Fragments of your Soul (The Mirror Worlds Book 1) (28 page)

Eventually, she was startled by a loud cough. It had come from Nod. “Did you even hear what I just said?” he asked.

“No, I… was thinking,” confessed Arvid and pushed her plate aside. She had only eaten half of her fish.

Nod put his knife down. “Let me guess… your thoughts were about Loke?”

“Well, among other things,” she said, slightly blushing.

“You know that this is a really bad idea.”

“What?”

Nod looked at her seriously. “Your affection for him.”

Arvid stared at Nod, aghast.

“It’s pretty obvious that you feel attracted to him,” he continued. “You even enjoy arguing with him. I… I don’t get it. Even you should know that he’s just manipulating you.”

“I know,” Arvid said quietly. “That’s what I was just thinking.” She sighed deeply and let herself fall back into her chair. “Why does he have to be so beautiful?”

“Because he can,” replied Nod. “He’s a shapeshifter. He is
the
shapeshifter, Arvid. You just have to remember that he doesn’t always look like that. I don’t suppose you find him pretty as a troll or a giant—or a wolf.”

“No, I… I don’t think… I have to think about that,” Arvid said haltingly. “It’s probably better he’s not here for a few days.”

Nod took his knife again and scratched the last pieces of soft white fish meat from the empty skin on his plate. “Yes, I suppose,” he said simply.

Arvid spent the better part of the day wandering through the caves, browsing through Loke’s book collection. She needed an effective distraction, because to her chagrin her thoughts still circled around Loke and her completely jumbled emotions.

Loke’s books covered almost any subject Arvid could imagine, but she found nothing that fascinated her enough to deal with it for longer. She felt agitated and restless and couldn’t bring herself to pursue any activity longer. Constantly there was this subliminal urge to just lie down somewhere and let her thoughts wander. Arvid knew where her thoughts would wander, and so she suppressed that urge with a vengeance. At the same time she felt her mood sinking hour after hour.

In the early evening, when Nod asked her if she wanted to play dice with him, she had to get her act together in order not to throw an angry response at him. All this wasn’t Nod’s fault; on the contrary, Nod was trying to help her. The only one to blame was herself. What was she even thinking? How could she have permitted herself to even feel a hint of affection for Loke? Loke was the worst person she could imagine as a partner. He was changeable, mean, arrogant, disrespectful, always made fun of her and took every opportunity to pick a quarrel. Her fascination with him was so illogical, stupid and so absolutely and completely wrong that it gave her a headache.

That night Arvid dreamed of Loke. He appeared in form of a female giant and showed her his castle, which was built entirely of ice and gray glittering rock. From the upper walls she could see far across the land, white, shimmering and frozen solid. Although Loke was a giantess in her dream, he was not much taller than Arvid. As he looked at her from his strange gray eyes, Arvid could feel her heart beating faster.

“Close your eyes,” he said in Old Jördisch and traced the outline of her jaw with his finger. His skin felt smooth, hard and cold like metal. As he continued his gentle, linear touches on Arvid’s neck and her shoulders, she shuddered.

“Beauty is power,” Loke whispered in her ear. “Do you find me beautiful?”

“Yes,” Arvid said. “You’re so beautiful, Loke.”

With the tip of his finger Loke drew a tingling trail up to her chin, then he leaned forward and kissed her. His lips were cold, yet the feeling was overwhelming. Arvid instinctively closed her arms around Loke’s body and pulled him closer.

A moment later, a burning pain shot through her hand. As Arvid looked down, she realized with horror that parts of Loke’s body consisted of razor-sharp shards of ice, which were covered in blood now. With the last impressions of this sight she awoke.

Arvid’s heart was pounding. Softly moaning she pushed herself up and felt her wet clothes clinging to her back. Her hand still hurt. When she looked down, she saw why. She had slept on her dagger, which was half slipped out of its sheath. Her hand had a heavily bleeding cut.

