Versus telling if codeine is medicinal?” I told him that was my point, the very thing he didn't want to focus on. Stick to the dilution offense—that the level had to have been higher before the person was embalmed, I coached him. Morphine is a metabolite of heroin. Morphine is also a metabolite of codeine, and when codeine is metabolized in the blood we get very low levels of morphine. We can't tell anything definitively here, except we have no marker for heroin, and we do have levels of codeine and morphine, indicating the man took something—willingly or unwillingly—before he died, I painted the scenario for him. And it was a much higher dose than is indicated now because of the embalming, I stressed again. But do these results prove the man's wife poisoned him with Tylenol Three, for example? No. Don't get gummed up in the tar baby of 6-mono-acetylmorphine, I told Righter repeatedly.

I realize I am obsessing. I am sitting at my desk, angrily going through stacks of backed-up work as I anguish over how much trouble I went to preparing Righter for yet another case, promising I would be there for him, just as I always have been. It is a shame he does not seem inclined to return the favor. I am a free lunch. All of Chandonne's Virginia victims are free lunches. I just can't accept it and am beginning to resent the hell out of Jaime Berger, too. “Well, check with the courts,” I say to Rose. “And by the way, he's being released from MCV this morning.” I resist saying Jean-Baptiste Chandonne's name. “Expect the usual phone calls from the media.”

“I heard on the news this New York prosecutor's in town.” Rose flips through my date book. She doesn't look up at me. “Wouldn't that be something if she gets snowed in?”

I get up from my desk, take off my lab coat and hang it on the back of my chair. “I don't guess we've heard from her.”

“She hasn't called here, not for you.” My secretary hints she knows that Berger did track down Jack or at least someone besides me.

I am very skilled at becoming prepossessed with business and deflecting any effort on another person's part to probe an area I choose to avoid. “To expedite things,” I say before Rose can give me one of her
pregnant looks, “we'll skip staff meeting. We need to get these bodies out of here before the weather gets any worse.”

Rose has been my secretary for ten years. She is my office mother. She knows me better than anyone but doesn't abuse her position by pushing me in directions I don't want to go in. Curiosity about Jaime Berger fizzes on the surface of Rose's thoughts. I can see questions rising in her eyes. But she won't ask. She knows damn well how I feel about trying the case in New York instead of here, and that I don't want to talk about it. “I think Dr. Chong and Dr. Fielding are already in the morgue,” she is saying. “I haven't seen Dr. Forbes yet.”

It occurs to me that even if the Mayo Brown case goes forward today—even if the courts don't close because of snow—Righter isn't going to call me. He will stipulate my report and resort to putting the toxicologist on the stand, at best. There is no way in hell Righter is going to face me after I called him a coward, especially since the accusation is true and a part of him must know it. He will probably figure out a way to avoid me the rest of his life, and that unpleasant thought leads to another one as I cross the hallway. What does all this bode for me?

I push through the ladies' room door and make the transition from civilized paneling and carpeting, through a series of changing rooms, into a world of biological hazards, starkness and violent attacks on the senses. Along the way, one sheds shoes and outer clothing, stowing them safely in teal-green lockers. I keep a special pair of Nikes parked near the door that leads inside the autopsy suite. The shoes are not destined to walk through the land of the living ever again, and when it is time to get rid of them, I will burn them. I clumsily arrange my suit jacket, slacks and white silk blouse on hangers, my left elbow throbbing. I struggle into a full-length Mega Shield gown that has viral-resistant front panels and sleeves, sealed seams and a gripper neck, which is a snug stand-up collar. I pull on shoe covers, then an O.R. cap and surgical mask. The final touch of my fluid-proofing is a face shield to protect my eyes from splashes that might carry such frights as hepatitis or HIV.

