Fragments (17 page)

As the opposition ran towards me to attempt to clear the ball, I dashed forward as Cory tried for a mark. With a jump and a knee to his back, he dropped the ball and went down like a sack of shit. I quickly rescued the ball and kicked it to Ty, who sent it back. Strike one.

“Fuck!” Cory whined. “Man, that was bullshit, and you know it.”

“What’s that, Princess?” I shouted, with my hand to my ear. “Did that boo boo hurt?” Sniggering, I jogged to the side awaiting the next point of contact.

              Several tackles later, I was beginning to feel rejuvenated. I had tackled a few idiots and gotten in a few punches. Life was looking good. Jogging up to the coach at three-quarter time, our team was kicking arse. We were up eight goals and looking to get even more.

“What is with you today, Reynolds?” Coach pestered me.

“What do you mean?” I replied, with a wedge of orange between my lips.

“You’re meant to be playing, not annihilating the opposition. Cut that shit out!” He flicked me behind the ear as I leaned forward and grabbed another wedge.

Flinching, I muttered. “Fine, Coach,” and retrieved my water bottle from the bench. I supposed I could relax a bit on the head kicking. It was only fair.

The siren rang, and we ran back to our positions. If we kept up this momentum, the match would be ours. 

              Not long into the final quarter, I could hear shouting coming from Robbie’s side. Looking

over, I saw him clenching Gary, his opponent’s, jersey with his face only an inch away. This was not good. I knew I had my aggression issues, but Robbie was a time bomb. I gave up on caring about the ball position and quickly jogged over to him. He continued to clench Gary’s top while Gary held a hand over it, clenching his teeth back. Whatever Gary was saying, it obviously wasn’t good. After a few pushes and shoves, they both let go and stood a metre apart, glaring at each other.

“Say it again, you prick. C’mon! I fucking dare you!” Robbie yelled.

Gary grinned and wiped his mouth. “Which bit?  That your sister got cut or that it’s a shame she’s gone loopy as she looks so fuckable?” He laughed.

Say what?
All of a sudden, the air rushed out of my lungs as the wind soared between my ears. I could no longer see who was around me. My eyes had a new target, and nothing else was going to step into my way. I jogged closer, clenching my fists, ready to explode. Gary looked over and spotted me, and his grin got wider.

“Oh lookie here, here comes her fuck buddy anyway. Or her non fuck—”

Nothing else was said as I threw my fist in and crunched him in the jaw. Once I had a taste of hitting him, my adrenaline climbed rapidly.  

“You better shut your hole right now, Gary. I’m in the mood to do some damage.”

He wiped his jaw and scowled at me. He puffed out his chest and clenched his fists. This was too easy. I advanced and before he even had his fist up, I had clocked him again in the jaw.

“You’re a pussy, Alex. From what I heard, Trice’s snatch is pretty tight. Looking forward to hitting that at the next party.” His words echoed in the tunnel of my mind. Over and over, coupled with Trice saying that she didn’t want to hang out anymore, I saw red. Before he had a chance to stand, I bent forward and began to punch and crunch bones. My already split knuckles relished the feeling of turning his face into mince. Each blow curved into the next and I no longer saw his face.

Thoughts continued to cascade through my mind and the guilt attached itself to me.
I could have protected her, I fucked the enemy, I slit her flesh
… I grunted and roared as I pummelled into Gary. As my arms continued to fly, several hands grasped me under my shoulders to draw me back.

“No!” I roared. “I need to protect her!”

The firm grips on my arms threw me until my back was on the grass and held there by Robbie and Ty. I thrashed around, struggling to gain a hold and get up.

“Get the hell off me!”

Robbie then used all his force to pin my right shoulder down while putting his knee in my gut, effectively winding me.

“Calm down, mate. You need to calm the hell down. Trice is safe. She’s safe!”

The veins in my neck popped as I struggled to get up. Staring into his dark eyes, his brow creased as he watched me thrash around.

“You got him… But you went too far.”