Soon they took on their training again, primarily to have something to do. Arvid had become a decent fighter, who would even have defeated Nod now and then, had it been her intention. Only her balance was sometimes a problem, especially on uneven spots of the terrain.

She had also found something to read, something that fascinated her. In a chest, hidden between books in unknown languages, she found a thick book about illusions, and  shortly afterwards a second, smaller one. Unfortunately, the thick book was very old, and thus not only written in Old Jördisch, but also formulated very awkwardly and unfamiliar. She came across a large number of terms and phrases that didn’t seem to make sense, but the sections she understood were so fascinating that she soon forgot everything around her, even her unwanted feelings for Loke.

Meanwhile, nearly a week had passed. With the help of her book Arvid had succeeded in creating the illusion of a moving mouse that looked almost real. Nod was scared at first, but then he had been extremely impressed. The book from the chest described a variety of techniques and fascinating illusions. In practice, Arvid had little success with them, though. Her concentration wasn’t strong enough, even though she tried again and again, and so she eventually limited herself to the simple, small mirages.

In addition to light combat training, playing dice games, reading and practicing new illusions, she found time to wash sheets and blankets and hang them at the fire to dry. Step by step she scrubbed stairs and the stone floors in the two main caves, which then looked bright and clean again. The distractions were good for her. The events of earlier suddenly seemed strangely insignificant. Everything seemed to be fine.

On the morning of the eighth day Arvid was just about to cook porridge when she heard footsteps. At first she thought that it was Nod, but when she stood up and turned around, she faced a young woman with long black braids.

“Good morning,” Loke said.

At that moment Arvid knew that nothing was fine.

“Obligations,” Loke had answered monosyllabically, when Arvid had asked him why he had been gone for so long. He ate with her and told her about some demons he had seen on the trip, about the first traces of spring, flowers, buds, wild animals and birds, who were slowly returning.

Arvid could have told him about her progress at generating illusions, but instead she just stared at Loke, unable to think straight. Whenever their eyes met, she felt a warm tingling in her stomach, which she couldn’t help. Sometime later Loke got up and withdrew. When he was gone, Arvid again felt depressed and moody.

The next day Loke appeared in form of a tall, slender man with a fiery red ponytail and followed through with what he had announced a week ago: He called Nod and Arvid outside for training. A cold wind blew fine drizzle in their faces; the ground was soft and muddy.

Initially Loke watched them in silence. Although Arvid knew she had made progress, she felt uncomfortable under his scrutiny. You never knew what his reaction was. Again and again she slipped on the wet ground and lost her balance, even more often than usual. However, Loke didn’t say a word. After hours of this he interrupted.

“Give me the weapons,” he said to Nod. “Go back inside or watch—whatever pleases your heart.”

Nod handed Loke the weapons, threw Arvid a last glance and then sat down on a nearby rock. Arvid felt her heart pounding nervously as Loke positioned himself opposite her. She had not forgotten what he had done to the group of demons when they arrived.

“You’re getting better,” Loke said, sounding sober. “Your technique is quite acceptable. But your stance and your balance are a disaster. Your lashes are lax and far too slow. Eight out of ten chances for counterattacks you don’t use. I guess half of the farmers out there could keep up with you, if you gave them a weapon.” He sighed softly. “Some of the maids, probably, too.”

Arvid had expected a lot, even something along those lines. Still the words didn’t leave her unaffected. She took a deep breath and tried to remain calm. She knew that she wasn’t allowed to take Loke’s comments to heart. This wasn’t the place for a fight.

“Fine, what do you suggest?” she asked, but to her annoyance she didn’t sound nearly as indifferent as she would have liked.

“Attack me,” Loke said simply.

Arvid hesitated.

“What are you waiting for?” he asked, grinning diabolically. “I won’t wait forever.” He was still standing there, completely relaxed, and didn’t look like he was ready for a fight, and so Arvid hesitated again. He had previously held both weapons in one hand, but let the larger one slide into his left hand almost leisurely now.

