From the Heart (11 page)

“No!”

She shot straight up in bed, covering her face with her hands.

“Kasey.” Her cry had roused Jordan from sleep. He reached for her and found her cold and quivering. “What is it? What's wrong?”

“Just a dream.” She fought for control. “I'm all right, it's nothing.”

Her voice was shaking as desperately as her body, and though she resisted, he pulled her closer. “You're not all right. You're like ice. Hold onto me.”

She wanted to do as he said but was afraid. Already she depended on him too much. She'd handled the dream alone before, she would handle it again. “No, I'm all right.”

Her voice sharpened as she pulled out of his arms. She struggled out of bed and drew on her robe. When Jordan switched on the bedside lamp, she began to hunt for her cigarettes. He watched her as he reached for his own robe. There was no color in her face, and her eyes were dark with fright. She was shaking from head to foot, and her breath was still trembling.

Finding her cigarettes, she fumbled to pull one out. “I'm a scientist; I know what a dream is.” She covered her mouth with her hand a moment hearing the jerkiness of her own voice. Her teeth were chattering. “A sequence of sensations, images or thoughts passing through a sleeping person's mind.
It's not real.” She picked up Jordan's lighter, but her hand shook and she couldn't work it.

Quietly he crossed to her. Taking the cigarette and lighter from her hand, he set them back on the table. “Kasey.” He put his hands on her shoulders, feeling her shudder convulsively under his palms. “Stop this. Let me help you.”

“I'll be all right in a minute.” She stiffened when he drew her close again. “Jordan, please. I can't stand to fall apart this way. I hate it.”

“Do you have to handle everything by yourself?” He was stroking her back, trying to warm her. “Does needing comfort make you weak? If I needed to be held, would you turn away from me? Kasey, let me help you.”

With a sob, she was clinging to him, her face pressed against his throat. “Oh, Jordan, it frightens me as much as it did the first time.”

Without speaking, he picked her up and carried her back to bed. Keeping his arm tight around her, he drew her against his side. “You've had it before?”

“Since I was a child.” Her voice was muffled against his chest. He could feel the racing of her heart. “I don't have it often anymore. Sometimes years.” She closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing. “When I have it, it's always the same, always so vivid.”

Her trembling had lessened, but he kept her tight in the circle of his arms. She was bringing out something new in him: the need to protect. “Tell me about it.”

She shook her head. “It's just foolish.”

“Tell me anyway.”

She was quiet a moment, then, with a sigh, she began. Her description was short and her words were unemotional, but he could sense the feeling beneath them. It was childishly simple to understand, but then, it had been the dream of a child.

“I never told my grandfather about it,” she went on. “I knew it would upset him. I only had the dream twice the whole time I was in college.” Her voice had grown steadier and her hold on Jordan less desperate. “I had it once when I read a rehash of the custody case by some enterprising reporter who'd picked up on it when one of my uncles had been running for re-election. And again the night before
graduation. I'd put that down to too much beer and the pressure of delivering the valedictorian address.” She sighed now and felt her body relax.

“And since then?” He had felt the fear and tension pour out of her. Her body was warming.

“A couple of times. Once when Pop was in the hospital with pneumonia. It scared me to death; he's always bursting with health. Once on a dig. We'd had to shoot a rabid dog. It broke my heart.” She felt safe and grew sleepy again. Now she'd given him her trust as well as her love. She was content, for the moment, to be cared for. “That was two years ago. I don't know what set me off tonight.”

He heard her voice thickening and said nothing. She'll sleep now, he thought and stared up at the ceiling. He wouldn't. His mind was too crowded with Kasey Wyatt.

When he had first met her, he had thought her a tough eccentric with a great deal of charisma. Now he realized there was far more to her than that.

Her breathing was even now, and quiet. Tomorrow they would return to Palm Springs and complete their work on the book. In another few weeks, Kasey would be finished with her work. Then it would be up to him.

Reaching beside him, Jordan found his cigars and matches. He lit one and smoked in silence while he listened to Kasey breathing deeply in sleep.

