From Nanny To Wife (24 page)

Ryan turned his chair toward the window. The snow was coming down, covering everything in a blanket of white. "It's not going to be easy sharing things with you, Hope. I've never done it before. There will be times when I can't open up to you. It's not because I don't want to, it's because I'm afraid to."

Hope knew how much that admission cost him and it made her love him even more. "I'm a patient person, Ryan. I can wait. I won't give up on you. I swear to you that I will never leave you." She was met with silence. Patiently, she waited for him to speak.

"I'm sorry I've been shutting you out," Ryan said, turning his chair back around. "I didn't want to talk about that night. I didn't want to answer your questions…I didn't want to see the pity in your eyes."

Hope rose from her chair and moved around the desk. She bent down and kissed Ryan tenderly on the lips. Laying her hand against his cheek, she whispered, "You will never see pity in my eyes. When you told me about your childhood, my heart ached for that little boy you were. The last thing I felt for you was pity." She smiled at him. "Now I better go and let you get back to work. I don't want you to call security and have me thrown out of the building. Were you really calling security?"

Ryan smirked. "Yes. Would you have ripped the cord out of the wall if I had tried to call them again?"

"Yes," Hope said, grinning.

Chapter 26

Hope tossed back the covers and sat up. Reaching for her robe, she slipped it on and rose from the bed. She left the bedroom and made her way downstairs to the family room. Once there, she plugged in the Christmas tree and then curled up in a corner of the couch. As she propped her chin in her hand she gazed at the illuminated tree and let her mind wander. Thoughts of Ryan flooded her head and a warm feeling came over her. Since that afternoon in his office, he began making an effort to come home every evening in time for dinner. The dark cloud that had settled over their lives disappeared along with Ryan's bad mood. Now that things were returning to normal Hope found herself thinking about one thing and that was seducing her husband.

Restless, Hope got up from the couch and moved toward the fireplace. She stopped in front of it and looked down at the glowing embers in the grate. How did she go about seducing Ryan? In her previous relationships she never had to make the first move, the man did it. Should she even try to take things to the next level? How would Ryan react to her advances? Would he be in favor of a physical relationship? Or would he shut her out because he was afraid of being that close to her and getting hurt? Questions raced through her mind.

Oh, Ryan. Why does loving you have to be so difficult?

"So you couldn't sleep either."

Startled Hope jumped. Her hand over her heart she spun around. "You scared me."

"I'm sorry," Ryan said.

Hope took a deep breath and let it out. "It's all right."

"What were you thinking about?" Ryan asked, joining Hope at the fireplace.

How best to seduce you,
Hope thought. "Just…things."

"I'm being nosy," Ryan said. "Sorry. Just tell me to mind my own business."

"Mind your own business," Hope said, smiling. She turned away from the fireplace and Ryan. Did she tell him what was on her mind? Or did she keep it to herself? Her heart began to pound in her chest. She glanced at Ryan out of the corner of her eyes and saw he was watching her.

"Something is wrong," he said quietly. "Why don't you tell me what's bothering you?"

Hope shook her head. "I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

Hope kept her eyes on the tree as she answered Ryan. "I'm afraid to."

Ryan placed his hands on Hope's waist. "Don't be afraid." He smirked. "That's my department."

Hope laid her palms against Ryan's t-shirt clad chest and looked into his eyes. "I want us-" She hesitated. "What I'm trying to say is I'm ready for us to go to the next level…to have a physical relationship."

"It's about time," Ryan muttered.

Hope frowned. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Ryan gave her waist a squeeze. "It means I've been ready for awhile now. I've just been waiting for you."

Hope swallowed hard. "You have?"

Ryan brought a hand up and cupped Hope's cheek. "Yes. I think part of the reason why I spent so much time at the office was because I couldn't bear to be near you. The scent of your perfume…those silk pajamas with the robe that never seems to stay closed…you've been driving me crazy." His arm snaked around her waist and brought her body in contact with his.

Hope's breath caught in her throat. "W-why d-didn't you say something?"

"I didn't want to put any pressure on you," Ryan said huskily.

Hope smiled. "And here I was agonizing over whether or not I should seduce you."

Ryan leaned in close to whisper in her ear. "You don't need to seduce me. I'm all ready willing."

His breath caressed Hope's ear and she shivered. "I wish-"

"Daddy," a groggy Zoe said as she entered the family room.

"Damn," Ryan muttered under his breath. Slowly, reluctantly, he released Hope and turned to face Zoe. "What are you doing out of bed, baby girl?"

"Bad dream," she mumbled, holding her stuffed turtle in her arms.