Arvid was about to say something when Loke suddenly dashed forward. She couldn’t even tell what exactly happened, but she was forcibly thrown to the muddy ground. It was soft, but the impact still took her breath. When she tried to sit up, gasping, she felt the hard wood of a practice weapon on her neck.

“Dead,” Loke whispered into her face, so close that she could feel his breath. Then he straightened up and held out his hand to help her up. Arvid gasped. She let Loke pull her to her feet, but at the same time she felt anger rising inside her.

“That was unfair,” she said, rubbing cold mud from her face, which was slowly dripping over her brow.

“Was it?” said Loke. “Why didn’t you attack me?”

“You were not ready!”

“Oh, but of course!” sneered Loke. “I guess that’s why I said ‘wait a minute’ and not ‘attack me’!”

“All right!” snapped Arvid. “It didn’t look as if you were ready. Happy now?”

“No! You shouldn’t give a damn about what it looks like! Do you think anyone will wait until you’re ready, if he intends to kill you? Do you think demons will wait for you to pull your weapon before they attack?”

“But you are no demon!” shouted Arvid.

Loke said nothing. Breathless, tense silence arose between them. From the corner of her eye Arvid perceived Nod’s shape and could almost feel him holding his breath.

“No, I’m worse,” Loke said. “Now attack me for fuck’s sake!”

This time Arvid didn’t hesitate. She went at Loke like a fury. It was a satisfying feeling to be able to just give in to her inner burning anger, but it didn’t last long. Loke dodged all her attacks or parried her blows, and he did it with such ease that it soon was frustration that Arvid felt.

“Are you trying to hit my weapon or me?” said Loke and gave her a shove in the chest, which left her reeling. Arvid cried out and attacked again, but whatever she did, Loke always seemed to be one step ahead. His movements were swift as an arrow. He always seemed to know what Arvid was going to do, and never wavered for a moment. At no time there was an opportunity for a safe hit.

“Pull yourself together already!” he shouted angrily at some point. “I know you can be much faster.”

It took Arvid a moment to realize what he meant. She had not made use of this gift in a long time. The concentration exercises last week seemed to be paying off, since she left the stream of time with astonishing ease. The roar of the waterfall surrounding them suddenly became a dull, distorted drone.

Arvid had not forgotten that Loke had this ability, too, but his reactions were no longer of almost supernatural speed. She crouched again for another attack. Loke backed off from her, now with a smile on his lips. For some reason, however, he suddenly kept more distance, so that Arvid constantly had to follow him. He parried two of her blows, but then Arvid finally managed to hit him sideways on the thigh. For a moment he lost his balance. But before she could exploit this weakness, Loke stepped back again and dropped his weapon.

“Stop,” he said simply, not even particularly loudly. Arvid obeyed automatically, and drifted back to the normal flow of time. The sound of the waterfall normalized, then suddenly everything around her began to turn. It felt as if the floor tilted away beneath her. For a moment, she unsuccessfully tried to find something to hold on to.

The fit only lasted a moment, then her sight cleared, and Nod’s worried face appeared before her. She noticed that she was sitting on the ground in the cold mud. Dazed, she stood up again.

“Are you all right?” asked Nod and grabbed her arm to steady her.

“Yes, fine,” Arvid said quickly. Her legs were still weak, but she felt well enough to stand safely.

“What was that?” asked Nod, who didn’t seem very convinced by her response. “It was like back in…”

“A time bending,” Loke interrupted him. He was standing two steps away. “It drains a tremendous amount of energy if you’re not used to it. The reaction is the same as after the excessive use of other types of magic.”

Nod frowned. “So that’s what you call that? A bath and some food would probably be appropriate.”

Arvid looked down at herself and had to agree with him. She was covered with dirt and mud. Even her hair was full of it, but the thought of a bath was anything but pleasant.

“Stay with her, so she doesn’t fall down in the bath,” ordered Loke.

Nod bowed his head. “Yes, master.”

“As if I wasn’t cold enough,” groaned Arvid.

Loke snorted. “You’re so self-pitying.”

“Don’t make fun of a pain you don’t have to endure yourself,” hissed Arvid, “remember?”

