Friends With Multiple Benefits (28 page)

"Oh…" Amanda looked him in the eye. "She's really good at this, but I'm told she performs even better on a man."

He swallowed hard. Suddenly he felt a stirring under his towel and he looked past them to the door sizing up his options. There was no getting around them without the danger of falling onto the chair. Amanda leaned down and pressed her tongue between the woman's thighs. Brian's eyes widened and he turned on his heels. After escaping to the safety of the bathroom, he locked the door.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." Closing his eyes, he ran his fingers through his hair. When he opened them, he spotted the short robe and slipped it over his shoulders. With the towel still wrapped around his waist, he knelt down and opened the cabinet under the sink in a desperate search for something, anything. The cabinets were empty. He stood and ran his hands through his hair as he considered his options. Returning to the door, he listened for a moment and could hear the loud moans of the two incredibly busy women. He desperately wanted a pair of his emergency running shorts right at that moment. Sadly he had yet to work out all the issues with the portable version and his closest stash was in his car. He was in trouble. Big trouble.

He sighed then spotted the balcony door. When he reached the door, he opened it about two inches to check the conditions. The wind had quieted a bit and the rain, while still falling, was light. Stepping onto the balcony in his bare feet, he made his way to the railing and peered over. There was still a tiny bit of daylight left as he sized up the drop of approximately twelve feet to his escape to the deck below. Returning inside, he grabbed the one remaining
towel
and after pulling off the one around his waist, he tied them tightly together then headed back outside.

Wearing only the short robe, he climbed gingerly over the railing, careful to not catch any of his manly parts on the iron balusters. Once on the other side, he tested the bond of the towel connection then slipped the end of it around
a post
and positioned his feet on the edge of the building. The wind kicked up and suddenly large raindrops fell on him as he took a deep breath and summoned the nerve. He wrapped
the towel
around his hands securely then began his descent.

With his elbows resting against the edge of the balcony, he let his legs dangle and held on for dear life. His muscles twitched as he carefully adjusted his grip on each towel end to move lower. The wind direction shifted and the already coverage challenged robe, was flopping around up by his shoulders exposing his naked ass. Anyone underneath him, or for that matter anywhere in the vicinity, would be getting quite a show from his
death-defying
escape. Suddenly a brisk gust of wind sent the bottom of the robe flopping over his head—the wetness of it sticking to his face and covering his eyes.

He shook his head violently to free his vision, but it wasn't working. Adjusting his grip of the towel, he slipped a bit lower and his legs flailed in a desperate search for solid footing. He could not see what he was doing and unfortunately his feet were still dangling five feet from the decking below. Another blast of wind pushed the robe higher and up his arms. It was flapping in the wind against his hands and it held there only thanks to his grip on the towel. With his vision now returned, he glanced down to check the distance for his inevitable fall and let a stream of expletives fly as he psyched himself up.

His hands shook as the muscles in his arms and fingers began aching and giving way. His mouth opened wide as he slid down just a bit more until he was testing the length of the towel. Four feet from the deck now, he looked down then back up and after taking a moment, he finally let go and fell, smashing hard to the engineered wood decking below. The towel remained wrapped around the post above and it flopped against the ledger board around the deck as the wind flailed it around. The damp, silky robe landed ten feet from him and when he spotted
it,
he smiled. He crawled toward it and just as he closed the gap, the wind kicked up hard and the robe launched up and it was swept away, disappearing along with the last of the daylight. Groaning in pain with the rain falling on his naked body, he lay still simply gazing up in disbelief at his current predicament.

After a late lunch at the crowded Wilde-Nash house, Beverly asked if she could take a bath in the master bedroom. She had been exclusively taking baths for the last few years and
the guest
bathroom only had a shower.

After Edward asked if he could make another selection from their wine collection, he then proceeded to follow his wife
into
the bathroom, Victoria sighed. Then after the loud giggling began, Jim suggested they escape the noise and go to the basement to play with Kaylie.

Twenty minutes later, while Victoria was dressing a baby doll, a single drop of water landed on her head. She looked up confused then moved out of the way when she saw another drop hanging from the ceiling, dangling from the side of the light fixture above them. Just as she directed Jim's attention to the problem, the water began streaming down.

He jumped to his feet. "What the hell."

Victoria pulled Kaylie into her arms and moved away as the three of them gazed up to the leaking ceiling. Victoria and Jim shared an exasperated look then she said with an edge to her voice, "It's your turn. You get up there and take care of this right now."

Not too far away, the still naked and rain-soaked Brian paused a moment and looked skyward. "What did I do to deserve this? I really want to know." When no answer was given he let out a stream of four-letter words.

After getting that out of his system, he made his way down the steps of the deck. Then he felt his way around the pool area looking for anything he could use to cover up. After a difficult search in the darkness, he found nothing but chair cushions. He grabbed two, one to hold in front, and one in
back
as he escaped from
the fenced
yard and headed to the front of the house. In his bare feet, he gingerly made his way down the driveway to the sidewalk. With the streetlights and all the house lights in the neighborhood out it was almost pitch black.

He didn't have a clue where exactly he was or how he was going to get home with no phone, no clothes and in the aftermath of
a storm.
He turned left and headed down the sidewalk trying to backtrack to the main road. Suddenly a car turned and the headlights shined right on him. He put on a sympathetic expression as he prayed that the driver would be of the understanding variety. He began going over the story in his head.
You're not going to believe this, but Amanda Jo was—

That's when the police lights blared and a voice boomed over the speaker, "Stop right there, pervert."