I
n two weeks it would be Christmas. Kasey could feel the time rushing by her. The brief interlude in New York had done much to settle her. She felt in control again—of her nerves, of her situation. What she had with Jordan, she was able to accept again without all the doubts and discomfort which had been piling up. She loved him, needed to be with him. When the time came to pay the price, she'd pay it. Still, she wished time wouldn't move so fast.

For Alison's sake, she would have liked Christmas to come quickly, but for her own, she could wait. She would have drawn out each day, each hour. After Christmas would come the new year. With the new year would come the time for her to go.

Watching the child's simple pleasure helped to keep Kasey's mind off herself. For two short weeks she could spend her free time making the holiday come alive for the girl. The elegant red garland and silver bells that Kasey had seen the staff unpacking weren't really Christmas. She had spent one stiff, formal Christmas in her life. That was enough for her.

“Jordan!” Kasey dashed down the stairs and burst into Jordan's study. “You've got to see this. Come upstairs.” She was pulling on his arm and laughing.

“Kasey, I'm in the middle of something here.”

“Put it down,” she ordered. “You work too hard.” She
leaned over and gave him a quick, hard kiss. “It's really terrific. You're going to love it,” she promised. “Come on, Jordan, you can be back at work before your typewriter knows you're gone.”

She was difficult to refuse under any circumstances, but when she was pulling on his arm and laughing like this, it was impossible. “All right.” He rose and allowed her to drag him toward the stairs. “What is it?”

“A surprise, of course. I'm crazy about surprises.” Upstairs she pushed open the door to her room and motioned for him to enter. He did, then studied the room in silence.

Red and green paper chains hung everywhere, crisscrossing and draping from wall to wall. They wound down the bedposts and framed the windows. Cardboard angels, Santas and elves hung from doorknobs and balanced on dresser tops, and a red felt stocking overflowed with candy canes. There was a bright gold star suspended from the center of the ceiling.

Jordan took a turn around and faced Kasey again. “Redecorating?”

“I didn't do it.” She rose on her toes and kissed him again. He delighted her when he used that dry tone. “Alison did. Isn't it wonderful?”

“I can certainly say I'm surprised.” Shaking his head, he looked around again. “And I can honestly say I've never seen anything quite like it.”

“You should see the bathroom,” Kasey told him. “It's spectacular!”

He smiled at Kasey and sent an elf spinning on its string. “And, of course, you told her you loved it.”

“I do love it,” Kasey countered. “It's one of the nicest things anyone's ever done for me. She wanted me to feel at home for Christmas. And now I do.”

Jordan reached out to touch her hair. “If I had known paper chains would make you happy, I'd have made some myself.”

Kasey grinned and threw her arms around him. “Do you know how?”

“I think I could manage it.”

“Can you string popcorn?”

“Can I what?” He was distracted from kissing her hair.

“String popcorn,” Kasey repeated, linking her hands around his neck. “What I'd really like to do on Christmas Eve is string popcorn for the tree. And I want to get Alison a puppy.”

“Wait a minute.” Jordan drew her away. “Sometimes it takes me just a minute to catch up.”

“Just say yes to both and think of the trouble we'll save. I can't bear a tree without popcorn strings, Jordan. It's positively naked. And Alison needs a puppy.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

Jordan sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. How did she manage to do this so often? “Why does Alison need a puppy?”

“Because she wants one, first of all. That's a good reason.” She smiled at him. “And a puppy would be a companion and a responsibility for her. What do you think about cocker spaniels?”

Jordan leaned back against the door. “I'm forced to admit I've never given them much thought.”

“Give it a minute, then,” she suggested. “It's a gentle breed, good with children. A pet is very important in childhood, Jordan. Owning one teaches a variety of valuable—”

“Wait.” Jordan held up a hand to stop her. “It would be simpler if I just said yes and saved us both a lot of time.”

“I told you that you were logical.” Kasey smiled, pleased with herself.

