Fragments (5 page)

“How’s that solo of yours going, Trice?” Hazel asked, rolling onto her side and snatching the final chip.

“Yeah, I’m getting there. There’s just so much pressure, you know?” I murmured.

“Babe, if anyone is going to snatch up that position at the academy—it’s you.” Trin clapped, flicking my forearm, and rewarding me with her killer smile.

“You, babe, are going places. Nail the routine, get the place and train up for Melbourne!”

“Yeah, yeah,” I mumbled. “Piece of cake. Why am I so stressed?” I flicked my hair over my shoulder feign indifference. “It’s not like it’s my whole future or anything. It’s not like I’m competing against thirty other girls!” 

“Trice, I think you need to lighten up, sweets,” Hazel cooed and reached forward to squeeze my hand. “You will be fine.” I squeezed hers back and nodded. They were both right. I loved dancing and knew that I was pretty decent; however I had doubts over whether or not it would lead into a career that would take me away. And that was what I wanted. I was tired of this town.    

Both Robbie and Alex were keen to head to the city after their final year, though Robbie was undecided about what he wanted to do. Alex had always shown an interest in physiotherapy. Robbie often joked that Alex just wanted to do that to feel up the babes, but I knew it was more than that.

“Trice,”
he’d whispered to me once,
“I need to help people. All that blood and shit, I can’t do
—
but I can help them heal. I can try to make it all go away.”

              Unfortunately, I knew all too well why he was driven to fix people.

              By nightfall, with my friends gone, I lay on the picnic mat gazing up into the luminous sky. Apart from the river, this was something else that I loved about the country. When I was little, my brother and Alex would point out constellations and make me learn them. Lily would occasionally join us, but she preferred hanging out with her own friends. Now if we were all together, we’d just gaze up and enjoy the peacefulness. It was under these stars that we made our life choices. 

“Why are you here all alone, Bea?” Alex muttered as he walked over. “I thought with all your clucky gossiping, you would’ve gone to bed exhausted hours ago.”

“Shut up, you moron. We weren’t gossiping...much. I was just stargazing. Where’s your boyfriend, anyhow?” I loved teasing the boys by inferring they were more than friends. What better way to emasculate them?

“Robbie has gone for a ‘walk’—” He used his fingers to make the air quotes, “—so it’s not safe to go for a walk myself. I might see or hear something I can never un-see or un-hear again. Mind if I join you, Bea-Bea?” I wrinkled my nose in disgust. I did not want to think about what Robbie was doing. He approached the rug, not waiting for me to respond. 

I patted the rug and muttered, “Suit yourself, ‘tis a free country.” Alex lay beside me with his arms behind his head. He looked pensive, as though he had a lot on his mind.

“You okay?” I asked, turning to look directly at him. Without looking back at me, he rambled, “Peachy. I just need a moment. Too much racing around in my head, Bea. Not really ready to go home yet. The races were today, so…”

A haunted look fell upon his face and I quickly changed the subject. I knew what going home meant for him.

“You keen to go for a run tomorrow? I want to see if I can bust out a seven-kilometre.”

He nodded and continued looking up at the sky.

Each Sunday, Alex and I had gotten into the habit of running. I used to run alone with our dog, Pret, then one day Alex silently joined me. We never spoke, just ran the perimeter of our side-by-side properties. Alex would meet me at the back door at eight am and then we would take off. If one of us hadn’t turned up by eight fifteen, the other person would just go alone. I rarely ran by myself, though.