Stainless steel doors automatically open, and my feet make paper
sounds over the tan vinyl floor of the biohazard epoxy-finished autopsy suite. Doctors in blue hover over five shiny stainless steel tables fastened to steel sinks, water running, hoses sucking, X rays on light boxes a black-and-white gallery of organ-shaped shadows and opaque bones and tiny, bright bullet fragments that, like loose metal chips in flying machines, break things and cause leaks and vital gears to seize. Hanging from clips inside safety cabinets are DNA specimen cards that have been stained with blood. They look oddly like a bunting of tiny Japanese flags as they air-dry beneath a hood. From closed-circuit television monitors mounted in corners a car engine rumbles loudly in the bay, a funeral home here to deliver or take away. This is my theater. It is where I perform. As unwelcome as the average person might find the morbid odors, sights and sounds that rush to greet me, I am suddenly and immensely relieved. My heart lifts as doctors glance up at me and nod good morning. I am in my element. I am home.

A sour, smoky stench taints the long, high-ceilinged room, and I spot the slender, naked, sooty body on a sheet-covered gurney that has been rolled out of the way of traffic. Alone, cold and silent, the dead man waits his turn. He waits for me. I am the last person he will ever talk to in a language that matters. The name on the toe tag scrawled in permanent Magic Marker, pitifully, is John Do. Someone couldn't spell Doe right. I tear open a packet of latex gloves and am gratified I can stretch one over my cast, which is further protected by the fluidproof sleeve. I am not wearing the sling and will have to resort to doing autopsies with my right hand for a while. Although being left-handed in a right-handed world has its difficulties, it is not without advantages. Many of us are ambidextrous or at least reasonably functional on both sides. My aching fractured bones radiate reminders that all isn't right in my world, no matter how tenaciously I go about my business, no matter how intensely I focus on my work.

I slowly circle my patient, leaning close, looking. A syringe is still embedded in the crook of his right arm, and second-degree burns blister his upper body. They have bright red margins, and his skin is streaked black with soot that is thick inside his nose and mouth. He is telling me
he was alive when the fire started. He had to be breathing to inhale smoke. He had to have a blood pressure for fluid to be pumped into his burns, causing them to blister and have a bright red margin. The circumstances of a set fire and the needle in his arm certainly could suggest suicide. But on his right upper thigh, he has a contusion that is swollen to the size of a tangerine and crimson. I palpate it. Indurated, hard as a rock. It appears recent. How did it happen? The needle is in his right arm, suggesting that if he injected himself, he most likely is left-handed, yet his right arm is more muscular than his left one, hinting he is right-handed. Why is he nude?

“We still don't have an ID on him?” I raise my voice to Jack Fielding.

“No further info.” He snaps a new blade into a scalpel. “The detective's supposed to be here.”

“Found unclothed?”

“Yup.”

I run my gloved fingers through the dead man's thick, carbon-dusted hair to see what color it is. I won't be certain until I wash him, but his body and pubic hair are dark. He is clean-shaven with high cheekbones, a sharp nose and square jaw. Burns on his forehead and chin will need to be covered up with funeral home makeup before we can circulate a photograph of him for identification purposes, if it comes to that. He is fully rigorous, arms straight by his sides, fingers slightly curled. Livor mortis, or the blood settling to dependent regions of the body due to gravity, is also fixed, causing the sides of his legs and buttocks to be a deep red, the backs of them blanched wherever they rested against the wall or the floor after death. I hold him tilted on his side to check for injuries to his back and find parallel linear abrasions over the scapula. Drag marks. There is a burn between his shoulder blades and another one at the base of the back of his neck. Clinging to one of the burns is a fragment of a plastic-like material, narrow, about two inches long, white with small blue type on it, such as you might see on the back of a food product's packaging. I remove the fragment with forceps and hold it up to the surgical lamp. The paper is more like thin, pliable plastic, a material I associate with candy or snack wrappers. I make out the words
this
product,
and
9–4 EST
and a toll-free number and part of a website address. The fragment goes inside an evidence bag.