From the Heart (17 page)

“Came after me?” she repeated.

“Your first letter to Alison came from Montana. When I got there, you'd left three days before. Three days. It might as well have been years. You'd left no forwarding address. And because you'd rented a car, there was no way of tracing you. I started to hire detectives, but then I remembered.” He stopped again and rose. “I thought how you might feel. So instead, I went back and prayed for you to write Alison again.”

Jordan dragged a hand through his hair as he relived the frustration and panic. “Each time you wrote, I tried to catch you before you moved on. Once I missed you by five hours. I thought I'd go mad. I knew I couldn't keep leaving Alison that way, even for a day or two. And I began to think you'd keep moving, one step ahead of me, for the rest of my life. Then your last letter came.

“When you said you were going to be staying with your grandfather for a few months, Alison was so excited. Losing you has been hard on her.”

Kasey shook her head and balled her hands into fists. “Don't.”

“I'm sorry.” He took one of her rigid hands into his. “As soon as she got the letter, she wanted to come out and see you. She said you told her she could.”

“Yes, I had.” Kasey removed her hand. She couldn't let him touch her, not now. She'd never be strong enough to send him away if he was touching her.

Jordan looked down at his empty hand a moment, then slipped it into his pocket. “I didn't want to leave her with my mother again, not even for a few days. I told her we'd both come.”

“Alison's here?” Kasey felt the smile light her face. “Outside?”

“No.” Jordan swallowed the envy. The smile was for Alison, but not for him. “I wanted to see you alone first. Had to see you alone. She's back at the hotel. There's a family there with a couple of kids who've taken to her. She was hoping you'd come with me when I went back to get her.”

Kasey shook her head. “I can't do that. I'd love to see her if you'd bring her here.”

Jordan felt a fresh flash of pain. He was losing and he was powerless to prevent it. “All right, if that's what you want. We're taking the rest of the summer to look for a new place.”

“A new place?”

He had to talk about something, anything, to keep from pressuring her. To keep from begging her. “I decided some time ago, just before Christmas, actually, that Alison needed to get out of that house, away from my mother. I've already had the papers drawn up to turn the house over to her. We won't need anything so large. I told Alison we'd look together and try to be settled somewhere by the time she starts school again.”

He was ready to explode. Jordan turned to her again, and the passion showed in his face. “Don't ask me to leave now that I've found you, Kasey. Don't turn away from me. You can't ask me to walk away from you, from my child.”

“My child.” Kasey rose now. She'd be stronger if she were standing.

“Our child,” Jordan corrected quietly. “You can't change that. A child's entitled to know his father. If you can't think of me, think of the baby.”

“I am thinking of the baby.” She pressed her hands to her temples and pushed. Maybe it would ease the tension. “I didn't expect you to come here; I didn't expect you to love me. I knew what I had to do.”

“But I did come.” Jordan took her shoulders gently. “And I do love you.”

“No.” She stepped back, shaking her head. “Don't touch me.”

She covered her eyes and didn't see the flash of emotion in Jordan's. “I knew what I had to do,” she repeated. “I can't afford to think about you, about me. I have to think of my baby. I can't take chances with my baby.”

“Chances?” Jordan began, but she was stumbling on.

“I won't have him shipped from coast to coast. He's going to know where he belongs. Nobody's going to pull at him. I won't have it. Not this time; this time it's my choice.” She was sobbing now with her hands covering her face. He knew
no way to bring comfort. “This is my baby, not a piece of property we can split down the middle. She might try to get at me through the baby. She might try to take him from me. I lost you, I lost Alison, but I can't lose this baby. It would kill me. Your mother's not going to get her hands on my baby!”

“What are you talking about?” He forgot himself and took her elbows, pulling her hands from her eyes. “What are you saying?”

Kasey didn't answer. She was breathing quickly. She didn't know what she had said.

Jordan's eyes narrowed to slits. “Did my mother have anything to do with your leaving?” Kasey started to shake her head, but his look stopped her. “You don't lie worth a damn, so don't try it. What did she say to you? What did she do?” When she didn't answer, he forced his voice into calmness. There was fear in her eyes again, but this time he knew it wasn't he who had put it there. “You're going to tell me exactly what went on between you.”

“A very good idea.” Dr. Brennan spoke as he came in the front door. Jordan glanced over but didn't release Kasey's arm. No one was going to stop him from learning the truth now. “No need to pick up the club, son,” he told Jordan, amused. “I told her that's what she should do when she came home months ago.”

“Pop, don't interfere.”

“Don't interfere.” He raised his brows at his granddaughter. “You always were snippy.”

“Pop, please.” Kasey pulled her arms away from Jordan. “You've got to stay out of this.”