I knew, however, that Alex would only meet me at our place. I could count on one hand how many times I had visited Alex’s house. I had once made the mistake of going there to find him and never again would I do that. A few months back, I had waited for Alex and when he hadn’t turned up, I jogged with Pret to go and see if he was coming. The house next door was a modest farmhouse, hidden behind the hedge that surrounded it. As I’d jogged closer, I’d heard the faint murmur of voices, and it wasn’t until I’d reached the side of the hedge that faced the window that I saw Alex’s dad with a horse whip in his hand, attacking his mother. It wasn’t just the fact that he held onto the whip—it was the look of utter glee. As she cowered before him, I could see Alex with his arms raised, pleading for him to stop. His father continued to beat his wife, and then abruptly turned, yelling, “You fuckin’ cunt, I lost all my money on the dogs! You think you can stop me in MY FUCKIN’ house! This is MY HOUSE? I will do what I FUCKIN’ WANT!” Turning, he clocked Alex in the jaw. I’d gasped, putting my hand over my mouth, praying that he didn’t hear me. Alex’s hand had gone up to his face, but not before he’d turned and spotted me. I’d frozen, unsure of what to do. His gaze had turned apologetic and his eyes had pleaded with me to turn and leave. Before his father noticed, I’d fled and ran off home, with Pret trailing behind me into our house where I’d burst into my bedroom.

Later that afternoon, I’d heard Robbie chatting to Mum in the kitchen, saying that he’d missed an epic party with Alex last night. Apparently, some thugs had jumped Alex on his way home. I’d never said a word. 

The next time I saw him, we didn’t speak of it. It was as though his home life did not exist, and my heart ached to comfort him. With small steps, though, I would try to help him heal as I hoped he eventually would.

Alex’s words brought me back to the present. “Yeah, you could do seven kilometres no sweat, Bea. I’ll meet you here, okay?” It was the undertone of his voice that left the unmentioned alone.

“Sounds good, Al. You staying here or headin’ home? Mamma has the spare room done up if you want to wait up for Robbie?”

Ever since I saw into Alex’s real home life, I worried about him going home. I just wanted Alex to be safe. 

“Thanks, but I better be off. See you tomorrow.”  With that, he got up and walked into the night. I got up on my haunches and watched him go. When I couldn’t see him anymore, I folded up the picnic rug and headed inside. I hoped his dad would leave him alone tonight and that we’d still hang out tomorrow morning.  Tomorrow was going to be another blistering day, and the run was calling to me. 

“H”

Tool

Alex

Waking up in a quiet house always made me feel better. I usually kept my phone on vibrate, stashing it under my pillow to wake just myself up and not the whole household. Depending on how my dad was after the races, there was no way that I wanted to make a racket. You just never knew. Groaning while stretching, I rolled and looked out my window towards Bea’s house. A run would do me good. I turned and stood by my bed, gave my balls a well-earned scratch and headed towards the bathroom. Early mornings sucked, but I’d rather be anywhere than here. I needed to go out, all the fucking time.

              I walked quietly towards the kitchen, hoping there was enough milk for breakfast, though even if there was, there still had to be enough for him. It was better to go without than deal with him losing his shit over fucking milk. Not spilled milk, ironically.

Today, I was in luck as yep, there was enough for all of us. Standing in our kitchen, the sense of belonging didn’t grab me. Our house was like a museum-everything had its place, and it always exuded a division between you and it.

I ate my cereal quickly, mentally planning out my day. Final exams were soon and I wanted to ace them again. The better it went, the more chance I had at winning a scholarship and getting a ride outta here. Pop left me some money, but I was going to hold onto it as long as I needed to.

Crunching on my cereal, I stood by the kitchen bench. Mum was on a cleaning spree again. The magazines on the coffee table were in a straight pile and three coasters were perfectly positioned, awaiting our drinks.  She had ironed tea towels, folded neatly over the railing of the oven door. Not one single crumb or utensil was out of place. Not one unwiped watermark by the faucet. Our house wasn’t like Bea’s and Robbie’s—their house felt like a
home.
They were clean, but they also lived in their house. This house felt like a display house.  It was a prison dressed up with fake sincerity, tainted by the pungent stench of bleach.  Who in the hell cared if the cushions weren’t all parallel to each other? Who in the hell cared if the sink had a few watermarks near the taps? Nobody except Dad. For someone who was perpetually drunk, he sure had kick arse eyesight.

Despite Mum’s attempts at keeping a clean house, the smell of cigarette smoke lingered in each room. The one thing I hated as much as the booze were those shitful ciggies. He’d torment my mother, too, knowing that she was asthmatic. I bet half the reason he smoked was to see if she’d react. He’d smoke away while smiling at her, and then drop ash on the floor while watching her scramble to get a dustpan. He was such a dick.

