From Now Until Infinity (2) (28 page)

I must look at Colin like he’s lost his mind. “I’m no longer employed. What exactly will Brad be assisting me with?”

“If you remember, Mrs. McKinney,” Colin raises his eyebrow while saying my soon to be new name. “You proposed to me mere hours ago. Don’t think that I’ll stand for a long engagement. He’ll help you plan the wedding. And it’s not like you’ll be unemployed for long. As much as I would like to keep you barefoot and pregnant at home waiting for me after a hard day at practice, we know that’s not going to happen. If I can keep you unemployed for a month, I’ll be surprised.”

My mouth hangs open in surprise. He can be such a Neanderthal at times. “Okay. I’m going to pretend that we didn’t just have that conversation. I need a shower, and I’ll talk to Brad about moving to Dallas.”

He follows me into the bathroom wisely not defending his last statement. “I called Aiden while you were sleeping. You’re going to need an attorney to help you dissolve the partnership with your dad. I’m not just saying this because Aiden is my best friend, but he’s really good. Most importantly, he has your best interest at heart.”

I had already decided to ask Aiden to help me out so Colin doesn’t have to do a lot of convincing. “I’d appreciate whatever help Aiden can give me. I’m going to head over to my dad’s when I get out of the shower. I might as well go break the news to him.”

“I’ll call Aiden and ask him to come over. We’ll start working on it while you talk to your dad.” As he’s walking out of my bathroom, he pauses and turns around. “For the record, Charlie, I’m very sorry that your relationship with your dad has gone to shit because of me. However, I’m not sorry for what I said. For the two years that we were together and the eight years apart, I’ve blamed him for your eating disorder. It started way before I was in the picture. I just couldn’t stand there and let him once again accuse me of something that I might have contributed to but didn’t cause.”

I don’t respond to Colin because I have nothing to say. Colin’s right. My issues with control stem from my dad walking out on my mom, sisters, and me. But, what Colin fails to realize, and I see so clearly is that both my father and Colin are strong, dominant men. They both angle to control me in different ways for different reasons. My dad likes that I became a doctor with his same specialty. He gets off to the fact that I graduated from Harvard Medical School, and that I’m attractive. I’m a trophy on his wall that he can point to and say, “look at how accomplished she is. I was and am a great father.”

I‘ve got a lifetime ahead of me to work on Colin’s manipulating ways. Today is not the day to fight that battle. Instead I respond, “What’s done is done. He’s still my dad, and I love him. Hopefully, you two can find common ground again, even if it’s nothing more than you both love me.”

He seems to accept that answer. As he walks out of the bathroom he tells me, “I called Kenzie and told her that we’d do the interview, but we must have a list of questions that we preapprove before the interview. That way there’ll not be any surprises, and we can nix any questions that you’re not comfortable with answering.”

“Thank you, love. That makes me feel much better.” I reassure him.

As I’m washing myself in the shower, I look down at my stomach and imagine it filled with Colin’s baby. It’s funny how a thought that used to horrify me, now seems to make me smile. An image of Colin holding our baby flashes in my head, and my heart swells with an overwhelming feeling of contentment.
Could ridding my heart of the “what ifs” have made room for the idea of having a baby?
I make a mental note to think more about becoming a mom on my next run.

I finish my shower, get dressed, and prepare to have one of the hardest conversations of my life with my father.

Before I go, I sneak Colin’s phone and change his ringtone to
Bless The Broken Road
by Rascal Flatts. The chorus is “God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you.” Could any song be more perfect?

I text Carmen and tell her that I’m on my way over. She says that she will ask Tiffany and Sarah to go run a few errands so my dad and I can have some privacy.

On my way out of the door, Colin stops me and asks, “Allison Katz would like to do the interview in Dallas on Monday. How does that work for you?”

“Don’t you think that it’s a little soon?” I ask. I guess I had agreed to the interview, but I assumed it would happen sometime next week not in a couple of days.

“They want to air it on Thursday. That’s a week after Sasha’s media blitz began. The PR people think that’s the best timing.” Colin explains it to me, but I’m barely listening. When will this roller coaster stop? The irony doesn’t miss me that in New Orleans I didn’t want to be associated with Colin’s statement of denial, and now, I’ve agreed to a sit down interview.