Loke didn’t answer. He only picked up Arvid’s weapons and left.

The Green Month

The training didn’t get more pleasant over the next days, but Arvid had to admit that it was effective. Loke taught her to use time bending sparingly and at the right moment, which checked her mental exhaustion. Nevertheless, Arvid was infinitely tired after each of their practice sessions.

Emotionally she soon felt exhausted, too. Loke’s moods were as changeable as ever, but he seemed even more tense and irritable than usual. Or maybe it was just that Arvid had become more vulnerable.

As much as she tried to resist, she couldn’t take her eyes off Loke, regardless of whether he was male or female, human, giant, or even animal. When Loke was there, Arvid often wished he would leave to give her and her jumbled emotions some rest. As soon as he was gone, however, she longed for his return. It was a constant up and down, and it was sapping Arvid’s strength.

Nod didn’t escape her feelings either. Arvid realized that he often gave her worried glances, but for some reason he no longer mentioned the subject.

One day, Arvid was jousting with Nod, Loke came into the room with energetic steps. Something about his sight made Arvid look, then she realized what it was: He had taken the slim, dark-haired figure from their first meeting in the town hall of Black Castle. She had almost forgotten how noble it looked. He could have been a prince from a picture book, even if his face maybe was a little too sharp and looked a few years too old. Maybe it was just Arvid’s irrational affection for him, which played a trick on her.

“I need to talk to you, Arvid,” he said, gesturing toward the door, “and show you something.”

Arvid had expected that his goal would be out on the natural terrace where they held their practice sessions. But instead Loke went up the stairs, a path that Arvid had not taken for weeks.

“Where are we going?” she asked.

“You’ll see.”

Arvid had a queasy feeling as she followed Loke up to the plateau. She remembered too well what happened last time he wanted to “show her something”.

An aggressive wind was blowing. Even though it was nowhere near as cold as when they arrived, Arvid pulled her cloak tightly around her body and shivered. The sky had a grayish yellow color and was illuminated by the diffuse light of the sun, which was still hidden behind the horizon.

Loke headed for a rock, then stopped in front of it. On the side facing them it was possibly two and at its highest point about five meters high.

“We have to get up there,” Loke said. “Don’t get scared.”

His warning didn’t help much. Arvid retreated hastily when he suddenly became bigger and took the shape of the giant in which she had already seen him together with Hel. He seized her by the waist and lifted her up on the rock like a little child, then he followed her with a jump that looked astonishingly nimble, given his size. Arvid quickly took a few steps to the side. Loke’s size was rather intimidating when he stood directly in front of her. She was glad when he shrank to human scale again a moment later, although outwardly he still looked like a giant.

They sat down at the edge of the rock. Loke pointed in the direction where the sky now began to turn reddish. “The sun will rise soon,” he said in an unusually deep, husky voice. “Part of it is now rising over the horizon. I have already observed it the past few days, but for you it may be new.”

Arvid was almost touched that Loke had brought her here because of that. “So this is what you wanted to show me?”

“And there are things we need to discuss.”

“What kinds of things?”

“Our departure is approaching. Nod has asked to be allowed to accompany us for a while. Since I know you’d get all stubborn and difficult again if I say no,” he gave her an annoyed look, “I agreed.”

“How generous.”

“I know,” Loke replied, unimpressed. “But from Karst he will have to move on alone.”

“Can’t he just come with us?”

“No, he can’t!” Loke said sharply.

Arvid pressed her lips together. Although it always had been clear that she and Nod would have to go separate ways at some point, she had ignored this fact persistently so far.

“In about six weeks the sun reaches its highest point,” Loke said. “Then its light will fall to a point which is called the Hail Peak. There is our goal.”

“And where exactly is that?” said Arvid.

“Far to the northeast, in an area that in this country is only referred to as the Ice Wastes.”

Arvid noticed that his eyes now looked clear and human again. His face’s gray shimmering skin was slowly turning matte and rosy.

