From Sanctum With Love (Masters and Mercenaries Book 10) (20 page)

She lay there for a second. It was so odd to have someone in bed with her.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were a masochist?”

Should she snore? Maybe if she gave him a couple of good snores, he would think she was asleep.

“Were you afraid of me? Don’t answer with arrogant Kori. I’m honestly asking. I told you I was a sadist when I first met you. You nodded and ignored me the rest of the day. I thought you would quit. I was a little surprised when you showed up the next day.”

Thank god for blackout shades. Somehow it was easier to talk in complete darkness. She remembered the day he was talking about. It had been before her first night at Sanctum. She’d started the job with Kai and Big Tag had sweetened the pot by offering her a membership at Sanctum as part of her salary. Back then, Big Tag had funded Kai’s practice. Kai had warned her that he would be in the dungeon that night and explained in perfectly academic terms his status as a sadist. She’d nearly gotten to her knees right then and there.

How should she explain this to him without giving away everything? She stared up at the darkness. “I’d just moved here. I’d been in a relationship that was unhealthy to say the least. I didn’t know you. It seemed easiest to keep the two things separate.”

“Was he your Dom?”

“Yes. For several years. I was in the lifestyle before he was and then he took over everything. My life. My career. I moved to Arizona for a couple of years and then I came out here. I didn’t want to get back to that place again.”

“So that’s why you don’t let anyone give you what you need.”

She didn’t say the truth. The truth was no one at Sanctum with the exception of Kai could give her what she needed. She needed more than a hard hand on her ass. She needed Kai’s unique brand of dominance. “I think it’s dangerous for a person like me.”

“He abused your trust. Not every Dom would do that. I wouldn’t even call him a Dom. A Dom puts his sub’s needs first.”

She’d spent the last five years of her life dissecting that relationship. “I know that intellectually, but I don’t think I can ever go back. I can’t get in that deep again. Tonight was fun, but I have to leave it there.”

“So you’re leaving Sanctum? Because the other Dominants aren’t going to let you get away with faking anymore.”

She hadn’t even thought of that. Silence filled the dark as the real ramifications of the night hit her. She was stuck. Now that everyone knew, no one would play with her. Not the way they had before. She’d been outed. Even if they forgave her for keeping the truth from them, most of the Dominants wouldn’t want to play with a sub who had zero interest in ever letting them in.

“I’m going to move my arm out,” Kai said, his voice carefully polite. “I told you I wouldn’t lay a hand on you but if you rolled over and cuddled up against me and then my arm kind of turned in, that wouldn’t be the same thing, right?”

He was offering her comfort without asking for anything in return. She was sick of overthinking, sick of constantly putting up boundaries and barriers. Kori rolled to her side and sure enough Kai’s arm wrapped around her, drawing her against the warmth and strength of his body. “It’s not the same thing at all.”

He cocooned her in the dark, his hand holding her head against his chest. “I’ll talk to them. I’ll make sure you have a safe place to play.”

Or she could accept that she had a play partner. It wasn’t like she’d been there alone tonight. Kai was excellent at compartmentalizing. She let her head rest on his chest, hearing the beat of his heart. Slowly she relaxed, her arm winding around his torso so they were wrapped together. It didn’t have to mean anything beyond they were friends and she needed comfort. He needed comfort, too. It was obvious his brother’s appearance threatened Kai’s much needed calm. What if she could give him some of that peace back through play? He hadn’t found a play partner who met his needs either. They could help each other. She could stay at Sanctum and nothing had to change with the singular exception of getting to go to her happy place a couple of times a week. Kai wasn’t Morgan. Kai wouldn’t take her freedom and turn her into some kind of pathetic acolyte who gave up her own credit to please the Master.

No one could do that to her. No one except herself. She’d made those choices. She’d let herself slide.

If she was vigilant about keeping herself in check, she could have what she needed. And it wasn’t like Kai was looking for scripts he could pretend were his own. Kai likely wouldn’t insist he got full credit for watering the plants or keeping his schedule organized.

“Kori? Talk to me. I’m getting afraid.”

She nestled closer to him because somehow in the safety of the darkness it seemed all right to cuddle. Especially with a man who wasn’t scared of saying he was afraid. This was one of the things she adored about Kai. He was open with his feelings. She could trust that he was always honest with her. “Afraid of what?”

“Afraid that you’re going to push me away because of what happened tonight. I don’t want that. I enjoyed our scene, but if it scared you that much, I won’t ask you to play again. This relationship is important to me.” His fingers moved over her, running across her hair.

This was what she’d missed earlier, the connection, the sweet intimacy. She’d been wrong to run away. Kai just wanted the connection that came from a scene. That was all. “I wasn’t thinking of pushing you away. I was wondering if it wouldn’t make sense for us to be play partners.”

He moved, his lips brushing her forehead in a sweet gesture of affection. “I think that makes complete sense. We’re obviously well matched. I haven’t met anyone who needs me the way you do. I call myself a sadist, but I don’t really want to cause pain that isn’t necessary. I suppose in the strictest sense that makes me more a rough Dom than a sadist. I enjoy the play. I sometimes think I need it so the part of me that gets fulfilled by hurting someone doesn’t take over my life. I can keep it at bay, be the man I want to be. Lately I haven’t…well, let’s say I haven’t fed the beast and I worry he’s coming out in little ways. I’m short with everyone if I don’t think about what I say.”

She understood. She’d spent years keeping everyone at arm’s length because there was a part of her that she’d hidden away. It was out now and the choice was to accept what she needed or run away again. “I think we can make it work. This relationship is important to me, too.”

