Front & Center (Book 2 of the Back-Up Series) (15 page)

“Why am I in trouble this time?” I ask over the phone, as Leila gets dressed a few feet away.

“Am I on speaker?” Jen asks.

“Yes.”

“I needed to talk to you two.” Jen doesn’t beat around the bu
sh. “
Rock MY World
’s website is reporting,
Jessa Perez is pregnant and scorned by Jack Lair, front-man for up-and-coming rock band Devil’s Lair
.”

My heart halts in my chest. “What?” I ask panicked.

Jen continues. “There is a whole write up, a picture of her, of you and Leila from our website. It’s pretty bad. She is playing the role perfectly.”

“Fuck…!”

We can’t catch a fucking break. I am so angry I want to hit something.

Rock MY World
is an entertainment show that caters to the rock and roll world. It can be watched on cable television, but their claim to fame is their website. They are known to stalk rock stars, getting all sorts of gossip and compromising photos of them at their most vulnerable.

“Jack, t
his is not good.” For the first time since meeting Jen, I can hear the disappointment in her voice.

“Jen, Leila and I are the only ones who know about the baby. I don’t know if it’s mine. She could be lying.”
             

“The article says it’s yours
.”  Leila and I stare at each other. She looks pale.              

“Jack, you should ha
ve told me. This changes a lot. Krista and I are flying to the label. I’ll call you when we get there. I don’t know what she wants, but we need to spin this just the right way. We need to prepare a statement. I’m not going to lie, this can be a fucking disaster.”

Leila gives me a knowing look
as she sits heavily in a chair. She was so right.

“You need to mention there is a possibility it’s not mine.”
I pathetically cling to that chance.

“
I will. I’m not sure that will help. I suggest you tell the guys. You owe it to them to tell them yourself.”

“I know
, ” I say, while scrubbing my hand over my face. Goddamn her.

“Then call Jessa. Try to figure out what angle she’s going for. It will help us predict which route she is taking
. I’ll call you once I speak to Krista.”

“Okay.” Jen ends the call and
I look over at Leila. Her hands are buried in her hair and she is staring into space.

“I’m sorry
, baby.”

She looks up sad
ly. “I’ve had plenty of warning, plenty of time to think about this, but it’s still hard to hear.”

“
I’m sorry you have to deal with this. It’s breaking my heart that you are involved in this mess.” The hurt, mixing with the pure hatred I feel towards Jessa right now, is making for a dangerous situation. “I do need to tell them, now, before they see it.”

“I dread this.”

“I know. Let’s get this over with.”

A few
torturously long silent minutes later, we board the bus. Hunter and Scott are arguing as Trey sits in the passenger seat looking like he wants to kill them.

Expelling a burst of air, Leila visibly relaxes once the bus door closes behind us.

Hunter looks up briefly. “Leila, you alright?”

She
shakes her head and sits heavily at the table.

“What’s wrong?” Scott asks.

“Um…I just got reamed out by Jen.”

“Leila, we need you to keep his ass in line. He’s acting like a
lovesick idiot. He’s not thinking with the right head right now.”

“Hunt
, back off.”

“
You were an hour late yesterday, and you…”

“I said back off.”

“Why?” Hunter shows his annoyance.

I stall, trying to figure out how I can tell them
. He loses his patience and asks again. “Jack, what the fuck is going on?”

Wordlessly, I open the laptop and
load up
Rock MY World’s
webpage. “I need you all to see something.” Standing, I first pass the laptop to Trey. He’ll be the easiest to deal with. Trey wordlessly reads the article, handing it back to me. I then give it to Scott.

Scott looks stunned. “Is this for real?”

“Afraid so.”

He passes it to Hunter. After reading it,
his expression turns furious. “You’re fucking kidding me! Tell me this is a joke.”

“It’s not a joke.”

Hunter stands, looking from me to Leila and back. “When did you find this out?”

“Opening night
.”

“Fuck
, Jack! Didn’t I tell you to stay away from her? Didn’t I tell you to grow up and stop thinking with your dick?”

“I fucked up. I don’t need you to remind me. It doesn’t affect you.”

“No? The fuck it doesn’t. And what about Leila? Does it affect her?”

Stepping closer to where Leila is sitting, I respond quietly, “Leave her out of this.”

“Jack, are you fucking crazy? This is not just about you and that manipulative tramp you knocked up. Do you think she is quietly going to go away? This will haunt you forever, thus haunting us too!”

I have nothing to say to Hunter. He is absolutely r
ight. Sitting heavily, defeated and exhausted, I wait to accept whatever he is going to unleash on me.

“How do you know it’s yours?”

“I don’t. She was waiting for results of the paternity test. I guess she got them.”

