From The Wreckage - Complete (14 page)

When the service is over, she is smothered with hugs by Tanya's large family. She and Katie step up to the casket sitting above the final resting place, where they will lower Tanya's body once the family and mourners have taken their leave. Katie leans in and presses a kiss to the white casket; whispering a few words before plucking a pink flower from the bouquet and stepping back.

"Go ahead…I'm going to take a moment," she whispers when Katie places her hand on Jules’ arm to pull her away.

She stands there staring at the casket and the flowers…the place where her beautiful, vibrant best friend will lay forever, and although she wants to fall to the ground and cry forever, her legs stay strong and no tears come.

When she feels someone step up beside her she doesn’t bother looking back; instead she raises her hand and waits to feel the warm touch she knows will come. The touch she now craves every hour of every day.

"Do you wonder why we lived? Why we were saved, when in all honesty we should have been crushed to death?" she asks, her throat closing in on her.

She feels his thumb rub over hers as he crushes her hand with his. "Every day," West states simply, and she lifts her head to look at his face.

He stares straight ahead, perhaps looking out over the pond, with his shoulders squared and his dark dress shirt stretched over his frame. Once again she is struck by how amazingly gorgeous he is. She can’t believe she's been blind to him all these years.

He sighs and moves to pull his hand from hers. "Don't," she insists, noting the panic in her voice.

He doesn’t look at her as she takes a step closer to him and leans into his side. Her head rests against his bicep because he is that much taller than her. She feels him stiffen and knows she shouldn't be seeking comfort from him, but she can’t seem to stop herself from doing it.

"This is why," he breathes. His voice is so soft, she barely hears him over the crowd milling about behind them.

"This is why, what?"

"
This
is why we’re alive, Jules." His words are spoken with so much confidence it only takes a moment for her to realize what he means. He is referring to them, together. She sucks in her breath as he raises their entwined hands to his lips and kisses her knuckles.

Jules spins around; her hands flying to her hair nervously as she steps away from West.

"I'll see you later," West mumbles before she can speak.

She stands there as Stuart and West pass each other with nothing but a head nod of acknowledgment. The cold shoulder attitude perplexes her.

Stuart stops short of reaching Jules and turns halfway around. He watches West walk away and she holds her breath, wondering if he saw how closely they were standing.

"Your mom is ready when you are."

"Um, okay." She gives Tanya's casket a final touch before allowing Stuart to escort her to the car. Neither of them speak.

The reception is a crowd of family and friends sitting and standing around, eating finger foods and discussing better days. The Riveras placed mementos from Tanya's life around the house; pictures from school, medals from cheerleading camps. It almost feels like a flashback of her own childhood as Jules walks around the first floor. 

She makes polite conversation with several friends and teachers from school, but begins to feel exhausted. After an hour, she wants to head home.

Stuart looks about as comfortable as she feels, and gladly agrees to leave when she finds him standing in the backyard chatting with a crowd from school. Her mom decided to grab a ride home with Katie's parents so Jules could have the car, since Stuart had ridden with them to the house. She throws the keys to Stuart as they make their way to the car.

"Jules? You're leaving?" she hears Katie call behind her.

Her heart gives a small lurch when she spots Katie standing with Jeff and West, of all people. She's been inside since they got to the house, and didn't know he was there. She looks at him leaning against a porch railing; his body turned as if he spun around when Katie called out her name. His shirt sleeves are rolled up, his tanned arms are crossed over his stomach and his ankles are crossed. He looks totally comfortable standing there talking with Jeff, and she recalls their conversation on the phone last night.

He told her she could ask Jeff about his feelings for her. How did she miss their friendship all these years? Has she really been that consumed in her own life that she missed so much of what her friends were doing around her? 

Katie bounds down the porch steps when Jules doesn’t answer her. "You guys are leaving already?" she asks again as she comes up and gives Jules a hug.

"Um, yeah. I'm not feeling well. My head is pounding." Although she speaks to Katie, she maintains eye contact with West. She notices Jeff say something, and West pulls up straight and shrugs.

"I'll call you later, ‘kay?"

Katie nods and steps back. "See ya, Stu." She waves and watches them get in the car. As Stuart cranks the engine, Katie holds up her hand and shouts, "Wait!"

"Hold up." She taps Stuart's arm and unbuckles her seatbelt; hopping out of the car in time to meet Katie's hug.