“The devil I do!” he boomed out at her. “This man has a right to know what went on behind his back. You just stopped playing solitaire, Kasey. I've dealt him in.”

She shook her head, going to him. “Alison.”

“He'll take care of Alison, Kasey. Any fool could see that. Are you going to tell him, or am I?”

“You tell me,” Jordan addressed Dr. Brennan directly. “I want it straight.”

“Sensible. Sit down and shut up, Kasey,” her grandfather ordered.

“No, I won't—”

“Kathleen,
sit!”

Her chin came up at the tone, but the training of a lifetime had her obeying.

“All right, Jordan,” the doctor began. “This might not be easy to hear. Would you like to sit down?”

“No.” Jordan bit off the word, then caught himself. “No, thank you.”

“I will, I'm getting old.” Dr. Brennan settled himself. “Your mother put Kasey in a position of choosing,” he began. “I would conclude that she's an excellent judge of character, as she must have known what Kasey's choice would be. Her own happiness, or yours and Alison's.”

“I don't understand what you're saying.”

“The best way is straight up, then. Your mother threatened to sue for custody of Alison unless Kasey took her bags and left on the spot.”

“Sue for . . .” Jordan pulled his hand through his hair again. “That's crazy. She doesn't want Alison, and in any case, there wouldn't be grounds for a suit.”

“I said she was a good judge of character.” Dr. Brennan glanced at his granddaughter. Frowning, Jordan followed his eyes. He felt the strength drain out of him.

“Oh, God.” He rubbed his hands over his face in a gesture of fatigue. “I suppose she found out about Kasey's background. She should have come to me.” He spoke quietly to the doctor again. “I would never have let my mother get away with a threat like that. She should have come to me.”

“Yes.” Dr. Brennan nodded in agreement. “But she wouldn't take the risk with two people she loved. Your mother threatened to sue on grounds of immoral conduct.”

“Pop.” The word was only a tired whisper.

“All of it, Kasey, all at once. And,” he turned back to Jordan, “she offered to pay her. That was her only miscalculation.”

There was a window above the kitchen sink which looked out over the mountains. Jordan walked to it and stared out. “I'm having a difficult time handling this.” His voice was strained and raw. “I knew she was capable of a lot of things, but I wouldn't have believed this of her. I appreciate your telling me.” Jordan thought he had felt all the rage he could
feel, all the pain he could stand. But he'd been wrong. Now he wasn't sure which was uppermost. “I'll deal with my mother, Dr. Brennan, you can be sure of it.”

“I am sure of it.” After casting a last look at Kasey, her grandfather rose. “I have a garden to water.” He left them, and the room dropped into silence.

Kasey took a deep breath. It was out now, all of it. There would be little more to say. “I'm going to fix some tea.” Rising, she walked over to set a kettle on to boil.

“Kasey, there's nothing I can say or do that will ever make up for this.”

“It wasn't your doing, Jordan, and it's not your place to make up for it.” She reached above her head into a cupboard. “It's herbal tea. Pop's cut off my caffeine.”

“Kasey, please, keep still a minute.” She stopped and turned to face him. Jordan drew together all of his words. He had to say everything quickly and get out while he could still stand. “First, I promise you, my mother will never come anywhere near our—your baby.” He felt the pain rolling around in his stomach as he relinquished his rights. “I won't make any demands. I'll give you financial support if you'll take it. I'll understand if you won't.”

“Jordan—”

“No, don't say anything yet.” He knew he had to get it out quickly. “The baby's yours, completely yours; I accept that. You have my word I won't ever make any claim. I know how much Alison means to you. I'll leave her with you for a few days if you like while I go back to deal with my mother.”

“It doesn't matter, Jordan—”

“It matters to me!” He lifted a hand as if to stop himself from breaking free of control. “When I've found a place for us, and we're settled, I'll send your grandfather our address. All I'd like is to know when the baby comes and that you're all right.”

His words were changing everything. What had made sense an hour before seemed absurd now. People who love should be together. “Jordan,” she began, then made a slight sound and pressed a hand to her side.

“What is it?” Panicked, he grabbed her arms. “Are you in pain? Is it the baby? Oh, God, I should never have come. I
should never have upset you this way. I'll call your grandfather.”

“That's not necessary.” Kasey smiled at him. “The baby's kicking, that's all. He's very active.”

Jordan looked down. Slowly he brought up his hand to place his palm on the mound of her stomach. Life quivered impatiently beneath it. Simple wonder flooded through him. Part of himself was growing in there. Part of Kasey. Between them, they'd created a human being. He could almost feel the outline of a tiny foot as it pounded against his hand.

When he lifted his eyes to hers, Kasey saw the swimming emotion, the dazed awe. She smiled and laid her hand on top of his. “You should feel it when he really gets going.”