"Oh, fuck."

The cruiser rolled to a stop in front of him and an officer stepped out from the passenger side with his gun drawn. "Hands up."

"Really?" Brian replied. "I'm not wearing anything."

"I said hands up punk."

He sighed then slowly lifted the cushions in the air exposing
everything
. Two bursts of laughter followed.

When one officer finally composed himself, he commanded, "Drop what's in your hands."

"They're just cushions."

"I don't give a shit if they are Christmas presents. Drop them dirtbag."

Brian dropped the cushions then the officer held
the gun
on him while his partner rushed out of the car and secured the handcuffs to his wrists behind his back.

Seated in the back of the cruiser with the cushions next to him as the car pulled onto the main road, Brian began, "You might find this hard to believe, but there's a good explanation for all of this."

"Oh, I'm sure there is," one of the officers said then he shared a look with this partner. "Whenever we get a report of a naked Peeping Tom running around a multi-million dollar neighborhood there's always a good explanation for it."

"That's right. That last guy we stopped was just house hunting. Is that what you were doing, house hunting?"

"No, I wasn't
house hunting
and I'm not a Peeping Tom. I'm like the complete opposite of a Peeping Tom. I was running away from naked women."

The two officers shared a skeptical look then laughed uncontrollably.

"I'm serious."

"Okay, this should be good," the officer said as he turned to look at Brian, waiting.

Brian began softly, "Um, okay, well… I guess you could say I was held against my will by
an,
um… a famous actress and her lesbian beauty-pageant-
winning
assistant while they, uh, you know, sort of forced me to watch them performing a sex act on one another."

"A famous actress…" The officer driving elbowed his partner and held back a laugh. "Which one?"

"I'd rather not say, but her assistant was Miss Argentina or I think second runner-up or something like that," he announced almost proudly.

"Uh-huh. And what exactly were these two doing when they held you against your will?"

Brian shrugged. "Oral sex. The one was, you know, doing it to the other then they sorta moved into the
sixty-nine
position."

"
Sixty-nine
. I love when chicks do that to each other."

"Yeah, me too," the officer began. "Remember the time that we were locked in that hotel room and Gwyneth Paltrow was eating out that supermodel… what was her name?"

"Oh, uh, Gisele Bundchen."

"Yeah, that's the one."

"When they finally let us go, I was emotionally scarred."

"
Yeah,
me too," the officer managed to say with a straight face before they both laughed hysterically.

When the two in the front seat finally quieted Brian whined, "Officers, I'm telling you the truth."

"Oh, we know you are."

"Look, it was Amanda Joseph okay? She's in town working on a television show. My wife is a producer and—"

"Emily from
Twentysomething
. That Amanda Jo?"

"Yes, that's her."

"She's hot." The officer glanced back at Brian and rolled his eyes. "You know, next time don't go with an A-list celebrity and maybe you could sell that story."

"Yeah, I probably would have bought that someone like a Kathy Griffin or maybe, even, um, Heidi Klum
kidnapped
you for sex."

The officers shared another laugh.

"Officers, look, my wife… um, we just recently had twins and I really need to get home to her. I'm a tennis instructor and I was working with Amanda for her role in this series. I worked with her in the movie. Did you guys see
The Leg Thing
?"

"My wife loves that movie."

The officer driving said, "You know that movie is about Victoria, right?"

"You guys know Victoria Wilde?" Brian's eyes lit up. "She's married to my brother and she's best friends with my wife. And yes, the movie is about her."

"Wait a minute. What did you say your name was?"

"Brian Nash."

The officer pulled the car over to the side of the road and turned to the suspect. "Tell me, what street does Victoria live on?"

"Orange Street. It's Fourteen Seventeen."

"Jesus Christ, I think this guy is telling the truth. We went to Victoria's Halloween party last year."

"Oh, I was there." Brian gave them a hopeful smile.

"I'm Owen and this is Zach."

"Okay, yeah." Zach gave him a nod then his eyes brightened. "Wait, aren't you the guy who played that trick on Victoria when she was pregnant?"

Brian's mouth fell open. "Well, uh, yeah you see she started it. She kept, you know—"

"Dude, you don't mess around with pregnant women. My wife is a nurse and you just don't do it. She could have gone into premature labor or worse."

"I know. I know." He sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Can you believe this fucking guy?" Zach shook his head.

"Do you think you guys could just please drive me home?" Brian pleaded.

The officers shared a look and a shrug.

For the next ten minutes, Brian lounged in the backseat with the handcuffs off and the cushion safely in his lap as he recounted the entire adventure to his new friends. When the patrol car turned into the neighborhood, Zach said, "
Pull over
right here."

Officer Owen pulled the car to the curb and stopped.

"Wait, why?" Brian moved to the edge of his seat.

"Like I said you
do
n't mess with pregnant women."

"Oh, come on. It's only two blocks from here."

"That's right it's
only
two blocks."

Brian sighed. "Seriously?"

"Hey buddy, it's either get out here or we drop you off at the station."

"Do you at least have something I can wear?"

"Oh sure," Zach began. "Owen, why don't you grab him something out of the trunk from our new spring line."

"So, what's it going to be? Here or we can toss you in with the
drunks
," Owen said then they both stared at him, waiting.