Fractured
Authors: Dawn Barker
Fractured
DAWN BARKER
To Will – for never doubting
Fractured
has been written with the encouragement of Queensland Writers Centre (QWC).
Dawn Barker participated in the 2010 QWC/Hachette Australia Manuscript Development
Program, which received funding from the Queensland Government through Arts
Queensland
Published in Australia and New Zealand in 2013
by Hachette Australia
(an imprint of Hachette Australia Pty Limited)
Level 17, 207 Kent Street, Sydney NSW 2000
Copyright © Dawn Barker 2013
This book is copyright. Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of private study, research, criticism or review permitted under the
Copyright Act 1968
, no part may be stored or reproduced by any process without prior written permission. Enquiries should be made to the publisher
A CIP catalogue record of this book is available from the National Library of Australia.
978 0 7336 2985 3
978 0 7336 2926 6 (ebook edition)
Cover design by Christabella Designs
Cover image reproduced with permission from Getty Images
Author photographs copyright © David Phillips
The room is bare except for a metal-framed bed and a mustard-coloured plastic chair. She lies still. Her skin itches under
the stiff sheets and the coarse blue blanket. Her pillow is too high, too firm, and she can feel the holes picked out of the
foam by the others who have lain here before her. The mattress groans as she turns to ease the ache in her hip. Through the
grimy window to her right she sees the concrete courtyard, empty except for a cracked terracotta pot holding a thin, twiggy
plant mulched in cigarette butts.
It’s getting dark. She glances at her left wrist. Her gold watch, an anniversary present, is missing. She looks at her wedding
ring, loose on her finger, and instinctively makes a fist, her uncut nails digging into her palm. No one has told her why
she is here in this lonely room.
She is too afraid to ask.
Chapter Eight Six Weeks Before
Chapter Thirteen Six Weeks Before
Chapter Fourteen Four Days After
Chapter Fifteen Four Days After
Chapter Sixteen Five Weeks Before
Chapter Seventeen Four Days After
Chapter Eighteen Four Days After
Chapter Nineteen Four Weeks Before
Chapter Twenty Nine Days After
Chapter Twenty-One Two Weeks Before
Chapter Twenty-Two Two Weeks After
Chapter Twenty-Three Two Weeks After
Chapter Twenty-Four Twelve Days Before
Chapter Twenty-Five Three Weeks After
Chapter Twenty-Six Three Weeks After
Chapter Twenty-Seven Four Weeks After
Chapter Twenty-Eight Four Weeks After
Chapter Twenty-Nine One Week Before
Chapter Thirty Six Weeks After
Chapter Thirty-One Six Weeks After
Chapter Thirty-Two Six Weeks After
Chapter Thirty-Three Six Weeks After
Chapter Thirty-Four Eleven Weeks After
Chapter Thirty-Five Three Months After
Chapter Thirty-Six Four Months After
Chapter Thirty-Eight Four Months After
Chapter Forty Four Months After
Chapter Forty-One Four Months After
Chapter Forty-Two Four Months After
Chapter Forty-Three Four Months After
Chapter Forty-Four Four Months After
A Reader’s Introduction to the Book
Questions and Answers with Dawn Barker
That day
Monday, 14 September 2009
8.40
A.M
.
Tony’s footsteps echoed as he hurried across the underground car park and into the lift. Inside, he repeatedly pressed the
button for the top floor of the building until the doors slid closed, then looked at his watch. He hated being late, but today
there was nothing he could do about it. His stomach lurched as the lift started to move. As soon as the doors began to open,
he squeezed though the gap, ran out onto the landing and through the glass doors of the office.
‘Morning, Tony,’ said Julie from behind the reception desk.
‘Morning. Have they started yet?’
‘Not yet. They’re waiting for you.’
‘Great, thanks,’ he said over his shoulder. He was already halfway down the carpeted corridor, and could see through the glass
walls of the conference room that his team and the clients were already inside, chatting and eating pastries and croissants
from a platter on the table. He took a deep breath then pushed open the door.
‘Sorry,’ he said, smiling. ‘Traffic was terrible.’
There was a general murmur of understanding as he took off his suit jacket and hung it on the back of the black leather chair
at the head of the table. As he sat down he noticed the crumpled creases between the buttons on his shirt that he had forgotten
to iron that morning. He smoothed down the material with his hand and tucked it tighter into his waistband, then leaned over
to pour himself some coffee from the plunger on the table. Everyone seemed
happy to keep chatting as he took a few more deep breaths to settle his nerves. He tried to tell himself it was just the presentation
that was making him anxious, but he knew that wasn’t the real reason.
Danielle, one of the copywriters, pushed the milk and sugar closer to him and smiled. ‘You getting any sleep yet?’
He smiled back and pointed at his eyes. ‘Not much … Can’t you tell?’
She wrinkled up her face and put her hands on her pregnant belly. ‘I’ve got all that to look forward to.’
