From Winter's Ashes: Girl Next Door Crime Romance Series - Book Two (15 page)

“It’s Saturday, I’m pretty sure he’s with Kendi.”

“Kendi?”

Sadie clamped her hand over her mouth. And Joselyn knew that look. It was usually followed by Sadie’s firm anti-gossip stance that went something like “If you wanna know, go to the source.”

Most often it was the thing Joselyn admired most about her. Sadie was a rock. Completely trustworthy and never catty. But today she wanted to know who
Kendi
was and chances were Sadie would not be humoring her request for information.

Something odd squirmed in her stomach, turning her few bites of marshmallows and sugared oats into a bundle of nerves and nausea. “Come on, Sadie.”

Her eyes, so like Finn’s, answered before she did. Then she sighed. “Ask Finn about her, okay. It’s not my place.”

“Girl, if I didn’t love you so much I sure wouldn’t like you right now.”

“Well then, it’s a good thing I’m so loveable, because I need a favor.” Sadie batted her lashes.

“Name it.”

“Be my maid of honor?”

A high-pitched squeal burst from Joselyn’s lips about the same time her spoon clanked against the glass bowl and splashed milk on the counter. “Yes! Of course. Have you set a date yet?”

The love shining on Sadie face was brighter than sunshine on fresh snow. “New Year’s Eve.”

“You mean New Year’s Eve in like three weeks? Are you nuts? You know how long it takes to plan a wedding?”

The closest thing Sadie had to a giggle escaped her. “I don’t care. We’re keeping it simple. Family and close friends. And I honestly can’t wait any longer.”

“You and Archer haven’t …?” Joselyn didn’t know why she was curious, but the question slipped out before she thought better of propriety.

“Well that’s not exactly what I meant by ‘I just can’t wait,’ but I guess you’re right about that too.” She shrugged, so innocent and endearing Joselyn couldn’t help but smile. “He’s the one, you know? Because of Ryan my dating history hasn’t exactly been normal for someone my age, but we both want to do this right. But you can’t imagine how hard it is. I mean, have you seen Archer? The man makes breathing sexy. He exhales, and I want to swallow it down and maul his gorgeous face.”

“Yes, I’ve been there for one of those. Not awkward or anything.”

“Hey, when the urge strikes. But man, we have this insatiable appetite for each other. We’re teetering on technicalities at this point, and you know I’m far from perfect, but I’ve waited this long. I want to give my husband this gift on our wedding day. I want him to know that it’s only for him. Forsaking all others, and all that. So we decided we needed to expedite this wedding thing, before we lose our last shred of self-control.”

Joselyn suspected as much. Sadie’s faith had always been right out there in the open. The genuine article. Almost enough to make a believer out of someone as broken as Joselyn. Almost.

“Well, I happen to know this girl who comes with a lot of pull,” Joss tapped her lips with her index finger. “She could probably help you pull this thing off in three weeks, easy.”

“She sounds like a great resource. Maybe I should ask
her
to be my maid of honor?”

“We could work out a two-fer-one deal.”

Sadie barreled in for a hug, and Joselyn held on to the one constant thing in her life.

Once Sadie was married everything would change. Mist filled Joselyn’s eyes as she fought back a fading doubt about losing her best friend—about being completely and utterly alone in the world.

“Okay, well I better get going. Some of those old ladies start swinging canes if they think they might miss their soaps. That or the men get to whining about their swelling feet and that their double Velcro easy steppers are aggravating their bunions.” Joselyn whipped her coat around her shoulders like a cape, and clamped her purse in the hinge of her elbow. “Such a glamourous life I lead.” She smiled and eased the door open a crack. The frigid breath of Old Man Winter invaded the entry, breezing right through the wool of her coat as if it were a screen door.

“Oh, hey. I almost forgot to tell you.”

Joselyn turned back. Sadie’s shoulder was propped casually against the wall while she inspected her unpolished fingernails.

Not good.

“Archer installed a security camera on the front porch yesterday.” She smirked, her eyes lifting and nailing Joselyn in place.

Definitely
not good.

“They’ll have twenty-four-hour surveillance for when they can’t be here all night. Thought that might help you sleep better.” Sadie’s smile grew impossibly wide. “Of course if nothing else, at least you’ll have footage of that kiss from last night to give your memory a break.”

“That’s a wrap for today. Great work everyone.” Joselyn packed up her bag of props, glad to be done for the day.

Rehearsal had been a struggle. Several of her allies had joined the dark side, staging protests with a few of the regular biddies about not being front and center for the newest dance sequence. Such prima donnas.