“Sounds cozy,” she murmured, shuddering. She’d already frozen up here on the rock. The idea of having to walk through a desert made of ice caused her discomfort.

“You can buy warmer clothes in Karst.”

“And when do we leave?” Arvid wanted to know.

“In little more than four weeks. We have a time slot of about two days, but we have to avoid any delay. The right time is crucial.”

“I remember. Wouldn’t it be better to leave earlier, just to make sure?”

“No,” Loke said. “Every day out there is dangerous. Odin is still looking for you. He doesn’t know where you are, but Karst is less than two days from Asgard. If someone recognizes you en route, the message would reach Odin quickly.”

Loke’s words aroused a queasy feeling and memories in Arvid that she would rather have banished forever. She had been out here in the mountains for so long, she had almost forgotten that she was wanted. “My seizure can’t possibly be that important to Odin.”

Loke chuckled. “You have no idea,” he said. His voice sounded almost amused. “If he knew where you are, he would leave no stone unturned to get you. He is convinced that you are connected with a prophecy. He will not reveal which, so I can only speculate, but… I think it’s his personal one.”

“His personal prophecy?” said Arvid. “What is that supposed to be?”

“Whenever a god joins Asgard, the Oracle of the North is questioned about his fate,” said Loke. “Often this personal prophecy is an indication of a great deed or decisive experiences; often, however, it has to do with the circumstances of his death. In Odin’s case, well… I don’t know the wording, no one does, but… I know that his personal prophecy has to do with his death.”

“You mean, he… thinks I’m going to kill him?” said Arvid. “That’s absurd!”

Loke shrugged. “Who knows what the old fool thinks.”

When Arvid was about to make another remark, she was blinded by a sudden beam of light. She turned her head and saw a glistening orange line appearing on the horizon—the uppermost part of the sun, which cast its first rays over the land. It was breathtakingly beautiful. Arvid never thought that the sight of a sunrise would ever move her that much. It had been so many months since she had last seen the sun. Her eyes, accustomed to the dark, hurt in the bright light, but her tears didn’t only derive from that.

For a long time they sat silently and watched as the strip of sun became wider and slowly wandered along the horizon. The light reflected on remote lakes and turned them into silvery lines in the landscape. The hills, forests and meadows which spread before them were now almost free of snow and lay there in brownish-gray colors. Soon the sun would turn all this into a green landscape, in which leaves, grasses and flowers sprouted. The thought was beautiful. The notion that this frozen, dark world would flourish, even if only for a few weeks, was somehow very comforting. As repellent and hostile as the Shadow World had seemed to Arvid in the beginning, she had, over the months and despite everything, developed some fondness for it.

“It won’t rise much farther today,” Loke said eventually. One could recognize a distinct rounding now, the upper arc of the sun, but still it was only a small part of the disc.

They had been sitting there for quite a while. Arvid started to feel the stone beneath her hard and cold. She shivered and pulled her cloak tighter. There was still an icy wind. She looked at Loke, who again looked completely human, but seemed to have no clearly defined gender. He was dressed only in boots, simple trousers and a magnificently decorated but thin cloth tunic.

“Aren’t you cold?” said Arvid.

“No,” Loke said. “I appreciate the cold. The wind is almost body temperature.”

He held out his hand and looked at her invitingly. After some hesitation, Arvid stretched out her own hand from under her cloak and put it onto his. His skin was cold, almost as cold as the stone on which she was sitting; still, the touch sparked a warm feeling in her. She had to force herself to let go of him again.

“That’s… strange,” she said. “I’m sure… that you used to be warmer.”

“Yes, it’s related to my physical form,” said Loke. “Giants, for example, are cold-resistant, but I chose a human appearance, so you don’t get too scared.” He gave her a quizzical look.

“I am not scared of giants,” Arvid said firmly.

“Is that so?” said Loke and raised his eyebrows. “You should be, however.”

“Are they evil then?”

“Most are not particularly fond of humans. The ones they run into are turned into slaves.”

Arvid snorted. “I don’t believe a word you say.”

Loke grinned.