‘It’s all worth it – or so they keep telling me.’ He unzipped his laptop bag. As he started to take out his computer, his
phone rang. He sighed, wishing he’d switched it off. He put his bag back on the table then took his phone out of his pocket
and glanced at the screen. It was his mum. He groaned. Why was she calling? She should be at the house by now. He hesitated
for a moment, then stood up and walked towards the door. ‘Sorry, I need to get this. I’ll be right back.’
He stepped outside and let the door swing closed behind him, then answered the call. ‘Mum? What’s wrong?’
‘Hi. Don’t worry, nothing’s wrong. Sorry to call you at work, but I’ve just arrived and Anna’s not home. The door’s locked.
Was she going out?’
His heart began to beat faster. ‘Out? No. She was still in bed when I left. She knew you were coming round.’
‘That’s OK. I’m a bit late. She probably waited then went to the shops.’
‘Is her car there?’
‘Hold on … No, I can’t see it. Maybe she forgot I was coming.’
‘Have you called her mobile?’
‘Yes, but it’s ringing out. She’ll have gone to get milk or something. She won’t be long, I’m sure. Don’t worry, I’ll wait
for a bit.’
He paused. What his mum said made perfect sense, and on any other day he’d agree with her, but something told him that he
should be worried. He was standing only a few metres away from the small office kitchen where three people were talking while
the
kettle boiled. He walked back along the corridor, past the reception desk and out of the office. He paced around the landing
near the lifts and started to talk again, quieter this time. ‘They should be there. Something’s not right …’
‘What do you mean? Is it Jack?’
Tony was hot, and his chest felt tight. He pulled at the neck of his shirt. ‘I don’t know.’ He cleared his throat; he needed
some water. ‘I just don’t understand why they’re not there, that’s all. Jack was sleeping when I left, and Anna was still
in bed.’
He ran his left hand through his thick, dark hair then rubbed the back of his neck. He looked towards the conference room.
Everyone was waiting for him. They’d been preparing for this meeting for weeks; he needed to get back in there. He felt a
surge of irritation. Anna hadn’t left the house all weekend. Why would she go out now?
‘Anthony?’
He realised the phone was trembling in his hand. He looked down at the polished black leather of his shoes. He could hear
the muffled laughter and chatter coming from behind the glass doors, and the faint buzz on the end of the phone as his mum
waited for him to explain.
‘Sorry, it’s just that Anna hasn’t been getting much sleep, she’s been really tired. And Jack – he’s been difficult.’
He closed his eyes and pictured Anna lying in bed this morning, exhausted. She had asked him to stay with her, but he couldn’t.
Was that why she’d gone out, to show him that she’d been serious about not wanting his mum to come over? He took a step back
towards the meeting, then stopped and shook his head. Anna wasn’t like that. There was something else going on; he had to
go home.
‘Mum, stay there. I’ll be back as soon as I can.’
‘No, don’t be silly, there’s no need —’
‘I’m leaving now. I won’t be long.’ He ended the call before she could argue and hurried back to the conference room.
Danielle’s eyes widened as he grabbed his bag and jacket. ‘What are you doing?’ she whispered, leaning towards him.
‘I have to go – something’s come up. I’m sorry.’
‘But —’
‘You can handle it. The presentation’s all ready to go.’ He looked up: everyone was watching him. He knew his workmates were
alarmed; he rarely missed a day of work and would never walk out without a good reason. The clients deserved an explanation
but he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t really understand it himself; something just told him that he had to find Anna.
He cleared his throat, looked around the room again, then turned and quickly walked out.
The lift wasn’t waiting when he reached the lobby, so he wrenched open the heavy fire door and clattered down endless flights
of concrete stairs to the car park. He ran towards his silver four-wheel drive, opened the door and climbed in. When he turned
the key in the ignition the CD he had been listening to on the way to work roared around him. He hit the volume button to
turn it off; he had to concentrate. His mind was flitting around, thinking of all the possibilities, but he told himself to
take it one step at a time.
Put your seatbelt on, put the car into gear, release the handbrake, press the pedal, drive. Slowly
.
* * *
When Tony pulled up at his house, its familiarity reassured him. The semi-detached bungalow stood where it always had, pressing
against its neighbour for support. He and Anna had bought it a few years ago, just after their engagement. Their half was
painted creamy white; the neighbour’s half was beige. Birds of paradise flowers nodded their heads at him over the fence.
The lemon tree they had planted in the front garden when they moved in was covered in waxy white flowers, and the passionfruit
vine clung to the green trellis around the front door with thin, curly fingers. A few months ago Anna had ceremoniously picked
the only passionfruit that had ever grown on it and served it with vanilla bean ice-cream; they had agreed that it was the
best dessert they had ever eaten.
He stepped out of the car and looked up and down the street. Cars still drove past, builders still hammered at the house opposite,
and the neighbour’s retriever still barked at the birds pecking the patchy grass verge. He shook his head and his heart rate
began to settle. He was being silly: there was no doubt a simple explanation for Anna and Jack not being here.
