Fox Dish (Madison Wolves #6) (27 page)

"Tell me what you're angry about," she said.

"The subterfuge."

"Not the trial?"

"The way it was conducted, yes. I knew you would have to punish me. I didn't realize there would be a trial, but I'm not angry about that. But the subterfuge and the way you let me believe the worst have made me angry. I can't trust any of you anymore!"

"How about the punishment."

"I don't deserve all of it!"

She tightened for a minute, then asked, "What else?"

"Threatening banishment if my friends don't report me. You're making them pick sides."

"Are you going to grill them, Michaela?"

"Not now! Now I don't even dare talk to them about anything at all, in case I slip. Did Serena report our conversation?"

"Yes. No one is in trouble for it."

"I could have been, and I didn't even go looking for that conversation. I can't talk to anyone about anything. I'll slip; it won't be intentional, but I'll slip, and then if they report it, you'll add to my sentence. If they don't, but you find out, you're obligated to banish them."

"If you slip, they'll report it. Your suggestion to take notes was a good idea. I hadn't thought of it."

I pushed her away. "Get out!"

She looked at me. I was glowering at her, and she was a little angry t
oo, but she softened her expression and asked, "What else are you angry about?"

"That you won't answer my questions."

Then she spoke very quietly. "Maybe that's why I am here now. And maybe we can work through our anger with each other."

"You don't have anything to be angry about."

"Don't I?" she asked. "You disobeyed me. You went around behind my back while letting me believe everything was fine. You made decisions you had no right to make."

"I had every right!" I spat. "As the offended party, I had every right.
If you think I am ever going to accept an order that could be phrased as 'Michaela, remain a victim', you are insane. And as the mother of the next potential targets, I had every right."

"We could discuss the first one," Lara said tightly. "But do you think you had more right on the second than I do?"

I looked down, not meeting her eyes. "No. Of course not." Then I looked up. "Serena said you were proud of me, and you agreed with her."

"I'm proud you were so fierce. I am not proud you did it in the first place. I am very angry, Michaela. I am not happy with Daniel, either. He let you off far too easily."

"I was doing my duty!"

"You were doing one version of it," Lara said. "You weakened me in the process. You weakened me badly. I used every bit of political capital I
had to keep you alive and bring you back here!"

I looked back down.
I hadn't thought about the political difficulties I was causing her. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry. That's just great," she said. "My only focus since you left has been to get you back here alive."

"I'm sorry," I said again.

"I'm supposed to be able to count on you, Michael
a! I am supposed to be able to count on your support. Publicly, I need you to stand next to me, not opposed to me. And privately I need to know you are being honest with me. How the hell am I supposed to trust you now?"

I didn't have an answer for that.

"All you had to do was come to me."

"You wouldn't have let me do it!"

"Not alone, no," she replied. "But we would have figured something out. I don't know what, but we would have figured something out."

Her words deflated me entirely. I hadn't spent any effort at all thinking about the trouble I had made for the alpha. I had thought about the personal side of things, the hurt for my wife and my friends, but not once had I considered what I was doing to my pack alpha.

"I'm sorry," I said again quietly. "I didn't think about any of that." I looked up. "You should have banished me."

"How could I possibly banish the woman I love? And you aren't getting off that easily."

I looked back down. "Now what?"

"You have deceived me, but you have never broken a promise to me," she said.

"I won't do anything like this again," I said quietly.

"Oh, you are going to promise me a lot more than that," she said. "In private, you may argue with me all you need. In public, I will even accept a certain amount of dissent. But in the end, in public, we are one voice. I don't care how wrong you think my decisions are; you will support me. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Lara."

"Promise."

"I promise."

"No rescinding that promise, Michaela."

"I know."

She took several deep breaths. "Come here," she ordered.

"No!" I said firmly. "Get out!"

"Now what?" she asked tersely.

"I am the only one responsible for my own safety! I agree I was insubordinate on the other issues, and a two-month sentence is appropriate for those charges, but you charged me with insubordination for exercising my own freedoms!"

"Daniel went through that with you!" Lara yelled back. "You agreed!"

"I shut up because I was digging a hole," I said. "I do not agree. You talk about respecting the freedom of the weres living in Wisconsin, but you're a hypocrite."

"You're the hypocrite," Lara spat back. "Tell me. Are you going to demand Rebecca and Celeste have a security detail?"

"That's not the same," I said. "I am their mother, am I not?"

"Yes," she said more softly. "And I am your alpha."

"I am an adult!" I screamed.

"So when they're sixteen, you aren't going to want them protected?"

"Of course I am, but-"

"But nothing!" Lara said. "It is necessary. Am I wrong?"

"It is my decision, not yours, and charging me with insubordination over it is going to destroy us, Lara."

I would have run, but she was between
me and the shower door. I was naked and vulnerable, and I didn't want to discuss this in the shower. I turned to face the wall. "Get out."

"Am I wrong? Is it necessary?" She asked it calmly.

I spun around. "Yes, it's necessary!" I stepped forward and began banging my fists against her chest. She let me hit her a few times then captured my wrists and pulled me to her.

