From Now Until Infinity (2) (11 page)

Unlike the first time, Colin doesn’t give me much of a chance to pleasure myself. “Fuck this,” he says as he grabs ahold of me as soon as I’m close enough to him. Colin pulls me onto his lap and I slide down on top of his very hard erection. He grabs ahold of my hips and stills me for a minute while he allows me to adjust to him being inside of me.

“You feel so fuckin’ good, baby. Just give me a second,” he coos. I can feel his erection jerking inside me. I’m so turned on I just want to fuck him. Not make love. Not have sex. I want to fuck him. I want kinky, dirty sex. I want him to erase the other men that I’ve been with since him from my mind. I want him to claim me and possess me like no one has before or since.

When he relaxes the tension on my hips, I begin to dance on his cock. I lift myself up and impale myself on him. He throws his head back and yells, “You’re killing me, baby.” I don’t stop. I’m in another world. I lose myself in the rhythm of Colin. When I feel the pressure in my stomach building to a point of explosion, I stop. I take his mouth and shove my tongue inside. His arms grab me around my back and pull me to him. We kiss as if this is our last time ever to feel this way. His erection throbbing inside of me mixed with this kiss is the most turned on that I‘ve ever been. I think that I might pass out if I don’t get relief.

I begin to ride Colin. Not just move up and down on his long, gorgeous erection. I ride him. My body moves to another worldly tune as I dance on his penis. He leans down and takes my nipple into his mouth biting and sucking at the same time so hard that it sends me over the edge. I throw my head back and scream, “Colin!” My whole body tingles. I’m in ecstasy.

He holds me as I ride my orgasm down. When I’m limp from passion, he tosses me back on my bed and flips me over on to my stomach. He gently raises my hips and begins a wonderful assault on me. I didn’t know it was possible, but I feel myself building for a second orgasm. I just let him move my hips. It feels so good that I’m afraid to move - that I’ll interrupt his rhythm. I don’t want this to end.

“Baby. I’m going to come. Can’t stop,” Colin apologizes as he pounds into me. I can’t respond because I’m falling into another orgasm more intense than the first.

His sweaty body falls on top of mine. Our sweat and come mix in a heady mixture of smells. My bedroom has been christened for the first time, and it’s amazing.

After what seems like forever, I gently push my behind into him. “We need to take a shower or bath. Come on.”

He just moans back at me. I finally roll him off of my back and head to the bathroom and turn on the shower. Colin follows me into the bathroom looking at me as if I have broken his favorite toy. “Where’re you going?” he demands.

“We need a shower, baby,” I say again.

I’m so embarrassed. “Please don’t make me explain why Colin,” I silently plead.

I already have a warm, wet washcloth in my hand and am heading into the toilet room. My eyes are on the floor because I can’t look at him. I’m too humiliated. I’ve never had sex while I’m having my period and I never will again. This is so awful.

Colin walks across the bathroom with two quick steps and takes the washcloth from me and tosses it aside. He pulls me to him. “I don’t care, Charlie. It’s you. I’m fuckin’ in love with you.”

Before I can respond, he drags me to my shower, and we step under the shower water together. He holds me in his all-consuming embrace until the water runs cold.

The shower washes my embarrassment away. I’ve never felt so loved and wanted in my entire life.

* * *

I handled Colin moving into my closet quite well. I didn’t panic when we shoved my shirts together losing the customary inch that I like between my hanging clothes. I cleared out two drawers in my closet for him to put his workout clothes in. We both laughed at how large his trainers are next to my running shoes. My bathroom has double vanities so I didn’t have to move anything for his toiletries.

I congratulate myself. I did it. I’m sharing my personal space with him and without so much as a glass of wine to calm me down. My therapist will be proud. Money well spent.

We decide to set up an office for Colin in my guest bedroom on the first floor. Right now, I have a full size bed in the room. It’s mainly where my sisters or Brad crash when they’ve had too much to drink to drive home. Usually when Rachael comes to visit, she sleeps with me.

Colin and I lean the mattress against the wall and push the night stand so that it’s out of the way. Now, there’s enough space for Colin to put a desk or table for his laptop. It’s not a bad office. There are French doors that lead to a microscopically small backyard. I have bamboo planted and rocks as ground cover so I don’t have to worry about grass or weeds. There’s also a bathroom that guests use on this floor of my house.