"I love you, Jujube." Katie sniffles and squeezes her tightly.

"Awww, I love you too, K." 

"How do we get used to this?"

Jules wants to cry again. "I don't know," she admits on a choked breath. "We just do."

They pull back from each other and Katie looks around sheepishly. Jules doesn’t care what they look like to others. No one knows what they are going through. No one else knows what it’s like to be a part of the friendship that she, Katie and Tanya had.

"You're going to have to get used to me saying I love you a lot." Katie laughs and shoves Jules back to the car. "Go on, now."

With a small smile, Jules agrees and opens the car door. She starts to slide into her seat when something occurs to her. Standing halfway in the door with one foot remaining on the ground, she calls after Katie's back. 

"Hey, K. Let's do girl’s night Tuesday."

Girl’s night was a tradition with the girls since middle school. They alternated houses weekly and watched whatever their current guilty pleasure was. The best thing television series’ had begun to do was start all new summer seasons of shows, thus making girl’s nights a year-long event. For some reason, this past summer was more hit-and-miss than usual.

Katie’s just reached Jeff at the bottom of the steps when she stops and hollers back, "Yeah, we should."

"I've been in the mood to watch something old school...maybe some Buffy." Jules holds her breath the moment it comes out. Katie looks mildly confused, but nods her head in agreement.

West, on the other hand, isn’t confused at all. He turned away from them, Jules suspects to try to be indifferent to her, but the moment she says ‘Buffy’ his head snaps her way and his signature grin breaks out across his lips. He tips his head her way and she lifts her hand in a small wave. Luckily Katie and Jeff are standing there, and she plays it off as if she’s communicating with them.

"Are you ready?" Stuart calls after her, and she slides into her seat with a smile.

"Sorry." 

"We're here."

The car door slams shut, shocking Jules out of her silent reverie. She looks up to discover they are already parked in the driveway at the Daniels' large house. She was so consumed with her thoughts, she barely noticed the drive over. Stuart rounds the vehicle and pulls the door open for her with a bow. They didn’t speak a word on the drive over, and she feels guilty for ignoring him.  

"Thank you." She tries to smile as she pulls herself from the car and starts to walk towards the front door.

"Hey." He reaches for her arm, pulls her into his chest and moves his hands up her bare arms to snake around her back. "You were awfully quiet on the way here."

"I know, I'm sorry...it's just been a lot to deal with."

"Jules, I'm not complaining." He sighs and pulls her into a light hug. "I'm here for you. If you want to talk or whatever...I love you."

She can’t speak past the lump in her throat, so she presses a kiss to his neck instead and lets him hold her for a few minutes.

"Come on."

She follows him inside and they come upon his parents sitting in the kitchen talking. His mother is a typical California girl; long, wavy blonde hair, blue eyes, fit body from all of her personal training sessions. The Daniels have money — lots of it — and Mr. and Mrs. Daniels ooze privilege. They have always been sweet to her and never act snobby, but they’ve always looked a bit out of place in this small Texas town. Typically the more affluent families dress in casual, but expensive clothing, but the Daniels seem to find it hard to ever dress down.

Even sitting here changed from the funeral from earlier, Mr. Daniels looks ready for a country club party, and while Stuart's mom wears a little velvety track suit, she is all blinged out equivalent to one of the Real Wives of O.C.

"There you two are." His mom stands up as they walk into the kitchen; her little kitten heels clicking on the tile floor. "Did you get stuck in the detour traffic?"

She goes to the stove and stirs some type of sauce she has simmering in a huge pot. The kitchen smells heavenly, and Jules takes in the salad fixings on the counter and bread sitting on a pan ready to go in the oven.

"You're staying for dinner, aren't you, sweetie?" Mrs. Daniels asks over her shoulder.

"Of course she is," Stuart answers for Jules, and his arm goes around her waist protectively. "Right?"

A wave of dizziness runs through her and she leans into Stuart; lifting her palm to her temple. It has been an exhausting day and she really wants to lie down, but the look on his face keeps her from saying no.

"Sure, I'd love to stay." She smiles weakly and Mr. Daniels frowns.

"Stuart, why don't you two go relax on the couch until dinner? Jules looks a little pale."

She starts to shake her head and protest, but Stuart immediately takes action.

"Can I get you something? Is it the concussion?" he asks; concern clearly written across his tan face. "Remember when I had that mild concussion last summer? It made me sick for weeks. I should have thought about that before."