“She never even told you the results yet? She just told her story?”

Nodding, I look over at Leila. She stares back, but I can’t tell what she’s feeling. Hunter follows my gaze and sits next to Leila. “How are you with all of this?”

“I’m not happy
about it. I’ve been consumed with fear wondering how this will affect our success. But I’ll support Jack. We all need to support him.” She gives him a pointed look. 

“What does she want
, Jack?” Scott asks.

“I don’t know.”

“I can tell you what she wants…either you or money. Let’s hope it’s the money.” Hunter grumbles without apology. “Fuck, she finally got her hooks into you.”

“She has nothing in me. This doesn’t affect
my future. I’m with Leila.”

“The woman is dangerous. You know that. You know she is like a fungus that won’t go away.”

Reaching for Leila’s hand, I mumble, “You really need to shut the fuck up, Hunt.”

Watching
Leila with concern, Hunter’s facial expression softens for the first time. “I’m sorry. The last thing you need is me on your ass.”

“I get it
, I do. I’m sorry I let you all down. Most importantly, I’m sorry I let Leila down. But it is what it is. I can’t change it or stop it. I’ll have to deal with it.”

We all sit
quietly, lost in our own thoughts. Trey breaks the silence first. “Something’s up.” Every eye on the bus turns towards him. Even Steve is sneaking glances from the driver’s seat.

“Too much ceremony.”

What
?

“Keep the noise down.” We all watch
as Trey walks to the back of the bus and draws his privacy curtain.

“What the fuck is he talking about?” Hunter finally
asks with a straight face. In spite of the situation, I can’t help but laugh.

“
I have no fucking clue.” Sliding into the booth next to Leila, I take her hand and kiss her palm. “I love you.” I whisper quietly.

“Me too.”

“I have to make a phone call. I want to hear why she did this.”

“Ok
.”

I place a soft kiss on her lips before walking
to the bedroom without a word to anyone else.

Jessa answers on the last ring.

“What the fuck did you do?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Knock it off!”

“Jack, I honestly don’t know what you are talking about. If you called to give me
crap, save it, I’m not in the mood.”

“I don’t give a crap if you’re not in the mood. Are you trying to tell me you didn’t tip off
Rock MY World
about your pregnancy?”

“What? Why would I do that?”

“Stop with the Goddamn games, Jessa.”

“Jack,
I am trying to convince you I love you. Why would I go and purposely piss you off?”

What
the hell?

“So if not you, then who?”

“I don’t know? I’ve told a few people. It could be anyone. Maybe it was Danny?”

“How does Danny know?”

“My brother maybe?”

“They still talk?”

“Yes.”

“And it’s true?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you call to tell me?
” The fury rises again.

“I haven’t had a chance. I just found out.”

“And yet it’s plastered on the Internet already? Email me a copy of those results.” I hang up on her, not wanting to spend one more second listening to her voice.

I immediately get a text. “
I’ll be in touch.”

I throw
my phone against the wall and numbly watch as it crumbles in pieces to the ground.

Sleep, wake up, rehearse, perform, sleep, wake up, rehearse, perform.

Every day...
since Denver, through Salt Lake, through Boise and through Spokane.

Four days total.
The four days I was dreading, because we wouldn’t be getting a break, has turned into four days of torture. Four days, where the guys try to act as they normally do. Four days, where Jack and I haven’t had sex. Four days, of me pretending life is fucking fantastic on this tiny cramped bus. Four days may not seem like a long time, but to someone like me who loves her boyfriend with all her heart and hates seeing him so miserable, to someone like me who is addicted to him and every part of him, it’s a fucking eternity.

Since Jessa’s news broke, it has
covered us all like a wet blanket. Before, what I most worried about was how it would harm our success. Well ironically, that was all unnecessary.

T
he irony of our situation is almost comical. In four days, our popularity has only increased. Jessa’s news really hasn’t damaged our fame. Our fans are still loyal. Others are curious about the
bad boy rocker who got his ex pregnant before dumping her
. Our songs are being downloaded daily. Our album is steadily climbing the charts. Our top three songs are being played on radio stations. Even my haters are sympathetic to the fact my boyfriend knocked up his ex.

Four
days of irony.

The label is ecstatic. They are milking the attention to a fault.
We should be off the wall excited right now. I’m sure on the inside the guys are. They are respectfully containing their excitement, always cognizant of Jack and my secret hell.

We aren’t fighting
or bickering. In fact, Jack is still very attentive and affectionate. Our lovemaking has been replaced with holding, caressing, and lots of silence with a few sporadic words. At least the words are of love, of need and of support. I’ve tried to initiate intimacy. He said he needs time, so I don’t push. His words are the only indication I get as to the torment he is feeling.