“If that’s what’s best than I guess I am okay with it.” Then it occurs to me that Kenzie must still be working for Colin. So does that mean that Mark and Colin made up?

“Colin,” I ask. “Is Mark your agent again?”

Colin’s jaw goes rigid and his eyes darken. “Aiden convinced me to keep Mark as my agent until this mess is resolved. However, I’ve made it clear to Mark that I’ll be finding new representation before the beginning of next season.”

I roll my eyes. This is ridiculous, but I’ve got my own battles to fight at the moment. I’ll work on Colin and Mark another day. “Fine. I’m headed to my dad’s and taking security with me. I’ll call Brad and Rachael on the way and see if they can take me clothes shopping tonight. I need someone to help me choose interview worthy clothes.”

“Tell Brad to call me, and I’ll give him Kenzie’s contact information. She can fill him in on what you’ll need.”

I nod my head like the obedient girl that I am. “Wish me luck.”

Colin comes sauntering over to me and plants a gigantic kiss on my lips. “You don’t need luck, baby. You’ve got me and I’ve got you. We have each other and that’s all that we need.”

Once again, I want to roll my eyes. I would like to remind him that just a couple of days ago he told me that I was his muse, good luck charm, etc. His contradictions frustrate me.

Instead, I tell him that I love him and slip on my sunglasses. As Phil and Al prepare to help me fight through the reporters outside, I yell over my shoulder. “I still haven’t heard the story about you attending my medical school graduation. Don’t think that just because I asked you to marry me that you’re going to get away with not sharing.”

I slip out the front door before he has a chance to respond.

* * *

My father’s house looks like an elephant trying to squeeze into a bikini. Carmen and Dad bought a tiny house in disrepair on a fantastic lot near my mom’s house in West University. They wanted to be close to us girls, and they wanted us to have a relationship with Sarah and Tiffany. It was a great thought. However, they tore down the tiny house on the lot and built a monstrosity that takes up the entire lot. The house is four bedrooms. There’s a master bedroom, a room for Tiffany, a room for Sarah, and a guest room for all four of us girls to share. Carmen didn’t believe that Tiffany and Sarah should have to share rooms growing up, but she found no issue with my sisters and me somehow squeezing into a full size bed if we wanted to stay at their house. Needless to say, I can count the number of times that my sisters and I’ve spent the night at my dad’s home on one hand.

The house sticks out like a sore thumb. It’s significantly larger than anything else on the street. It also is modern architecture while the other homes are traditional. I’m sure that the neighbors despise it as much as I do.

Security drops me off in the driveway, and I quickly enter my dad’s foyer. Carmen has a fresh vase of flowers on the entry hall table. I think that she’s attempting to soften the place up, but nothing will help.

Carmen greets me with a hug and sad eyes. I hug her back, but I don’t say anything. She supports my dad and thinks that I’m an ungrateful daughter. Family relationships are so complicated.

“Your dad’s in the study. For the record, Caroline, this is destroying him,” she says.

I reply as politely as possible. “Well that makes two of us.”

I make my way to the back of their house where my father’s study is located. It has dark wood paneling surrounded by bookcases on three walls. The fourth wall is made up of windows. If he hadn’t of torn down the old oak trees to squeeze this elephant on the lot, he’d have a lovely view. Instead his wall of windows looks at a neighbor’s greying back fence.

He’s seated at his desk which is also dark wood. I’ll say one thing for Doctor Jack Collins, he looks awful. I take some satisfaction that this is difficult for him too. I just hope that it’s awful for the right reasons and not that his show pony has turned her back on him.

“Hi Dad,” I greet him while I take a seat in one of the wing backed chairs in his office.

“Caroline,” he says as his greeting.

We both sit there in silence not knowing how to begin. I’m finally the first one to speak, “I’d like to discuss the decision that I’ve made with you.”

He nods his head and leans back in his office chair, but he decides to speak first. “First of all, I would like to say that this hard on me also. When I offered you 49% of my medical practice after you completed your residency, it never occurred to me that we would be in this position a couple of years later. Second of all, if I had known that you still had feelings for Colin McKinney after all this time, I would not have invited you as my guest to the Clay South event.”