Jordan put his hands on her shoulders. “I also think it's very thoughtful of you.”

“So do I,” she said lightly. “I'm a very thoughtful person.”

“You are,” he said and drew her closer. “Whether you like to hear it or not. You've made quite a difference in Alison's life—and in mine.”

She couldn't speak but only laid her head on his chest.
I love you both,
she thought and shut her eyes tight.

“Does this mean yes to the popcorn, too?” she asked him. It was so warm in his arms, so secure. It was impossible to believe that one day soon she'd have to leave them.

“I don't suppose I could face a naked Christmas tree.”

She squeezed him. “Thank you.”

“Now I've something to ask you.”

She tilted her face back to his and smiled. “Your timing's exceptional,” she decided. “I'm obliged to say yes to almost anything.”

He kissed her nose. “Perhaps you'll remember that at a more opportune time, but for now you've probably noticed my mother doing quite a bit of sighing because I haven't attended any of the holiday parties.”

“As a matter of fact, I have.” Kasey kept her voice light. “I've also noticed,” she said, “how expertly you ignore her.”

“I've had a lifetime of practice,” Jordan said dryly. “But there's a club dance at the end of the week. I should go. Come with me.”

“Are you asking me for a date, Jordan?”

“It sounded like it.” He laughed suddenly and shook his head. “Kasey, you make me feel as though I were sixteen. Will you come with me?”

“I like to dance.” She slid her hands up behind his neck and linked them. “I'd like to dance with you.” She gave him a kiss and let it slowly deepen until she heard his quiet sound of pleasure. “I believe I'll buy a new dress,” she murmured. “Do you have a favorite color?”

“Green.” His mouth roamed to her neck. “Like your eyes.”

She laughed a little and pressed closer. “Jordan, there's one more thing I should tell you.”

“
Hmm.
What?” His mouth was back on hers.

“Alison,” Kasey began, accepting the kiss. “When she finished in here, she went to do your room.”

“Do what?” he murmured, steeped in Kasey's taste.

“Your room.”

“My room?” Jordan drew away a bit to look at her. “My room?” He glanced over her head at the paper chains and cardboard figures. Incredulity spread over his face as he looked back at Kasey. “
My
room?”

“Jordan, you're repeating yourself.” Kasey laughed as he let out a long breath. Slipping her arms around his waist, she hugged him tightly. “You're going to love it,” she promised. “You're getting a foam snowman.”

 

The next afternoon, Kasey looked on as Alison strummed her guitar. The technique was still clumsy, but she made up for it
with enthusiasm. Kasey thought back to the first time she had watched Alison sit stiffly at the piano, playing Brahms with precision and disinterest.

No more empty eyes, she thought and reached out to touch the girl's hair. What would it be like to have a child of her own? she wondered. She shook her head. She was becoming too sentimental and much, much too attached.

“Terrific,” she told Alison when she had finished. “You learn quickly.”

“Will I ever play as well as you?”

“Better, soon.” Kasey smiled and packed the guitar in its case. “I've an affection for music. You've affection and skill.”

“I didn't think so before.” Alison sat down at the piano and began to finger the keys. “I can play things on the piano and the guitar now.”

Kasey grinned. “Alison, I have to go shopping. Want to come with me?”

“Shopping?” Alison's attention was arrested. “Christmas shopping? I've finished mine, but I'd like to help you with what you have left.”

“Have left? I haven't started yet.”

“None at all?” Alison's eyes widened. “But there are only ten days left.”

“That many?” Kasey rose and stretched. “Well, I suppose I can start early. I usually wait until Christmas Eve. I love the confusion.”

“But what if you can't find what you want?”

How like Jordan she was, Kasey thought. “That's the challenge,” Kasey told her. “I drive the sales clerks crazy.” The thought made her grin. “In any case, I need a dress. We can grab a hamburger, too. There must be a McFarden's around somewhere.”

“McFarden's?” Alison brought her brows together. She was intrigued and cautious. So like Jordan, Kasey thought again. “I've never been to McFarden's.”