Colin looks around satisfied with our progress. “I’ll buy a desk and chair when I’m out tomorrow, but I think that this’ll work,” he says surveying the soon-to-be-converted guest bedroom. “When Jenny needs to visit, we’ll just put her up in a nearby hotel.”

I exhale. I’ve overcome the hurdle of my home being invaded by Colin, and I’ve survived. I haven’t felt the need to run to calm myself down. This really is a huge step for me.

I wrap my arms around his waist and look up at him. “I’ve got a refrigerator filled with food. Would you like for me to make us some dinner, and you can find us a movie to watch? I’ve got a busy day at the office tomorrow so I don’t want to stay up too late.”

He leans down and kisses my forehead, “Sounds like a plan to me.”

He swats my behind as I turn to walk out of the room. As my foot hits the top stair of my great room, Colin yells, “Hey Charlie! I’m really proud of you. You didn’t need for to talk you off the ledge once.”

He’s right. I did very well, and I’m glad that he noticed. It really means so much to me that he gets my need for my own space. After growing up in a house where I shared a bedroom and closet with my oldest sister, Chelsea, and a tiny bathroom with my three sisters, having my own things and room are very important to me. I crave order and the knowledge that I can find my things when I need them. It’s not a need that I was able to fulfill until I began sharing an apartment with Rachael in college. This’s one facet of my issues with control that I’ve not been able to overcome, but I obviously have improved. I don’t feel the need to run ten miles now. Colin knows me. He gets it.

I decide to make spicy meat and vegetable soup. Fortunately, my housekeeper has the refrigerator stocked so everything that I need is here. Colin takes a seat at the kitchen island and asks if there is anything that he can do to help. I hand him a cutting board and knife.

“I didn’t really mean for you to say yes,” he laughs as he stares at the knife.

“I need help cutting the tomatoes. Please cube them for me. You can do this, baby. I know that you can,” I instruct and give him a chaste kiss on his cheek.

I begin browning the beef in my soup pot. I keep glancing at Colin. Awkward doesn’t even begin describe what he looks like. At this rate, it’s going to take him thirty minutes to cube one tomato. I could do it for him, but I’m not going to let us fall into the habit where I do all the cooking.

“Colin, when you aren’t eating out, what do you do for supper?” I ask. It’s obvious that he isn’t preparing meals for himself.

“Well…” he replies as he gives the tomato a rotten look as it slips out of his hand. “I make myself an egg white omelet for breakfast every morning. I usually have lunch at the gym or wherever I am. Supper just kinda seems to happen.”

He stops for a moment thinking about the question. “I don’t know? I eat. I just don’t think about food very much.”

All the ingredients are in the soup, and I really need the cubed tomatoes. I walk over to him and grab what he’s already cut. I take the cutting board and knife away from him. If we plan on eating this soup in the next week, I need to cube the rest.

“Why don’t you have a chef?” I know that he can afford it.

He laughs and stands up to watch me finish cubing the tomato taking meticulous mental notes. I know that he’s frustrated that he can’t do it as well as me. “I was just asking myself that same question a couple of weeks ago. I’ve got a great kitchen. When we move back to Dallas, we’ll interview chefs together.”

I drop the now cubed tomatoes in the soup and turn the burner to high to bring the soup to a boil. The rolling bubbles of the soup match my emotions.
Did he just say “when WE move back to Dallas?”

I keep staring at the pot of soup. I start taking deep breaths. I turn and walk to the refrigerator and fill my wine glass. My hand begins to shake so badly that I put my glass down quickly so I don’t spill it. This is too much for one day. I just moved him into my home. I can’t talk about uprooting my life and moving to Dallas just yet.

Colin’s suddenly touching my shoulders. I’m not ready for him to touch me yet. He slowly turns me around, but I don’t pick my head up. I don’t want him to see the panicked look on my face.

I will him to leave me alone, but he doesn’t. He keeps standing over me with his large hands on my shoulders. I know that he’s not going to say anything. He’s going to wait until I speak, but he isn’t going to give me space either.