This was all done drunk. Sober, though, he was a knight in shining pig-shit armour. He could do no wrong; as for my mum-well, hell, she’d just let him buy her sparkly shit and trips to the city to see theatre shows instead of an outright apology. Saying sorry for breaking a rib was too hard. A dirty weekend away in a five-star hotel and watching
The Lion King
? Well, fuck me, everything could be forgiven. Either she didn’t want to hang onto the past, or she was just hollow. One thing was for fuckin’ certain—I never, ever wanted to be like him. 

I rinsed my bowl and opened the back door to get my sneakers from the porch. Lacing them up, I listened closely to hear if there was any stirring. So far, so good. If I got back and he was awake, it was generally okay, but leaving always seemed to be a problem.

Tucking my MP3 player into one pocket and my phone in the other, I closed the door and started running to meet Bea. I was looking forward to smashing seven kilometres with her. Robbie could lift weights, but he was shit at running. Couldn’t even manage a couple of kilometres. Bea, though, she could smash most of the guys I ran against in footy. She didn’t even realise how fit she was. She just ran.

Our setup was perfect. Run, no talking, and push yourself to the limits. We had a few facial expressions or hand gestures to signal to the other person if we needed to stop, but they were rarely used. It was a comfortable silence and I loved it. 

                As I jogged closer, I could see Bea stretching by the back door, facing away from me. Her long athletic legs were spread apart as she bent forward and,
oh hell, please stand up
. Alex Junior just woke up, too. This was not going to happen today. Suddenly, thinking of solving quadratic equations seemed like a great idea. Flitting problems in my mind and just thinking about them and God knows everything else but Bea’s arse wasn’t helping. I’d known her since she was a baby. This was so wrong on so many levels.

As I approached, Bea looked up and smiled.

“Hey clown, what’s with the face? Looks like you sucked on your own ass.”

I schooled my facial muscles tightly.

“Nothing, Beatrice.” She frowned at the use of her full name. “Just got homework on my mind; driving me nuts.”
Pun intended.

“Oh, okay. Well, let’s run out your frustrations, hey?”

I choked, whacked my chest with a cough, turned and then started jogging towards the river track. 

The heat of the day hadn’t started yet. As we ran a cool breeze from the river followed us.  The distinct sounds of Tool beat between my eyes as I let their
Aeniemia
album soothe me. I love alternative music, and I knew Bea would be listening to something similar. For a teenage girl, her taste in music was pretty good. She had to dance to all genres for ballet, but she preferred music that was alternative and non-commercial. Robbie had definitely influenced her liking it, but I was the one who got her into the likes of Tool, NIN, and Smashing Pumpkins. In return, she showed me Stabbing Westward and Nitocris. We both used music as an outlet. While we pounded the path and turned at the perimeter, I knew these beats were clearing my wayward thoughts.

              We neared the edge of her property and the start of mine. I hadn’t yet worked out where the other kilometres would be. I signalled at her to stop, and we slowed down while running on the spot to keep our momentum.

“Where did you want to kick arse to today, m’lady?” I challenged. “Do you think you can do it?” I loved ripping into her. Her feisty nature always came out with my banter. She pointed past me to the old wool shed near my house.

“Over in that direction, behind the shed. We’ll run to the big gumtree and then turn back. I Googled it last night on maps and that should be the right trail.” I smiled at her and shook my head. God, she was cute when she planned our outings. Who used Google on a property that was surrounded by a river and trees? Bea did.

“All right, let’s go!” Off we went towards her Google-mapped track.

By the time we reached the big gum tree, sprinting the entire way, we were both of out of breath, but of course neither of us wanted to relent. I didn’t want to look like a pussy; she would never let me live it down if I did. With a strong, determined look on her face, she ran until we hit her back door, jogging on the spot and gradually slowing down. I had to admire her willpower.  Stopping and leaning against the side of the house, I stretched my right leg back while bending my left knee.