“Never been to McFarden's?” Kasey gave her a look of exaggerated astonishment. “That,” she said, “is positively un-American.” Grabbing Alison's hand, she pulled her to her feet. “You need a lesson in patriotism.”

Some time later, Kasey eased into a parking space. “I told you I'd find one.” Switching off the ignition, she dropped the keys into her pocket. Alison climbed out, and Kasey locked up carefully.

“I hope Uncle Jordan won't mind that we borrowed his car.”

“He told me I could use it whenever I liked.” Kasey skirted around the Mercedes's hood.

“But Charles usually drives everyone except Uncle Jordan.”

“Why should we drag poor Charles around?” Kasey countered. “We must have gone to a hundred and thirty-seven stores.” She pushed through the glass doors. “I'm starving. Do you realize how long it's been since I had a hamburger?”

Alison looked around her and became caught up in the crowd and the noise. “It smells wonderful.”

Kasey laughed and pulled her into line. “Smelling's not eating. I have a craving for French fries.”

Alison stared up at the menu that hung above the counter and zeroed in on a picture of a hamburger. “I'd like one of those. Is it good?”

“Fantastic.” Kasey laughed. “You have big eyes, Alison. Let's hope you have an appetite to match.”

“It
is
big,” Alison stated when they found a table. She took a bite and grinned. “And it's good.”

“You have very discerning taste.” Kasey dug into her own. She closed her eyes and sighed. “It's been too long. Do you think we can talk Francois into trying his hand at one of these?”

“You could,” Alison stated and wolfed down a French fry.

“Why do you say that?”

“You could talk anybody into anything.”

Kasey laughed and shook her head. “Perceptive little squirt, aren't you?”

Alison grinned and sampled her milk shake. “I've never seen anything like the present you got for Uncle Jordan.”

“The shaman's rattle?” Kasey chewed thoughtfully on a French fry. “It was quite a find.” It had been elegantly carved and painted. Apache. Kasey had been thrilled enough to come
across it that she hadn't even thought to bargain. “It'll help him ward off evil spirits.”

Alison was bulldozing her way through the hamburger. “I liked the dress you bought, too. Green looks beautiful on you.”

“I don't usually wear it. It's so obvious with my coloring.” She sat back with her own milk shake. “Then, I don't mind being obvious now and again.”

“It's very stylish,” Alison told her and took another bite of her hamburger. “And slinky.”

Kasey grinned. “I did like that other one, though. You know, the smashed velvet.”

“Crushed velvet,” Alison corrected and giggled.

“Whatever. Would you like an apple pie?”

Alison sat back and took a deep breath. “I don't think so. Would you?”

“Not if I want to get into that dress. What did you get me for Christmas?”

“It's a—Kasey!” Alison exclaimed.

“I thought I might catch you off guard.”

“It's supposed to be a secret.” Alison wiped her hands primly. “Telling would spoil it.”

“Really?” Kasey gave her a guileless smile. “Is that why you've been creeping around the house and searching through closets?”

Alison blushed, then giggled again. “I only thought I might shake some boxes.”

“That's an old story.”

“Christmas is more fun with you here, Kasey.” Her eyes were serious again. “Will you stay forever?”

Kasey felt the first crack in her heart. How could she explain to the girl what she didn't want to think of herself? “Forever is a long time, Alison.” She kept her voice quiet and her eyes level. “I'll have to leave when my job's finished.”

“But can't you stay and keep working for Uncle Jordan?”

“He doesn't need a resident anthropologist, Alison. And I've work of my own.” She watched the child's gaze falter and drop. “Friends stay friends, Alison, no matter how far apart they are. I love you.” She reached out to lay her hand over Alison's. “That's not going to change.”

“Will you come back?” Alison lifted her eyes again. “And visit me?”

I can't, she wanted to say. How can you ask me? Can't you understand how it would hurt me? “You could visit me,” she said instead. “Would you like that?”

“Really?” Alison's smile bloomed again. “And your grandfather?”