Then, one of the men had distracted all the women when his pants snagged on Mrs. Cavanaugh’s walker and wound up around his knees—giving the ladies of McKnight Grove something to talk about for a solid week until the next mishap soothed poor Gene’s humiliation.

But her own scarred retinas weren’t distraction enough to curb her waning concentration back on task. Because Sadie knew about the kiss. Joselyn couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss. And whoever this Kendi chick was might be getting a kiss of her own right now.

Oh, for shame.
Her traitorous mind wandering off unsupervised again. There was also the notion of that oddly appropriate Bible verse niggling somewhere in the back of her already overloaded mind.

And then, Yia-Yia. She’d missed practice today. The nurses said she’d been up all night with a violent bout of vomiting—an adverse reaction to a medication from the new drug trial.

Losing Yia-Yia piece by piece was the hardest blow Joselyn had been dealt so far. And that was saying a lot. Joselyn held her breath each time she strode through those doors, begging God, or whoever would listen, for another good day. And so far, each day, with the unexpected moods and side effects of the disease and the drugs, she seemed to edge closer and closer to the precipice of hopelessness.

Joselyn tapped on the door and entered Yia-Yia’s suite.
Please. Let it be a good day.

Chapter 19

Finn Carson

“Great idea, son. I haven’t been to Forest Park in years, and I don’t think any of those kids had ever been ice skating before.” Cal Carson was a bit rusty on the skates, but he seemed to have enjoyed his time chaperoning the excursion.

“Thanks, Dad. I get all my best ideas from our adventures growing up. We always had a blast wiping out on that rink.”

“Glad you invited me along. Sure was tough dropping them off back at the home though, you know? Don’t suppose that gets any easier.”

Shaking his head in answer, Finn kept his eyes trained out the windshield, trying not to lose his focus. His Saturday routine was something he looked forward to all week, but when it was time to head home guilt crept back in until it overwhelmed all the happiness he’d absorbed from sharing such simple joys with the kids. In those moments he was in that burning house again. The smoke and the pain blinding him from the truth of the only hope for salvation resting right beneath his feet but still somehow just out of reach.

“Everything all right?” His father, though a quiet man, was never one to mince words when he felt something needed to be said. “You know this is not about you right? Because those kids deserve better than being a salve to your guilt. And if you need to work out your demons, I’d hope you’d find a better outlet. I might not be the best with words, but last I checked my ears worked pretty good and my shoulder’s still as strong as yours.”

“It
is
about them.” Finn bristled, keeping his eyes on the tire strips etched into the snow-packed road. “Well it’s more about her than all of them, but I have a vested connection there. It’s still hard, but trust me, I don’t need a lecture.”

“If you say so.” He cleared his throat. “So how are things going with you and Joselyn?”

Now there was a subject Finn was even less inclined to discuss with his father. “What does it matter? It’s only an arrangement to keep her safe, Dad.” Finn touched the grafts on his neck, kneading his fingers into the tense muscles.

“Well that’s a crock if I’ve ever heard one. You’ve always had a thing for that girl. You’d have to be blind, deaf, and dumb not to.”

Finn huffed out a laugh at his father’s absent filter. “Yes. Fine. She’s beautiful. I’ll admit it. But it’s a little more complicated than that.”

“This have something to do with that slimy best friend of yours?”

“You have something against Cody? News to me.”

“Well, I doubt you’d find a soul in the bi-state area who’d argue any member of the Largeman dynasty is a pillar of integrity. Cody always struck me as the kind of guy who’d step on anyone who got in his way. I never understood how you two could be so close. Couldn’t find a pair more opposite.”

“Sure you could. Me and Joselyn.”

“Still as stubborn as the day you were born, boy. And a little too proud, though you come by that honestly.” Cal shook his head. “Now, I don’t know the particulars, but I’ve heard enough to know Cody could color your perception with a few convincing words back then. You always were very trusting, but I wouldn’t be too quick to trust someone who so completely lacks a conscience. Even little white lies can have disastrous consequences if you buy in. I might not have been the most vocal father, but I sure hope I raised you better.” His words, tinged with pain, turned Finn’s head. The lines on his father’s face were deeper than he remembered, but they only seemed to soften his eyes, making them even more perceptive and caring despite the directness of his reprimand.

His father was his hero. His strength and integrity unmatched. The kind of man who could efficiently own and operate a successful chain of garages for over thirty-five years and still get greased up to his elbows beside his team, remember each of his employees’ kids names, and have the time and energy to know and raise his three strong-willed children.