Weak-kneed Hope sat down on the couch. "Come here, little one," she said, patting the spot beside her.

Shuffling her feet, Zoe made her way to the couch and settled beside Hope.

"Bad dreams can't ever hurt you," Hope said, trying to comfort the little girl. "Can you tell me and Daddy what your dream was about?"

"Daddy was gone," she said. "Zoe was alone."

"Daddy's not going anymore," Ryan told Zoe. "I'm right here."

Hope slipped her arm around Zoe and kissed the top of her head. "Daddy and me will never leave you, sweetheart. We love you and we will always be with you. Do you feel better now?"

Zoe nodded.

"Then why don't you let Daddy take you back to your room and tuck you in?" Hope suggested.

"No," Zoe said. "I want present."

"Those are for in the morning," Ryan explained.

Hope glanced at the clock above the fireplace and saw it was after three. "It is morning."

Ryan placed his hands on his hips and looked at Hope and his daughter. "You two want to open presents, don't you?"

Hope and Zoe nodded.

"You can open one," Ryan said. "The rest wait until after breakfast."

"Pick one, Zoe," Hope said.

Zoe scrambled off the couch and ran to the tree. She knelt in front of it, grabbed a brightly wrapped present, tore the paper away, and squealed with delight. Inside was a yellow dress like the one Belle wore in the
Beauty and the Beast.

"Now you can be Belle," Hope said.

With the dress in one hand and her turtle in the other, Zoe ran to Hope and hugged her. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Hope said. "Don't forget to thank your Daddy."

Zoe went to Ryan and he picked her up. "Thank you, Daddy."

"You're welcome, baby girl." Ryan kissed her cheek. "Now it's back to bed for you." He glanced at Hope. "While I tuck her in open the small present wrapped in the red paper."

"All right." Hope waited until Ryan had left the room with Zoe before she went to fetch the gift. Bringing it back to the couch, she peeled back the red wrapping paper and found a long velvet jewelry box. She opened the hinged lid and found a sterling silver charm bracelet inside. She looked closely at the charms and her eyes grew wide. There was a volcano, slot machine; two wedding bands linked together, the Eiffel tower, and a dress. She knew without a doubt what
each one represented. Tears filled her eyes and she tried to hold them back. She was composed when Ryan returned to the room a few minutes later.

"Do you know what each one symbolizes?" Ryan asked.

"Yes," Hope said. "The volcano…the
Mirage
, slot machine…it was the first thing we did on our honeymoon, the two rings…our wedding, the Eiffel tower…
Paris Las Vegas Hotel,
the dress…the dress you bought me for my birthday."

"That's right," Ryan said. "When I told the jeweler what I wanted he looked at me strangely. I wanted you to have something to remind you of our trip to Las Vegas."

"I will never forget." Hope felt the tears well in her eyes again. "It's the most beautiful gift anyone has ever given to me. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Ryan said.

Hope gave Ryan his gift. It was a first edition leather bound copy of
A Tale of Two Cities.
She had noticed in his office that he had a collection of first edition books by Charles Dickens. "What made you collect Dickens' books?"

"I read his book
Oliver Twist
and enjoyed it so much that I started reading his other books," Ryan said. "I came across a copy of
Twist
at a book fair and it started my collection. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Hope said.

Later that morning, after a breakfast of blueberry pancakes, everyone gathered in the family room and presents were opened. Although Hope received many things it was the bracelet she wore on her wrist that she cherished the most. Every time she glanced at it, she would daydream about her and Ryan's honeymoon and a memory would come to her and bring a smile to her face.

Everybody went his or her separate ways after presents were opened. Gordon was spending the day with his sister, William with his son, and Maggie with her daughter and grandchildren. Ryan, Hope and Zoe spent what was left of the morning building a snowman in the backyard. While Zoe took her nap in the afternoon Ryan and Hope watched
It's a Wonderful Life
on TV.

In the evening, Gordon, William and Maggie returned home and they all sat down to dinner as a family. It was Hope realized her first real Christmas since her divorce. In previous years, she would spend a quiet Christmas alone watching old movies and eating take out. As her eyes traveled around the table at everyone, she sent up a silent thank you to God for bringing these special people into her life.

Chapter 27

Hope stood in the doorway of Ryan's office and watched him. He was sitting behind his desk: his eyes on the paper in front of him. Hope knew his mind was a million miles away. He had not moved a muscle for some time now. Wondering what was going through his mind, she moved away from the door and walked toward him. She bent down and pressed a kiss beneath his ear.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked softly.