I panted my frustration, shaking my body to get rid of Robbie while tipping my head up to look at Gary. He lay motionless on the field while the coaches and medic team looked him over.
Oh fuck … Have I killed him?
Then I heard a gurgled cough from his chest and his arm went up to touch his face. 

“Now, if I get up, do you promise to not charge him? I think you broke his face.”

My chest heaves subsided and I nodded. I let Robbie lead me away, and while looking down at the ground, before I could get too far, I muttered a weak, “I’m sorry, Gary,” and turned and left.

Looked like my football season was over for the year.

I arrived home late that afternoon.  No doubt by tomorrow, school would know and students would stare at me expecting me to lose my shit again. I had spent hours after the match driving to secluded spots around the river in hope of clearing my head and easing the guilt that I felt about the fact of almost putting Gary in hospital.

Walking into my house, I immediately felt a charge in the air.

“I’ll ask you one more fucking time, Meg. Where is it?” My father stood over my mother who was against the fridge, her right hand across her cheek.
 

Oh shit. He’s looking for the bourbon...I still have the bottle under my bed.

“I..I..I..ppput it up here. I ss..swear.” Her lips were swollen as tears soaked her red cheeks.

“All I ask is to have my
fucking
drink here. I just wanted a nightcap.” He pushed into her, knocking the bills that were attached against the door. His head turned as he glared at me.

“Where the fuck you been, Alex? Your mother cooked dinner and was waiting for you. We not good enough to eat with?” my father roared. I braced myself by the door that I had barely managed to swing open.

“I’m sorry; I just had a bad day.  I’ll call next time,” I replied.

Looking directly at my father, I saw the telltale signs of booze and rage that had surfaced to his cheekbones, leaving a red blush on both sides. He looked like a rabid animal about to strike. I knew that today was another gambling day, and from the looks of it he must have lost on the greyhounds.  Now, I had made it worst by taking his bottle. There was no way I would admit it.

Dad usually started by having a few drinks at the pub after work. Then his mates, who knew what a spend-a-holic he was would load him up on bourbon and coax him into putting bets down for them.  He would follow this up with more drinking and gambling. To top it off, he’d drive home drunk. Did the cops stop him? Of course not. Small town; small minds. Plus, a few off-duty mates would be part of the group who encouraged him to throw his wage away.  I hoped one of these days he would be caught before he unintentionally ran someone over.  The dirty cops loved Dad, though. Money bought you the right to do whatever in the hell you wanted. Even if that included smacking around your family. 

“What’s this shit about you bashing Geoff’s son Gary?” he drunkenly sneered. Baring his teeth, he leaned forward. “You trying to fuckin’ kill someone, you useless piece of shit?”

I cringed, knowing from the tone of his voice he was on a rampage. “You worthless piece of shit. Why are you even in this house if you can’t respect others?”

He swung his fist and crushed it into the side of my face, pain ripping through my jawline.

“I oughta teach you a lesson.”

Facing my father, I barely felt the need to protect myself. The shame of hurting Bea and the guilt of hurting Gary felt like indestructible forces that I couldn’t intercede with.

Still dazed from his punch, he used my weakened stage to let his rage take control. His fists punched, his nails clawed at me, leaving trails of blood that tasted metallic on my lips. My mother wrapped herself in her dressing gown and slipped quietly from the living room, ashamed to look at what my father was doing, not even to help. My cry for him to stop went unheard, and as I fell, he drove his boots into my side.

The one thought ricocheting through my mind was
get to Bea
. With that, I pulled myself up when he took a step back, out of breath. Looking him in the eye was a struggle as one of my eyes was closed over and the other blurry.

“Never again, old man,” I muttered. “This is the last time.”

And with that, I left.