He was honest to a fault. His words so reliable and discerning you could cash them in to save your hide without question. And right now, Finn wanted him to be right. It would be easier to rationalize his feelings for Joselyn if the past wasn’t quite so tainted. But Cody’s words after prom were seared into Finn’s memory. His father hadn’t been there. Finn had seen and heard firsthand.

Who do I trust?

Maybe not even himself. His own part in the affair played on a sliding scale of shame.

Resolve in his father’s voice tugged Finn from his teetering blame game. “Have you asked Joselyn about it?”

Finn smiled without mirth. “This isn’t the kind of thing you can drop into polite conversation.” The truth from her lips would be irrevocable. It would surely break him.

“Well then, if you can’t even man up, you don’t deserve the girl.”

“Never said I wanted her.”

“Ha! That’s rich.”

Biting his tongue, Finn steered his old truck through his parking garage and into the spot beside his father’s pristine King Ranch, relieved that the awkward conversation would soon be over.

“You remember what I always asked you kids about the truth, growing up?”

Finn nodded. The words echoing in his mind like a trusty old hymn. “You’d say, ‘What’s the flip side of the story?’ Always made us hash out the truth from each perspective.”

“Seems to me you’re casting judgment based on a half-truth. Maybe even a full deception. And trust me when I say that pride can be blinding, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Food for thought. See you at church tomorrow.”

And with that loaded provoke, his father exited the truck, leaving Finn to ponder his loyalties and the murky path to the truth.

Any motivation Finn had for the rest of the day deflated after that super encouraging pep talk. After leaving Sadie’s last night, he and Archer had set up a meeting tonight to go over new leads on the case and reformulate. Finn supposed he should call Joselyn and let her know about that as it was fast approaching the afternoon hours, but for starters he was comfortably sprawled on his bed and didn’t know where his phone was. Plus the last thing he wanted to do after his dad’s guilt trip was call Joselyn and confront those demons.

Maybe if he closed his eyes, it would all fade away. The past, this harebrained scheme, all the flirty vibes between him and Joselyn the past week, that kiss …

Helpless to the allure of the memory, Finn was there all over again. Holding Joselyn in his arms, touching those electric lips, fighting every inch of his being that wanted to pull her closer and throw caution to the wind.

“Get a grip, man.” Finn tore the memory from his mind, ripping out the page that didn’t belong. Falling for Joselyn again was the last thing he needed. The list of his priorities was full without the complication of some stuck-up heartbreaker.

First, he needed to pay his penance and patch up his leaky faith. Second, he needed to man up and move past all the PTSD nonsense. Then, things would return to normal, and he could do his job and date all the beautiful women he wanted. No strings attached; no messy emotions.

But what if that’s not what you really want?

“Of course it is. Who wouldn’t want that?” The second he spoke out loud to that inner voice, he thought he might need some fresh air—or professional help.

No. What he needed was a fresh dose of the truth. Rolling toward his nightstand he grabbed on to the Word—his sword against the battling in his spirit. Slipping it open to the silky marker, his eyes roamed the highlighted passage in Jeremiah 33.

“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”
Squeezing his eyes shut, the simple words reminded him of his youth. Simpler times, simpler truths.

So he prayed for truth to be exposed, for wisdom to see through the cunning lies, even the ones he told himself, and as he surrendered his control, a calm settled over him. There was no still, small voice whispering the answer in his ear, but there was peace.

And then, like a premonition or call to duty, there was Joselyn—branded into his mind, as if the imprint she’d left all those years ago had never fully faded.

Was she the answer to his tangled quest for truth? And would the truth unite them or drive the final nail into the old wound. Maybe that was best. He’d lost her before, he could survive it again.

Or maybe this was about something else. Rescuing her from the faceless enemy. Fighting the danger that lurked in the fire. Vindicating the life he’d failed to save.

Yeah. He could do this and escape with his heart intact. Prove himself and regain his footing. He simply needed to play the part. But be sure to set limits.

Of all the women he’d dated before, he’d never been tempted to lose control. Why would this be any different? This wasn’t about him. Much like his time with the kids wasn’t about him. It was about being a servant to those in need. And that, he could do. He was, after all, a public servant and a man of faith.

Finn rolled onto his back and stared at the blank slate of the white ceiling.

Now, if he could only erase the feeling of Joselyn’s lips from his memory. The silk-spun strands of her hair between his fingers, the curve of her body against his as they snuggled close on Heston, that sugary scent of her skin that begged him to succumb to a toothache.

He was a servant, not a slave, he reminded himself despite feeling completely enslaved by the woman he shouldn’t—
couldn’t
want.

A shower. That’s what he needed.

A cold shower.