"Doesn't Serena make you feel safer, honey?"

"It's my decision!"

"Does she make you feel safer?"

"Yes."

"Don't you want to feel safe?"

"That's not the point!"

"What is?"

"Charging me with insubordination over it."

She held me quietly for a minute. I tried pushing away, but she didn't let me go. Finally she said, "You agreed you won't ever again publicly defy me, and you agreed that's not a promise you'll rescind."

"So you're going to publicly order me to accept the detail and I'm stuck?"

"No. Let me finish."

"Fine."

"If you aren't going to publicly defy me, then you won't need to ditch them again, will you?"

"What if we have a fight and I want privacy? You know we're going to have fights. And you know I need time alone to calm down."

"We can work that out," she said. "But that's not why you were charged with insubordination. Are you ever again going to ditch Serena so that you can do something I've ordered you not to
do?"

I thought about it before responding. "No," I said finally.

"Promise me."

"No! You can't order me-"

"I can," she said. "You admit the security is necessary."

"What's next, Lara?" I asked. "When do you start treating me like Daniel treats
Ysabella?"

"I'm not going to," she said. "Accept Serena's protection. Understand that at isolated times you and the girls will have extra restrictions, but even you will agree that at times, those are necessary. That's all."

I pushed away a little, and she allowed it. I looked up at her. "Promise."

"I promise. If you accept the security."

"And when I need a private walk?"

"We'll work something out. During high risk times, you may not get it."

I looked down, and Lara collected me against her again.

"Promise me, Michaela. Accept the security."

"No walls," I demanded.

"No walls."

"No cages."

"No cages," she agreed. "Accept the security."

"You're going to declare every time a high risk time!" I accused.

"No," she said. "We may not always agree with the risk assessment, and you may argue with me about it, but I am not trying to trick you into accepting more than you admit is necessary."

"If I don't agree with your assessment, I am not accepting tightened restrictions."

She kissed the top of my head. "I tell you what. I won't ask for tightened restrictions for you any more often than you ask for them for Celeste and Rebecca."

"God damn it, Lara!" I tried to push away. She didn't release me.

"Don't be a hypocrite, Michaela," she said. "We're both going to be protective of those two. They're both going to grow up with a lot more restrictions than you'll ever have.
But if there's a reason to tighten their restrictions, that same reason is almost certainly going to apply to you as well, isn't it?"

I pushed away, but I did it gently, and Lara let me look up at her again. "Do you want more children?"

She smiled. "Maybe. Do you remember how protective you were?"

"Whatever rules I am about to agree to apply to you whenever you are pregnant or in some other way not at your best."

She smiled. "Agreed. Accept Serena's protection."

"And if I ditch them for privacy, are you going to charge me with more counts of insubordination?"

"I hold that right," she said. "I will apply it if your rebellion is egregious."

"What does that mean? Last fall in Bayfield when I peppered Karen-"

"Do you intend to teach Celeste and Rebecca about cayenne pepper?" Lara asked. "Do you intend to serve as a poor example to them? How do you think they'll respond at fourteen if they see you routinely getting away with ditching your security but we punish them for the same thing?"

"I'm not a child!" I said firmly.

"No, but the necessity is no less, regardless of your extreme capabilities."

I closed the distance and wrapped my arms around her. "If this beco
mes more heavy-handed than it has been, we will be discussing this again."

"Promise me, Michaela."

"All right. I promise if this becomes more heavy-handed, we'll be discussing it again."

She didn't laugh, but the tension between us relaxed. "You know what I need to hear, Little Fox."

"I'll accept Serena's protection," I said quietly.

"And you'll accept I have the right to protect you how I see fit."

"No walls!"

"I have the right to erect walls," she said. "But I am not going to."

I sighed. "Yes, Alpha, you have the right to protect me how you see fit."

She leaned back and used two fingers to lift my face then bent her neck and captured my mouth with hers. It was a short kiss, and we were both still tense, but I accepted her kiss
.

"Thank you," she said. "Still angry?"

"We're not done." I paused. "You could have added a month for my conversation with Serena. I shouldn't have to watch everything I say that closely, especially as this is already going to be a difficult time for me."

"If you don't go looking for the forbidden conversations, and any transgressions are isolated, I will not add to your sentence. I may add to your pack service hours. But if you push this, I will be terribly angry."

"I don't want to break this rule, Lara," I said. "If I do, it won't be intentional."

"Then we're agreed. What else?"

"You will answer my questions!" I told her firmly.

Lara reached past me to grab the shampoo. She
began washing my hair. I think we both found it calming.

"I can not have you acting like you are publicly submissive to me then go off and do whatever the hell you want anyway."

"I know. I thought you would have to punish me for it. It didn't occur to me there were political ramifications just getting that far."

"Well, there were. More than you can imagine."

"I'm sorry." I was. I should have thought about that, but I hadn't, not once.

"Talk to me about your sentencing," she said after a while.

"The house arrest is a light punishment. I'm not upset about that."

"It's offering your throat that is a problem."