Before I knew it, I was standing outside Bea’s window, hoping to be let in
. Why am I even here?
I heaved a sigh of regret. It was too late to turn back as the curtain moved. She appeared tense and her eyes widened as she quietly lifted her window. I climbed in and stood there slumped, too defeated to speak. She gazed across my body, worrying her lip while assessing the damage. She moved to the side of her bed and turned on her lamp and returned, gently placing her fingertip under my chin to lift my face so we could look at each other. As our eyes met, her breath caught at the damage done to my face. I knew I sported a cut lip, two black eyes, and had blood seeping from my nose. I looked like I felt—beaten to the core. 

Staring into her eyes and seeing the unshed tear of pity that lay there was almost my undoing. I shook my chin away from her fingertip and stared down at my boots. I was too ashamed to have that pity stare on me.

She gently nudged me towards her bed where I sat down tentatively, knowing that my back would be bruised as well as my ribs. Sounding a hiss, I struggled to get comfortable sitting on the soft mattress. She turned from me and headed out of her room. For a moment, I panicked and thought she was calling her mother, but she soon returned with antiseptic lotion and cotton balls in her hands. She placed it all on the bedside table and left once more. Returning shortly afterwards with a bowl of water, she quickly brought her desk chair around so she could face me. With the gentleness of a whisper, she dunked a cotton ball into the liquid and began to wash away the blood from my face. I closed my eyes and focused as each swipe took away the pain that had been put in there in the first place.

“Alex,” she whispered. “Was it your dad?”

The level of concern in her voice winded me momentarily. I felt weak enough as it was and I was about to feel weaker.

“What do you think?” I whispered. “Of course it was my darling dad.”

The floodgates of my mind opened with sordid images flashing before my eyes. His screams, kicks, and punches, and my mother doing nothing to stop it.  

A sharp knife of pain stabbed into my ribs as I opened my eyes and saw that Trice had lifted my jumper to survey my chest.

“Holy shit, Alex! You’re battered and blue! Shouldn’t we take you to the hospital?”

I ripped my jumper down and grabbed her hands, my left eye struggled to maintain focus as I couldn’t see her clearly.

“This is no worse than before, Trice. I feel bruised, but nothing is broken. I just need time. Please. I can’t go to the hospital. He knows too many people. He’d get away with it, again.”

She pressed her lips together until they were paler than her skin. “I can’t believe I’m letting you convince me to not send you out. Last time, Alex. Another move like this and I’ll get my father’s rabbit gun and shoot him in the nuts.”

I laughed, which only caused me to grab my ribs in pain. “No jokes. I can’t take it.”

She went back to cleaning my face and I closed my eyes again, concentrating on the soft strokes of the cotton ball. I hissed when she reached my lips, causing her to stop abruptly. As I opened my eyes, the cotton ball sat in limbo close to my cheek while she stared at my cut lip. Her look of concern soon turned to rage. I could see that she was about to explode, so I hushed her by placing a finger against her lips.

“Please, Bea. I can’t right now. Just keep touching me. I need you to touch me, to … I don’t

know how else to push him away.”

She sighed and continued wiping my face.

“I heard you defended my honour on the footy field today,” she began. I raised my face to look at her. “Robbie told me. You didn’t have to, but … thanks.”

I smiled and tilted my head slightly, like it was no big deal.

“Bea-Bea, I was a fuck-up today. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I’d hurt you and it just played with my mind. When that dickhead started teasing you, I don’t think I can even remember what he said. I just lost my shit.” By now she was applying antiseptic cream to my open cuts, and I hissed again as the acidic lotion burned into my skin.

“Sorry. But in all honestly, next time just ignore him. You’re banned for the season now. That’s not good.”

I shrugged and looked away. I didn’t have any feelings towards playing football at the moment. My mind was too clouded with hurting Gary so badly and my father’s fists. 

“You know,” I whispered, “I’m going to be busy with study anyway, so I needed an excuse to quit.” 

She scoffed and covered her mouth with her hands to prevent herself from being heard. Rolling her eyes, she continued cleaning me up. When she was almost done, I watched her bite her lip as she pressed her lips together. She opened her mouth to speak, but hastily closed it.