“You deserve better
.”

“
I’m so sorry you have to go through this.”

“
Damn her.”

“I
need you.”

“I love you.”

“Don’t give up on me.”

His guilt controls
everything in him, from his attitude towards our fame, to his once raging libido. It’s like an ice cold shower on our relationship. All I can do is to be supportive. I love this man, and it’s all I can do right now to help him.

Jessa has been quiet. She emailed Jack the test results th
e next day. I called the DNA lab she used in New York City and confirmed it was a legit place. Part of me hoped she would be deranged enough to falsify the tests. No such luck. So now that we know it is Jack’s baby, I have replaced the
what if’s
with the
what now’s
.

Of the four
days, I would say half the time I spent feeling our love is rock solid. I pictured us years from now, married with children. Then there is the other half I spent feeling vulnerable, exposed to Jessa and her conniving intentions. Not that I believe Jack would ever be with her over me, but what would she do to get me out of the picture?

The pregnancy is still an elusive thing to him right now. Once it becomes a tangible thing, a live baby, how will he feel? I fell in love with him because of his heart
, his compassion, and his tenderness. The animosity he feels towards Jessa may all go to pot once his child is born. I would never keep Jack from his child. I’m banking that Jessa will use his child to her advantage.

I’ve avoided calls from home.
I wasn’t getting off that easy with Dad or Evan. Not surprisingly, their phone calls were pure hell. Dad is no longer on Team Jack. He hounded me to rethink this whole tour and come home. I told him he was being ridiculous. He didn’t argue that point. I also said, he didn’t raise me to be a quitter and most importantly, I love Jack. I’m going nowhere. I defended Jack and threw in how unfair it was to judge him on one mistake. By the end of the call, Dad wasn’t threatening to come get me and said he would support me even though he wasn’t happy about it.

He called Jack as well. Jack took it like a man, letting my dad get it all out, responding respectfully with “Yes
, sir.” “I understand.” “Yes, sir.” His last words to my dad were, “I love your daughter.”

Evan was even worse
. First he unleashed all his harsh words and criticisms towards Jack like a semi-automatic. He said Lizzy stopped him from flying out to beat the shit out of Jack. The rest of the conversation consisted of me repeating myself over and over that I loved him more than anything and begging Evan not to bad mouth Jack to my dad. I then texted a thank you to Lizzy.

All my other friends were flooding my phone with texts and voicemails
of concern and support. The last time I spoke to Lori, she assured me the gossip was all pretty much contained to our website, our bloggers’ websites, and a few entertainment websites. She said it hasn’t hit the national news or anything…yet.

Knowing she
set Google alerts for Devil’s Lair, as well as our individual names, I’m depending on her to let me know if anything awful shows up. I’ve completely avoided the Internet. I can’t be consumed by what I might see or read. So I’ll let Krista, Jen, Dylan and Lori police it for me. Our performances these past four days have been somewhat robotic. The integrity of our show hasn’t changed. We still give our fans their money’s worth. The playful bantering and joking around is what’s lacking.

We have a sh
ow tomorrow night in Spokane. It’s only a four-hour drive from Spokane to Seattle, and since we are doing so well with sold out shows, the label had pity on us and gifted us with a night in a hotel. This works perfectly with my plan of having a heart to heart with Jack and trying to tear down his wall. I haven’t pushed him, but it’s time I do.

“Hey
, babe. What are you doin’?” he asks, as he comes into the bedroom.

I’ve been spending a lot more time alone in the bedroom, reading
my Kindle to escape our reality.

“Reading a trashy novel.” I respond, watching him closely. He
lies beside me on the bed, wraps his arms around my thighs and lays his head on my lap. My Jack would pounce on the fact I was reading a trashy novel.

I gently run my
fingers through his hair. “You ok?”

“I am now.” He says, holding me tighter. “Babe, I love you. Don’t give up on me.”

He’s said this many times these past few days, but combined with his vise grip, he is now worrying me. “Hey…what’s going on?”

“Nothing.
”

“Jack, tell me.”

“
I just spoke to my parents again. I know they love me, but I can’t help but feel I’ve disappointed them so much. Between my career choice and now this. I feel like…” He squeezes me again, leaving his sentence hanging between us.

“What do you feel?”

“Like a complete fuck up.”

“Jack.
Jack, look at me.”

He loosens his grip and moves up to sit next to me on the bed. “You aren’t a fuck up. Baby, you are giving her contr
ol. You need to come back to me and to the guys.”

“Lei,
I don’t want to be a father to her child. I don’t want to be connected to her like that. My parents are giving me a good dose of guilt, and all I want to say to them is I don’t care that it’s mine.”