Once I get my breathing under control, I look up at him. “You’re planning on me moving to Dallas?” I’m pleasantly surprised at how strong my voice sounds. It does a nice job of camouflaging the panic in my stomach.

His green eyes are soft and compassionate. He’s not angry or frustrated with me. “It’s just a thought, Charlie. I want to be with you as much as possible. Once I’ve got to be in Dallas full time, I guess I hoped that you would come with me.” He’s so calm. This is such a rational conversation.

I try to match his emotional level. I state very calmly, “What about my medical practice? I can’t just leave my patients high and dry. Or my dad, for that matter. I’ve got a lot of people who depend on me for their paychecks.”

I turn away from him and walk to the stove. I turn the burner down to low and put the lid on the pot. The distraction is good for me. It gets me away from Colin for a second and allows me to think about something else besides my life being completely out of order.

Colin walks over to my love seat and sits down. He leans his forearms on his knees, but he doesn’t drop his head. I take this as a good sign that we might actually have a conversation about this without him looking defeated. I sit in my club chair across from Colin while I sip my glass of wine. We’re separated by the round coffee table, but we might as well be across the country in where we saw this relationship heading in terms of our living arrangement.

Colin looks at me with confusion on his face. “I guess that I just assumed that when we went to the Superdome and I told you that I wanted you by my side this season and you agreed. That that meant that you’d be moving back to Dallas with me in April.”

You can knock me over with a feather. “Colin,” I stammer. “I meant that I’d be there for you in the stands cheering you on. I’d be at all of your games… that I would see you every weekend. I never meant to imply that I was going to give up my medical practice and move to Dallas. I love you and want to be with you, but my professional life’s here in Houston.”

Colin stands up and begins to pace across my town home. I always thought that my home was large, but suddenly it feels way too cramped for the both of us. He begins running his hands through his hair making his short light brown waves completely unruly.

“You know, Charlie. Everything after the word ‘but’ is what you really mean.” He’s clearly angry at me, but I’m not sure exactly why.

I quickly think back to my last sentence. I remember that I said something like I love him but my medical practice is in Houston.
Oh my goodness!
I need to clarify my statement very quickly. Giving up being a doctor is not something that I’m willing to negotiate. He has to realize this.

I lean back in my chair trying to be more relaxed. “Okay Colin. In your perfect world, how do you see our future playing out?” I try so hard to keep my voice even, but I know that my anxiety seeps in just a little bit.

He stops his pacing and looks at me with bright green eyes. “You can move your practice to Dallas. The only thing that’s tying you to Houston is your father. You can practice medicine in Dallas just as easily as you practice here,” he says so matter of fact that I almost believe how easy that would be.

“Please come sit down. Your pacing’s making me nervous,” I request.

He obliges me and takes a seat on my couch. I shift in my chair so that I can see him better. “My dad gifted me 49% of the practice when I completed residency. He gave it to me with the understanding that I’d take over the insurance side of the practice so he could focus on the professional athlete side. So, you see, I’m not just a doctor who treats patients, I’m a business owner. We’re accountable to each other as doctors and business partners.” I really hope that I explained that clearly and that he understands my not wanting to move to Dallas has nothing to do with my feelings for him.

He just stares at me. I can see that he’s contemplating what I just said. He’s a business man as well as a professional athlete. He has to sympathize with the position that I’m in.

Finally, he replies, “I still don’t understand why you can’t move your part of the practice to Dallas? It’s a fifty minute plane trip. You can live in Dallas with me and come down two days a week to consult with your dad on cases but only see patients in Dallas.” Colin has regained some of his swagger back. I can tell that he believes that he’s solved the problem. That’s my fixer.

“Honey, do you have any idea how expensive it is to set up a practice? So much of our income is based on the physical therapy side of the business. I like that I diagnose my patients and then get to follow them through the rehab process. I couldn’t possibly afford to replicate the physical therapy set up in Dallas.”

I’m no sooner finished than Colin replies, “Are you just trying to find reasons to not make this work?” He stands up and begins to pace again. He’s now angry with me. I guess the honeymoon is officially over. Our first fight in my house - should I scrapbook this moment?