So important. They could make this work. They could stay friends. She played with friends all the time.

“We need rules.”

Rules. Kai was a big fan of rules. At least he wasn’t talking about a contract at this point. The idea of signing a contract again made her antsy. “Sure, we can talk about some common sense rules in the morning.”

He would likely want to talk about compartmentalizing. He would want to keep the play strictly to the club and that was fine with her.

He was quiet for a moment. “Thank you for telling me why you worry.”

It had actually felt good to tell him. It made it easier for her to tell him other things. “I knew your brother in Los Angeles. I worked for a production company before I came out here. Strictly professional. I didn’t date him or anything.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Maybe it makes me a bad guy, but I’m glad you didn’t date him. My brother and I have history when it comes to the women in our lives. I think I push away women I could care about because he slept with my fiancée. I thought I’d gotten over it, but now I have to wonder. I wish he hadn’t come here.”

He was not practicing what he preached. “Hey, you’re the one who always says you have to face your issues. I think Jared is one big issue for you.”

His chest moved as he chuckled. “But if I’d faced him tonight, I would be arguing with him instead of being warm and in bed with you, so in this case deflection works in my favor. Go to sleep. We’ll deal with all of this in the morning. It’s going to be all right. We’re going to be all right. You’ll see.”

Nothing had to change except she got to cuddle up with the most beautiful man she’d ever met.

One day he would meet the right sub. One day he wouldn’t need her anymore and he would want to be with someone who could fulfill all his needs, every one of his sick and glorious desires.

But for now she could find some peace with him. She moved her leg up, putting her thigh over his…what the hell was that? She’d touched something hard and thick and impossibly long.

“Kai?”

“Yeah, that’s my penis. He’s not going to attack. He’s just…reacting. He needs some time to calm down. Go to sleep. He’ll still be there in the morning. You do have a cold shower, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Excellent.” He shifted so his cock wasn’t right up against her anymore.

His really big, really erect cock.

It was the longest time before she got to sleep.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Kai neatly flipped the omelet. One of the helpful things about being the son of a mom who had worked two, sometimes three jobs at times was the fact that he’d learned to cook at a very young age. He stared down at the ham and cheese and spinach omelet and a memory came rushing in. He’d been eight and trying to cook eggs for Jared and they’d burned because…he was flipping eight years old. Jared had sat at the table and eaten every bite, insisting they were awesome even though Kai knew they sucked. He’d told Jared he had to eat them anyway because it was all the food they had. Jared could have been a brat, but he’d smiled through the whole thing.

“You should stay over more often.” Sarah grinned at him from her chair at the bar. There was a plate in front of her waiting for that omelet he was working on. “Kori can’t cook for shit. Well, she cooks but it’s all vegetables and nasty stuff.”

He was grateful for the distraction. He flipped the omelet one last time before easing it on to her plate. “Kori’s a vegetarian. I always thought that was a health thing until I saw the pictures of her dogs last night.”

Being inside Kori’s bedroom had answered a whole lot of questions for him. Of course it had brought up a whole bunch more. She didn’t talk about her past. He’d thought she was embarrassed by her sister and an underprivileged childhood—he could understand that. Now he wondered if it was something more. He knew he would have to play dirty to get under her armor.

He’d started last night. He’d walked in thinking he would basically tell her that now they were a couple and they would work things out. One look at the fear in her eyes had made him completely change his plan. He needed a mix of hard and soft play with her. Sure she enjoyed a rough hand on her backside, but she craved someone who cared enough to be gentle with her, too. Not that she would say that. She likely didn’t recognize the need in herself, but then she wasn’t the most self-aware woman he’d ever met. It was all right because he was honest enough for both of them.

“Ooo, breakfast.” Mia hopped onto the seat beside Sarah and clapped her hands together. “Is this made to order or should I accept anything you put in front of me? Because I can do either. I am not picky when it comes to men feeding me.”

He could use this time to get to know the mysterious Mia better. “I’m here to serve Kori’s friends whatever they would like. Unless you want a meal that requires anything more than eggs, cheese, ham, and a surprisingly healthy amount of veggies.”

“I will take what Sarah’s having. Yum.” Mia smiled brightly, belying any hangover she might have. “You’re up bright and early this morning. I thought the two of you might sleep in.”

Sarah shook her head. “I’m telling you they didn’t do the nasty. I heard absolutely nothing.” She blushed. “Not that I was trying to, but the walls are thin.”

“We were tired last night. It had been a long day.” He wasn’t about to tell them that he’d actually planned on trying to seduce her, but he’d decided she needed comfort and security more than another orgasm. He started cooking the ham and spinach. It was a trick Sean had taught him. Cook the ingredients first and then add the eggs around them. Back when he was a kid, he’d simply thrown a bunch of stuff into a pan and prayed it didn’t catch fire.

You make the best grilled cheese, Kai.
Jared would stand beside him, his eyes wide because the kid had always, always been hungry. He’d been a bottomless pit.

Take care of your brother, Kai. He needs you more than you know. You’ve been his father his whole life.

He forced his mother’s dying words out of his head. She hadn’t known exactly how well her youngest son could take care of himself.

And there it was. There was that nasty kernel of anger. He thought it had gone away, thought time and distance had healed the wound, but the flame had merely been banked.

There was a knock on the door, pulling Kai back from his thoughts. That was happening a lot this morning. He’d thought about staying in bed, but he wasn’t sure he would be able to stop himself from kissing her and he had plans for that later on today.

Kori was going to find out what being his sub meant.

Because he damn straight wasn’t about to be her “play partner,” whatever that meant. He was fairly certain “play partners” got no kisses.