"No, it's alright. Can we go sit down though? I'll feel better then."

"I'll bring up some Sprite, sweetie," his mom calls after them, as Stuart guides her upstairs to the media room.

 Jules lowers herself onto the huge couch gingerly, pulls her legs under her and closes her eyes. 

"Why didn't you tell me you felt so bad?" 

Stuart sits next to her, and her body shifts as his weight causes the couch to sink below her.

"Come here." He pulls her into the crook of his arm and chest, and she works to keep her heavy eyes open.

"I'm sorry. My head feels so heavy. I'm so tired," she mumbles, before snaking her arm around his waist and snuggling into his warm side.

"Doll, you have a concussion. You need to rest. I should have taken you home."

"No, no — I want to be here with you." She yawns before adding, "I feel like I'm losing you." The words come out in a tired mumble, almost absentmindedly. She probably never would have said them if she didn’t feel so rundown after the funeral. If Stuart thinks anything about what she said, he doesn’t allude to it. She feels him shift as he props his feet on the footstool in front of him.

"We'll chill for a bit." He sighs. "Rest, Jules. I'm not going anywhere."

"Tell me about you and Stuart."

Jules shakes her head. Her eyes keep closing on their own, but she wants to keep them open.

"Come on…don't pass up this golden opportunity to gush about the amazing Stuart Daniels."

"You don't sound like you really want to hear about him." 

"Ha!" She faces him, lying with her head resting on his bicep. Their faces are so close she feels his laughter blow over her. "Of course I do. Tell me."

"Tell you what?" she mumbles, confused. 

"About your boyfriend."

"There’s nothing to tell." 

There is a cracking sound amongst the boards around them, and then a loud snap sounds and dust falls onto her face.

"Oh no," she moans as she hears debris shifting around them. West's hand comes up and covers her head as they squeeze closer together.

She hears voices yelling for them on the other side of the basement, and West answers the frantic shouts.

"We're good!" She hears Lola's cries and wonders what is going on out there.

"Do you love him?" 

"What?" Her thoughts are so muddled. It’s like she is looking through a glass window covered in dirt, and every time she wipes it clean, another puddle splashes up and covers it with more grime. She gets one moment of clarity and then splash! Confusion. 

"Do you love Stuart? You've been together forever."

"Yeah, I love him." Something nags at her the moment the words leave her lips. "No."

"No?"

"Yeah."

"Jules, I'm used to chicks confusing the hell out of me, but you’re winning by a landslide right now." When the wreckage shifts, he pulls her closer and puts her head right under his chin. As he speaks, his breath sweeps across her cheek and tickles her ear. 

"I mean that if I'm honest then yeah, I love him, but I'm not in love with him anymore."

"Since when?"

"I don't know...it's been a while, I think."

"Then why are you still with him?" 

"I don't know; he loves me. He's good to me, and like you said, we've been together forever."

" stupid."

"Excuse me?" She jerks her head back and knocks into his chin.

"Damn girl, stay in one spot." His pained grunt fills their little hole. 

"Can I punch you when we get out of here?"

"If we get out of here, Buffy, you can do whatever you want to me." 

"If?"

"I meant when. Don't get your panties in a bunch."

"Wow, you're a charmer," she mumbles; not sure how their conversation turned from civilized to strange and sarcastic.

"Oh, I'm sorry, cheerleader. Did you want me to be charming?" His voice slips into a low tone, smooth as milk chocolate, and Jules shivers at his breath touching her face again.

"No."

"Jules, sweetie?" 

The memory of her conversation with West fades as she hears her name.

"Jules?" 

"Hmmm?"

"You've been asleep for three hours."

Jules stretches. Sometime while she slept someone placed a blanket across her, and she is burning up now. She kicks her leg out from under it and pushes herself into a sitting position.

Pushing her hair back from her face, she looks at Stuart. He’s shifted into the corner of the couch, though his legs stretched out before him, resting on the stool. His arm is wrapped around her shoulder. He’s watching the sports network and she smiles to herself because it’s such a normal thing to do.

"Oh my word, I'm so sorry. I've been horrible company." She stops herself from commenting on how terrible of a girlfriend she's been as well. Telling West she doesn’t love Stuart, whether there is any truth to it or not, isn’t right. It isn’t fair to tell someone else how she feels about her relationship if she isn’t able to tell Stuart first.