He shifts
back down, resting his head where it was previously. I don’t know how to comfort him. Trying with my touch, I run my fingers through his hair again, bending to kiss his head, while fighting back my tears.

“Jack, that baby is part of you. You need to separate your feelings towards Jessa
from your feelings towards your child. Otherwise, you will be consumed with guilt far worse than you have ever known.”

He doesn’t respond. He’s done with words
and moves back behind his shield of silence. I let him retreat, once again. It breaks my heart that he is so distraught. I know I’m part of the reason for his misery. I know he is so overcome with regret for that one stupid night, he doesn’t know how to deal with the ripple effect it has on our relationship.

T
hrough the window, I watch as the bus pulls into the hotel lot. A minute later, there’s a soft knock on the door. “Come in.”

Hunter slowly opens t
he door. “Hey. We’re here. We’re going to go grab dinner. Do you guys want to come?”

Jack shakes his head, otherwise not moving or responding. Hunter looks at me, almost
begging for me to overrule him. “We’ll pass. Thanks, Hunt.”

Hunter doesn’t leave,
but instead comes into the room and closes the door behind him. “You need to snap out of it, man.”

No response.

“Jack, dude, this is border line psychotic.”

Still no response.

“Leila, talk to him.”

I sigh loudly and nod
, “I think we need some time alone. Is that ok?”

Hunter gets my message and stands to leave. “Ok. Call me if you
change your minds.” Once Hunter closes the door behind him, I resume running my fingers through Jack’s hair.

“Babe
.”

“Hmmm?”

“Let’s go in and get settled. We’ll order dinner and maybe watch a bad movie?”

“Ok.”

But yet he doesn’t move or say anything else. It takes me an hour to get him off that bus and into our room. The moment I close the door behind me, Jack grabs the remote and lies on the bed. I can stall, but then it will be a long night. I rather get this over with.

I
sit on the edge of the bed facing him and get right to the point. “Babe, can I say something?”

He looks at me expectantly. “Of course.”

“Hunter is right. You really need to snap out of it. You can’t keep shutting everyone out and suppressing your feelings.”

He looks at me blankly. “I d
on’t know what you want me to say.”

“Say what you’re feeling.”

“Trapped. Cornered. Desperate. How’s that for starters?” His tone is laced with annoyance.

“Good start.”

He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind and resumes watching the TV. Pulling the remote out of his hand, I add, “How can I help you?”

“You can’t. This is all on me.” He meets my gaze, challenging me to disagree. His smoky eyes
are glazed over, distant and cold. I know it’s not towards me. It’s the same look he gets whenever the subject comes up.

I caress his face and plead. “Please. Tell me.”

“I don’t want the baby. What kind of person does that make me?” He breaks eye contact, the muscles in his jaw clenching subtly.

“It’s a normal reaction
, Jack. That does not make you a bad person.”

He gives me another incredulous look. “Leila, I…” Sighing, he stops his words again.

“What? Tell me.”

Shaking his head, he focuses on the TV.
This approach isn’t working. I need to change tactics.

“Take a shower with me.”

A tiny spark in his eyes gives me hope, but then his words kill it instantly. “Maybe later.”

“No,
now. Jackson Henry Lair, get your ass up so I can screw you in the shower!”

The corners of his mouth twitch slightly. Taking this as a good sign, I
pull my shirt off over my head, engaging him in a stare down. Arching my eyebrow, I challenge him to ignore my advances.

  He runs his fingertip across the lace
edge of my bra, then retreats. I reach behind, and unclasp my bra, allowing it to fall off my shoulders. His eyes slowly take in my naked upper half. He uses the same fingertip to trace over my nipple.

I lean
in until I am pressed up against him, and whisper seductively in his ear, “I miss you.”

He
wraps his arms around me. “I miss you, too.”

“I’m right here.”

I pull back to kiss his lips gently, then more forcibly, urging him to respond. After a few minutes, Jack gently pushes me away. These past four days, I’ve let him. I’ve let him stop us from getting physical and allowed him to instead hold me as a substitute. But today, I refuse to stop. So I keep trying. I keep kissing him, nibbling his ear, licking his neck, biting his bottom lip, subtly placing my hand on his erection. I’m pulling out every erotic trick I have up my sleeve.

Thank the L
ord above he starts to respond. It’s slowly at first, but then he goes from a taciturn-moody-ass to a raging-sex-God in seven seconds flat.

He takes me on the bed, against the wall, in the shower,
in a chair, on the bed, and it’s still only nine p.m.

Sitting in bed
, eating room service burgers, he says, “Long four days.”