The pain swept down on him immediately, stealing his color. That would be his first and last contact with his child. The last time he touched the woman he loved. Kasey saw the change before he turned to walk to the door.

Don't let him go,
her heart shouted at her. Don't be a fool.
It's a risk,
her mind reminded her. For you, for all of you.
Take the risk,
her heart insisted. You're strong enough. You're all strong enough.

“Jordan.” She called to him before he reached the door. “Don't go.” When he turned, she was halfway across the room. “We need you.” She threw her arms around his neck. “I need you.”

He wanted to take what she offered but held himself back. “Kasey, you don't have to do this for me. I don't want . . .”

“Oh, shut up and kiss me. There's been too much talk. It's been so long.” She found his mouth, then heard his quiet moan of relief.

“I love you.” He rained kisses over her face. “You'll never go a day without hearing me say that again. I love you.”

“Really kiss me,” she murmured, trying to halt his roving mouth. “You won't break the babies.”

He pulled her against him, losing himself in her taste. She was his—finally, completely his. “Babies?” he said suddenly and drew her away. “
Babies?
”

“Didn't I mention there were two?”

Jordan shook his head and gave a quick, astonished laugh. “No.” He laughed again and crushed her against him. He
could feel the lives inside of her shifting and stretching. “No, you didn't mention it. How did I live without you for more than half a year? It wasn't living.” He answered his own question. “I've just started to live again.” He gave her a feverish kiss as though he could fill six months of emptiness with one embrace. He drew her back again, and his eyes were intense. “Strings this time,” he told her. “I want strings this time, Kasey.”

“On both of us,” she agreed and went into his arms.

T
he fire roaring in the hearth had the living room cozy with heat. Outside there was two feet of snow, and it was still falling. Kasey slipped a last-minute present under the Christmas tree, then stood back to admire it. Strings of popcorn draped and criss-crossed from top to bottom. She grinned, remembering the chaos of the kitchen the evening they had made them. Chaos remained one of her favorite things.

Bending, she toyed with a box with her name on the tag.

“Cheating?” Jordan asked from the doorway, and she quickly straightened.

“Certainly not.” She waited until he had crossed the room and slipped his arms around her. “Just poking. Poking's not cheating. Poking's required at Christmas.”

“Is that your educated analysis, Dr. Taylor?” He nuzzled into her neck, finding his favorite spot.

“Absolutely. How's the book coming?”

“Fine. I have a fascinating main character.” He drew her away to look at her. She was glowing. Was it Christmas Eve that made her glow this way? “I love you, Kasey.” He kissed her gently. “And I'm proud of you.”

“What for?” She linked her hands behind his neck and smiled. “I like specific compliments.”

“For earning your doctorate, raising a family, making a home.”

“Of course, I did it all by myself.” Smiling, she cupped his
face in her hands. “Jordan, you're terribly sweet. I'm crazy about you.” She drew him close until their mouths met.

It took only an instant for the kiss to heat. They were locked tight, enveloped in each other. Soft pleasure and hot passion merged.

“It's snowing,” Jordan murmured.

“I noticed.” Kasey sighed softly as his lips brushed her neck.

“We've got plenty of wood.”

“You chop it beautifully. I'm always impressed.” She drew his head back far enough so that her mouth could find his.

“There's wine in the cellar.” Desire was pushing at him. The wanting never seemed to lessen. He slipped his hand under her shirt to roam her back. “Do you remember the fantasy we talked about on Christmas Eve two years ago?”

“Mmm.” Kasey pressed closer. “Snowed in,” she murmured. “With wood and wine and each other.”

The cocker spaniel came barreling into the room just ahead of two scrambling toddlers.

Run for your life,
Kasey thought, smiling as she rested her head on Jordan's shoulder.

“Bryan, Paul, you two come back here.” Alison bounded into the room on their heels. “You know you're not supposed to tease Maxwell.” She sighed and shook her head as the twins collapsed on the floor with the dog clutched between them.

Jordan watched as his children noisily adored the long-suffering dog. He slipped his arm more snugly around Kasey's shoulders. “They're gorgeous,” he murmured. “It always astonishes me how perfectly gorgeous they are.”

“And so well-mannered,” Kasey observed as Bryan shoved Paul aside to ensure a better grip on the dog's neck. Alison dove in to referee.

He laughed and drew her to face him again. “About that fantasy . . .”

“I'll meet you at midnight,” she whispered. “Right here.”

“You bring the wine, I'll bring the wood.”

“It's a deal.” The children grew noisier, and Kasey knew a private conversation would soon be impossible. Besides, she
wanted to get down and play, too. “One more thing,” she added and gave him one of her guileless smiles.

He gave her a puzzled look, and she brought her mouth close to his. “We're going to have another baby,” she told him. “Or two,” she managed before his mouth crushed hers.