His mum, Ursula, waved from the driver’s seat of her blue station wagon, where she sat reading the paper with the door open
to let in the early spring breeze. She took off her reading glasses and let them dangle from the cord around her neck, folded
the paper and placed it on the passenger seat, then picked up her black handbag.
‘I couldn’t find a key,’ she said, as she stepped out and locked the car door.
‘Sorry, it’s round the back.’
‘I’m sure everything’s fine, Anthony. One thing I learned from raising you and your sister is that there’s always a simple
explanation for things – it’s never as bad as you think.’
‘You’re right, I know …’
‘Well, come on then.’
He took a deep breath and walked up the path to the front door. Turning his key in the lock, he pushed open the door, jumping
at the jingle of the string of bells hanging on the back of it. Anna’s best friend Emily had bought them for her as a present
from some yoga retreat in India. The heels of Tony’s work shoes made the same hollow noise they always did on the blackbutt
floorboards, before being muffled by the runner that stretched down the length of the narrow hallway. The bedrooms were off
to the left, but he headed straight for the kitchen and living area at the back of the house.
‘Anna?’ He stood in the kitchen and looked across the living room and through the French doors to the small back garden. Their
Staffordshire terrier, Jessie, gazed hopefully through the glass, her tongue lolling and tail wagging.
‘She must have gone out, Anthony,’ Ursula said, walking up behind him. ‘I’ve checked the bedrooms – she’s not here.’
‘But she knew you were coming round.’ He rubbed his face, trying to think clearly. It didn’t add up.
‘Well, maybe she’s gone to the shops to get something. Is this hers?’ Ursula picked up a mobile phone from the kitchen counter.
He nodded, staring at it. ‘She never goes out without her phone.’ He looked at his mum, silently pleading with her to keep
reassuring him.
‘It’s only a phone, it doesn’t mean anything. Has she taken her bag?’
Tony glanced around the kitchen, then went into the living area, lifted up the sofa cushions and bent down to check under
the coffee table, even though he could see that it wasn’t there. ‘Looks like it.’ If she had her bag, then she had her purse;
his mum was right, she must have gone to the shops.
‘We’ll just wait a bit. I’ll put the kettle on.’ Ursula filled the kettle, then opened the cupboard. She rummaged around for
a moment before looking at the dishwasher. ‘Did you put this on before you went to work?’
He tried to remember, but there were so many other memories from that morning crowding his thoughts. ‘Um … I don’t think so.’
‘Well, she hasn’t been gone long then – it’s still running.’ Ursula opened the door. The rush of water paused as she reached
through the steam and took out two mugs.
He stood still as he watched her take them to the sink to rinse. Where the hell was Anna? She definitely hadn’t said she was
going out; she hadn’t said much at all. That didn’t mean anything though, did it? She was an adult, she didn’t have to tell
him insignificant details. She must have gone to the shops but forgotten her phone and so couldn’t tell Ursula. But she wouldn’t
go far; Jack must be due for another feed soon and Anna didn’t like breastfeeding in public.
While Ursula made the tea, he walked back down the hall to Jack’s room. It looked the same as it had this morning, except
that Jack was no longer lying asleep in his cot. The blinds were still drawn and his blankets were ruffled. He left and went
into his and Anna’s bedroom. Anna had tidied up before she left: the bed was made and the dirty laundry was gone from the
floor. That was a good sign. But then he noticed the cup of tea he’d made her this
morning sitting untouched on the bedside table, the slick sheen of congealed milk floating on top. It was still full; she
hadn’t even taken a sip. His eyes filled with tears. Why hadn’t she drunk the tea?
He glanced down at the bedside table to the silver photo frame that held their wedding picture. They looked so young: was
it really only two years ago? He remembered Anna’s smile when she walked down the aisle towards him, her knuckles white as
she gripped her bouquet of pink lilies. She had looked like a princess. He had tried to hide his own tears as they exchanged
vows, but later, when they sneaked away from the dancing for some time together, she had teased him for crying. They had been
happy.
Tony admonished himself for thinking in the past tense. They were
still
happy.
He picked up the frame. In the corner, Anna had wedged a photo taken on the day they brought Jack home from the hospital,
less than six weeks ago. Tony had his arm around her and, between them, she held Jack, wrapped up in a white cotton blanket,
fast asleep. They were smiling, but it was different from the grins of excitement and anticipation of the newlyweds in the
main photo. These were the smiles of brand-new parents, full of pride but tinged with uncertainty. He blinked several times,
put the frame back down. There was nothing in here to tell him where she was. He walked quickly back to the front door and
opened it again; the pram was gone from the porch.
Closing the door, he stood inside with his hands in his pockets. He thought back to that morning. He had lifted Jack out of
bed, given him a bottle of breast milk, then put him down again. He’d made Anna some tea and left it on the bedside table
next to her. He
had
told Anna that his mum was coming over; she hadn’t been happy about it but she definitely knew. And she also knew that Tony
would be back in a few hours. So where had she gone?
Everything looked exactly as it should. But Anna and Jack weren’t here.