I interject, “Dad, working with you has been a dream. I’ve learned so much from you, and there’s nothing that I want more than a professional relationship with you. I enjoy our collaborations.” I swallow hard before I continue. “However, I love Colin. I can’t turn my back on him because I’d also be denying myself what I want most in the world which is him.”

“Caroline, put the practice aside for right now. We can talk about business later,” he says. He gets up and begins his pacing. What is it about these men that makes them pace? I’ve seen enough pacing in the last three days to last me a lifetime. “Caroline, do you remember how sick you were? You collapsed and were hospitalized for a week. Do you know that I thought that you might die? You are not a parent yet, so you can’t fully understand that feeling, but I must tell you, it is the worst feeling in the world. To see your beautiful, brilliant daughter reduced to a feeding tube down her throat and an IV stuck in her arm is agonizing. Colin did that to you, Caroline. He put you in a fucking hospital bed.”

Watching my father is gut wrenching. It’s obvious that he believes everything that he’s saying. He honestly doesn’t see the part he played. “Daddy, please stop pacing and come sit by me.”

He does what I ask and takes the other wing backed chair. I turn so that he can see my face and read my eyes, “I did that to myself. Colin didn’t force me to purge or over exercise. I did that. I’ve taken responsibility for my actions, and I got healthy. I still see a therapist to help me work on the things that led me to that point. I know that Colin said some very harsh things to you, but he believes every word of it as you believe every negative word that you said about Colin.” I pause for a second. “Colin and I are engaged. He’s not exiting my life. I want you to be a part of the wedding. I want you to walk me down the aisle. I’m your first daughter to get married. Please trust that I’m making the best decision for me and support me in it. I don’t want the happiest day of my life to have a black cloud hanging over it because you aren’t there.”

My news hits him like a punch in the gut. “Don’t you think that it’s a little soon?” He asks not hiding his disgust.

I’m very honest when I reply, “Yes. I do think that it’s a little soon. If I could have created my perfect story, we’d have dated for a while before we made this decision, but factors outside of our control have forced us to make this choice.” I decide to take another approach. “Look. I’ve lived without Colin for eight years. I know what life without him in it feels like, and I don’t want that again. Neither does he.”

“I wish I could believe you,” he says shaking his head.

Okay! Now that just infuriates me. I’m doing a very poor job of keeping my emotions in check. “You should know that better than anyone. You left your wife and four daughters for the nurse that you impregnated. I’d hope that you felt that strongly about Carmen to justify all that you gave up.”

He leaps to his feet and yells, “You’re fucking out of line Caroline!” I have never heard my father say a bad word. He’s now said “fuck” twice in a matter of minutes. I’m shocked and a little scared by his outburst.

“Look,” I say more calmly. “We’re going to have to agree to disagree. I’ve made it clear how I feel about Colin. If you’re going to make me choose between the two of you, I’ll choose him every time. I’m sorry, but that’s how I feel.” I keep talking before he can stop me. “I’m doing the interview with Allison Katz Monday in Dallas. Letters will be sent to every NFL team president by Wednesday letting them know that I’m no longer associated with our practice. Hopefully, they’ll see the light and lift their ban. Aiden Montgomery is representing me in the dissolving of our business relationship. I’ll be more than happy to help you interview doctor’s to take my place. I’ll also be happy to stay at the practice as long as you need for me to take care of patients. Now, all discussions about our business relationship need to be directed to Aiden. I’ll send Barney his contact information.”

I stand up to leave. My father’s mouth is hanging open and Doctor Jack Collins doesn’t do stunned well. Apparently, he was not expecting this. “As for our father/daughter relationship, I love you, Daddy. You’ll always be my first prince charming. I want nothing more than for you to walk me down the aisle and be at the hospital passing out cigars when you become a grandfather. But, to be a part of my life you’re going to have to accept Colin. Please, think about what I’ve said. I need your support and you by my side.”

I walk out of his office, out of the front door, and make it into the waiting SUV before I dissolve into a puddle of tears. I’m too upset to go back to my town home. I can’t face the reporters right now. I don’t want my red, puffy face plastered everywhere.